by L. Ann Marie
“No, you went back and saved three. They help now.”
“Yeah. Three lived. She burned in the fire never seeing good after Dennis.”
“She saw you. You were her good.”
She saw me. Dakota said she saw me too. The women help. I try to breathe and clear my head. The women lived. She saw me. “They help.”
“Are you here with me Taylor?”
I nod and Prez gets off me and my arm is let go. “Fuck. I told him everything. It didn’t work.” I turn and Jessie is here with Uncle Danny. “Jesus, I needed everyone to see this?” I pull myself up to sit and feel like a fuckin’ pussy. My whole body is shaking. I take deep breaths trying to relax and realize no one is talking.
“Where’s Jax?” My voice sounds shaky.
“Here Brother.” I look toward the door. He’s holding his wrist, but his hand is hanging wrong. The room is a fuckin’ mess. Fuck.
Putting my head in my hands I try to hide all the shit going through my head in my shaking hands. “Lock me up. I’ll sleep in holding.”
“No. This is on me. You being trained means with more than just guns and we need Brothers that are trained to watch over you.”
“Listen to yourself. How many Brothers are trained to keep a fuckin’ gun out of my hand? Put me in holding or let me fuckin’ shoot myself and be done, because this feels like fuckin’ shit!”
“No,” Jacob says.
“Jesus.” My head is in my hands again. I can’t take any more fuckin’ people seeing this.
“You’re going to have to Brother. I’ll drag your whole fuckin’ family down here if I have to. We aren’t letting go and you better find a way to deal, because not one of us is ready to give up.”
“Prez, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I talked to Jax. It didn’t work. It looks like I broke his wrist and still ended up with a gun. Lock me up so no one gets hurt and I can fuckin’ sleep.”
“He has a point LB. I’ll take him tomorrow night,” Uncle Danny says and I look at him.
“Fuckin’ Brothers. I don’t know if you’re crazy or I am.”
He laughs. Fuckin’ LaPontes. “I think it’s a little of both. He can come home with me and talk to Kevin and Ben from Baxters. They get all this and they’re trained.”
“Because this won’t be complete until everyone sees what a fuckin’ mess my head is.”
“That sounds right. Dakota said it’s over soon. Something he does changes it. Talking to the Baxters can’t hurt. They run therapy for Vets. They would know more than we do and Mitch has PTSD,” Jessie says as if I didn’t say anything.
“Hello? Does anyone care what I think?”
Jacob moves closer. “I think my dad can help too. He lived with the Baxters for years and he’s trained like Taylor.”
“This is unreal. Do you even hear me?”
“Not as long as you keep hoping for someone to get close so you can take their gun,” Prez says.
Jacob steps back. “If I wanted a gun I’d take one. Jesus. I need to sleep. Since this isn’t my fuckin’ life anymore, tell me where the fuck I’m laying my head down.”
“He can’t go to holding, the trigger is from there and Jax needs to get his arm set.” I look at them. They aren’t looking at me, they’re all watching Prez. “If you go for his gun I’ll shoot your fuckin’ foot.”
I move and Uncle Danny has his gun out. “At this stage pointing a gun at me is a relief. I’m going to the PD. They can lock me up. You can do whatever the fuck you want.”
I stand and Jacob hands his gun to Jessie. “I’ll go with him.”
“Give him your spare Brother,” I tell him as I walk by. “Sorry Jax. Tell Sheila she can shoot me on sight.”
He laughs. “Call if you need me Taylor.”
I throw him chin and walk out of the Club. I can’t believe they let me go. I’m shaky, but think I got this. Jacob rides with me to the PD and I sleep in a cell with Jacob in the cell next to me.
Chapter Twelve
Taylor
“A Prospect brought clothes,” the officer says handing me a bag.
“Thanks.” I take the bag and wait for Jacob to fix the bed. “I’m pretty sure someone will take it off to wash Jay.”
“Alright.” He looks at me smiling.
“You look like shit.”
“I feel like shit so it fits. You’re looking a little rough too.”
