A Cut so Deep (Thornes & Roses Book 1)

by Dani René

  I turn to regard her, my hands cup her face, and I gently press my lips to hers. It’s not desire-fueled, merely affectionate. And when I pull away, I see her smile.

  “Happy now?”

  “Yes,” she tells me with a grin brightening her expression. “You should learn to do that more often. I like it.”

  “Who put you in charge? Remember, Sweetheart, I’m older, I’m wiser, and I’m far more in control.” My voice dips lower. “Unless you’d like another punishment?” Her cheeks turn bright red at the reminder, and I nod with a grin. “See you downstairs.”

  Back in my bedroom, I shut myself in and breathe. Not once in my life have I felt so connected to another being. Yes, my brothers are my family; they’re blood, but she’s a girl who’s come into my life by some strange feat, and she’s broken down walls I had so carefully constructed over the years.

  I don’t know what Cass and Finn are going to make of this. Granted, my brothers have both noticed my possessiveness for her. So, it may only be me that’s been trying to act as if Nesrin isn’t mine. That she isn’t burrowed in my heart, in my soul. Everything about her is woven into the fabric of who I am.

  In the bathroom, I turn on the shower and step under the spray, before it has time to heat. My focus needs to be on the dance; in two days, we’ll be attending the ball. I’m still hard as the warm spray attacks my shoulders, and I can’t stop myself from fisting my erection, stroking slowly, as my other hand is flat against the cool tiles of the shower. My body shakes, trembling with need, as I close my eyes and picture her beautiful body.

  I wanted nothing more than to sink into her, but that will come, and when the moment is right, I’m going to kiss every fucking inch of her. The caramel skin that taunted me last night was enough to have me rock hard; even through my sleep, I couldn’t stop my desire for her.

  I watch my release spill down the drain, and I wonder briefly if I’ll be able to feel her without a condom. It’s not something I’ve ever done before. I’m always sheathed, but with Nesrin, I want to connect with her on more than just a physical level, I want so much more, and I know I can’t bank on it lasting forever.

  I dry off quickly and dress in a pair of black jeans and a navy-blue shirt. Buttoned up, I slip a belt through the loops of my pants. Once my boots are on, I’m out the door and walking down the hallway when I walk into Gen, as she exits Finn’s bedroom.

  Her fiery red hair is messy, her lips look like they’ve been kissed all night. But it’s her eyes that have me halting. The shimmering tears that sparkle in her green eyes tell me my brother has done something to piss her off.

  “What’s going on?” I ask, nearing her, as we come to the top of the staircase at the same time. I stop, leaning against the balustrade, I cross my arms in front of my chest.

  “Nothing,” she mumbles, pulling on her sandals, taking the steps two at a time. Instead of following her, I head to Finn’s bedroom and shove the door open. He’s naked, standing at the window smoking a joint.

  My brother’s been a rebel since he turned thirteen, and I walked in on him getting his first blowjob. When he was sixteen, we overheard a girl screaming in his bedroom, and when Cass and I walked in, we found them banging against the wall. She was definitely a loud one.

  “What the fuck are you doing with Gen?”

  Finn doesn’t pay me any attention; he slowly finishes his smoke, then turns to the bed and flops down on the mattress. Having him at home has been good, I didn’t think he’d stick around once he finished school, especially with how our father acts, as if we’re a burden on him.

  “Finn, I’m fucking serious. You should not be—”

  “Like you didn’t fuck Gen?” he challenges. “Listen, I’m having fun. Got my dick wet, time to move on.”

  “Gen isn’t the kind of girl who lets go easily,” I tell him. I thought she was a one-night-of-fun as well, and it turned into something I wasn’t expecting. She wanted love, and all I had to offer were orgasms. I regret getting pulled in deep, but, at the time, it was what I needed.

  “She walked out. Didn’t she?”

  “What did you tell her?”

  Finn crosses his arms behind his head and peeks at me from under his dark lashes. There’s a smirk of satisfaction on his face, but then I realize he’s not looking at me. I turn to find Nesrin staring at him, her mouth an O of shock.

