Transcending Regrets (No Regrets book 3)

by Noalane, Aimee

  The surprised expression on her face made everyone laugh, and finally brought the tension around the table down a notch.

  “Oh, Abby,” Jacob said, “I completely forgot. Wasn’t it today that you and Tyler had to go to court?”

  She nodded, but the way her eyes immediately lowered to her plate made me frown.

  “How did it go?”

  “The case got dismissed,” Abby hurried, answering with a mouthful.

  “What do you mean it got dismissed?” her mother yelled.

  Well, so much for trying to put the strain on dinner time down…

  “Weren’t you just going there to tell them what happened?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then what the hell happened?” Jacob interjected. “I knew I should have sent you there with a lawyer. I wish you would just listen to your mother and me once in a while. I don’t like this, Abbygail.”

  “Whether you like it or not doesn’t change a thing, Jacob. But if it makes you feel any better, the outcome would have been the same even if I had a lawyer. It’s done. He’s not guilty. We move on.”

  “You’re lying,” I replied, calling her out. Even if the conversation was none of my business, I knew Abby well enough to know when a load of crap tumbled out of her mouth.

  “Shut up Oliver. You don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

  “It’s written all over your face, Abby. So why don’t you just cut the crap and tell us what really happened today.”

  Her cheeks turned a deep shade of red, and her furious eyes never left mine.

  “Abby?” her mother questioned, interrupting our staring competition.

  The sound of her fork hit against her plate and resonated through the dining room. “God!” she snapped. “You’re so fucking annoying. You want to know what happened? Damian fucking Bushmans happened.”

  “Wait, what?” her mother yelled, but Abby ignored her.

  “You sleeping with Sam happened. You letting me leave without a fight happened. Alcohol happened. My big fucking mouth happened. Now can we please just drop the subject and never talk about any of it ever again? I’m over it.” She looked at me with so much hatred. “All of it.”

  There was an uncomfortable silence among us. Jacob and Jenna were having a secret conversation of their own while I sat there looking at the girl I loved. Everything about the way she held herself felt wrong. I watched her body language, her eyes…I tried to understand why the hell our school drug dealer, the one I had specifically told her to stay away from, was still in the picture, but couldn’t figure it out.

  “You asked me to let you go,” I mumbled louder than I meant to.

  Abby frowned angrily at me. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about this anymore.”

  “I do.”

  “Well you can try having this conversation with yourself because I’m choosing to ignore you.”

  “Fine then, what does Bushmans have to do with this?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Right,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Abby. Look at me.”

  Her eyes lifted from her plate and met mine angrily. “What?”

  “Just tell me.”

  “What is it about what I’m trying to say that you don’t understand, Oliver? I don’t want to tell you. Damian is just another mistake of mine that happened when you were gone, deal with it.”

  “I’m here now.”

  “And I don’t want you here. I hate how you––how you always come waltzing in here whenever you feel like it. Popping into our lives, and acting like you know me or pretend to care about me. Trying to be part of the family, or asking shit as if you deserve to know what has been going on in my life for the past almost seven years. Guess what Oliver? Family doesn’t disappear and come back whenever they feel like showing up. They’re supposed to be around All. The. Time.”

  “I don’t pretend to care. I do care.”

  “If you care, then stop coming back, or come back and stay––whatever.” She wiped off the angry tears that escaped her eyes as if she was refusing to let them fall for me. “But make up your fucking mind and stick with your decision. This way you can save us all a little pain.”

  “Okaaaay,” Aunt Jenna interrupted. “Jeez… I feel like I’m having dinner with a couple of two year olds. Abby, Oliver isn’t going anywhere. He is part of the family and whether you want to or not, you’re going to deal with it. Now, that being said, how about the both of you keep the arguing for after dinner?”

  “No need, Mom. This conversation is over anyway.”

  Furious glares flashed between Abby and me. I still couldn’t understand why she believed I didn’t care. Didn’t she understand that I hadn’t contacted her for that exact reason? Didn’t she realize that she asked me to let her go? I had done exactly what she asked and there she was accusing me for doing so. She was the one that needed to make up her damn mind.

