Let Life Happen

by Jaqueline Snowe

  “I am not some chick who’s going to jump at the chance to have a fucking arrangement with you. How dare you ask me that? Have you not learned anything about me?”

  “Jenna—”

  “No. Just…let me be.” She took a step back and shook her head with such disappointment I felt it in my core. I had unwittingly fucked up one of the best things that had ever happened to me.

  She walked away, and panic set in. What did I do?

  “Wait up, please.” I ran after her, and thankfully, she had a short stride.

  She turned around, arms crossed, mouth pressed together tightly. Her face spoke volumes. I swallowed, full of shame. Her expression reflected all the walls she’d already built back up. It was as if we were just meeting for the first time again. I felt like a total piece of shit.

  “I’m sorry.” I ran my hand through my hair, hating how nervous I was. I needed to get back to how we were moments before. “Fuck. I shouldn’t have asked you that.”

  “Nope.” She popped the sound at the end of the word, impatiently tapping her foot.

  I didn’t know how to make this right, and insecurity overtook me for one of the first times in my life.

  “What can I do?” I watched her eyes, searching for any indication of forgiveness.

  “Nothing.” She stalked over to her moped and jerked on her helmet. “I need to go.”

  I watched her drive away, and a different kind of worry took over. This was new for me. I didn’t piss off people who mattered. And Jenna definitely mattered.

  Chapter 17

  Can You Say Awkward Sauce?-Jenna

  ARRANGEMENT, my ass. I’ll show him an arrangement. My fist in his face. That’ll show him.

  My fists clenched the handlebars of my bike. I hated this. I blamed the baby shower. There was no other explanation as to why I was so pissed at Aiden’s suggestion. It was just like him. He liked to fuck girls. I was a girl he saw as a challenge. It made sense.

  I locked my bike and headed into the dark apartment, holding the promise of not thinking about him. Ken had morning classes the next day, and I knew she’d already be asleep. I just needed a stiff drink and my sweatpants. I didn’t give a shit about the heat. Our apartment was always cold at Maya’s insistence, and I appreciated it at the moment.

  I fumed and mind-blocked the guy. I poured a hard whiskey on the rocks and silenced my phone. I needed a good action movie. I shoved all thoughts of Aiden away and put one on.

  * * * *

  Aiden: Are you coming to class today?

  Aiden: I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry.

  I woke up with a huge crick in my neck. Aiden’s text blared at me from my phone. I was still pissed with him. It changed the relationship we had, but I could only handle so much emotion.

  I refused to play games with people, so I shot him a quick text.

  Jenna: I’ll be there. We’re good.

  Showered and ready for class within a half hour, I needed the walk and used the fifteen minutes to think about Aiden. I had let my guard down somehow and feelings I wasn’t used to came up. I had no one to blame but myself. He was charming and fun and smart. I just let him get too close. Lesson fucking learned. I enjoyed hanging out with him and would do it again, but the developing feelings had to go. We would be lab partners for the semester, and then I would only have to see him once in a while at a party or something.

  The coffee shop closest to the lab had a line out the door, and I groaned. I would be cutting it close, but hell, I needed the coffee. I got in line and felt someone tap my shoulder. Kam was behind me with a huge smile on his face.

  “Hey!”

  I smiled back, thankful for his positive attitude. “Happy Monday morning.”

  “Eh, I wouldn’t say happy, but better now.” He nudged me with his elbow in a blatant attempt at flirting, and I laughed. He was relentless. “Where you headed first?”

  “Franks. Physics lecture.” I made a face, and he smiled. His smile was infectious.

  “Franks. I remember her. She can be…pretty scary. She reminds me of Professor McGonagall from Harry Potter.” He cringed.

  “Yes. With her tight bun and perma scowl.”

  “And her witty remarks. If anyone was secretly a witch, it would be her for sure.”

  We shared a laugh, and I loved how he referenced Harry Potter. “I had no idea you were a fellow Pott-head.”

  “Going on ten years.” He lifted his shirt and then blushed. “Oh, sorry. I was going to show you this.” He pointed to a little lightning bolt tattoo on his hip, and I fan-girled.

