by Meg Brenner
I fell onto my bed, curling myself into a small ball. The smaller I could get myself, the less pain I would ever have to feel. I felt my eye lids get heavy as I laid there that night. I could hardly even move. I felt myself slowly falling into sleep, and this time, I didn’t even try to fight it.
I woke up the next morning to my cell phone going off. I reached for it, still keeping my eyes closed. Who in their right mind would be calling me this early in the morning? I read the caller I.D. It was Brad.
“Hey,” I answered.
“You’re still sleeping?” Brad asked, shock running through his voice. I looked at my alarm clock, jumping at the fact that it was one in the afternoon.
“Oh, guess so,” I responded. I didn’t meant to sleep that long. Last night must have really tired me out. In fact, the whole day was pretty horrible.
“I heard that…you know…” he started.
“What’d you hear?” I asked, rolling my eyes in disgust.
“Well, you’re dad called me this morning –“
“My dad, huh?” I felt even more anger. Why would he tell my dirty laundry to other people? It was obvious that he was trying to make as much drama as he possibly could. I knew that he didn’t understand that my life at school was different than he thought. It wasn’t like he was just telling Brad, he was always telling the whole school. I decided not to be mad at my dad for telling him, but I still couldn’t help but feel annoyed.
“Yes. I’m so sorry.” He really did sound like he was. I couldn’t help but feel happy that he took the time to call me.
“Thanks,” I responded.
“What can I do for you? I’ll do anything.”
“That’s okay, Brad. I can handle everything myself. But thanks.”
“Are you sure?” He asked. I knew that he really wanted to help in any way that he could. However, I didn’t want sympathy. Not from him at least.
“I’m sure. Listen, I need to get going. I’m a bit busy,” I looked around my vacant room. “I’ll call you later though.”
“Okay, no pressure though,” he reassured me. “Just call me whenever you feel like you can talk, okay?”
I nodded my head. “Yes, I promise.” I quickly ended the call before he would want to talk longer. I slipped on a pair of shorts and a tank top – something a little nicer than what I had been wearing for the past couple of weeks.
Stumbling down the stairs, I raided the fridge for anything that I could get my hands on. I made myself a BLT, two packs of chocolate pudding, and some biscuits that my mom had purchased for spaghetti. Now that we weren’t a family anymore, food was not off limits. I settled myself onto the couch, turning on some cartoons. I finally felt like I could be me. I didn’t have a single worry in the world.
A few hours later of vegetating, the house phone started to ring. Sluggishly, I kept my biscuit in my hand as I walked over to the dining room, where we kept the house phone. I picked it up, my voice practically muffled by the bread in my mouth.
“Is this Jenna?” The woman on the phone asked. I knew that voice anywhere. That was Coach Riva. I rolled my eyes, taking another bite of the dry biscuit.
“Yes,” I responded.
“Where are you been?” She said angrily into the phone. “You didn’t show up for practice today! You better have a good reason for it!”
“I’m sick,” I responded.
“I said reason, not excuse!” She snapped.
“No, I really am sick,” I lied. “I have…um…ImmaGonnaEatis.” I actually snorted out loud when I said it, but I tried to keep my voice controlled. It actually sounded like a good disease. Maybe I really did have it.
“I’m not stupid, Jenna. You’re captain of this team. Either you have a good reason or I’ll remove you from the squad. This hasn’t been the first time you skipped practice. You haven’t showed up for the past two weeks. I’m about to pull you.”
“But Coach Riva, it’s a true disease. ImmaGonnaEatis is a rare form of…slothism.” I laughed again, but this time I had enough sense to remove the phone from my mouth so she couldn’t hear it.
“Slothism? ImmaGonnaEatis?” Coach Riva let out a deep breath. “That’s it, I’m going to be forced to pull you.”
