If It Ain't About the Money

by Saundra

  “Yeah, I remember that day. And I swear that was so fucked up. Do you remember the time Felicia left me in the dressing room at Macy’s? I was so damn scared.” Isis had a grin on her face, but she was looking out into space. “The cops took me home in the squad car. I was scared the whole ride. I thought they might take me to jail.” She chuckled.

  “Hell, yeah, I remember that.” I burst out laughing. “Yo ass was traumatized. The next day at school you were still crying about it. I swear you were soft as hell.” We both burst out laughing at my comment. “Yep, shit has been crazy for us.”

  “Crazy since day one. Trust I get why you wouldn’t let Jackie in here. She ain’t changed. But you and I both know Penny probably wanted to see her. So you better not tell her that she was here. She might be mad at you for sending her away.”

  “I know.” I sighed, then lit up the blunt, taking the first puff. It relaxed me instantly. “In other news, Kirk took care of Rupp.”

  “Oh, snap, it’s done,” Isis said while reaching for the blunt.

  “Damn right, and I’m elated. Wish I could have done it myself. But it’s all good stank-ass motherfucker. I hope they put on his tomb ‘Revenge is a dish best served cold.’ ”

  “I’m glad it’s over. We don’t have to worry about his no more.”

  I inhaled the smoke deep that I had just taken in from the blunt. It was rejuvenating knowing that Rupp was no longer a factor. But I didn’t want to bring him up to Penny, so I would wait to tell her once she was one hundred percent. For now I would enjoy the satisfaction for the both us of knowing he would rot in hell.

  Chapter 40

  Isis

  My house was lit up with candles, and the scents were mesmerizing. I was a hundred and ten percent a candle whore. And I had a special connection with Yankee Candle—so special I could easily spend five to eight hundred on candles in one visit. Every saleslady in the store knew me on a first-name basis. Strolling through my living room, I took in the smell once again and smiled. The scents calmed me and boosted my energy level. Every day I would light a few of them, but today I had gone to the extreme and lit them all.

  Making my way back into the kitchen, I opened the oven door to check the homemade double-crusted peach cobbler that I had made with my hands from scratch. Pleased with the golden brown crust, I licked my lips, it looked so delicious. I couldn’t wait to take a bite, it was going to be delicious. Pulling my oven mitts over my freshly manicured nails, I reached inside and pulled out the scorching hot dish. Dinner was ready. Rico was due to arrive any minute. He was coming over for dinner. It had been an entire week since I had last laid eyes on him. He had been out of town for a week on business, and I missed him like crazy. With everything going on with Penny, I hated being alone. Every time I came home my house just seemed empty, especially with Rico being gone and knowing I couldn’t just go over to his place for comfort. But that would end tonight.

  I almost broke out running at the ringing of my doorbell. I swung the door open, lifted myself up on my tiptoes, and threw my arms around Rico’s neck. His arms felt so good around me.

  “Dang, I didn’t think you would miss me.” He chuckled. “If this the reception I get every time I come back, I’m going back out of town tomorrow,” he joked.

  “Don’t play . . . ’cause if you go I won’t do this.” I kissed him softly on the lips. He kissed me back slowly, then deeply.

  He lifted his head up and gazed into my eyes. “In that case I ain’t never leaving again.”

  “That sounds more like it.” I followed up with another quick kiss. “Now get in here.” I gently grabbed him by the hand.

  “Dang, you got the candles going.” He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around my waist from the back.

  “Yep, you like it? It’s my room of therapy. Relaxing, huh?”

  “No doubt, but not as relaxing as you. Damn, you feel so good, baby. I missed you.” He kissed the side of my neck, and I melted. If we didn’t eat now we never would, and I didn’t cook for nothing.

  I turned myself around and faced him. “I cooked, so how about you go into the dining room and I’ll bring the food in.”

  “Sure you don’t need my help?” he asked.

  “No, you go sit down. I got it.” I smiled.