  “No fucking way. I love it.” I touched it, without thinking, and immediately pulled my finger back. I had no intention of leading him on in any way.

  I saw his ears turn red, and I brought the conversation back to classes as we waited until our turn to order.

  “We will definitely need to grab lunch sometime,” he added as we walked with our coffees back to the quad. My extra-large iced brew gave me the added breath of life I needed.

  “Absolutely.” I grinned. “If we can make Harry Potter jokes, I’m down anytime.”

  “What’s your number? I’ll text you.”

  I gave him my number and felt my phone go off. I grabbed it and saved his number so I wouldn’t think it was some random person. “Sounds good. See you later.”

  He waved, looking loads happier, and I felt like an asshole. What was I doing? Was this an attempt to get back at Aiden? I didn’t think so. I liked Kam. He was easy to get along with and nice. Did I want to crawl up his body and lick him? Not really.

  I mentally cussed at myself and put get my shit together on my to-do list. I didn’t fret over guys. I worried about my family, money, and grades. That’s it.

  The physics lecture did little to ease my mind or distract me from my newfound drama.

  Cyn would help me. The next time I saw her, I would have her talk some sense into me.

  * * * *

  “Jenna. Hey!” Aiden was a couple yards from the bench I was sitting on and jogged up to me in athletic clothes. His ripped shirt showed off his chiseled arms, and it just pissed me off. How dare he look so good? He stopped in front of me, one hand on his backpack strap and the other aimlessly flailing. “How are you?”

  I bit back a smile. He looked nervous and worried. It was endearing to see this unsure side of him. “As good as one can be on a Monday morning.”

  He hesitated before he said, “Can we talk?”

  “Aren’t we now?”

  “Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair, and I watched the veins in his arms. “I meant, like, after class?”

  “Not today. I have a lot of shit going on right now.” I wanted more time away from him to get perspective. And I should do a million other things.

  “All right.” His posture changed. He stood straighter. His eyes darkened, and he took a step back.

  He held the door open for me as we walked to class, but I saw a change come over him. I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with it at the moment.

  I grabbed the assignment, and we got started right away. We didn’t talk unless it was absolutely necessary, which was fine by me. We were past the point of doubting each other’s academic abilities. If I was honest with myself, I would say we got along great in the lab and complemented each other. He pointed out more details than I saw, and I made accurate measurements.

  “What are your thoughts on this specimen?” he asked with his face still on the scope, still looking at the slide. “I don’t think it supports with our hypothesis.”

  “Huh.” I dropped my pencil and stood so I could take a look.

  He scooted over, barely, and I looked into the scope. I noticed he was right; our hypothesis didn’t align with the example. I was about to say so, but I was overtaken by his proximity. His body was just touching mine, and it was setting off hormone alarms throughout my body. I felt his breath on my ear, and I swore he sniffed me.
<
br />   I cleared my throat, affected by him, and scooted away. “You’re right.”

  “I knew it.” He sat on the stool and held eye contact. Something passed between us. Chemistry, awareness, acceptance—fuck if I knew. He didn’t act on it, though. He just grabbed his pencil and turned to the lab. “Want me to change our initial thoughts?”

  “Sure.” My voice was raspier than I cared for. A weight pressed down on my stomach.

  Damn him for making me think about being friends with benefits all night. I would never agree to it, but thinking about it awoke a part of me that had been in hibernation for a while.

  We finished the lab, chatting more than before, and I could tell he was about to say something when my phone buzzed. It was on the table, and I didn’t have one of those hidden messages things. Kam’s name came up, and Aiden saw it. His eyes narrowed, turning dark charcoal, and his jaw tensed. I owed him no explanation and just shoved it into my pocket.

  “See you Wednesday,” I mumbled and took off. Why did I feel guilty? I’d done nothing wrong.

  Chapter 18

  Bribes and Second Chances-Aiden

  I grunted. Sweat dripped into my mouth, and I couldn’t wipe it away. I welcomed the taste of saltiness. My muscles burned, and the pain felt good. The workout helped release some steam, and I needed to kick my own ass. It was my second time around the circuit, and I still hadn’t calmed the pit in my stomach.

