Fashionably Dead Down Under

by Robyn Peterman

  An excited murmur went through the circle. I could swear the sons of bitches were smiling at me . . . or they all had gas. Every single Demon dropped to their knees and leaned forward. Placing their hands on the ground they began to weep. Some shuddered and some laughed with joy. What the hell was happening?

  “Thank you,” Lance said. “We cannot thank you enough.”

  “For what?” I asked, completely confused.

  “For killing us.”

  Wait. WTF? When did I agree to kill them? “Um, Lance?”

  “Yes, my Queen?”

  “Not gonna happen. You guys can’t just ask me to kill you and then I kill you. I wouldn’t say that I want to hang with you, but I kind of like you and as alarmingly scary as you are . . . I feel sorry for you.”

  “Show us mercy, my Queen,” someone cried out.

  “Please,” another sobbed.

  What was I supposed to do? This could be a trick. I could kill the fifty or so Demons and five hundred more pissed off Demons could show up and kill me or, God forbid, want me to kill them too.

  “Is this all of you?” I asked in a voice I didn’t recognize. It was thin, tinny and far away. I was shocked I was even considering this. Did I truly need to atone for the sins of my father?

  “The others are not here. They’ve been taken away,” Lance explained.

  “What does that mean?”

  “I don’t know,” he admitted in his gravely voice. “One day they were here and one day they were gone.”

  “Like gone, gone. For real gone?” I asked, wondering if an army would seek me out for retribution.

  “Probably not.” Lance shrugged and forlornly laid his huge misshapen head back down on the floor.

  Okay, think Astrid. You could right one of your father’s many wrongs and kill a bunch of Demons . . . which in turn could piss of the Prince of Darkness and set in motion a large bounty on my head. That would suck asswads. You could try to escape, but you have no fucking clue how to get back to the main level and there could be other areas of the Basement worse than this one. Hard to imagine, but this was Hell.

  Glancing around, I saw the Demons peeking up at me. They reminded me of little children . . . disgustingly ugly little children. Fuck.

  “Stand up,” I barked. “This feels like an execution and I am not at all happy about this.”

  The Demons stood with their hands clasped in front of them and a sense of peace about them.

  “My Queen, we have waited thousands of years for this day. What you are doing is merciful. I can never go back to those I love. I am ruined . . . tainted by so much horror and death, I am no longer worthy of love. Mind you, I do still love. Deeply. That is why I have never tried to escape. The threat of harm to my wife and children is something that even someone as lost as I’ve become cannot fathom.”

  “But my father is gone. Why can’t you go back to your loved ones?” I asked, hoping I’d discovered the magic ticket. Maybe they could all work hard and grow skin and then go to the waiting room and get jobs and then be reunited with their families. And maybe Leprechauns could fly out of my ass . . .

  “Oh, young Queen, it was too late for that hundreds of years ago. I stand here begging your mercy, but I am by no means free of sin. Heinous sin.”

  “Open your mind, oh Queen,” a Demon begged. “Come inside and see.”

  “Proof?” I asked.

  “Indisputable,” Lance answered.

  I closed my eyes and let my mind roam free. Dipping in and out of the Demons thoughts, it was all I could do not to fall to the floor and break. Memories of children and wives and parents intermingled with the horror they’d been forced to perform leading to horrors they’d chosen and willingly performed. Horrific beatings from my father that shamed me and then the names . . . names flew at me. Names of loved ones, names of those they’d killed, names of the victims’ families that they wished to beg forgiveness from, and then came their names . . . David, Michael, Josiah, Peter, Noah, Paul, and on and on. I didn’t want them to become more than what they were. That would make what I knew I had to do harder, but they had become inhuman faceless nothingness. They needed to be seen for who they were—for who they wished to be. James, Adam, Leonardo . . .

  “Stop,” I commanded harshly. “Stop.”

  I wanted to forgive them their sins. I felt how truly remorseful they were, but I also knew if they lived on they would continue to commit sin after sin and I had no jurisdiction over mass forgiveness for that. I only had compassion and the unhealthy need to right my father’s wrong.

