by Ellis, Kay
“And you’re only telling me this now?” Killigan actually sounded indignant, which was funny really.
I snorted. “Would you have believed me if I’d told you before now?”
“No, probably not,” Killigan agreed. “But I believe you now. Rufus might be blind to the fact, but Marcie and me? We know you didn’t hurt Stefan.”
I scrubbed a hand across my face and sighed. Strangely, hearing Killigan admit he was wrong didn’t make me feel as good as I thought it would. Maybe it was a case of too little too late. It didn’t change anything. It certainly didn’t alter the fact that Killigan had come into my home and taken Stef away from me.
“What do you want from me, Killigan?”
“Tony’s going to give you money for a train ticket,” Killigan replied. “You need to come home, son, and help us sort this mess out.”
I thought about refusing. I had to resisted the urge to point out that I was not the one responsible for the mess we were in – that and the fact Stefan and I hadn’t called London home for a couple of years now. Thing was, I’d been looking for a way to get to Stef and Killigan had just handed it to me on a plate. It would be stupid to refuse out of stubbornness or pride or whatever. So, I agreed. What else was I going to do?
Killigan said to call him when my train got in and he’d pick me up from the station. I wasn’t looking forward to being alone with him, even for a relatively short journey, but needs must and all that. I promised to let him know and hung up the phone.
Tony was waiting for me outside the office, a wad of cash in his hand. I didn’t think anyone actually used real money these days, but I guess I couldn’t expect the guy to hand over his bank card and trust me not to take out more than my train fare.
“I’m sorry,” he said as he handed the cash over. “I should have believed you, but Stefan was just so damn convincing.”
“Yeah,” I said dryly. “He was.”
I went home to throw a change of clothes and my toothbrush into a bag, took a bus into town, and was on a train to London within an hour of Killigan’s phone call.
Thankfully, when I got to the other end, it was Marcie who met me at the station and not Killigan. Marcie I could deal with. There was no need to scrabble around searching for things to say when I was with her. Half the time, it was hard to get a word in edgeways, and all I had to do was sit back and let her do all the talking. Not that much of what she had to say was anything I wanted to hear. Mostly she talked about how worried her and Killigan were about Stef; how they thought he was depressed and possibly having some sort of breakdown.
Bloody Rufus wasn’t helping according to Marcie. That was hardly a surprise. I didn’t know why anyone thought he’d suddenly change the habit of a lifetime. The only person Rufus ever helped was Rufus, and by the sound of it he was currently trying to help himself to my boyfriend. Then he was giving everyone else a hard time because Stef wasn’t interested.
I bet the selfish fucker hadn’t even noticed the state Stef was in; or, more likely, he had noticed and just didn’t care. He probably saw how vulnerable Stef was and thought it gave him an easy way in. It made me wonder how far Rufus would push his luck if Marcie and Killigan were not around to keep an eye on things.
Killigan was standing outside when we pulled onto the driveway. As soon as the car stopped, I leapt out. I noticed Rufus in the open doorway, looking ridiculous in head-to-toe purple and with a full face of make-up. I blanked him out, and turned to face Killigan. There was something wrong. I could tell by his expression.
“He’s gone.”
“What do you mean gone? Gone where?”
I shoved past him and strode toward the house. I didn’t know what sick game they were playing, but if they thought they could stop me from seeing Stef they could go fuck themselves.
“Alex, he’s not in there,” Killigan said, chasing after me. “I’m telling you, he’s run off somewhere.”
Rufus suddenly seemed to realise I was heading straight for him, and he let out an undignified squawk before scurrying out of my way. The idiot might have a mouth on him, but he didn’t have the muscle or the balls to back it up. At least he had the brains to know running away was his best course of action.
I took the stairs two at a time, throwing open the door to each room. I knew which room he’d be staying in, but I had to be sure that they were not hiding him from me. All of the rooms were empty, including my old room where Stef’s clothes were spread all over the bed. He couldn’t have gone far if he hadn’t taken anything with him.
“Where is he?” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration. “Why would he leave?”