  “Dude. Calm down,” Jon snapped. “You’re going too hard. This is your second set. Take it slower.”

  “Chill.” I did more reps than normal with the bar while he spotted me. “I need this.”

  “What the fuck happened? You’re acting like a crazy person, man. Is it your dad again?”

  “It’s nothing. I’m fine. Just wanting to work out.” I finished the set and fell against the bench. My arms and back would hate me in the morning, but I would worry about it then.

  “Sure, man. Whatever you say. Just trying to look out for you.” His normal calm demeanor had changed to annoyed. His eyes were hard, and he had no sympathy for me.

  “Get off my balls.” I sat up and wiped the sweat off my face and neck.

  Jon sneered before walking away. He flipped me off and left the gym without looking back. Once again, I’d pissed off someone I didn’t mean to. I needed to stop doing it because it was getting old.

  I gulped a drink of water for a solid minute, then ran off to catch up with Jon. I knew he walked to the gym with me, so I found him a couple minutes later. “Yo. Wait up.”

  “What do you want, Aiden? I’m not in the mood to deal with your mood swings today.” He sped up, and I jogged up to him.

  “Fuck. I messed up big-time with Jenna. I took it out on you.”

  “You think?”

  “Sorry.”

  “Buy me a beer. We’ll be fine.” He smiled and fist bumped me, and I felt calmer. As long as he was there for me, I’d be okay. “Now about Jenna. Explain.”

  “Hell. After the convo we had at the table about feelings and all, I asked her to be friends with benefits. It blew up in my face.”

  “You’re such a goddamn tool.” He laughed and clapped his hands. “Seriously. Of course she’s pissed as hell at you. You had a friendship with her and threw it in her face. Do you know nothing about girls?”

  “I know all about girls. How they like it. What they want to hear—”

  “Clearly not. You know what they want in bed, man. Not outside.”

  “How do you know this shit? You haven’t dated in years.”

  “I have my own issues, man, but I know how to treat a girl.” His phone went off, and he checked it for a second. “So tell me what happened.”

  “Kam texted her.” His name felt like fire in my throat.

  “Shocking. He digs her.”

  “She had his number saved,” I grumbled.

  “No way! Like, oh my God.” He changed his voice to sound like a sorority girl, and I wanted to punch his face. “How many girls text or tweet at you every day? You’re being a whiny little bitch.”

  “I am.” I turned to face him and beat my chest. “Hit me, man. I need it. I hate this version of myself.”

  “Really? I can hit you?” His voice was laced with excitement.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve been waiting for this.” He clapped his hands.

  “What the hell, man? Why?”

  “Freshman year of high school. You asked Amy out. She said yes to you, and I never got to hit you for it.” His face twisted into a sick smile, one that should’ve scared me.

  “Fuck, dude.” I groaned, pissed at my past.

  “Man up.”

  I stopped on the grass and crossed my arms over my nuts, closing my eyes. “One hit.”

  I heard him move around, but before I could register what he might be doing, I felt his fist on my jaw. I fell back, grabbing my face. Fuck. It hurt.

  His eyes widened, and his face paled. “Aiden. Sorry, man.”

  “Shit, Jon. I didn’t know you had all this resentment over Amy Whatsherface.”

  “Me neither.” He laughed and clapped my shoulder. “Are we good?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, we’re good.” I rubbed my jaw, knowing I’d have a bruise or something. I needed to stop being a selfish asshole around my brothers and especially Jenna. It had only been a day, and I felt something missing. I enjoyed our conversations and banter. “What are you up to tonight?”

  “On a hot-ass Tuesday in October? Playoffs, man. Probably going to head to Isaac’s for the game. The Dodgers made it again.”

  “You and the Dodgers.” I shook my head.

  “They’re my team. Jenna has her Yanks, and Nate has his Padres. I’m Dodgers all the way.”

  “Well, hell, I guess I’m Diamondbacks, being a native and all.”

  “You can tag along if you want. Or if you want to leave your balls at the house…” He hitched a thumb over his shoulder.