  “Go wait downstairs,” I bite out in frustration. She shouldn’t have seen him like this. It’s my fault for not closing the door, but I wasn’t thinking straight when I saw Gen walking out of my youngest brother’s bedroom.

  “I think your girlfriend just realized she got the short end of the deal,” Finn says, with a chuckle, and I’m tempted to throw something at him.

  “Put some fucking clothes on,” I grit, spinning on my heel. I head out into the hallway, before slamming the door behind me. He infuriates me at times, but he knows that even when I’m angry, I love the asshole.

  I take the steps quickly and find Nesrin talking to Joy in the kitchen. The arch of Joy’s golden brow tells me she heard things I’d rather she not know about.

  “Good morning,” I greet her, before grabbing my mug and filling it with coffee. I am going to need this injected straight into my veins today. I’m tired.

  “Are you boys fighting?” Joy always hated when we argued. I think she saw far too many nights with my mother and father at odds. Their fights could go down in history. Volatile and drenched in hate.

  “No. Finn’s being an asshole.”

  A swat of the dishtowel hits me right on the ribs. “Language.”

  Nesrin giggles when I apologize to Joy, but the moment my gaze lands on my girl, she notices the look I’m giving her which is a don’t you start look.

  “These boys are responsible for my gray hair,” Joy tells Nesrin, who nods in understanding.

  “I can only imagine.” My girl decides to respond, but she knows the moment I have her alone, I’ll be punishing her for that. Last night, she seemed to enjoy it. And so did I.

  “Let’s go, wild rose,” I tell her, as I grab another mug, fill it, and head out the door and toward the gym. Our ground floor has two offices, one music room, and a gym, which my father put in at the request of the three of us when Finn turned sixteen. He didn’t see the point in it but, after a while, agreed.

  I set the mugs down and watch Nesrin walk into the room. She’s dressed in a tight pair of yoga pants that will, most certainly, have me distracted for most of the session. Her tank top doesn’t help either. It’s tight, showing off the fact that she’s not wearing a bra.

  Fuck me.

  26

  Nesrin

  “What the fuck are you wearing?” he grits angrily, blue eyes sparking with annoyance, but my mouth tilts into a smile.

  Glancing down, I shrug nonchalantly, because the desire to push him to admit his feelings has my stomach fluttering. “Clothes.”

  His glare pins me to the spot, the fire that dances in those endless pools scorch me. But he doesn’t say anything more. Instead, he moves to the stereo that Cassian and I used and flicks it on. The speakers come to life and, soon enough, the large gym is filled with the melodic sounds of Dan Owen singing “Made to Love You.”

  The sound of the piano fills the large room. But the space seems so much smaller when Damien turns to regard me. He crooks his finger, calling me closer, and my feet obey, taking me along, as I close the distance between us. I stop inches from him, our bodies close, but not touching. Damien raises his hand, and I slip mine into his. The heat sears me, but I swallow back the desire and breathe.

  His other arm snakes around my middle, and soon, we’re practically floating across the soft flooring of the gym. The only sound, besides the song that’s echoing around us, is our rhythmic breathing.

  Damien leads with confidence, his hands warming me where they grasp. His eyes lock on mine, a smirk curling his lips perfectly. He’s poised and confident, with squared shoulders and a spine that’s s
trong and straight.

  Everything this man does captures me. My attention is glued to him, as he sways through the room like he owns it. As if everything is merely in his way, instead of the other way around. And I know the night of the ball, it will be the same. He’ll lead, and I’ll follow.

  When the song comes to an end, we stop. The stereo continues, the next song comes on, and I’m once more gripped in his arms, like I’m his lifeline, instead of him being mine.

  Sara Phillips sings about “The Way You Move”, and that’s exactly what I feel. His body and mine are a symphony, molding together, and moving like we’re one, instead of two. My heart leaps into my throat when Damien spins me around, before catching me in a hold that dips me backward. I feel like I’m falling, but certainly not physically because he’s holding onto me.

