Fashionably Dead Down Under

by Robyn Peterman

  Hemingway and Mister Rogers were no longer present, but Dante stood in the corner behind Greed, enjoying the potential bloodbath immensely.

  “I leave for ten minutes and come back to find this?” Satan bellowed.

  “My liege, let me destroy him,” Satan’s second, Cole said, clearly ready to make good on his threat.

  “Not quite yet,” Satan replied. “I hate to sully the house. Would you care to explain, Vampyre?”

  Ethan’s eyes slid casually to the Devil. “Not particularly,” he answered smoothly. The smile on his lips didn’t reach his eyes. “Why don’t you ask your daughter?”

  “I find that she has a tendency to lie. I’d much prefer to hear why you think it’s an appropriate idea to gut a Sin in Hell.”

  Satan stood as still as a statue and waited. Ethan matched his calm. The dagger was a mere thought away from Lust’s black heart. My instinct was to reveal myself, but I’d promised the General I’d listen. Fuck, that was a stupid pact, but I was well aware the Hounds, who had disappeared as soon as we were couched up from the portal, didn’t give unwise advice. I simply wasn’t sure how long I could follow it.

  “She tried to kill me,” Lust choked out. Her lovely face turned mottled red as she struggled for air. “She beat me. She’s jealous and unstable. Told me she’d turn me into a Vampyre.”

  WTF? Did she really think anyone would believe that pile of shit? She was a thousand year old Demon and I was a newbie half-breed. Only my curiosity kept me from unveiling myself and plunging the knife through her heart. I wondered if the blade could actually kill her.

  “Vampyre, you do realize that if you slay my child, you have signed your permanent death sentence.”

  “Beelzebub, you do realize if she has killed my mate that my life means nothing. Your threat holds no weight,” Ethan ground out and tightened his hand on her throat.

  “I have to agree that my daughter’s story has a few holes,” Satan said agreeably, as if he was discussing something as mundane as the weather. “Let her go and we shall get to the bottom of this.”

  Ethan laughed. “I am nowhere near as old as you, but if you take me for an ass, you are gravely mistaken.”

  “I do enjoy a man with a death wish.” Satan grinned and took a seat. “So how shall we solve this little dilemma?”

  “Have your spawn tell me what she has done with my mate.”

  “Do you plan to kill her when she submits to your demands?” Satan inquired, completely intrigued and bizarrely excited with the unfolding events.

  “Depends,” Ethan winked and Satan roared with laughter.

  “I hate you, Daddy,” Lust spat.

  “Well now, that’s just rude,” he said and tsked. “Address the Vampyre’s concerns and I might let you get away with whatever you’ve done this time.”

  “I told you she . . . ”

  “I am well aware of what you told me,” Satan said in an icy cold voice that made everyone in the room cower. “Now tell me what really happened.”

  “She hasss wha was mun.” Her voice was ragged and she was difficult to understand. Ethan had obviously increased the pressure on her throat.

  “Vampyre, could you let up just slightly on the trachea so we could understand her?”

  “The Vampyre is mine,” she gasped as she took in air. “She had what was mine and I pushed her to the Basement. She’s dead by now.” Lust smiled with smug satisfaction and tried to snuggle close to Ethan. OMG, she was insane and I was done hiding.

  “I call bullshit,” the Devil said, rolling his eyes. “This is utterly embarrassing. Lust, you are infantile. I suppose it’s partially my fault for spoiling you and your sisters, but . . . ”

  “Amen,” Amanda the consort muttered.

  The Devil whipped around so quickly the room temperature dipped. “I have had enough of your unacceptable sacrilegious pro-Christian narration, darling. Remove her. Now.”

  Three of the guards dragged a mortified Amanda from the room. No one made a move to comfort her or even acknowledged her rough departure with a glance. “Now, where was I?”

  “Call your mother in,” Ethan demanded, changing tactics. My man was smart. Gigi loved me and she would not be pleased.

  My uncle blanched and grabbed the back of the chair for purchase. Everyone in the room paled and glanced around in terror.

  “You have no idea what you ask,” Satan hissed.