“I don’t know, son.” Killigan actually sounded as frustrated as I felt, although I didn’t know if it was Stef he was mad at or me. “I didn’t know he’d gone when I called you, I swear. I brought him up a cup of tea just a short while before you got here, and found his room empty.”
“Maybe he left because he knew you were coming,” Rufus said snidely.
“Rufus, that’s not helping,” Killigan said sharply. Fuck knows why that little shit had followed us upstairs anyway. He wanted to see me suffer, was probably getting a kick out of the whole thing. “Alex, he had no idea you were coming. Only Marcie and I knew and neither of us said anything. He didn’t go because of you.”
“Yes, he did,” Rufus piped up gleefully. “I told him you’d show up here sooner or later. He got out while he could.”
I gave up staring into Stef’s empty room as if I was expecting him to miraculously appear out of thin air and spun around angrily. Rufus yelped and dived into his bedroom. Killigan hesitated for a second before his sense of duty kicked in and he stepped in between us. If it wasn’t for the fact he was a copper, he’d probably have let me get to Rufus without any objection.
“Just get lost, Rudolph,” I snapped. “This is nothing to do with you.”
“I live here, you macho arsehole,” Rufus fired back from behind his Killigan-shaped shield. “So you get lost. And… FYI… Stefan was my friend long before he was your fuck toy. So there.”
“So there? What are you? Five?”
“That’s enough,” Killigan said, irritated. “Rufus, keep your big trap shut for two seconds, and, Alex, back off. I won’t have blood spilled in this house. You understand me?”
“Blood?” Rufus squeaked in alarm.
The bedroom door slammed shut. I guess he was remembering the beat-down he received at the hands of my former gang a couple of years ago. In different circumstance, I might have felt sorry for him. As it was, he was a selfish prick who’d spent the last two years telling anyone who’d listen that I was the one who’d beaten him up, as well as trying repeatedly to split up me and Stef. So, nah. Fuck him.
Killigan nodded to the stairs and we headed down, walking through the house to find Marcie. Unsurprisingly, she was in the kitchen, making mugs of hot chocolate, her go-to remedy for every problem, however big or small.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry,” she said, rushing over to hug me. “I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay,” I told her, returning the hug briefly and then stepping away from her. The woman was like a mother to me in a lot of ways, but I’d never been totally comfortable with close physical contact, at least not with anyone other than Stef. “Where would he go, Marcie?”
“You know him better than anyone, honey. Where do you think he’d go?”
“I don’t know anymore. Lately, I don’t think I know anything for sure, especially when it comes to Stef.”
Killigan took a mug of hot chocolate and leaned against the central island. “Under normal circumstances I’d expect him to run to you,” he said thoughtfully, “but now…?”
“He ran away from you,” Rufus sniped from the doorway.
The kid was putting a lot of faith in the fact I wouldn’t do anything to him in front of Marcie. Even so, he kept a safe distance between us.
“He ran away from you too, Doofus,” I said, pointing out the o
bvious.
“Amanda.” He scowled at me. “If he’s avoiding you, and he doesn’t want to be around me, that’s where he’ll go. To Amanda’s. What?” he said, suddenly defensive, when we all turned to look at him in surprise. “I care about Stefan too. I can help find him, can’t I?”
“Of course you can, sweetheart,” Marcie said, making me frown. That was what she called me. She wasn’t supposed to treat Rufus like a son as well. “Alex, do you want me to call Amanda and ask if Stefan is there?”
“No.” I shook my head. “She’d probably lie about it, especially once she knows I’m here. I need to turn up unannounced.”
“You won’t get through the door,” Rufus bitched. “She’s never liked you.”
“She’s never liked you either,” I fired back.
“Well, that’s settled then,” Killigan said with a smirk. “If Amanda doesn’t like either of you, then you can both go. If she sees the two of you together, she’ll understand how serious the situation is.”
“Fuck that!” “No way!” Rufus and I exploded simultaneously.
As if I’d be seen dead in public with that bitchy little queen.
