Feel Like Makin' Love (Rock and Roll Trilogy #3)

by Stewart, Barbara

  “May I?” he asked and Matthew nodded as Andy headed to the bedroom. He knocked lightly on the door and stuck his head in. She was propped up on pillows, gazing into the room, not seeming to be fixed on any one thing.

  “Hey sleepy beauty, may I join you?”

  “Sleepy beauty,” she laughed, “haven’t heard that in a longtime.” She patted the place beside her. He sat, putting his arm around her, drawing her closer.

  “I can’t think of a time when I’ve been more proud of you than I am at this moment.”

  “Why now, Papa?”

  “You and your mama, you are so different. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I just mean that she knew what you are going through wasn’t for her – it was too far along, and here you are, already donating the ponytail and about to embark on a new journey, allowing Kyliejo – someone who is probably just days away from what you’ve experienced the last few days – to join you, to make it easier for her when it happens. I love you so much. I love the passion that is in everything you do. And I am proud to call you my daughter.”

  “Those aren’t just words,” Carlee said. “It’s a place.”

  “Do tell,” he smiled.

  “Any man can be a father, but you, you are the best papa I could ever imagine, and I can’t imagine my life without you. You are a place in my heart.”

  ~ ~ ~

  They sat quietly a moment and suddenly she shouted out, “I’m hungry!”

  “That’s a good thing!” Matthew said as he entered the room.

  “All I have to do is mash the potatoes and it’s ready. Andy cooked the meat, and made the gravy,” Geni bragged from the kitchen.

  Matthew helped her dress, and they went to the table. Geni looked at Carlee; the curly hair was flipped to the side covering the area where her head was shaved, and she couldn’t imagine her shaving it off, but that’s Carlee.

  “Papa, you are getting pretty good at this cooking thing,” Carlee laughed.

  “You just get good at the eating thing,” he said in reply.

  ~ ~ ~

  Sunday morning when they woke, Carlee felt pretty good. She sat at the kitchen table with Matthew and enjoyed, but slowly sipped a cup of coffee. “You sure you want to do this?” he asked.

  “Yep. Partly because I just want to get it over with. Plus,” she said apprehensively, “It will be good for Kyliejo to see.”

  Suddenly in his head, Matthew saw Carlee as the best mother he could ever imagine, and he prayed.

  “How ‘bout a shower?” she asked, raising her eyebrows as she did.

  “Frisky, are ya?” he laughed.

  “Ya never know. When the opportunity rises, I gotta grab it and hold on!” As she said the words they both roared with laughter, a sound that had been absent lately.

  ~ ~ ~

  When Andy and Geni arrived, Carlee had on make-up, and she looked beautiful. She was wearing shorts and a teal tank top. Geni thought it brightened her face and made her even more beautiful, and she felt a lump in her throat. There was a knock at the door, and Geni opened it to find Kyliejo and Johanna Smithson.

  “Come in, Carlee is waiting for you!” Geni said. “We’re going to the bedroom, follow me.”

  Matthew had a purple backdrop set up on one side of the bed and spread white sheets over the bed covers. He decided that they would sit on the bed, with Carlee in the middle. He called Thomas and Angela the evening before and told them what they were doing and asked if they thought Percy and Megs would be OK seeing it. They thought it was a good idea.

  “I don’t want to say these words, but now that this has touched all of us, the girls need to know what’s going on. I think Carlee’s passion will show, and they won’t be scared,” Thomas said.

  Matthew had both his and Carlee’s laptops with the video application open. Thomas, Angela, and his girls were on one… Brian and Malia were on the other. He also had a recorder set to video the whole thing.

  “Good morning!” Carlee said as Kyliejo and Johanna entered. “I’m so happy you came!”

  Geni showed Kyliejo the screens where Percy and Megs waited and introduced them.

  “Are you ready?” Matthew asked.

  “Yep, let’s do this thing!”

  “Are you sure?” Geni asked, and Carlee nodded. Matthew handed the shaver to her.

