Crazy Sexy Love

by Alison G. Bailey

  The tuxedo-clad dude looked at the list of names in his book. “Sir, the rest of your party has arrived and is already seated.” He came from behind his desk. “If you would, follow me.”

  I glanced at Sophie who was calm, cool, and collected. I knew then no matter how tonight went, she had my back.

  We followed the dude to a large round table in the center of the room. Leave it to my dad to get the largest and most visible table in the place. As we approached, Sophie, sensing my trepidation, gave my arm a slight squeeze.

  “Ah, Douglas, on time as usual,” my dad said sarcastically as he rose from his seat.

  And it begins.

  “Actually, Doug and I have been waiting for you all. But we felt it would have been rude to be seated before the rest of the party arrived.”

  That’s my girl. Wait. My girl?

  “Father, this is Sophia Cipriano,” I said with a smirk.

  Sophie extended her hand. My dad looked at me before turning to Sophie, and reluctantly took her hand.

  “Nice to meet you,” he said.

  “Thank you, Mr. Truman.”

  “Soph, this is my mother.”

  “Douglas, so glad you could join us.” My mom tilted her head to the side and stuck out her cheek waiting for her kiss, while at the same time completely ignoring Sophie.

  I leaned down, and displayed a show of affection to everyone in the room. Before straightening, I whispered, “You need to welcome my friend. It makes you look petty, Mother.”

  Suddenly interested in what I cared about, Mom said, “Oh yes. So nice to have one of Douglas’s friends here.”

  We moved along to the next intro. “And this is my brother, Charles.”

  Charles stood like a gentleman and lifted his pointy chin. “Nice to meet you.”

  “You too, Charlie,” Sophie said.

  “It’s Charles. And this is my wife, Camilla.”

  Sophie giggled. “You’re kidding me?”

  “I’m not quite sure what you mean,” Camilla said.

  “Charles and Camilla.” Sophie continued.

  I was holding in my laughter while the rest of the table stared stone-faced.

  “We’ve already placed our drink orders, so Douglas you and your friend need to do the same.” My dad snapped his fingers at the waiter.

  My hand slid to the small of Sophie’s back as we made our way to the other side of the table, opposite my parents. After placing our drink order, the interrogation began.

  “Douglas, are you still volunteering for that charity and trying to save the world?” Dad said with a condescending tone.

  “I get paid and I’m not trying to save the world. Just trying to make it a little better.” I could feel the dust collecting in my mouth from my grinding teeth.

  “I think the work Doug does is invaluable and very noble. Not many people with his extreme intelligence would devote themselves so selflessly,” Sophie said with confidence.

  “You can’t live on nobility,” my brother chimed in, causing a cynical chuckle from Dad.

  “I do fine money-wise, Sir Douchebag.”

  “Douglas, curtail the raunchy language,” my mother scolded.

  Fortunately, the waiter came with mine and Sophie’s drinks, stopping the beat down momentarily. With drinks in hand, dear old dad revved back up.

  “Douglas, when are you going to grow up?”

  “Y’all are in rare form tonight. Throwing those gut punches right at the get go.” I took a long draw of my drink.

  “We’re only here a short time. Our flight leaves tomorrow morning,” Mom said.

  With a patronizing tone, my brother got the inquisition back on track. “Answer Dad’s question, Dougie. When are you going to grow up?”

  Under the table, Sophie’s warm hand covered mine.

  “I am grownup.”

  “Come on, son… You live like a college student in a dorm,” Dad said, then tossed back the rest of his scotch.

  “I’m buying my condo.” I insisted defensively.

  “Your father is right. Douglas, it’s time to settle down.” My mom took a sip of what I figured must have been her third drink.

  “Oh, God,” Sophie said, lurching forward.

  I turned to her concerned. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m not feeling very well.” She slapped her hand over her mouth and lurched again.

  “Maybe we should go.” I pushed away from the table.

  “I think that’s a good idea,” Sophie said through her fingers.

  “Douglas, we leave tomorrow. Put her in a cab. She seems like a resourceful girl. She’ll be fine,” Dad commanded.

  Sophie made this horrible guttural sound in the back of her throat.

  I pulled her chair out and she stood.

  “Her name is Sophia Cipriano. She’s extremely important to me. And I’m taking her home.”

  “I really enjoyed meeting all of you,” Sophie said before another guttural sound came flying out.