“Well, that’s a wonderful idea,” Marcie exclaimed, beaming at the pair of us. “It’s about time you two boys got to know each other a bit better. Alex, you can take my car.”
“Marcie, love, he’s not insured to drive your car,” Killigan objected.
Marcie shushed him with a wave of her hand.
“Of course he is,” she said brightly. “I put him on it when he was living here and never got around to taking him off again.”
That was news to me. As far as I knew, I’d never been on her insurance, but she lived with a copper for fuck’s sake. She wouldn’t lie to him or knowingly break the law, would she?”
“The love of my life is a policeman,” Marcie continued cheerfully. “I know the law, Killigan, and it’s fine. Alex is insured to drive my car, so stop worrying about it.”
She lifted a set of keys from a hook on one of those wooden plaque things that spelled out the word ‘keys’, and handed them to me with a wink.
Well, okay then. Obviously, she would lie to her police officer boyfriend. It was for a good cause though. She was helping me get Stefan back. Although, I still didn’t see why I had to take the purple-clad nightmare along for the ride. It seemed pointless, when I already knew he wouldn’t be any help. Actually, if you asked me, Rufus’ whole existence was pretty fucking pointless.
“Thanks, Marcie, but why do I need to take your car? Didn’t Eric give his to Rupert when he left for America?”
“It’s Rufus, you dumbass,” Rufus snapped, a petulant look on his face. “And not that it’s any of your business, but I sold it.”
“Wow, that was quick.” I raised a critical eyebrow as I looked him up and down. “Please tell me you didn’t blow all the money on that god-awful outfit.”
“No!”
Jesus, was he actually blushing? I didn’t know he had it in him to be embarrassed about anything. I mean, look at the way he dressed.
“Not all of it,” he admitted, his blush spreading. “I bought an absolutely fabulous pair of boots and some video games too.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “and there’s nothing wrong with this outfit, thank you very much.”
“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. “Do I really have to take him with me?”
“Yes, you do,” Marcie and Killigan said in unison.
14
It took another hour before we were on our way. Yeah, okay, I admit it was down to me being petty and immature, refusing to go anywhere with Rufus while he was dressed entirely in purple. Then it took him a while to find another outfit, because he apparently didn’t own anything that wasn’t one garish colour or another. Eventually, however, he came downstairs in a pair of faded denim jeans that looked like they were painted on, and a long black ladies’ blouse that at least covered his package. It would have to do. I couldn’t do anything about his purple hair, so I’d have to put up with it. Even I had the brains to realise we were wasting precious time that could be better spent looking for Stef.
“Drive safely,” Marcie said, giving me a loaded look that I took to mean ‘please don’t get stopped driving my car without insurance’.
“Let’s go, Randolph.”
“Rufus, you idiot.” Rufus’ eyes flashed angrily as he climbed into the car. “You know what? Never mind. Some people are just too stupid to bother talking to.”
“Meaning me?”
“You’re the only one around here who can’t get my name right. Who do you think I mean? It’s two syllables. Five letters. How hard can it be?”
“You want to know why I can’t get your name right?” Fuck, this journey was going to be a barrel of laughs if all we were going to do was bicker the whole time. “Because I don’t want to. Because I like seeing that look on your face – like someone shoved a stick up your arse – every time that I say it wrong.”
“Some of us like having a stick up our arse,” Rufus said dryly. “Not you though, Alex, right? I bet you’ve never once let Stefan top you, have you? And you know why that is? It’s because you’re the same homophobic thug you’ve always been. I bet you’re not even really gay.”
“Shut the fuck up.” Seriously, where did the guy get his insane ideas from? I knew he hated my guts, which was fair enough when I hated his too. I knew he’d never wanted to accept my relationship with Stef, but to say he didn’t believe I was gay? He had to even more delusional than I thought. “I live with a guy, moron.”
“A guy who looks like a girl,” Rufus pointed out. That little prick. Stef had denied it, but I’d known all along bloody Rufus was behind all his insecurities about his appearance. “Admit it, Alex. That’s the real reason you’re attracted to Stefan isn’t it?”