“Yeah.” Turning away, knowing I’m the reason he looks like this, I start walking toward the locker room.
We’re almost there when he asks, “What’d you train for?”
“Everything. Why?”
“Jax is a master and you broke his arm. They were all dodging your hands, elbows and feet, but it still took Prez, Jessie and Uncle Danny to hold you.”
Fuck. I shower letting the hot water run over me, hoping it washes all the shit and grit away. When I’m dressed, I walk out and Jacob is waiting outside the door. “I’m fine when I’m awake Jay. Nothing hits until I’m sleeping.”
“There was a time when you liked me being around.”
I shake my head. “I still do.”
“Good because this place is fuckin’ weird. They all watch, but they’re not looking at us.”
I laugh. “I have to get to work.”
“I’m going to bed,” he says throwing his leg over.
“Thanks Jacob.”
He throws me chin and turns toward the Compound. I get to Security. Boxes of food are being put out. I grab coffee and sit.
Uncle Danny comes in and puts a plate and coffee down. At least he won’t be hungry on Ops. “You look like shit.”
“Yeah, Jacob told me.” Since he was there, I don’t say anymore.
“When’s the last time you really slept?”
I think about Beth. “More than a week ago.”
“See your therapist early. I’ll get LB to send me with someone else. This is Ortiz we’re watching.”
I sit up. “I’ve never fucked up my job.”
“I’m not saying you will today, but you’ve never been hit with this shit before either. I’m not so comfortable with you being okay that a gun is aimed at you.”
“Jesus. You weren’t going to shoot me and if I wanted a gun I could have taken Prez’s.”
He nods. “I’ll have Prez get me a partner. Kevin Baxter is on his way to pick you up. He’ll bring you home tomorrow.”
“What the fuck ever.”
He leaves and I go to my office. If this keeps up I won’t need one. Laying on the couch I fall asleep.
“Why the fuck are you sleeping here?”
I groan. “Apparently I’m not, VP.” I sit up wiping my face. “I can’t go home because I have to stay away from Christian and I wrecked my room at the Club.”
He nods and sits in the chair across from me. “I heard. Talk to me.”
“I tried that with Jax and it didn’t work.” I look away, but know his glasses pick it up.
“Heard that too. Maybe he didn’t say what you needed to hear. Prez sent me to talk to you.”
I don’t say anything and neither does he. Since he’s as stubborn as Prez I throw my hands up and start talking.
* * *
Beth
I meet up with Lily at the Center and Security drives us to a huge Victorian house. I’m surprised it’s a homeless shelter. “You’re going to be great.”
I look at her wondering if I’m doing the right thing. “They probably won’t even listen anyway.” I hope. I’m nervous.
She smiles. “Just be honest and speak from your heart, they’ll respond, men love that.”
“Right.” I can do this. They don’t know me so if I screw up no one else will hear about it.
Walking in the door I’m shocked. There are a bunch of people in biker vests here. I lean close to Lily. “Why is the Club here?”
“They sponsor the house and this is a show of support. They don’t know who you are yet, so it’s a show for the Vets.”
“That is so sweet.”
Her head whips my way. “Don’t ever say sweet to these guys. They get pissed. Unreasonably pissed. Before you ask I don’t know. That one word sets them off though.”
She’s serious. “Got it. No sweet.”
A man calls for everyone to sit down and Lily brings me to a small table. Water is on it and a box of tissues. I smile at the tissues. They’re ready for me.
Lily nods to me and I start. “My name is Beth. I have loved two men in my life. One died in the line of duty, the other has PTSD and almost shot himself while going through a particularly vicious memory.” I tell them everything I know, if a little vague, but all the things Dakota wrote out for me. When they hear about the girl their heads go down. At the end, I tell them about men throwing out the good and only keeping the bad. They laugh nervously. I explain the importance for their future and their spouses to take all the help they can get because it leads to a better life for all of us. When I’m done, I feel drained. Lily started holding my hand when I told them about Taylor going back to the truck and saving the three women, but not being able to get the girl. She never let it go.