  “So how was your day off today, my love?” Jacob asked trying to change the subject.

  “Pretty quiet until Oliver showed up. I went out this morning for a haircut. Oh, and I stopped by the cemetery before lunch. I brought some daisies for Evelynn.” She smiled at me. “I had to clear up the gravesite again though. I swear that maintenance crew doesn’t do a very nice job of taking the weeds out, it’s kind of annoying.”

  “Maybe you could file a complaint,” Jacob pointed out.

  “I think I will. Oh and Abby, I brought an orchid for Riley too.”

  My eyebrows furrowed together at the somewhat familiar name and when I looked up into Abby’s eyes, I saw fear. Tearing my gaze away from hers, I looked at my aunt. “Who’s Riley?”

  Abbygail

  I looked at my mother in utter shock. “Are you kidding me right now?”

  She just stared back at me without saying a word, but challenged me in the exact way she knew how. My hands got cold and when my eyes met Oliver’s, I was convinced he’d figured it all out.

  ***

  I’d been waiting for Oliver on my front lawn when he finally made it home. I waved at him as soon as he stepped out from Mr. and Mrs. Tucker’s car and instead of heading inside his house, he crossed over to mine.

  “How was babysitting?” I asked with a wicked smile. He looked exhausted.

  “Hell,” he retorted.

  “I can tell,” I mocked. “And I have to say, the pink cheeks really suit you well, Oliver.”

  “Shut up,” he retorted while trying to scrape the make-up off. “My face feels like it’s on fire. I had to play beauty salon with them. I look worse than a freaking Barbie doll.”

  “Stop that,” I laughed. I grabbed his hand and lead him to my bathroom. “You’re just making it worse.”

  “FYI,” he grumbled. “You owe me big for this.”

  “Dude, I don’t owe you squat.” I took the makeup remover out of the cabinet and spread the blue liquid on a wash cloth. “I’d like to remind you that you’re the one that wanted to make an extra buck.”

  Oliver smiled as I stood on the tips of my toes and tried to wipe his face without tipping over. “If I would have known that babysitting meant subjecting myself to this, I wouldn’t have agreed to it.”

  “Come on, it’s not even that bad. See? There you go, all gone!”

  “Thanks,” he replied. He went to the sink and rinsed off the makeup remover as if the feeling of it on his skin was the worst thing in the world. He looked at me through the reflection of the mirror. “Just promise me that next time I’m looking into making more money, you’ll remind me how much I hate kids.”

  “You do not hate kids,” I replied smirking. We walked over to my bedroom and he threw himself on my bed.

  “Oh, I do.” He pulled my pillow under his head. “Especially girls.”

  “Not all girls are like Kimmy and Skyler, Oliver. Some are sweet and adorable like me.”

  “Pfff. You’re not adorable. You’re a pain in the ass.”

  I jumped on the bed and straddled him. “Take it back.”<
br />
  “Nope.”

  “Take it back, Langton, or I’ll smother you with Mr. Bear.”

  “Go ahead and try, Evens.”

  I tried and it didn’t quite work as planned. In fact, we ended up rough housing and rumbling with each other until we landed on the floor. At the sound of our laughter, my mom opened the bedroom door and rolled her eyes when she saw me sitting on Oliver’s stomach.

  “Dinner’s ready.”

  “Okay, cool.” I looked at Oliver. “Are you staying?”

  “I don’t know.” He looked over at my mother who was still standing in the doorway. “Am I staying?”

  She threw the phone on my bed and shut the door. “Call your mom.”

  “Do you really not want kids?” I asked him as he grabbed the receiver.

  “Of course I want kids. In fact, I want tons, and my first child will be named Riley.”

  “Riley,” I repeated. “I like it.”

  “Thank you.”

  He called home to make sure Aunt Evelyn was okay with him staying over for dinner and we walked towards the dining room.

  “Why Riley?” I asked curiously.