  “Oh, but I do. Astrid found her quite delightful and I’m sure she’d have something to say about her disappearance. I’d be happy to call her myself.” Ethan’s smile now reached his eyes. Damn, he was hot when he got going. Hell, he was hot no matter what.

  Damnit, I’d learned nothing I didn’t already know yet . . . Ethan was hot, Lust was a lying sack of shit, Amanda was stupid and everyone was afraid of Mother Nature. It was difficult, but I stayed cloaked.

  “Where is Astrid, Lust?” Satan demanded. “This grows tiresome and I have no intention of losing another home because my mother gets called in.”

  “The Basement,” she said with glee.

  “Son of a bitch,” Satan roared and the walls trembled violently. Lust used the split second of chaos to get away from Ethan and began to chant a spell in the room that was going to be a doozy.

  My turn.

  Deciding that a grand entrance was in order, I created a tornado—a small but vicious little bastard. My Baby Demons bounced with glee in my pockets. The goal of the mini cyclone was to knock the smug out of Lust. Icy white and black crystals formed in the air and the wind started at a violent speed. Satan clapped his hands with delight and stood up. He put his hands up the way a child would on a roller coaster. He was fucking nuts. The rest of the Demons flew all over the room. The only immortals that stayed planted on the ground besides Satan were Ethan, Wrath and Dixie. I hadn’t realized my sweet cousin had returned. I had no time to contemplate the makeup of the group left standing. I had more important things to do.

  The screams and grunts were music to my ears, especially those of Lust. I flipped her and slammed her body against each of the walls. Her body flew like a rag doll around the room and I made sure her head connected with the massive silver chandelier as many times as possible. I knew she’d live . . . my purpose was not to kill, just to teach a little lesson. Most of the Demons had fallen to the floor and taken cover. This made me happy. I had no grudge with them. Lust shrieked and tried to use her magic to steady herself, but she was no match for a pissed off pregnant chick.

  “Alright, Astrid,” Satan yelled over the howling wind. “That’s enough.”

  Wait. What? How did he know that was me? I was still invisible . . .

  “Show yourself,” he demanded.

  I let the wind die down and revealed myself. The gasps of the windblown crowd made me think I’d lost my dress in the melee. Nope, still clothed. I held my ground and waited for my uncle to unleash his displeasure on me . . . or worse.

  “I didn’t try to kill her,” I said calmly and felt Ethan at my side. His relief was palpable. “She attacked me and pushed me to the Basement.”

  “I did not, you bitch,” she hissed as she tried to crawl to her feet. “You took what was mine and I punished you, which was my right.”

  “Can it, Lust,” Lucifer snapped, examining me with wonder. “You are simply delectable.”

  “Back off,” Ethan growled.

  Satan stopped, clearly alarmed and impressed with Ethan’s total lack of respect for him. “Not in that way,” he assured my mate. “I may have no morals, but family is off limits.”

  “Good to know,” I quipped. “Now about Psycho over there . . . ”

  “Yes, she’ll be taken care of,” he promised and tiredly ran his hand through his hair. “I shall see to her punishment myself.”

  That shut the entire room up, including Lust. Her bravado had disappeared and was replaced by naked fear. Wanting no information on what he might have planned, I nodded and accepted his offer.

  “I want to go home,
” I said.

  Satan considered me thoughtfully for a moment. He glanced around the room at the damage I’d done and winced. “At this very moment I’m tempted to send the both of you home, but I have a proposition. It shall wait till the morning. I’m quite worn out from all the excitement and I’m not used to losing at poker. I shall retire and see you in the morning.” On that note he disappeared taking everyone in the room with him except for Ethan, myself, Dixie and Wrath.

  “Holy shit, that was one hell of a trick,” I muttered looking around for everyone.

  “He does like to dazzle,” Wrath said. “That was an impressive display. Congratulations and nice hair.” With a slight movement of her delicate hands, she disappeared in glitter and smoke leaving the man I loved and the only Demon I trusted in Hell.

  “What’s wrong with my hair?” I asked.