  “Tell me where a portal is,” I said. “I’ll need to leave when I’m . . . done here.”

  Lance shook his head. “I don’t know.”

  “You have got to be kidding me.” I sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose. They wanted me to commit mass murder and then hang out with the dead bodies? They were going to have to think again. It would be hard enough without having to look at what I’d done for God knows how long.

  “We will give you our power before the deed is done. It should be enough to help you find your way,” Lance said.

  “Whoa, Nelly.” I stopped him before they all started magically sending their fucked up evil Demon mojo my way. I might empathize with them, but I didn’t want to become them.

  “Our power is pure,” Lance assured me. “Our memories and our physical bodies are not.”

  “Are you all very sure this is what you want?” I asked. My hands trembled at my sides and my knees were unsteady. This was so much different than what I had been trained for. I still wasn’t positive I could do it.

  “You would put a suffering dog down, wouldn’t you?” Lance asked quietly.

  “Yes, I would.”

  “We are nothing more than animals at this point. We haven’t been humanely treated in over a thousand years. Please . . . just please.”

  “Make the circle tighter,” I shouted. I looked up at the jagged rock ceiling and prayed for a moment, but who or what was I praying to anymore? All my ideas of the afterlife had been altered. I didn’t know what I believed. What the hell did good and evil really mean and how closely were they related? Were they actually the same thing?

  A muttered chorus of ‘thank you’ wafted around me, but I could barely compute. My heart beat so loudly in my chest it was all I could hear. I closed my eyes and realized I had no anger, just sadness and fear. I realized I no longer needed anger. I only needed to know what I owned, how to use it didn’t matter—I only needed to think of the outcome desired and the means to get there would become obvious.

  Closing my eyes, I asked a God I wasn’t sure existed in the way I wanted him to anymore for forgiveness—forgiveness for what I was about to do. My grandfather’s chant that had eluded me was now at the forefront of my mind and I marveled at of the complexity and the simplicity of it. I felt the release of power from the Demons and I let it in. Unsure if it was safe, I did it anyway. It felt right. A whisper of movement in my stomach startled and frightened me. My child, my son . . . I felt his love and strength and approval. Holy Hell, the moment was surreal. It was a very old soul inside me and his knowledge was far superior to mine, but he loved me and knew I was there to take care of him. He was sure I would do what was right. Would I always pay for the sins of my father? I hoped the score would be even and I could move forward without his taint touching my child’s world, but only time would tell.

  Was this the balance between good and evil . . . Was I doing evil for good? Or good for evil?

  It only took an instant. I saw the outcome and the deed was done. Sparks flew wildly around me and the popping noises made me grind my teeth and scream in despair. I fell to my knees and beat the ground. I’d just killed fifty people. Did it matter that no one loved or wanted them anymore? That should have made it easier, but it didn’t. Had I become the Grim Reaper, meting out justice as I saw fit? Who in the hell did I think I was? I slowly opened my eyes and they were gone. No trace of the ones who had begged for dea
th. The floor was covered in icy white crystals and black glitter. The soul lights were momentarily quiet.

  It was either shock or regret that consumed me and I gave in to my basest need. I lay down on the dank filthy floor and I cried . . . for the Demons, for my father and for myself.

  Chapter 19

  Little wet lips kissed my face and head. The soft feather touches tickled. I had no clue how much time had passed since I’d committed one of the worst sins possible, but it felt like years.

  “Me see your boobers, Mommy,” Abe said with great satisfaction. “Me want to touch.”

  “No,” Ross shouted and kneed Abe in his little Demon nuts. “Me massage Mommy’s love melons.”

  “Ohhhhh, squishy,” Rachel said as she poked at my chest.

  “Mommy has nice balloons,” Beyonce told everyone.

  “No touching the boobs,” I said as I pushed myself from prone and pathetic to seated and slightly pathetic. I smiled and picked my Baby Demons off of my chest. “How did you find me?”