  “OK, here goes…” Geni said. She took two swipes, while Matthew took several pictures. Carlee looked beautiful. Geni handed the razor to Andy, but he hesitated. It was quiet a moment, bordering on awkward.

  “Come on, Papa, you can do it!” Carlee urged.

  He made a swipe and watched the hair fall to the bed and held his breath.

  “It’s OK,” Carlee said. “Remember, it’s just hair…”

  Finally, he made the second swipe. Geni took the razor back and shaved all but a patch across the top of her head, from the forehead to the back. She then took scissors and cut the hair that remained short. “Mohawk,” she said. Kyliejo and Carlee laughed, and she could hear Percy and Megs giggling.

  Finally, Geni gently shaved the remaining hair. “Hand me a mirror please,” Carlee said.

  She held her breath and closed her eyes. I won’t cry, no matter what, she chanted the new mantra to herself. Finally, she opened her eyes.

  The others looked on and waited. “Bald is beautiful!” Carlee laughed and it was genuine laughter. Matthew got shots of her reaction too. She ran her hands around her bald head. “It feels funny!”

  She looked at the markers lying on the bed. “You first, Papa!”

  Andy took a red marker and drew a large heart on the back of her head. Inside he wrote ‘I LOVE YOU.’

  Then, Geni washed it off, and with a blue marker in her beautiful handwriting wrote the word, ‘HOPE.’ “It tickles,” Carlee laughed.

  “Smiley face!” Percy yelled and Geni washed her artwork off and drew the smile, and then added a tongue so the smile was sticking its tongue out.

  “Flower!” yelled Megs. Geni washed the smiley face off and asked Kyliejo if she wanted to take a turn.

  She nodded and took the blue and green markers and drew more flowers. Johanna was afraid she would be scared, but it appeared that she was having fun. And she noticed something deeper - Kyliejo was thinking about something.

  “Mom, can you take a few pictures?” Matthew asked.

  “Sure,” Geni said and took the camera.

  He washed Kyliejo’s flowers off. With the red marker he wrote ‘Matthew’ and then drew a heart and filled it in.

  “That really tickles!” Carlee laughed.

  Under the heart he wrote ‘Carlee.’ He kissed the top of her head, and Geni got several shots of all of it.

  Percy and Megs were giggling and laughing over the whole thing. Angela and Malia, Carlee noticed, were crying.

  “That was exhilarating!” Carlee said. “Now I don’t have to worry about what’s going to happen next!” She noticed that Kyliejo was quiet. “Kyliejo, are you OK?”

  She looked at Johanna before she replied. “My hair’s gonna fall out too, right?”

  Johanna held her breath. “It didn’t before, but this time is different,” she said and nodded.

  “It’s just hair, right Carlee?” she asked.

  “It’ll grow back,” she replied.

  “I want to shave mine off too,” Kyliejo replied.

  “Oh, Kyliejo, are you sure?” Johanna asked.

  “Yes ma’am. I think this is easier than finding it everywhere, right?”

  “It’s your hair,” Johanna said and started to cry.

  “It’ll be fine, Mum,” she said. “Do you want to do it?”

  “Kyliejo, I’m afraid.”

  “Carlee, can you start and then Mum can have a turn?” Kyliejo asked with a smile.

  “I’d love to! But I have to warn you, it really tickles!”

  Matthew helped her onto the bed with Carlee, and everyone watched. Carlee looked to Johanna; she nodded, and Carlee made the first swipe, right down the mid
dle, front to back. Kyliejo laughed.

  “It does tickle!”

  Carlee put the shaver down a moment and picked up the yellow marker. “You know, yellow is my favorite color,” she said.

  “It reminds you of sunshine,” Kyliejo said as Carlee started to draw.

  “You’re going to draw already?”

  “I want to do this so Matthew can get a picture. Ready?”

  Kyliejo nodded, and Carlee took the bright-colored marker and started at the back of her head at the hairline, coloring in a heavy line all the way to the to her forehead where she put a point like an arrow. She then took the blue marker and wrote in pretty cursive handwriting on top of the yellow - This is an amazing person!

