Crazy Sexy Love

by Alison G. Bailey

  “This is a good surprise, right?” Bryson said.

  “This is an awesome surprise.” I draped my arm around her shoulders and gave her a sideways hug.

  Bryson took the seat next to her husband, then patted the empty one next to her for me to sit in.

  I slid into the chair. “I can’t believe you guys did this.”

  “There was no way we could let your promotion go without celebrating,” Hart said. Then turning toward Bryson, he continued. “I talked with your mom. Hope is having a blast.”

  “Of course she is, my parents spoil her rotten.”

  Hart clamped his hands and rubbed his palms together. “Okay, let the celebration commence. Drinks. We need drinks.”

  He motioned to the waiter that we were ready. As the others put in their drink orders, I scanned the room. My gaze landed on Doug, hands gripping the edge of the bar as he leaned in, smiling at the purple haired woman on the other side. He spoke and flashed his smile at her. Her head tilted backward in laughter. And my blood went from a low simmer to a full-on boil. I mean, really, this was my night. Couldn’t he shut down his carnal need long enough to focus on what was important. Namely me.

  “Uh, ma’am?” a deep voice said, getting my attention.

  “What?” My gaze shifted from The Bachelor show to a tall lanky, young guy with his hand poised to take my order.

  “Your drink order?”

  “Oh. Sorry. I’ll have a Bellini and keep ‘em coming.”

  While the rest of the table chatted, I caught Doug out the corner of my eye sauntering toward us. With the look on his face, he must have done well with Miss Purple Ponytail. As Doug got closer, I directed all my attention on my true friends who were here to celebrate me.

  “Guys, thank you again. I’m very touched that y’all took time out of your busy schedules for little ‘ol me,” I said.

  Bryson nudged me with her elbow. “We all love you, Sophie.”

  No sooner were the words out of her mouth, when Doug plopped himself down in the only empty seat left, which unfortunately was next to me.

  “Love? What do we love? Who do we love?” He tapped the table as if he were playing the drums.

  “Sophie, dumbass,” Colin chimed in.

  Doug scowled. “Don’t dumbass me.” He leaned in close, sliding his arm across the back of my chair. “Welcome home, roomie. You’re looking mighty hot tonight.”

  The aroma of fresh mint wafted over to me, causing a tingle deep in my stomach. I didn’t know what had gotten into me lately. It was as if my own body that I loved and took care of all these years was betraying me. One minute I’m jealous seeing Doug talk to another woman, the next minute my stomach was all fluttery with him near, or feeling hollow when he was not. While out of town, I even found myself missing his annoying morning cheer. All of this had left me in a constant state of confusion and being pissed off at myself.

  Keeping a measured tone, I gave Doug a cursory glance, and said, “Hey.”

  “So what is this? You’re already mad at me?”

  I ignored his questions. “Let’s get to celebrating. Where is the server with our drinks? And by the way, the first round is on me.”

  A chorus of no’s came flying out of every mouth at the table except for Doug’s.

  “Sophie, tonight is all on us,” Julia said, sitting across from me.

  “No. I insist. Think of it as a huge thanks for putting up with me. I know there have been times when I wasn’t the most pleasant person to be around while waiting to hear about the job.”

  “Unbelievable,” Doug muttered under his breath as he slumped back in his chair.

  “Doug, we’ve put our order in. You should go to the bar and ask them to add yours,” Ronnie said.

  “Already taken care of my man.” The normal cocky tone was back in Doug’s voice.

  A few minutes later the tall, lanky server came to our table carrying a tray with half of our drink order. He was accompanied by the purple haired piranha with the other half of the order. While lanky boy stayed at my end of the table, PP, as I unaffectionately referred to her, swayed her hips down to the other end. While drinks were being served, I inconspicuously looked toward the other end of the table where PP was giving Colin his drink before moving to Doug.