  In the kitchen I fixed our plates and delivered them to the table. I placed Rico’s plate in front of him and he smiled. “Looks delicious, baby.” He referred to the T-bone steak, baked potatoes, and asparagus. I had thought about frying some fish and making some mustard greens, but I didn’t want to mix that scent with my candles. So I decided on steak instead.

  “That’s not all. I made you a homemade peach cobbler. It’s in there warming,” I bragged. This steak dinner was nothing I could burn; he had only tasted the surface of what I could do in the kitchen. Mrs. Tate didn’t play in the kitchen, and she had taught me everything she knew. So my cooking game was on point. “I’ll be right back; gotta grab the wine.” In the kitchen I claimed the merlot.

  “This is really juicy.” Rico forked a nice size piece of steak into his mouth. I loved watching him eat. His cheekbones did this cute move when he chewed. “What your secret?”

  “If I tell you, I might have to kill you.” I grinned, then tasted my asparagus. After dinner and dessert we moved into the den for drinks. I brought the merlot along so that we could finish off the bottle.

  “Baby, the merlot is nice but gon’ grab that Hennessy. I been on a long flight, and I need a shot.”

  “Guess that means it’s time for you to unwind. No worries. I got you.” I grabbed the Hennessy and a shot glass.

  “So how is Penny?”

  That was a question I wasn’t really sure how to answer, because in some ways I wasn’t sure. “She’s doing okay, still not talkin’ a lot like she used to, but she is talkin’ nevertheless. Oh, and she eats now, which is progress, because a week ago she would barely eat a piece of bread.”

  “Shit just fucked up. But it’s good that she eating, though. Just give it a minute and everything will eventually fall into place.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded my head in agreement. That was the same line the doctor kept forcing on us. At this point Secret and I were just waiting for it to happen. “Secret called today and said that she was going over to spend a night at Erica’s house. Secret wasn’t too happy about that, but she was relieved that she was going outside of the house, so she decided not to fuss about it.”

  “Yo, I’m glad she didn’t trip, because whatever works to get her out, I say just let it be . . . I had a cousin who was raped some years back. And for long time she was withdrawn and depressed, but eventually she got better. You all just got to keep supporting her. She’ll be cool.”

  “Thanks for caring, babe.” That was what I liked about him: he was caring, considerate, and full of respect. All those qualities went a long way with me. I wished I had paid more attention to that with Bobbi, because being with Rico made me realize just how selfish Bobbi could be sometimes.

  Rico took a sip of his Hennessy. “I know I said I wanted to take a shot, but I wouldn’t mind having an ice cube or two to put in it. Think you can grab me a few?”

  “Whatever you like, babe. Be right back.”

  I stopped in my tracks as I reentered the den. Roses were spread out on the floor and Rico was on one knee. I wasn’t sure what was going on, but I wanted answers and right away. “What are you doing on the floor?”

  “Isis, I know you are apprehensive about love, and I respect that.”

  This just could not be happening. We had just been through this speech. Sighing, I looked away. Here we were just having a nice dinner, and now this. I was not ready to discuss this again.

  “Isis,” he called my name but I fixed on the candles. “Isis,” he called me again. “Baby, please look at me,” he pleaded.

  His begging softened me, but only a little bit. Reluctantly, I faced him.

  “From the first time I laid eyes on you in that mall I have loved
you. I didn’t have a clue that I would see you again. But I knew then that you were the one for me. No one else . . . And today right here and right now, I’m asking you to please be my wife.” He pulled out a huge platinum diamond ring.

  I felt faint as tears flooded down my cheeks. The look in his eyes broke my heart, they were so full of hope. “Rico . . . I . . . I can’t and I told you . . . I told you before.” I slowly started to back up. He reached for my left hand, but I quickly moved it out of his reach.

  “I know what you said, and I want you to know that I heard you, loud and clear, but it’s time. It’s time for us to make a move for us. I have so many plans for our life together. I want you to move away with me, leave Miami and start new.”