“Oh, no, don’t do that,” I said sarcastically. I didn’t understand why I was acting like this. It had been my dream to be on the Varsity Cheer Team, and now (in my Senior year) I was captain. Yet, I was will to blow it all away? For what?
“You’ve really disappointed me, Jenna.”
“Good. Coach Riva, it’s about time you realize that everyone in your life is going to either lie to or disappoint you. Life isn’t easy. I should know. It’s about time you learn that now.” I hung up the phone before she even had the chance to say anything back to me. There went my dreams…there went my parents respect.
I finished off the biscuit, turning off the tv, and made myself climb the stairs to my room. I just wanted to go back to sleep. I wanted to drown in my sorrows in my dreams. As I entered my room, my eyes automatically looked out the window towards Keiffer’s room. I knew he wasn’t going to be in there, but I still looked anyway. But it wasn’t his room that caught my eye, it was the telescope that he had on his roof that was facing my way.
I raced over to my window, leaning over the sill so I could read the note that he had attached to it. There, in his writing, was a note that made my heart almost stop beating.
The only thing more beautiful than the stars…
…Is you
I scrambled to my feet, grabbing my flip flops as I raced down the stairs. I didn’t even take the fifteen seconds that was required to put my sandals on. I started pounding on his front door, using my whole hand to hit against it. I knew it was much too loud, but I finally knew how he felt about me. I finally knew it.
Indigo opened the front door, obviously wearing about my crazy knocking. She eyed me suspiciously, trying to figure out why I was acting so erratically. “Is Keiffer home?” I exclaimed.
She shook her head slowly. “Um…no. He left for the beach about two hours ago-” Before she could even finish her sentence, I took off towards the beach. I knew that it seemed rude of me to act so crazy, but I needed to see him before it was too late.
My whole body was shaking by the time I got to the beach. I had to place my hands on my knees as I stared out into the distance. I hadn’t realized just how out of shape I had been. Sweat literally dripped down my face as I stood at the road. Only he would be the one out in the water. It was only April in Michigan, which meant the snow was melting, but no one in their right mind would be willing to even place a toe in Lake Michigan. Yet, there was Keiffer. He was on his surf board, drifting on the water.
I took another deep breath, running through the sand towards him. It literally felt like forever until I finally reached the shore. I let the water touch my feet, but that was as far as I was going to walk up to him.
“I’m going to say something, and you’re going to listen!” I called out to him. He turned around, facing me. He started to paddle himself in, but not quickly enough. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my heart rate. “My life was perfect before I met you. I had the perfect parents, perfect grades, perfect best friend, and perfect boyfriend. And then I got stuck with you. And man, did I get stuck with you. I thought it was bad that I had you as a partner in class, but then of all things, you moved into the house next to mine.
“And let me tell you what…I hated you! Oh man, boy did I hate you. I hated your stupid name, your stupid smile, your stupid cocky answers, and I especially hated your stupid sense of humor.” I ran my fingers through my hair. “But you know what? I began to embrace each one of those as time when on. I began to love each of those things about you.”
He now was walking out of the water, his bathing suit clinging helplessly on him. “But I still tried to hate you. Keiffer, I tried everything to hate you! But you would keep appearing in my life. You kept appearing in the most random places in my life. You made me t
hink differently about things. You actually made me happy and I found myself trying to speak to you even when you didn’t want to.
“And then you left for a week. And my whole life fell apart. I realized at that moment that I literally need you. I need you in my life and I can’t handle you being away.” I reached out and touched his wet arms. “I realized that I love you, Keiffer.”
“Do you mean that?” He asked, running his thumb over my cheek. I closed my eyes as the touch of his hand. Nodding my head, I told him that I did.
With one swift movement, he grabbed the sides of my face and pulled me into a kiss. Our lips met suddenly, but I didn’t even try to pull away. Instead I welcomed it. I wanted it! I kissed him back, letting his tongue meet mine. I had never been kissed this passionately, not even when I kissed Brad. He ran his fingers through my hair, only leaving my lips bare for him to take another gasp of air. His lips met my neck, then made their way back up. He made noises, noises of pure pleasure.