  “Because it’s your name and mine blended together you dweeb.”

  I took his hand and smiled. I don’t think Oliver could have said anything more perfect even if he had wanted too.

  ***

  “Abbygail, who’s Riley?” Oliver asked me.

  “No one,” I rushed, still scolding my mother.

  “If Riley is no one, then why did your mom bring him or her some flowers?”

  I pushed my plate away and walked out through the patio door without looking back.

  I am in so much trouble.

  Chapter 12

  Abbygail

  I hadn’t been under the willow tree since before I left for B.C. What once had been my little haven had become a place of taunting. There was no denying that I missed sitting there and being rocked by the wind, but every time I contemplated the idea of even walking under the tree, I couldn’t do it. There was just too much pain associated with it, so I let the idea go.

  “Who’s Riley?” He repeated, hiding in the shadows.

  The branches of the willow tree were fully bloomed and were touching the ground, so I couldn’t see him. I waited for him to push them aside and walk closer to me before answering. Once we were face-to-face, I broke eye contact and stared at the ground. I was petrified by what was about to happen between us.

  “Abby?”

  Silence.

  “Abs, you need to stop dodging my questions with your silence.” There was a mixture of anger and pain in his voice.

  “Riley is the baby I lost.” I was still doing the best that I could to avoid meeting his stare.

  “I’m sorry.”

  I stood ready to walk away, but Oliver grabbed my hand. When I turned to face him he looked at me. I mean really looked at me. It was like he’d just seen me for the very first time in months. He eyed me from top to bottom, and finally stopped at my stomach.

  “Why does Riley’s name seem so familiar to me, Abs?”

  I winced.

  “How far along are you?” he questioned, but my lungs constricted so I was unable to answer. “How far along are you, Abbygail?”

  “Thirty weeks,” I exhaled.

  He let go of my hand and started pacing. He stopped to look at me again and creased his forehead thoughtfully.

  “How far along were you when you lost Riley?”

  “Can’t pin point it exactly in time, but the doctors said it was around my sixth or seventh week.”

  He reached out high over his head and tore a perfectly healthy green branch off the tree. “Twins.”

  I nodded and felt a sharp pain in my stomach, but it didn’t feel half as bad as the relentless throbbing in my heart. Oliver’s face went through a dozen different facial expressions. Sadness, empathy, pain, and then when I saw the anger flash through his dark eyes, I knew he’d finally figured it all out.

  Oliver

  “So how long were you going to wait before you told me?”

  Silence.

  “I mean were you not going to tell me at all?”

  Silence.

  “Did you truly believe I would never come back? You thought I wouldn’t want to know? You thought I wouldn’t care that you were carrying my children?”

  “I––” she startled at the sound of the branch as I whipped it against the ground in anger. Her clear blue eyes tried to avoid mine.

  “When did you find out?”

  “A few weeks after I came back from B.C.,” she whispered.

  I tightened my jaw. “You were never going to tell me at all, were you?”

  She shook her head and started crying. “I––I don’t know”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “I don’t know,” she repeated.

  I walked up to her and pulled on her chin to make her look at me. I wanted answers. It was the least I deserved. “I have a dead child and another one growing inside your body and you decided not to tell me. I don’t know isn’t a fucking answer Abbygail. Tell me why.”

  Her eyes were so clear that I could see right through them. Her sadness, her fear, the regret…she chose to keep her pregnancy a secret, and she knew that when I found out, it would shatter me.

  “You left me, Abby.”

  “You slept with another woman.”

  “It was a goddamn mistake, Abbygail. A fucking misunderstanding that I’ve been regretting for months. Maybe telling you how much I regretted it wasn’t enough to redeem myself, but at least I tried. I pleaded with you not to go. I begged you to stay. I needed you to at least give us a chance.”

  “It hurt.”

  “So you think that keeping this pregnancy from me is what? Revenge for your pain?”

  She shook her head.

  “Then why?

  She winced at my harsh tone and put some distance between the both of us. She retreated until her back hit the tree trunk and looked at the ground.