  Her eyes were filled with a lustful desire. Her mouth cocked in a provocative manner. She was of average height, which caused her breasts to land directly in Doug’s sight line. His back was to me, but I knew he wasn’t looking her in the eyes. Nope. He was looking at her breasts. More than likely he was imagining what they looked like naked. Were they real or fake? Symmetrical or lopsided? What type of nipples did she have? Protruding, flat, puffy, or bumpy? Maybe a combination of two?

  Holding my Bellini in one hand, I took a generous sip. The next few seconds were like an out-of-body experience. I heard PP giggle. Then, as if working independently from my body, my other hand came up and popped Doug on the back of his head.

  Side note: His hair was silky soft.

  I heard collective gasps behind me. I saw shock and horror in the eyes in front of me. Well, except for Colin. His head was thrown back in hysterical laughter.

  Turning to me, Doug snapped, “What the fuck was that for?”

  Thinking fast, I responded, “It was… um… a bug. You had a bug on your head.” Then I took another generous sip of my drink.

  “I believe your eyes were playing tricks on you, ma’am. This is a very clean establishment. We don’t have bugs,” PP said.

  I placed my now empty glass on the table and looked at PP. “Are you telling me that it is inconceivable that maybe, just maybe, one of the little fuckers got in here by flying through the door or coming in on the back of a customer? Hell, for all we know Doug’s head could be loaded with lice.”

  “Did someone say lice?” said a distant voice.

  “Sophie, sweetie, I think that drink has gone to your head a little bit,” Bryson said.

  Figuring that was the best excuse for my behavior, I repeated, “I think this drink has gone to my head a little bit.”

  Julia looked at the lanky boy. “How about bringing out those appetizers we ordered earlier.”

  “And pronto,” Ronnie insisted.

  Not wanting to get involved, lanky boy rushed away in search of our appetizers.

  PP squatted in front of Doug. “Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

  Doug was still rubbing the back of his head. “Thanks. I’ll be fine.”

  Nudging his ribs with my elbow, I said, “Oh stop being a big baby, you big baby.”

  The low raspy voice of Hart rolled down the table. “The two of you either play nice or I’ll have no other choice than to separate you.”

  “Tell that to Mike Tyson,” Doug whined.

  My eyes rolled up to the heavens. “Good God! It was barely a tap.”

  Still rubbing the back of his head, Doug said, “I think you pulled some hair out. Is there a spot? It feels like there’s a spot.”

  “There’s a spot. A soft spot like all babies have.” My words were just above a mutter.

  “That’s enough. The way I see it, you’re both acting like babies,” Hazel chirped.

  All eyes shifted to that end of the table. By the expression on everyone’s face, I wasn’t the only member of our party who had forgotten Hazel was even here.

  Hazel looked at the surprised faces. “That’s right. I said it.”

  Awkward silence.

  Awkward silence.

  “I’ll go check on your appetizers,” PP said.

  I held up my empty glass. “Bellini me.”

  Without missing a step, PP walked behind me, grabbed my glass, and scurried away.

  THREE BELLINIS AND a plate of food later, I was feeling pretty good. I focused on my wonderful true friends and how lucky I was to have them in my life. It was ridiculous to allow one rotten apple, riddled with fat slimy worms to ruin my night. The fact that PP never came back to the table also helped improve my mood.r />
  The night started off a little bumpy, but things fell back into the familiar. At times the entire table was involved in a group discussion. While at other times conversations broke off into couples, threesomes, or foursomes. At one point I looked around the table. Hart was looking lovingly at Bryson. Ronnie whispered something into Julia’s ear that made her smile. And Colin and Hazel were staring at each other. At that moment I felt a tiny pang of envy, so I ordered another Bellini.

  “Folks, my gorgeous wife and I hate to break up the party, but it’s late and I have to work tomorrow,” Hart said.

  The other two “official” couples chimed in with similar sentiments as they all pushed away from the table and gathered their things.

  Bryson placed her hand on my shoulder. “Sweetie, we’ll take you home and I’ll bring you back tomorrow for your car.”

  I leaned toward her, our noses touching. “I’m fine.”

  An understanding smile curled the corners of her mouth. “I know you are, but humor me.”