I fell to my back, allowing him to climb on top of me in the sand. He pushed my shirt up just slightly so only my stomach was showing. He kept kissing me, letting me taste his sweet flavors. He finally pulled away, our eyes never seizing to move away from each other’s.
“I’ve loved you,” he responded. “I loved you since day one.” He kissed me again, making another sound of pleasure.
“Then show me,” I whispered into his ear. He stopped kissing me, staring me deep into the eyes. I knew that he was trying to decide if it was a good idea or not. I tried to reassure him but I knew it was his choice in the end.
He took my hand, brushing the sand off of me. Together we walked back towards his house. I had to keep looking up at him. I had to make sure that this was real, not just my imagination. Luckily, every time I looked up, he was still himself.
Once we got into his room, he shut the door behind him, then walked over to the window and closed the blinds. I kicked off my sandals, waiting for him to finally come back to me. He placed his hand hands on my hips, slowly pushing me down on the bed. This was it. I was about to have sex for the first time. He climbed on top of me, letting our tongues meet perfectly.
Laying completely naked in a bed with a man is the most vulnerable feeling that I had ever experienced in my life. I realized that nothing could ever top this…not even standing in front of the whole school and giving my speech at graduation.
He started to take off his own clothes. I helped him get his shirt over his head. Next was his pants. He reached over to his nightstand to grab a condom, but I quickly held his hand, pushing it away from the desk.
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m on the pill.”
“I thought you said you were a virgin?” Keiffer asked, obviously hurt from the information I was telling him.
“I am. I was taking them because I was planning on having sex with Brad,” I answered. He flinched a little when I said Brad’s name. “But I waited until I was in love…just like you said.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to wear a condom? Especially for the first time…” He asked, questioning whether that was a good idea or not.
“Yes,” I answered quickly. “I want my first time to be real. Really, really, real.”
As he started to take off his boxers, thoughts started running through my head. I felt my heart start to pump as I laid there, waiting for everything to happen. Was it going to hurt? Lacey said that the first time she had sex with Alex, she couldn’t sit for almost a week. Was I going to bleed? I read somewhere that I every girl who had sex always bled. That’s when I started to get nervous. Would he think it was gross? Would he make fun of me because he just popped my cherry? Would he make fun of me at school? Then, during the middle of my thoughts, all of my questions were answered.
It was great!
Great was an understatement. I had never felt so close to another person as I did with him. We had become one person. I laid there in bed with him. The only fabric between us was…well, nothing. He kept falling in and out of sleep, only waking up long enough to kiss my forehead. I was absolutely, and utterly in love with Keiffer Lee Lawrence.
Chapter Eight
The next morning I completely forgot where I was. I sat straight up in bed, holding the sheets against my bare chest. Keiffer had already gotten out of bed, leaving me by myself. I threw on my clothes, not even bothering to put on my sandals. My dad was going to be so pissed that I didn’t show up last night. I ran over to my house, not even bothering to find Keiffer.
I hopped through the front door, trying not to make a sound. I congratulated myself once the front door was shut without a noise hardly being heard. Maybe dad had already left for work and wouldn’t even notice my absence. I started running up the stairs. The faster I got up there, the less he would hear me, right? Wrong. Dad was already sitting in my room, reading through my notebooks that I carried in my backpack.
I stopped abruptly, not quite sure what my next plan of action was. My mind started scrambling for an excuse to not come home. I knew I couldn’t use my disease, ImmaGonnaEatis, because he would ground me for weeks. Instead, I dropped my sandals on the floor and stood waiting for my punishment.
“Where have you been?” Dad asked. His voice was serious…something that I feared about him.
“Um…” Trying to think of an excuse was harder than it seemed. “I was out with Lacey. We have a huge project coming up and –“
“And what?” Dad butted in. “And you got so busy that you had to skip school yesterday? Jenna, Coach Riva called…you got kicked off the squad?”