  “I asked you a goddamn question.”

  “I can’t have her go through what I’ve been through.” Her eyes met mine. “My daughter needs a father that will love her, and that will take care of her. She needs someone that will make her his priority.”

  My furious stare crossed hers. “That better not fucking mean what I think it means…I. Am. Not. Your. Father. Abbygail Evens.”

  I walked up to her and cornered her between myself and the tree. She had no idea how much I hated her at that moment. Or maybe she did, because by the look of fear in her eyes, she understood very well that she had made a huge mistake.

  “I know,” her voice was shaking. “I’m sorry.”

  We both turned when we heard the patio door to Aunt Jenna’s house open, then shut.

  “Walk it off, kid.” Jacob said.

  “Mind your own damn business.”

  “She is my business, Oliver.” Jacob came down the balcony steps and reached out for Abby’s hand. “And so are you. So walk it off before you say or do something you’re going to regret.”

  I snickered. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much about that, Jacob.” I backed away, but never took my eyes away from her. “I never live with regrets.”

  I pulled out my phone and dialed the number I had stuck inside my pocket earlier that morning. I didn’t even think twice about what I was doing because all I wanted was to hurt her the way she was hurting me. After the second ring, the line picked up.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “Hey, Emma, it’s Oliver.”

  “Oliver, as in the guy I used to sell a large black coffee to every morning?”

  “Ha! You’re saying this as if it was ages ago.”

  “Trust me, today has been dragging on for so long that it feels like it lasted a month. What can I do for you?”

  “Are you free tonight, I’d like to take you out.”

  “What about that girl?” she asked me suspiciously.

  “
Don’t worry about her.” I looked at Abby and saw a huge teardrop rolling down her reddened cheeks. “Give me your address.”

  “Hum... Is it me or does this sounds like a ‘I’m pissed, in pain, and want to make everyone, including myself, suffer booty call’?”

  I scratched my jaw.

  “The thing is, Oliver, I’m not going to be your pity fuck. I’m not that kind of person. You love the girl, and I know this because you told me yourself less than twelve hours ago. I am willing to be a friend and listen, though. So how about we meet at Corner’s Coffee instead.”

  “Okay. See you there in an hour.” I hung up confused. Her answer was definitely not the one I was expecting, but as I looked at Abby it definitely had the desired effect. I swallowed the huge lump of pain in my throat, and stuffed my phone back in my pocket. “Good news, Abbygail, you’re getting exactly what you’ve bargained for. We’re done.”

  “Oliver.” She fell to the ground and a loud cry ripped right through her.

  I stopped. I hated what I was doing to her, but I hated even more what she had done to me. When she saw that I wasn’t walking away anymore, her tears died down and I turned to give her a long furious glare.

  “I’ll never forgive you for this, Abbygail.”

  Chapter 13

  Abbygail – Oliver

  Sometimes because of love we make stupid decisions.

  Sometimes we love so much that it consumes every single bit of our soul.

  Sometimes love breaks us, and it shatters our ability to forgive.

  And sometimes we realize that love will never be enough to fix our mistakes, and that maybe it’s just better if we let go.

  Chapter 14

  Oliver

  My phone rang constantly for days, and their four numbers were the only ones appearing on my screen. Aunt Jen, Jacob, Tyler, Stephan…they were a fucking hassle. At some point, I got so tired of hearing my ringtone that I shut off my cell and removed my battery. I couldn’t grasp onto what they didn’t understand. If I weren’t to answer the first time, I sure as hell wouldn’t be answering the twentieth time either. Laney was pretty much avoiding me at all cost as well. I’d barely seen her all week, and when we were inside the apartment together we’d just ignore each other…or rather, I would ignore her. The longest conversation we had was that Wednesday morning and it sounded like: ‘Oliver? Can we talk?’ to which I simply slammed the bathroom door in her face. In fact, the only person that hadn’t tried calling me was Abby, but that wasn’t much of a surprise, and I wouldn’t be calling her either.