  “You’re beautiful,” he says suddenly. When he pulls me back up, my hands land on his chest, my body flush with his, and I can feel the hardness of him prodding my stomach. Even though I’m barefoot, and I’m more than a head shorter than him, I feel like I’m on top of the world being in his arms.

  “You’re quite the dancer,” I respond, unsure of what else to say to him. I can’t move, because he’s holding me so tight. But I find myself wanting to be there, in his grasp.

  “I learned at a young age. Growing up in Thorne Haven, I needed to keep up appearances.” There’s sadness lacing his tone, which makes my heart ache. Even though I still have no clue what we are, I know that I’ll always care about him.

  “I like hearing about your life,” I tell him honestly. Blue eyes pin themselves on mine. “I mean… I just don’t know much about you and Cass and Finn.”

  “There’s not much to know.”

  “I think there is a lot more that I don’t know,” I tell him, with our soundtrack playing in the background. A small smile curls his lips. The dimples I’ve come to love, appear, and I can’t help myself from grinning.

  “I don’t know what you do to me,” Damien tells me.

  “I think we both make each other feel,” I admit. I’m not saying I love him, and I’m not under the impression he could love me, but I know he cares for me.

  “Feel,” he tastes the word on his tongue. His voice rumbles through me like it always does. It’s as if he and I are connected. “I know what I felt when I saw your scars.” His gaze sweeps over my face: from my forehead, to my eyes, down to my mouth, then they snap back to my stare. “Rage, fury, frustration. Everything I couldn’t explain with words.”

  “So you… so you punished me?” The air in the room shifts, it’s stifling. I can’t think straight with him so close. The song changes suddenly, which forces me to glance at the stereo.

  Andrew Belle sings “In My Veins,” as we move. And it truly feels as if Damien is inside me. It’s the strangest feeling, this connection we have is all-consuming.

  “I wanted to do so much more, I wanted to hurt you, to make you cry. I wanted to see you ache and hear you beg and plead.” The words take on a husky tone. “I don’t know how this will ever work.”

  “I know it can’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you’re meant to be my stepbrother. My mother will never allow us to be like this. To be together.”

  “You’ll have to be my favorite secret,” he tells me, and there’s no hint of a joke in his voice. My mouth opens, then shuts, and I’m flustered at the thought of being with him in the future. I was prepared for this to end in a week. I believed the moment our parents walked in, we would become platonic, even though I had no clue how I’d be able to do that.

  “Don’t all secrets come out in the end?” I ask, curiosity lacing my words. His gaze flickers with knowing, we both know this could end tragically. I know I’d be broken, but Damien, he’d be okay because he’s stronger than I am. I think.

  “They do,” he acquiesces, with a nod, as he turns us around. We move across the floor to the song. It’s slow, but it’s beautiful. Damien gifts me a smile; it’s not so much sad, as it is worried. He does look like he’s feeling more for me than I originally thought. “Let’s enjoy our time together,” he says, as the song comes to an end. “And when we reach the bridge of no return,” he whispers, “I’ll take you with me.”

  My heart skips a beat, and I want to tell him not to make promises he can’t keep, but instead, I smile and press a kiss to his lips. It’s chaste, but it lingers for a moment longer than normal.

  I don’t know how I’ll say goodbye to him, but I know he’ll be the one cut that’s too deep to heal from.

  27

  Nesrin

  When I asked Cassian to take me to the store to buy a dress, Damien almost lost his mind. But I did remind him that I needed to do this on my own. Even though I’ve shopped for fancy clothes before, this trip is special. I want to surprise Damien when he sees me in the dress.

  He mentioned he’d be buying the masks, so that part is sorted. I glance up, taking in my reflection in all three mirrors that surround me. It’s perfect. The deep royal blue shimmers like a million stars have been sewn into the material.

  The back is non-existent, which I’m sure will have Damien telling me I’m not allowed to wear it, but this is my gown and my night. I want to feel beautiful. With most of the back cut out, the gentle material runs in an arch along the base of my spine and up along my sides, leaving my whole back visible. All that holds it together is a short zipper that snakes over my butt, and the long flowing floor-length gown feels as if it’s painted against my hips.