  Matthew took several pictures and showed them to Kyliejo. After she looked, she threw her arms around Carlee’s neck. “I love that! C’mon Mum, your turn!”

  With great dread, Johanna took the shaver, and they all watched. “I’m scared.”

  “You can’t hurt her, if that’s your fear,” Carlee said. “Let me hold your hand. Show me where you want to start.”

  Johanna allowed Carlee to guide her hand. She chose to do as Carlee had done to the left of the area already shaved. Carlee began with her, but slipped her hand away. Johanna made the pass with the shaver and then another on the right, and Kyliejo giggled the whole time. Finally, she completed the task. She left what Carlee had written and drew hearts and flowers all over her head as Matthew took pictures.

  Johanna leaned to Carlee when she was done and whispered, “Thank you, for all of this.”

  ~ ~ ~

  They signed off the computers and Matthew asked Carlee; “do you feel up to more pictures, or we can wait,” he said.

  “Kyliejo, do you want some pretty pictures now?” she nodded and turned to Geni and Johanna. “Are you to ready to tie some fancy scarves on us?”

  “Let’s do it!” Geni said.

  Matthew got some beautiful shots of Carlee, Carlee and Geni, Kyliejo, and then Carlee and Kyliejo. He saw some beautiful images as he peeked at them. He also saw that Carlee was looking tired.

  “I think that’s a wrap ladies! I’ll show you the pictures later,” he said.

  ~ ~ ~

  “I’m getting hungry,” Carlee said after a while.

  Andy and Geni went to the kitchen to get dinner ready. Kyliejo went to the living room with her mom, and Matthew started to clean up. He noticed Carlee pick up a handful of hair.

  “You OK?” he asked her.

  “Yes,” she said and smiled at him. “It’s only hair…”

  ~ ~ ~

  After dinner, when the meal was cleared away, they all settled on the sofa, and Matthew prepared the slideshow to run on the TV. “Ready?” he asked and they all said yes.

  Carlee snuggled up against him as they watched. Some were fun, some were beautiful, but with each picture they viewed, Carlee was more delighted that they had done it. And with each image they saw, Matthew loved her more. Johanna seemed to enjoy Kyliejo’s glee over the whole thing when she saw the pictures.

  Finally ready to call it a night, everyone said goodnight. Andy kissed her and started for the door.

  “Papa, I love you,” Carlee said in a tone that made Andy stop.

  “What do you want?” he laughed, “I know that tone, you’re fixin’ to drip some sugar because you want something. What is it?”

  “Next time you cook, I want macaroni and cheese for dinner,” she laughed.

  He walked over and kissed her baldhead. “Bald really is beautiful,” he said. “I love you, sweet girl.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Geni got ready for bed. Andy was already lying there reading when she crawled in. “You got awfully quiet; everything OK?” she asked.

  He put what he was reading aside, and she curled closer. “She just blows me away, Geni,” he said.

  “I know, I wondered how you would respond. Hell, I wondered how I would when I picked that shaver up.” She smiled at him, and he wrapped his arm around her. Pulling her to him, he kissed the top of her head.

  “Geni…” he started, “I need to share something, but I don’t want it to make you uncomfortable.”

  “If it starts to feel that way, I’ll tell you,” she said.

  “I was thinking about her mama. I’ve learned a lot through this experience. With Beth, the cancer was too far along when they found it. She decided that she wasn’t going to seek any treatment, only comfort care. Watching Carlee go through this, I wonder how Beth would react.”

  Geni just listened.

  “Beth knew that treatment wouldn’t help, but she didn’t want Carlee to remember her with no hair, and here she is… shaving her head, bald as a cue ball, letting us draw it…”

  “Thank you,” he said finally.

  “For?”

  “For all of this, for Carlee, for us, for being here with me for them, for this afternoon… thank you,” he said again.

  “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t love them,” she said, and hesitated, “if I didn’t love you.”