“Thank you Beth. That was perfect.” She hugs me and I want to hold on, but someone is clearing his throat behind me.
I turn and see a man in combats. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” He walks away and talks to another man as the man behind him steps up. I’m surprised and Lily laughs. Everyone here thanks me.
When we make it out, I need a nap or drink or something. “We should use an auditorium and bring the houses together so you don’t go through that four more times,” she says. “You did great, but it takes a toll on you.”
I like that idea. “Okay. I’m emotionally drained right now. I think once more is better.”
“I’ll set it up. Maybe we can do a benefit and raise some money for the program at the same time.”
I look at her. She’s young but smart. “A happy atmosphere to look forward to would be good.”
“The old ladies will help plan it. This will be great!”
I stop myself from rolling my eyes and just nod at her. “The first support group is tonight at the church. I didn’t think I’d feel like this. I need a nap.”
She laughs making me smile. “The support group should be easier. You’re not the only one sharing and Eliza and Sheila will show to support you.”
I nod. “You’re right. I can do this.”
I think about Taylor. Dakota wrote a whole page so I would understand what Taylor is seeing. How he went back, but collapsed when the last woman was away from the truck. My heart breaks for him every time I think of him seeing the little girl he couldn’t get. Lily drops me off at my car on her way to plan a benefit. The one she just thought of five minutes ago. I shake my head.
She’s a little crazy too, but it’s in a good way.
Chapter Thirteen
Taylor
Kevin drops me at the hangar and is lifting off before I’m on my bike. It’s been a fuckin’ day and a worse fuckin’ night. Kevin and Ben talked to me, then Mitch did today. She’s the most encouraging and enlightening person I talked to. She still gets hit, but it’s not as often. She isn’t embarrassed to say her biggest worry is how the people around her see her so weak and fragile. That’s exactly how I feel. Shaking uncontrollably isn’t how I want people to see me. The guys told her what happens so it’s easier to get past now, but for a long time she thought the worst. She made me laugh and almost cry. She’s been through some shit and is still doing her own thing helping people. I can do this.
I’m more determined than I was. When I get to Security everyone is happy. They got Ortiz. When I hear Brantley went, I feel like shit again. He’s not trained for this and he did it because of me. I know I wouldn’t be able to handle something happening to him because I didn’t show. I need to talk to him tonight.
“My office.” I follow Prez into his office then sit and wait. “I could have put Sheila with Uncle Danny, but he pushed for Brantley. I didn’t even question it; he’s trained and follows everything he was taught.” He smiles. “He’s funny as hell too.”
I nod, sounds like Brantley.
“Christian moved in today. You’re at Jessie and Dakota’s or Dakota’s at the Club with you.”
I think about that. “The Club. Dakota had me against the wall while he was on the other side of the room. There’s no chance of me hurting him. I don’t want to be anywhere close to Christian. Last night was fuckin’ hell.”
He nods. “I heard Brother. Dakota thought you’d pick the Club. How are you feeling now that you talked to the Baxters?”
I wipe my face. “I was feeling good, even after last night. She told me about when she’s hit and it doesn’t sound much different than me. She doesn’t remember the whole time, just when she’s back to herself and everyone is watching her. She said it’s like being a zoo animal.”
“Was?”
“Brantley ran fuckin’ Ops by Uncle Danny’s side. He’s fuckin’ crazy and Brantley must have been scared shit.”
He laughs. “It was good for him. I’ll have Jason send you the feed so you can see and hear it. I’ve never laughed so much in my fuckin’ life and the Brother is a dead eye and can ride. I don’t think he realized he took out our threat with one shot. He’s unbelievable.”
I smile. “He is. He always has been, but now he’s not worried about stepping on anyone’s toes or pissing anyone off.”
“I need to get to the Club. Dakota will find you. Whatever you’re doing, keep it up. You look like shit, but your mind is at ease.”
I stand thinking about that. “Yeah. I don’t feel like such a freak. Kevin and Ben have it too. They’re all people I look up to.”