  Dixie looked uncomfortable and Ethan bit down on his lip. Was I bald? I grabbed my head and felt hair. Thank you sweet Cousin Jesus in a tube top, it was still there.

  “It’s blood red,” Dixie whispered reverently. “It’s beautiful.”

  “What?” I shouted, grabbing a fistful and bringing the long wild locks eye level. Motherfucker, it was red—fiery blood red. I was not in the mood for this. I would have never conjured up anything in the pink or red family to wear if I’d known my freakin’ hair was crayon red. I must look ridiculous. Forget the fact that I’d just created an indoor storm and bounced Demons around the room like they were balls, I had horrific hair. The streaks were one thing, but my whole head . . . “Oh my God, this is awful. Are there salons in Hell?”

  “Um . . . yes,” Dixie stuttered, “but I’m pretty sure that’s not going to help.”

  “This is unacceptable,” I yelled. “I am wearing pink. I look like a walking fashion disaster.”

  “You are exquisite,” Ethan murmured in my ear and I shivered. He took my hand and his eyes blazed green. “Dixie, take us to our accommodations.”

  “Will do.” She grinned and led us to her car.

  Chapter 20

  “Shut the fuck up,” I laughed. “Mister Rogers won?”

  “Indeed he did,” Ethan said, lying back on the bed. “Satan’s face was priceless when Fred made his deal.”

  It was all I could do to pay attention to the conversation. Ethan was shirtless and edible and I was in a towel. After washing my hair six times I gave up on the notion that the heinous red might not be permanent. I chose to ignore Dixie’s unacceptable prediction and had her schedule an appointment at a salon. I crossed my legs and sat on my hands so I wouldn’t jump the Adonis reclined on the bed. I really did want to know what had happened.

  “So he has to go to lunch with his brother God and make nice?” I giggled as I pictured the scenario. Having not met my Uncle God yet, I still imagined him as I had when I was a child—long white beard, kind eyes and flowing robes.

  “Mister Rogers will join them and Hemingway finagled an invitation as well. He said he wouldn’t miss it for all the bull fights in Spain.”

  “Where will they meet?” I asked, wondering if God would let his morally corrupt brother set foot in Heaven.

  “Satan suggested a neutral territory, like Earth, but Fred and Ernest are dead and that could cause a few complications.” His grin of amusement sent the butterflies in my stomach into a tizzy. No one had the right to be so pretty.

  “Or a tabloid writer’s wet dream,” I muttered.

  “True . . . now you.”

  “Now me what?” I asked, knowing full well what he meant.

  “Tell me.”

  Did I want him to know what I had done? I did, but I feared the consequences. Could I tell him without having to speak? That might be stupid, but if he wanted me, then he had to want me warts and all. If I was being honest, I was testing him . . .

  “If I open the doors in my mind can you come in and see? I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”

  He hesitated. “You won’t be able to hide anything, not one single thought or feeling,” he warned.

  “I don’t want to hide from you. Ever.”

  His smile melted my insides, but unease consumed me. What if he was disgusted that I had shown mercy?

  “I won’t judge. I will just watch,” he said.

  “Famous last words,” I muttered and unlocked the door in my head. Seated in a chair across the room from him, I closed my eyes and pulled up the horrifically sad scene.

  What felt like eons later, I sat still and kept my eyes tightly shut. Leaning forward in my chair, my stomach churned and I waited for the bomb to explode. He had seen it all and I felt ill at having to relive it. As sure as I was that I had done the right thing, it was still heartbreaking and frightening.

  “Our son is amazing,” he said softly.

  I opened my eyes to find him kneeling in front of me. He was awed and his eyes blazed a brilliant green.

  “You don’t think I was wrong?” My voice sounded childlike and far away.

  “I think I have much to learn from you. Your compassion and bravery astound and humble me.” He put his fingers under my chin and forced me to meet his eyes. “You are my world and I love you.”

  The waterworks flowed freely and I threw myself into his strong embrace. His strength and beauty overwhelmed me, but his love almost incapacitated me. How did this man feel this way about me?

  His full lips gently feathered mine and I breathed him in. His scent made me dizzy with desire and his mouth was shorting out my brain.