  “Easy peasy,” Ross said. “My doggies felt your sad.”

  “The General and Bambi are here?” I asked, scanning the room in alarm. How would they feel about what I had done? I struggled to my feet and prepared to defend myself and my child.

  “Sit, little one.” George’s soothing voice calmed me. “We are not here to judge. We have come to take you back.”

  “You know what I’ve done?” I whispered. My stomach was knotted with sadness and shame.

  “I’m glad to see they didn’t harm you. It was unwise of you to come here,” he scolded.

  While his sentiments were nice, his facts were fucked.

  I took a slow breath in and gathered my thoughts. General George had protected me and helped me save Ethan, but he worked for Satan. His opinion of the Demons was as warped as his master’s.

  “I didn’t come here on purpose and I was never in danger.” I stood and put some distance between us. “Pockets,” I instructed my little monsters.

  “Mommy don’t have no pockets,” Abe informed me logically.

  I glanced down at my shredded eveningwear and grimaced. He was correct. I had no pockets. I barely had a dress. Closing my eyes, I reimagined my beautiful dress. A faint heat surged through my body and a small burst of glitter burst from my fingertips.

  “Very good,” Bambi gasped with delight. “I like the one shoulder look far better than the halter.”

  “Mommy so pretty in pink,” Rachel gushed.

  They were spot on. Somehow my red halter had morphed into a hot pink one shouldered masterpiece. I had the magic—I was just missing the finer points of detail.

  “Whoops.” I shrugged and attempted a smile. Letting my head fall back on my shoulders I contemplated what I had done. Was it truly mercy? I had to believe it was . . . but why did I feel so awful?

  “Self-defense is a necessary reason to kill. Your life was far more valuable than theirs,” George said quietly.

  Again his misinterpretation bothered me. I could nod my head and be done. Who would be the wiser? The screaming souls? Doubtful.

  “It wasn’t self-defense. They asked me to end them and I did.”

  The silence was loud.

  “What?” Bambi asked. “You just killed them for no reason?”

  I felt ill. She was only voicing what I already thought, but she was wrong. I was wrong.

  “I corrected the sins of my father. These people . . . ”

  “They were hardly people,” the General sniffed dismissively.

  “I beg to differ,” I shot back defensively. Time to come clean. If they didn’t understand, they could do whatever they chose. As each minute passed I grew stronger. What I had done, while horridly distasteful, was the merciful thing to do. I could only hope that someday if I needed the same favor, I could find someone that cared enough to end me. “While they were by no means innocent, they had been at one time until my father took that away. With blackmail, murder and threats he destroyed their lives. They had no free will where this was concerned. None.”

  “They didn’t attack you?” George asked.

  “No, not in any real way.”

  “And you believe this fantasy they wove?” he demanded.

  I paced the cave. My anger rose and I was very aware the glittering gloves had appeared and my chest tingled. Calm down. Calm down.

  “I went into their memories. Something maybe Satan should have done if he wasn’t so fucking selfish,” I snapped. “And to be fair, there was very little to redeem them at this point, but they tried. Over and over they tried. I am of my father’s blood and he destroyed their spirit and their lives. All I did was give them the peace they were owed.”

  “And who owed them this peace?” George asked. His eyes narrowed. I was sure he took offense at my opinion of Satan or he was considering what was to be done with me. Whatever.

  “I did,” I shouted. “I owed them peace that no one else could give to them. I owed them the dignity in death that my father stole from them in life . . . and everyone can just fuck off.”

  Again with the silence.

  I squatted down and picked up my Baby Demons. They were quiet and still. Amazingly, I’d wished pockets into my beautiful dress. I gently tucked them in and turned to face the Hell Hounds.

  George was chuckling and Bambi was doing a bizarre doggie jig. WTF? Their reaction was alarming and incongruous and I wondered if this was the pre-Eat Astrid dance . . . I also realized the souls had been silent since I’d destroyed the Demons.

  “She is so far ahead of where she should be,” Bambi sang as she shimmied, if you could call it that, around George.