“That’s good. It’s not the death sentence that you were thinking it was. If you go back to the Compound block for Christian. He’s got shit hitting him that he needs help with.”
Fuck. I should be there for him. “I will.”
Since I’m not going to the Club yet, I ride. The wind clears my head and I’m smiling by the time I pull into the Compound. It’s late, but Brantley is usually up before Mucimi’s last bottle.
I walk through the yard and hear Christian. Sitting against the house I block and listen. This fuckin’ kid lives in hell. He spent his life putting distance between him and everyone. I’m so fuckin’ glad Brantley talks to him. He won’t let him hide anymore.
Dakota walks by throwing me chin and I put my hand over my mouth so I don’t laugh out loud. He’s fuckin’ funny. When he takes Christian for a walk on the beach I go up and sit with Brantley telling him I don’t want to be like Christian and have it so hard finding my way back.
I tell him everything. When I’m done, Brantley tells me he’s proud of me for being a good soldier. I am so fuckin’ relieved my body feels fluid. I swear I could sit and it would ooze onto the deck.
Uncle Steve is standing at the bottom of the stairs and scares the shit out of us.
When I walk with him he starts talking. “Been through the same shit as you. Came back and told my brother so I could get rid of it. Stopped talkin’ to me that day. Still doesn’t talk to me. Was Pres, Ben, that took it all. No judgement like Brantley. When he did, I did everythin’ better. No judgement gave me that. Didn’t ask for the assignments. They were given as orders. Wouldn’t be much of a soldier I didn’t follow ‘em.”
“Yeah. I’m getting that.”
“No, you got it. Brantley gave it to you. You look around, you’ll see they all will. Woman you pulled from the truck wants to see you. Set up a video chat. She’ll give you more. Take what they give. All of it. It sets your mind at rest. You don’t get rid of it, but it’s like with Mitch. Not many bad ones. You already know the ones who matter don’t care what you did or didn’t do. They get it.”
“She wants to see me?”
He stops and opens the door. “Yeah. Now.”
No fuckin’ way. I follow to the office and sit feeling numb. News feeds show and I see
her running with two women and some kids. She’s helping just like Dakota said. Oh my fuckin’ God. She made it. A rush of adrenaline washes through me, my skin feels tight and my heart is pumping fast. She made it, that means the other two did too.
I’m leaning forward trying to see her better when Uncle Steve’s hand moves me back. He pulls the keyboard and starts typing. The screen changes and she’s smiling at me. I reach and touch her face on the monitor. “You made it.”
She’s speaking, but the English pops on the bottom. “I did thanks to you my golden angel. I have done what you asked and worked to keep the women safe. Thank you.”
Her golden angel. “I am so relieved to see you. I thought you all died.”
“No, it isn’t so. We work every day. You were hurt. The Americans took you away. You didn’t see us freed by them. They gave us a new truck so we could collect the women.”
They gave them a truck. They got away. I touch her face again. “I’m happy you are keeping them safe. You are the angel.” She smiles then she’s gone and news is back on. I look at Uncle Steve.
“Feed went down. Can try again.” He’s typing.
“No. It’s enough.” He stops and looks at me then nods. “I’m going to try and sleep. Thanks for this.”
He gets up and hugs me. “Anythin’.”
I throw him chin and get the fuck away from him. Wiping my face, I feel hopeful.
It’s a good day. I need to see that smile that gives me so much to hope for. I go to the hospital and wait at the end of the hall. She’s smiling coming out of a room talking to Emma. When they turn, I walk out. I need some sleep.
I smile thinking about the woman. She’s alive and helping women. I don’t remember telling her to do that, but she is. Handing my guns and knife to the Prospect he tells me my room is cleared. I just nod. I’m still so fuckin’ happy she’s really alive. Dakota said two others help her.
When I open the door, I laugh. There’s nothing in here but my bed and a chair. The closet has some clothes on the shelf but it’s empty too, even the bar is gone. My Brothers watching out for me makes me smile. I put my pocket shit on the floor and climb on the bed. When I close my eyes, I see her smiling face. I should have asked her name.