  The look plastered on his face could break anybody’s heart. Every word out of his mouth he meant. But even that didn’t change my stance. How could I tell him that in any other way? God knows I had tried, but he had not heard a word I said, clearly. I felt backed into a giant corner with no escape. I needed to be alone.

  “Rico, I have to think about all of this. It’s just too much right now. I need time . . . Just let yourself out.” I dismissed him before running to my room. Locking my door, I fell into my bed and stared up at the ceiling for hours. I had to be one of the stupidest girls in the world. Constantly turning down a fine, young, successful brother. Some might even think I needed to be committed. But the fact of the matter was that I was totally sane, just unsure of when it would be okay to let go and trust again. Was the time now? I just wished I knew for sure. Damn, I hated Bobbi’s ass for ruining me and my ability to find love and admit it that it was actually love and to just trust that. “Ugh.” I punched my mattress, wishing it was Bobbi’s face.

  Chapter 41

  Secret

  After weeks of being holed up in her room, Penny had finally left her room and the house altogether. Erica had convinced her to spend a night at her house so they could just hang out. I was surprised Penny had agreed to go. They had been gone for about an hour, so I decided to take a hot bubble bath, roll up the kush, and relax. It had been a while since I had been able to solely lie back; from the time we came home from the hospital I spent all my time fussing over and tending to Penny. But she had made it clear before she left that she didn’t want me blowing her up. So since I was alone, I decided to unwind, but not long after being in the tub and hitting the blunt a few times, I found myself drifting off to sleep. Climbing out of the tub and drying off, I oiled myself up, threw on a pair of pajamas and a white wife beater, slid into a pair of my thick footie socks, grabbed my blunt, and climbed back in my bed. Picking up the remote control, I started to flip through channels to find something on television. The doorbell rang, and I froze. I wasn’t expecting anyone to come over.

  Tiptoeing to the door, I took advantage of the peephole. Now that I finally had some alone time, I really wasn’t looking for any company. And I was really surprised to see that it was Sway. I hadn’t heard from him since he popped up at the hospital. Taking a deep breath, I stepped back over to the alarm and punched in my code to unarm it. Unlatching the locks on the door, I swung it open.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Aye, I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d stop by.” I almost laughed at his dumb excuse for stopping by. He was too hood for a whack-ass line like that.

  “Really, so who do you know in this neighborhood?” I smiled.

  “A’ight, you got me.” He laughed. He knew I was only fucking with him. I had to admit he was looking delicious. “Are you gon’ invite me in?”

  “Why not, come on in.” I stepped to the side so that he could enter. His cologne ate my nostrils up as he walked past me. “Can I get you something to drink?” I really wasn’t sure what else to say. I was a bit caught off guard that he showed up unannounced like that. Normally I would check a nigga for something like that. But I wasn’t even feeling that.

  “Nah, I’m good.”

  “Well, come into the living room,” I invited. “So what’s up?” I asked as we each took a seat on each end of the huge sectional.

  “Nothing much doing, you know these Miami streets beat. But I’m a beast, as always, so I’m still running shit.”

  “No doubt. I know how you do.”

  “I would have come by sooner, but I been busy in these streets, And you know that’s a night and day job. How is Penny doing?”

  “She’s good. Getting better every day. She is strong. She out hanging with Erica.”

  “That’s what’s up. I knew she would be good . . . How you been?”

  “Ummm, same ole, tryin’ to stay busy and keep my nose clean.”

  “A’ight, well, you lookin’ good . . . I was wondering when you might think about letting me take you out?” That was the conversation I was not ready for. Not now.

  “I don’t know, Sway. I stay busy and all.” I really didn’t know what to say to answer that question. But I was not trying to go there with him.

  “We can work that out. I just want to take you out and kick it. You know, chill.”

  As fine as he was looking, I wanted to say hell, yes. But I had to have some self-control, and that shit just was not happening. “Listen, I wanted to thank you for coming and checking on me when Penny was in the hospital. I’ll never forget it. But I can’t do any more than that.” I had to keep it real. I was not sure why, but he seemed surprised. I knew then that whole hospital scene had given him hope. I would be sorry to say that it was false hope.