  He pulled her into his arms and replied with those words he never thought he would ever say to a woman again; “I love you too, Geni.” Isn’t it funny how sometimes it’s something bad that brings two people close, brings them to a place where they share their lives? He thought again, something awful is what brought Carlee to my life…

  Chapter Fourteen

  After they were all gone, Carlee rested. Matthew saw earlier that it seemed she wasn’t feeling well and slipped her the meds as soon as he noticed. He joined her on the sofa after he finished cleaning up the kitchen.

  “You seem nice and mellow,” Matthew said.

  “I feel good. Thanks for druggin’ me up.” A heavy sigh escaped, and she continued, “After we sit here a while can we get a shower?”

  “I think I like that ‘can we get a shower’ thing – a lot,” he laughed.

  ~ ~ ~

  After he got her settled on the shower chair, he grabbed the shampoo and stopped. I guess we don’t need that. She giggled and said, “Wash my head and make sure all the marker stuff is off.”

  His hands gently rubbed her head, letting the soapy water run down her body. Suddenly she stood up.

  “Everything OK?”

  “Better than OK,” she said. “You sit down.”

  He did and she sat on his lap. “I like the way you think,” he said.

  “Show me what I’m thinking now,” she said.

  ~ ~ ~

  “Wow, what a shower!” Matthew laughed as she crawled in the bed.

  “I’ll say,” she snickered. She rubbed her head with the towel. “And it was easy, no tangles, no blow dry…”

  “I have to confess,” Matthew said. “I’ll miss those curls until I figure out what to do with my hands.”

  “I think your hands made out just fine without them,” she said and curled into his arms.

  “I want to tell you an idea that I had as I looked at the pictures. If I can brag, they are really good. I’d like to forward them to Dean Rollins. Who knows what kind of response these will get.” He said, and then added “or what kind of peace they could bring to someone struggling with their own hair loss.”

  “Matthew, I love you. I’m sorry we have to go through this, but I’m glad it’s you who’s walking beside me.”

  “I am blessed by you, Carlee. Not just your love - your strength and courage are amazing, and I’m a better person now than I was six months ago.”

  “Geez, Matthew, don’t make me cry.”

  “I just want you to know how important you are to me…”

  ~ ~ ~

  Monday morning when she woke, Geni found Andy at the table with the keyboard hooked to the laptop, and he was wearing a headset to keep the sound only for his ears. She watched and saw him, eyes closed, fingers delicately moving across keys, and she saw a different passion on his face. She slipped to the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee and returned to the table to get his cup.

&n
bsp; “Good morning,” he said, slipping the headset off.

  “What’re you working on?” she asked as she set the cup down for him.

  “Remember when Carlee was first diagnosed, I had some lyrics come to me?” he said and Geni nodded.

  “The other day when you and Matthew ran out to get the supplies to shave her head, she said something to me, and I woke up hearing it in those lyrics. I’m playing with it, sending it to Marco for some feedback and tweaks.”

  He unplugged the keyboard from the computer so she could hear. Again, his eyes closed, she watched him as he played the tune and began to sing.

  You’re a place in my heart

  It will never beat the same

  I remember the first time I saw you

  Sometimes it’s just a whisper

  But I always hear your name

  You’re a place in my heart

  With a smile that’s warmed me inside out

  It’s what this sweet life’s all about

  I’ve watch you in a crowded room

  I’ve seen sweet love glow and bloom

  You’re a place in my heart

  A blessing that’s turned my life around

  You’re a place in my heart

  That made that life a better place

  A place where I see my past,

  My now and the future ahead

  A place where happiness lives and gives and gathers…

  “Andy, it’s so beautiful. It was beautiful before, but now it’s even more so.”

  “The Blessing,” he said.

  ~ ~ ~

  Carlee was still on the upside of the medications, feeling really good, when Geni arrived to take her for treatment. When they entered the waiting area, Seth, the radiotherapy tech, was in the lobby waiting. “WOW!” he exclaimed. “WOW!” he said again. “Look at you!”

  Carlee laughed. “It was the drugs! Saturday morning was rough - Matthew finally had to fill those two prescriptions, and I got wild!”