  “Knock, knock.”

  Her brows furrowed. “What?”

  “You’re supposed to say, “Who’s there?” I giggled. “Seriously, don’t worry about me.”

  The refreshing scent of mint drifted into my nose.

  “Bryson, I’ll take her home.”

  “Yeah, Doug will take me home. Wait a minute.”

  Looking past me, Bryson said, “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah. I had two beers earlier tonight, but have been drinking water for the last hour. Plus, we are currently roommates.”

  “We are?” Closing my eyes tight, I tried to remember if Doug was speaking the truth. When the realization hit me, my eyelids flew open, causing me to sway from side-to-side. “Oh, mother of all that is holy! We are!”

  “Sophie, call me in the morn… whenever you wake up tomorrow.” Bryson kissed my forehead before joining Hart.

  A chorus of final congratulations and goodbyes rang out as the three couples left.

  “You know all of them are going to go home to have sex,” Doug whispered close to my ear.

  The sound of his voice, the brush of his arm on my shoulder as he draped it over the back of my chair, and the touch of his thigh pressed against mine as he man spread, sent a warm gushing pleasure through my body.

  “I wanna have sex.” I pouted.

  Doug placed his hand on my naked shoulder. “I’m here for you.”

  I let my head fall to the side, landing on his shoulder. “But you’re an asshole.”

  “But I’m your asshole.”

  “I think that’s physically impossible. By the way, thanks for picking up my car, asshole.

  His chest vibrated with laughter. “No problem. Hey, did you like the tires?”

  “Yes, I did. But I never authorized Burt to replace my old ones.” I lifted my head. “Let’s go kick his ass.”

  “The tires are from me.”

  “You got me tires? Why?”

  “For your promotion and because you needed them. The old ones had seen better days. You need to be safe on the roads.”

  That was sweet and weird all at once.

  Leaning forward, I stared deeply into Doug’s eyes. “You have a tiny beard hair right underneath your nose that keeps blowing back and forth every time you breathe.”

  A big grin took over his face. “Soph, you are something else. Let’s go home, roomie.”

  BETWEEN THE BELLINIS and the high heels, I ended up carrying Sophie the last few feet to my car. I was shocked that she didn’t put up a fight as I slid my arm under her knees and lifted her to my chest. Quite the contrary.

  Once in my arms, her body relaxed as she nuzzled my neck. The smell of her hair, the feel of her skin, the pressure of her body against mine, and the nuzzling, had my entire body heating up and throbbing. I felt like a huge Johnson, Mr. Woody Johnson as I made my way across the parking lot. I picked up the pace, power walking the rest of the way to my car before the launch sequence was fully activated.

  By the time I poured Sophie into the passenger’s seat she was out. I took a moment to study her face. Her silky dark hair fanned out wildly across the headrest. Her smooth skin illuminated by the parking lot lights made her look as if she were made of porcelain. Her full lips parted slightly, then a little bit of slobber dribbled out the corner of her mouth.

  Sexy.

  I buckled her in before sliding into the driver’s side. It hadn’t been two seconds since pulling out of the parking lot when a sound only heard in the rain forest of Africa by a herd of elephants filled the air. There was snorting. There was grunting. And it was loud.

  Frankly, I was amazed that noises of that magnitude came out of such a perfect petite creature. But even with the ghastly, and at times frightful, sounds coming out of her, Soph was still the most beautiful woman on earth. Granted, I’d not seen every female on earth. I knew none of them could possibly come close to the trumpet blowing, drooling vision passed out beside me.

  Sleeping Beauty stayed sleeping the entire ride home. When we got to the house, I hopped out of the car and ran up the front steps, unlocking the door and opening it up. I got back to the car and as quietly as possible opened the passenger’s door. I unbuckled Sophie. Still no movement. Gliding my arm under her knees and behind her back, I carefully eased her out of the car. I closed the door by kicking it with my foot. She roused but settled back against my chest a moment later.