  “You’re overdressed,” he murmured as his fangs grazed my collarbone.

  “I’m in a towel.” I giggled and let my head fall back to give him better access.

  “Exactly.” He ripped the towel from my heated body and stared. The need in his eyes matched the enormous bulge in his pants. My breath caught in my throat and my limbs went watery. “You are mine.”

  “And you are mine,” I said, slowly getting to my feet and pushing him toward the bed. “Stop. Don’t move.” I dropped to my knees and unbuttoned his jeans. The simple sound of the zipper coming down in the otherwise silent room was as erotic as anything I’d ever heard. “Hands behind your back,” I ordered as he went to slide his pants down his legs. “I’m in charge.”

  “For the moment,” he replied huskily and watched me through hooded eyes.

  I released him from his jeans and boxer briefs and came face to face with one of the most gorgeous parts of his body. I eyed the monster with delight and anticipation. A slow heat coiled in my lower abdomen as I put my lips on the head of his cock. His hissed reaction and muttered curses made me want to make him lose his mind—the same way he made me lose mine.

  I used my tongue to make him slippery and took my sweet time easing him to the back of my throat. The pool of moisture between my legs made me squirm, and his groan as I took him deep in my mouth made me tingle all over.

  “Astrid, stop,” he said gruffly. “If you don’t it will be all over before we begin.”

  “But you’re a Vampyre,” I teased. “You can go for days.”

  “This is true, but the first time I come tonight will be inside you.”

  In less than a second, he had me beneath him on the bed. I shrieked in protest and he pinned my arms over my head. His half smirk sent my girlie parts into fits and I wriggled beneath him for all I was worth.

  “Tonight I will make you scream,” he threatened. His fangs gleamed and his eyes were wild. “I will own you in every way a man can own a woman. Do you understand?”

  “You already do,” I gasped, more excited than I thought possible.

  “No.” He chuckled. “But I will.”

  I had no clue what he meant, but I didn’t care. I would willingly give him whatever he desired—over and over again. His lips latched onto my breast and he sucked my tender nipple into his mouth with a harsh pull. My back arched and my hips bucked. When he sank his fangs into the soft flesh I cried out in pain mixed with intense pleasure. He brought me to the point where the two meshed
and were indistinguishable. With my hands suddenly free, I raked my nails down his back. His muffled chuckle at my breast made me see stars.

  I was on the verge of an orgasm and he hadn’t even moved from my breast.

  “Ethan, I’m going to come,” I gasped.

  “Be my guest,” he said as he divided his attention between both breasts.

  And I did.

  Colors blew through my brain behind my closed lids and a scream tore from my lips. My body grew hot and everything clenched, drawing out the pleasure. It didn’t matter where we were, he was my home and he always would be.

  “I need to be inside you.” His hands grasped my wrists again and forced them over my head. I opened my legs to welcome him, but he spread them wider with his knees. Keeping my arms pinned with one hand he stroked himself and watched all the expressions flitting across my flushed face. “Do you want to be fucked?” he asked in a strained voice. The veins on his neck stood out and my fangs descended. My voice was raw from my screams and I searched for sound as he waited. “Answer me.”

  “Yes,” I croaked through my raw throat.

  “You’ll have to do better than that.” He grinned and stroked himself with more force.

  “Please,” I begged. “Please.”

  “Please what?”

  God, he was a bitch, but he knew how to crank all my buttons. Undulating beneath him, I tried to press the issue, but his restraint was massive.

  “Please fuck me,” I whimpered. Everything felt swollen and needy and I want him to take me, to relieve me, to fuck me until I couldn’t make a sound.

  “Not quite yet,” he said as he lowered his head between my legs. I gasped and tensed as I felt his fangs nip at my clit.

  “Ethan, I . . . ” I started, but his tongue took over and words left me.

  “Shhhh, don’t think. Just feel,” he purred and the rumble of his voice on my sex made me shudder. My hips rocked and I tangled my hands in his thick blond hair to pull him closer. His fingers dug into my thighs as his mouth did magic things.