  “You are not what we expected,” he told me.

  “Yep, I get that all the time. You gonna eat me?”

  “I’m sorry, what?” George choked out.

  “If you’re going to eat me, I’m going to fight back, but I’d like to know so I can put my little monsters somewhere safe.”

  The third silence was a charm . . .

  “Um, no. We have no intention of eating you. We’re vegetarians.”

  “That’s not a well known fact,” Bambi chimed in. “So don’t let that get around.”

  “You are such a funny one,” the General said, loping toward me. “We would die for you. It would be lovely if you didn’t put us in that position, but we would gladly go there if necessary.”

  “You’re not going to eat me?”

  “No. You’re too chewy.” His eyebrows slapped open and closed as his huge body rumbled with laughter. “So very young to find the balance so quickly, but I should have expected no less.”

  “No less from what?” I asked, hoping to catch one of these freakin’ immortals off guard so they’d cough up their cryptic secrets.

  “Ah, I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. It’s like reading the end of a book after the first Chapter,” he explained.

  “How long is the book?” I asked.

  He considered me for a moment then gently rubbed his head against my leg. The comfort it brought me was immense. “The book shall be as long or short as you make it.”

  I knew better than to be snarky, but God, how I wanted to . . .

  “We should be getting back,” Bambi said. “She’s been missed.”

  George cleared his throat. At least I think that’s what that sound was—either that or a weird burp. “Astrid, I would suggest you cloak yourself.”

  “Why?”

  He rolled his eyes and I knew that’s as much of an answer as I would get.

  “Fine.” I matched his eye roll and upped it by half. “I’ll cloak. Anything else?”

  “As a matter of fact and self-preservation, yes . . . Do not act before you listen.”

  “You do realize that I’m not wired that way,” I said with a double down eye roll.

  “Yes, my child. I realize that, but I’d suggest you start rewiring now.”

  “Yes, sir.” I sarcastically saluted him and made myself invisible with a flick o
f my fingers. A shimmering door appeared behind them and cast a rosy golden glow on the depressing gray stone of the Basement. This time it wasn’t engulfed in flame. The Hounds waited for me as I circled the area where the Demons had stood and died. I whispered silent goodbyes to the beings that ceased to exist anymore. And I . . .

  “Wait,” I gasped. A chill shook my body and nausea overcame me.

  “Mommy?” My little Demons poked their heads out of my pockets in distress.

  “General, I need to see my mother.” Need was correct. I didn’t want to see her. I wasn’t even sure I could handle seeing her, but the pitiable small child that still lived somewhere inside me wanted to try to make amends. Again.

  “Now is not the time, child. There are things above that must be reckoned with before it’s too late. I promise I will bring you back.”

  My eyes filled with tears, not because I couldn’t see my mother . . . No. I was so relieved that I’d been forbidden for the moment I was embarrassed. After what I’d already done I had no clue if I was strong enough to face her. Covering my face with my hands, I tried to hold back the waterworks.

  “It’s good to cry,” Bambi cooed sweetly. “It’s never smart to face all your Demons in one day, dear. Too hard on the digestive system.”

  “I thought you were a vegetarian,” I blubbered through my tears.

  “Oh, dear Satan.” She giggled and rocked her head from left to right. “Too much stress can give you gas. It’s not lady-like to fart up a storm.”

  The laugh burst from my lips and my tears were now from joyous disbelief and disgust. I had no clue if she was serious or trying to cheer me up. I didn’t care, but made a mental note to stay clear of her bottom in taxing situations.

  ***

  The poker room was filled with Demons. The tension was thick and ominous and the eight guards had been joined by at least twenty more, but that wasn’t the interesting part. No, the interesting part was the show in the center of the room. The large ornate table had been tossed to the side of the room leaving a gaping hole in the plaster. Ethan held Lust by her throat with a dagger pointed at her heart. Satan stood back with his arms crossed over his massive chest looking highly displeased. Lust was babbling and crying. It was clear I’d missed all the fun.