  I got her inside and placed her gently down on the sofa while I went to close and lock the front door. I was only gone for a few seconds, but when I turned around Sophie had disappeared. At first, I thought she might be in the kitchen getting a glass of water or searching for more booze. I pushed on the swinging door, but the kitchen was dark and empty. I examined the rest of the downstairs with no signs of her. Obviously, she somehow went upstairs without me seeing or hearing her.

  I switched off the lights and made my way up. I got halfway when something strewn on the steps caught my eye. As I got closer, I realized what it was. The black dress Sophie had been wearing tonight. I held on to the banister to steady myself, as the idea of a naked Sophie roaming the halls floated through my mind. Figuring she might want her dress back, I picked it up. I may have brought it to my nose and inhaled deeply before heading up the rest of the stairs and down the hallway to her room.

  Her door was cracked open, but there was no noise like on the ride home or otherwise. I stood outside, averting my gaze to the floor as not to see anything I wasn’t supposed to see.

  I cleared my throat. “Soph, are you okay?” No response. “I’ve got your dress.” Still no response.

  I looked through the crack of the door. The room was dark except for the light coming from the bathroom. I lightly knocked on the door, causing it to open wider. At this point, I wasn’t exactly sure what was appropriate. Do I cross the threshold and check to see if she’s okay or do I respect her privacy? After all, she is a grown woman. A grown woman who on occasion has overindulged. Surely, she’d be able to get herself into bed. But what if she slipped in the bathroom and hit her head. Those heels she had on were like stilts.

  I took one step into the room. “Soph?”

  “Yeah?” Her cheery voice came floating from the bathroom.

  “I… uh… have your dress. You left it on the steps.” Keeping my eyes glued to the bathroom, I stepped slowly toward the bed. “I’ll place it on the end of the bed.”

  Suddenly, she bolted from the bathroom, twirling, wearing nothing but a black lace bra with matching panties. “Weeeeeee!”

  Dear Lord, give me the strength to resist that which is irresistible.

  I swallowed hard. “Uh… Soph.” My voice cracked like I was a punk kid seeing his first Playboy. “Do you need any help… with anything? Anything at all.”

  “Which do you like more?” She turned her back to me. “My booty?” Then she quickly spun around to face me and stuck her chest out. “Or my tooties?”

  My eyes closed and my jaw clenched as m
y fingers curled into fists. “It’s all very good.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then why do you have your eyes closed?”

  Sweat was pouring out of every pore of my body. “Because a man can only take so much before he detonates. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”

  “I need help getting into bed,” she said all sultry.

  “Okay, but then I really have to go.”

  I opened my eyes to find her kneeling on the bed right in front of me. My heart felt like it was about to blast out of my chest and into space. She leaned in so close that there was hardly any air between us.

  “You have a lot of room to talk. You have a mustache-able all over your face,” she said, dragging her index finger down my jaw, across my chin, and up the other side.

  I inhaled a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Soph, I think we should both go to bed.”

  “Okay!”

  Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, she grabbed my shirt and pulled me down with her onto the bed. I was at my breaking point. A man could only take so much. We tossed and turned. Her hands working to get my shirt off and my hands trying to stop her hands. We rolled back and forth until somehow she was straddling me, and pinning my hands above my head.

  “Holy shit, you’re freakishly strong,” I said, my words strained, my body struggling. “How’d you get so Herculean?”

  Sophie hovered above me, a curtain of long black hair tickling my face. “Yoga, bitch!”

  Finally, I was able to hook my leg around hers then roll her off of me. Lickety-split, I grabbed the edge of the comforter, tossed it over her almost naked body, and rolled her up like a burrito.

  Putting up a good scuffle, she attempted to free herself. “Why are you fighting this, Dougie? Don’t you still want me?”

  “Do you even have to ask? Of course I do.”

  Sticking out her bottom lip, she pouted. “No, you don’t. You want that Priscilla purple ponytail chick.”

  “What gave you that idea?” I said.

  “You were flirting with her before I got there.”

  “Was that why you were mad at me?”