It wasn’t. Stef’s long blond hair, almond shaped emerald coloured eyes and slim figure were not the reason I loved him. At least, I didn’t think they were. There was more to our relationship than physical appearance. Shit, if Stef had judged me based on my looks he’d have run as far and as fast as he could to get away from me. Except, wait… he was running away from me, wasn’t he?
“I love him,” I growled, annoyed at having to explain myself to Rufus of all people. “He loves me.”
“Oh, please. You’re not even his type.”
I realised I was speeding and eased my foot off the accelerator. Driving angry wasn’t going to get us anywhere except wrapped around a lamp post. Rufus was so fucking infuriating though. The sooner we got to Amanda’s the sooner I would be rid of him. He could find his own way back to Marcie’s, otherwise I might end doing what he’d always accused me of anyway, and batter him senseless.
“You know what I don’t understand?” I said, genuinely mystified. “How can a guy who goes around telling everyone he’s terrified of me, not have any fear when it comes to shooting off his mouth and deliberately trying to wind me up?”
“You know what I don’t understand,” Rufus mimicked. “Why Stefan would run away from you if, as you claim, you’ve never been violent towards him.”
“I don’t know. I wish I did.” I sighed. Out of everybody, why did it have to be Rufus I was stuck with. He’d never give me a straight answer to any of my questions out of sheer spite. “Things have been different since Eric left. That’s when Stef started to change.”
Rufus looked surprised that I would confide in him like that. I couldn’t blame him. I was surprised myself, but I was so sick and tired of fighting with him. All I wanted was to find Stef, sort out whatever this mess was he’d gotten himself into, and get him home where he belonged.
“Do you think something happened between them?” Rufus asked. Typical that would be the first place his mind went. “Did they sleep together?”
“No, it was fine when Eric was there. Stef was his usual happy self and Eric was all loved up with Mason. That wasn’t a dig at you,” I added, when he scowled. “It’s just a fact. Eric was alre
ady in America by the time all this with Stef started.”
“I probably deserved it anyway,” Rufus said, turning his face to the window. “I pushed Eric away, I know I did, but it still hurt that he was so quick to move on with someone else.”
Well, look at us sitting here talking like grown-ups; actually being civil to one another for the first time ever. It didn’t mean I liked the guy. We were never going to be friends, but getting through an entire sentence without an insult being thrown had to be considered progress.
“I’ll tell you what else I don’t understand.” Might as well keep going now that we were on a roll. “When I told Stef I would protect him, he said it was his job to protect me. I mean, what the fuck? I’m twice his size. How is he going to protect me from anything?”
“If there really is someone after him,” Rufus said thoughtfully, “maybe he’s bigger than you. Could Stefan be worried about you getting into a fight you can’t win?”
“Maybe. I don’t think so though. The guy I saw in the car outside Tony’s didn’t look that big. Definitely not big enough to give me any problems.”
“Then why…? Oh, wait…” Rufus sat bolt upright in his seat. “What are you going to do when you find the person who hurt Stefan?”
“I’m going to fucking kill them,” I said without hesitation. “Well, maybe not actually kill them, but I’ll hurt them bad enough they’ll wish they were dead.”
“Exactly. Stefan has to know you’d do that. That’s how he’s protecting you.”
“How?” I asked, confused. “I don’t get what you mean?”
“Alex, if you beat someone up and put them in hospital, you’ll end up in prison.”
I snorted. “Like you’d care if I did.”
“I wouldn’t give a shit either way,” Rufus said bluntly. “But Stefan would. That’s why he left you; to keep you out of trouble.”
Rufus was right, I just knew it. There was no way I could agree with Stef’s plan to keep me out of prison though, and I hated the way he’d gone about it. I guess there was a part of me that understood his motives. Two years ago, I’d blamed myself when Stef had been injured in an arson attack carried out by my former gang, so I knew where he was coming from. It was frustrating though. I thought our relationship was solid. We were supposed to be getting married for fuck’s sake. Why hadn’t he been able to talk to me? Why didn’t he trust me?