Oh no! Now I was in deep, deep trouble. “It’s not as bad as it seems…”
“Oh, not as bad?” He held up my notebooks. “Why isn’t there a single note written in this? All I see are drawn hearts. You stopped taking notes in class almost a month ago. What’s going on with you?”
“Nothing, dad,” I whined.
“If it’s nothing then…is it Keiffer?” He finally asked, pointing outside the window. The telescope was still outside facing towards my room. The note was attached, blowing freely (and clearly) in the morning breeze.
“No, it’s not Keiffer. He’s just a friend.” I sat down on my bed. This was so annoying! Mom would never question me about anything. “Dad, you know I’m doing my best!”
“Well, maybe your best isn’t good anymore. I’ve been patient with you these past two weeks but –“
“But mom left two days ago!” I yelled. “How else do you expect me to act?”
Now dad stood to his feet, towering over me as I sat on my bed. “How do I expect you to act? Jenna, your mother was my wife! Do you see me getting fired from work? No! I know how you’re feeling! You don’t have to act like such a bitch all the time!” He threw my notebook on the bed next to me, not budging an inch.
“I’ve just been really stressed,” I squeaked out.
“Then why don’t you talk to someone? Anyone? Lacey’s supposed to be your best friend, can’t you talk to her?”
“She is my best friend,” I corrected. “I just feel like…”
“Like what? Spoiled?” Dad asked.
I didn’t want to counter that one with an argument. This wasn’t like my dad to be angry with me. He was normally quite proud with all my achievements, but now he was actually acting like a father – which scared me to death.
“Listen, I’m calling the school right now to get your spot back. You need do your homework.” I shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m telling you that.”
“You’re disappointed in me?” I asked quietly.
He shook his head. “No, Jenna, I could never be disappointed in you. I’m just really confused.” He looked down at me one more time before leaving my room. I had never disappointed my dad before, but now I knew the feeling.
Things didn’t get better during the weekend between my dad and me. I was grounded to my room, which meant I couldn’t go next door and see Keiffer. Then again, he didn’t even open his blinds the whole weekend. That was
n’t like him. He always had his blinds open or at least went star gazing at night. Instead, he stayed inside…just like me.
When Monday came I was more than excited to get up in the morning. In fact, an hour before my alarm when off, I was in the bathroom curling my hair. Today was going to be the first day of many more to come with him. I was going to break it off with Brad completely and begin my life with Keiffer. I knew this was right. For the first time in my life, I was absolutely in love.
I stood awkwardly at my locker, obviously seeing the reaction I got from peers that morning. I knew I looked good in my skinny jeans and halter tank top, but I didn’t think I was going to get back to celebrity status in just day. However, judging by the stares and the good mornings, I had officially regained my spot as Queen Bee.
“Wow, Jenna…” Lacey’s voice trailed off as she came walking up to me. “What’s the special occasion?” She handed me my latte. “I mean, you’ve been dressing like a hobo…”
“Hey!” I laughed, slapping her in the arm. “I’ve just been preoccupied with other things.” I scanned the hallway for Keiffer but he still hadn’t arrived yet.
“Oh…I heard,” Lacey piped up. She gave me a gentle hug. “If you need anything, anything at all, I’m always here for you. Best friends forever.”
“Thanks, Lace. I think I’ll be okay now. I think everything will be in control. I had lost it a couple weeks ago but I’m pretty sure I’m back to my old self.”
“I heard your dad called the coach and you’re on the cheer team again?”
I rolled my eyes. “Does everyone know my personal life?”
“Since when did I become everyone? It’s my job to know your personal life…”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset,” I apologized deeply. Though I was annoyed at my dad for passing along my information, I didn’t mind Lacey knowing what was going on. In fact, I was almost ready to tell her about Keiffer and me.