  “There is no need to thank me. I wanted to be there. I would have come by more often, but we were in a backwards place, and the last thing I wanted to do was make you feel uncomfortable. So I gave you your space.”

  “Either way, I was glad you came. But right now I can’t be committing myself to anyone. Besides, you got that baby mama, and she clearly ain’t ready to be respectful. And I don’t fuck wit’ none of that, because I would be in jail for attempted murder.” I had to keep it real, because if that bitch ever ran up on me like she did that night, I would kick her ass on sight, no questions asked.

  “Aye, I’m so fuckin’ sorry about that. And you ain’t never got to worry about that happenin’ again.”

  “Listen, I know you mean every word that’s comin’ out your mouth, but I can’t date you. I can’t. You looking for commitment and I’m not. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but it’s mostly about a good time and sex for me. My heart has taken an oath against seriousness; simply put, I’m not ready for a relationship, and I’m especially nowhere near ready to commit. You got your baby mama behind you. And clearly she loves you.”

  “That might be true, but I don’t love her. Shi’d, I don’t even want to be with her, period.”

  “That may be true as well, but you don’t respect me, because if you did you would have checked her for talking to me crazy.” I hadn’t meant to come for him, but I was not the best at hiding my emotions. More times than not, I said what was directly on my mind, taking out victims on my way down.

  “Listen, that bullshit she pulled that day was the crazy, off-the-wall shit she likes to do. But I don’t involve myself in that. I don’t mess with her, period, unless it’s about my child. She the one confused, and no, I don’t do shit to confuse her.” He tried to explain himself, and to be honest, I believed him, but that didn’t matter. The fact of the matter was that I would end up hurting him. I didn’t love him, and I couldn’t love him. My heart was like ice, just like Isis had said. The only interest I had for him was in the bed or just chilling.

  “Sway, you a good dude, that much I’m sure of, but I promise you, being in a relationship with me, it’s just not what you want. I won’t ever love you. All I do is chase money; that’s what makes me happy. Trust me, this is for the better.” I really wanted to say, “Sway, get the fuck out with this sentimental shit because I don’t have time for it.” If he wasn’t a dollar bill, love didn’t exist. He needed to put this relationship shit in a romance book, because a day of love in my
book was a blunt.

  “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He finally stood up.

  “I do,” I said. At this point I just wanted him to get out so I could chill alone. Sad but true. He leaned in and tried to kiss me at the door, but of course I moved my head back. Kissing him would only confuse things. The whole time we had been talking I had been thinking about taking him back and putting it on him before he left. But he was being such a damn crybaby about relationships, I said fuck it. Hell, he would only confuse that for love, so instead I turned my face to the left so that his kiss could meet my cheek. I wasted no time locking the door behind his ass. Now I was alone and had what I craved: peace and quiet.

  And I swear if another nigga stepped to me with his fucking heart in his hand, I would shoot him. Fuck love; they needed to be screaming cash money. Heading toward the hallway again, I almost screamed when the doorbell sounded off. Sway’s ass must have been back at my door. I didn’t know what that nigga had to say, but he was about to get cussed out. I told his ass to go home. That’s when I realized Sway was not crazy enough to knock on my door like that, because he knew I would curse his ass out. I paused for a brief second; the only thing on my mind was Penny. Was something wrong? Suddenly scared, I raced to the door and put my right eye to the peephole, revealing Isis. Snatching the door open, I felt relieved that it was not Penny, which meant she was probably okay. But I was just as anxious to know why Isis was trying to tear my door down. And for the life of me I wondered why she would never use her damn key.

  “What’s up?” I questioned. She blew past me like the wind. I followed her until she stopped at the bar. Pulling out a glass, she filled it to the top with Jack Daniel’s and took it straight to the head, no flinching or throat clearing. That Jack was strong as hell, so I didn’t know how she could pull that off. “You want a shot?” she asked, her eyes full of something that I couldn’t define. The whites of her eyes were red, which told me that she had possibly been crying.