  “Fuck off.” I laughed and swatted him on the back of the head. “I’ll head there with you.”

  “I figured you would. Jenna’s probably working.”

  “That has nothing to do with it.” I lied. It totally did.

  “Bullshit.” He ran up the stairs to his room.

  I found Kam making a sandwich in the kitchen. Rage automatically flowed through me.

  He looked up and grinned at me. “Prez. What’s shakin’?”

  “Nothing, man.” I needed to avoid conflict. There was no issue. Jenna didn’t belong to me. “You?”

  “Dude. There’s a huge party over at Delta this weekend. Karissa just texted about us tag-teaming with them. Want to do it? They’re filled with beauties, and the rushes would love it.”

  “Sure.” I grabbed the bottle of water I desperately needed and searched for some protein bars. “Sounds fine.”

  “You good?” He tilted his head and slapped my shoulder. I wanted to break his hand.

  “Yeah.” Where were those damn bars?

  “You heading to Isaac’s with Jon? I think I’m heading there, too. I want to run into Jenna. I saw her earlier today, man, and hell, she agreed she’d get lunch with me. Thanks for the go-ahead.”

  I nodded. Fuck the protein bars. I had the water already, so I ran up the stairs to my room, hoping to avoid all conversations with Kam. He and Jenna were free to do whatever the hell they wanted. I spotted the stack of law books I was supposed to read next to the stack of biology books I would have preferred and realized it related to my life pretty well. I had my responsibilities versus what I wanted to do. I was supposed to just let Kam do what he wanted and let Jenna have fun while I remained polite. I wanted to fuck her so hard she only remembered my name.

  Obligations. Shit. I needed a drink.

  * * * *

  “Dude, you coming?” Jon poked his head into my room hours later.

  I had no idea what time it was. I was four chapters into a godawful, depressing law
book. I had to blink a couple times to even focus on his face.

  “Yeah. Hell.” I stood, stretched, and heard my back crack. “I’ve been reading this whole time. My brain fucking hurts.”

  “I’m sure. That shit’s boring.” He held the door for me, and I grabbed my wallet and phone at the last second.

  “You’re telling me. It’s the worst. So who’s joining us?”

  “Nate, Kam, and Zeke. It’s all of us.”

  “Sweet.”

  We walked there without issue. I hung back and talked to Nate the majority of the time. He had no worries and just lived life how he wanted. I was jealous. God, I needed to throw a pity party.

  “I have to say, man, I’m really glad you got the presidency. I was unsure about this frat because of the partying and shit, but you really cleaned it up. I’m proud of you.” Nate patted my back in a genuine gesture. “I really enjoy the volunteering. I mean, I used to donate my time at the beaches, cleaning up trash and stuff, but the nursing home? It’s unreal and really changed me, man. You’re doing a great job.”

  “Thanks. I really appreciate it.”

  He was silent for a few before he continued. “Looks like you’re going through a rough time. I don’t pry. I respect the hell out of you. But you’re doing great. I’m glad to be under your leadership.” He shrugged.

  “I appreciate that, Nate.” I felt lighter. Happier and assured that maybe I wasn’t a complete fuck-up.

  We heard a bunch of people cheer and knew something happened with the game. The Dodgers were playing the Giants.

  “Let’s run!” Jon took off toward the bar and had his ID out and ready before he was in the parking lot.

  We followed suit and burst into the bar to see the Giants winning. Jon grabbed his hair in distress and yelled profanity. The security guard eyed him, and he cringed. I laughed into my fist. Jon was all talk, except for the fact he’d punched me earlier that day. I didn’t blame him for it, though, and gave him mad respect.

  Kam was already up at the bar, talking to Jenna, and I felt the air leave my lungs. She had her hair down, which was rare. Her long, black waves hung lose against her face and back. Her normal Isaac’s tank was replaced with a ripped vintage Yankees tank, and it was cut low, leaving nothing to the imagination. Kam said something, probably stupid, and she laughed. It wasn’t the full cackle I’d grown to know. I decided right then I needed her to forgive me.