  My tanned, caramel skin looks amazing against the dark blue. The front is less revealing, and thankfully, I don’t have to wear a bra. The V that dips between my cleavage is held together by five strips of material. And the halter neck hugs me tightly.

  Opening the dressing room door, I step out, and Cassian glances up. His face is a picture; I wish I had a camera to capture his expression. Steel eyes shimmer with amusement.

  “What?”

  “Damien’s probably never going to allow you out of the house looking like that,” he tells me earnestly, and I don’t doubt him. The possessive nature of the eldest Thorne is no secret. And if Cassian says it, I know I have a fight on my hands.

  “I know. But he’ll see things my way, I have my arguments ready,” I tell him, spinning around, so he can look at the whole outfit. “

  “Jesus,” Cassian murmurs. “If you weren’t into D, I’d have to give you my best lines to get you in my bed.”

  I stop twirling, staring at Cassian in shock.

  “What?” Cass shrugs guiltily. “A man can only take so much. You look gorgeous,” he tells me.

  “Thank you.” I look at my reflection, once more, before I change back into my jeans and tee. Once I find the right shoes, we pay, and we’re back in the car. I’m not one of those girls who takes hours to find the right outfit, but this had to have been the quickest shopping trip I’ve ever had. The moment I walked into the boutique, my eye caught the blue, and I knew I had to have it.

  In the car, Cassian’s silent for a short while before he says, “My brother is falling for you.”

  I snap my gaze at him in shock. “What?”

  “I’ve seen him over the years, watched him with girls. The longest he’s ever spent with someone was Gen. The redhead. But you’re different.”

  I turn toward him as my curiosity is piqued by what he’s just said. “How so?”

  “I don’t know. I can’t explain it, but you challenge him, which no other girl has ever had the balls to do. You question him, you make him think and, more importantly, you make him feel.”

  “I don’t know if feelings are a good thing. When our folks get back, it’s going to be hell if they know what we’ve been doing.”

  “But does it feel wrong?” He emphasizes the word feel. It’s something I’ve been pondering since the first time Damien’s lips touched mine. And honestly, I have to say no.

  “Not in the slightest. It feels right, it feels perfect when I’m wit
h him. I’m only used to what my mother is like.”

  Cassian chuckles. “If you think your mother is bad, she has nothing on my dad. He’s ruled this house with an iron first for years. When my mother walked out, she took his heart along with her, and we were left with the cold, aloof Bradford Thorne.”

  Sadness laces his words, and for a moment, I’m upset that they had to go through that. But, then again, they’ve grown into men who are strong and resilient. They don’t need anyone to look after them. I see it as a good thing.

  “My mother offered to allow me to go to Oxford next year. When the school year starts, I could be in England.”

  “You’ll be near Damien,” Cassian offers, with a sly grin. “I think you should go. My brother may not admit to a lot, but I can see how much he cares for you. I’m not sure he’ll ever be able to love, though.”

  “What happened to him?” I’ve been curious to know about his past, and Cassian seems happy to give me some insight into Damien. “He’s never spoken about anything other than The Black Knights. I don’t know if he was ever with someone who, perhaps, broke his heart.”

  “It was my mother.” Cassian’s words sink into my chest, slicing right through my heart. “When he was fourteen, he witnessed my mother and father fighting. I was locked up in my room, so was Finn. Damien had sat on the top of the stairs, listening to them bicker, which turned into a full-blown argument.”

  “And now he believes love doesn’t last?” I stare at Cass who glances my way as we pull up to the house. While the wrought-iron gates swing open, he nods. “I guess it makes sense.”

  “He believes that love is a lie. He always has. But what he doesn’t realize is that it’s an emotion that can’t be stopped or thwarted by walls you put up. But Damien is convinced it’s only a word people utter to get what they want.”

  “And if I said it to him, then he would think I’m being dishonest.”