  I wrapped my arm around her waist and guided her out to the lobby. I quickly grabbed our raincoats. I draped Sophie’s around her shoulders and slung mine over my arm. My arm returned to its position around her waist, only this time I pulled her close to my side as we exited the restaurant.

  We were halfway to the car when I felt Sophie’s shoulders shake. I quickly scanned the area looking for bushes or a tree to get her to before she hurled. Out the corner of my eye, I saw her hand drop from her mouth as laughter flew out.

  I stopped abruptly. “What the fuck? You’re not sick?”

  “Sick of those stuck up condescending assholes. No offense.”

  “None taken. That was awesome. You are awesome.” I laughed.

  “What can I say? I am pretty awesome.”

  We got in the car, picked up a pizza, and went home. By the time we walked through the door, my tie hung loose around my neck and I’d ditched the suit jacket. Once inside, Sophie tossed off her coat and slipped out of her heels.

  “You good with eating out here?” I asked, placing the pizza on the coffee table.

  “Sure.”

  “I’ll go grab the wine.”

  “Good deal. I’m going to change first,” she said.

  Sophie started up the stairs.

  “Hey, Soph, it was great having you there tonight. Thanks for having my back.”

  She looked at me intensely. “That’s what friends are for. You do know they’re wrong about you?”

  “I guess.”

  “There’s no guessing. You’re a good man, Douglas Truman.”

  “You’re a good woman, Sophia Cipriano.”

  AS I APPROACHED the door, I heard talking followed by the laughter of my sweet grandmother. Funny how as she got older, many things about her had changed except the tone and pitch of her laughter. When I think back to my childhood, it was Nonnina who always knew what I needed. She would gauge how upset I was about my parent’s divorce or something at school and could tell if I needed an ear to listen or a laugh.

  When I had to talk things out, she always seemed to have a plate of her warm, delicious Zeppole that I loved. But when I needed a laugh, she’d stop at nothing to put a smile on my face. From a staring contest to dancing around her kitchen using a dishtowel as a veil, she’d do whatever was needed to make me happy. If nothing else worked, her laughter would break me and make my day better. It was infectious. She was infectious. I dreaded the day when I no longer had her laughter in my life.

  Assuming the other voice in the room was a staff person, I walked in at the same time I knocked on the door. I looked up and was shocked to see Nonnina in her wheelchair holding hands with a gentleman of her generation. He looked at her with great affection while she looked at him adoringly. Seeing her with a man who wasn’t my grandfather didn’t shock me. Nonno had passed away of a massive heart attack when I was fifteen. It was the gleam in her eye as she stared at her friend that surprised me. I’d only seen it shine in the direction of my grandfather. I made as much
noise as possible to break the spell between them.

  “Oh, Sophia! I’m so glad you’re here,” Nonnina said.

  I walked further into the room and placed the bags I was carrying on the dresser. “I’m not too sure about that. By the looks of things, you’re very happy with the company you already have.” I winked.

  She waved her hand dismissing my comment as nonsense. “I want you to meet my friend, Herbert. Herbert this is my beautiful granddaughter.”

  The elderly man stood as any gentleman would. He didn’t appear to be that much taller than Nonnina who barely reached five foot two inches. He wore the sweet old man uniform, a pair of ill-fitting khaki pants, a button-down white shirt, a red cardigan, and bright white tennis shoes. But he also had a touch of flare with the red and white striped bowtie around his neck.

  Holding out his wrinkled hand, he said, “So very nice to meet you. Giavanna has told me so much about you.”

  We shook hands. “It’s great meeting you as well. My grandmother has kept you her dirty little secret, though.”

  “Sophia Giavanna, non essere sciocco,” Nonnina scolded teasingly.

  I rested my hands on my hips. “I’m not being silly, Nonnina. You’ve been holding out on me.”

  Her smile widened as her cheeks turned red.

  “I should let you ladies have your time together.” Herbert took Nonnina’s hand. “We still on for dinner later, my dear?”

  Nonnina beamed. “Of course.”

  “I’ll come by around five.”

  “Herbie, I can meet you in the dining hall. I know it’s closer to your room than mine.”

  “And miss escorting the prettiest lady around. Not a chance. You ladies have a fun visit,” Herbie said before leaving the room.

  Cocking one eyebrow, I looked at my grandmother. “He’s a hottie.”

  “He is, isn’t he?”

  “How long has this been going on?”

  “Not long. We noticed each other in physical therapy and started chitchatting.”

  “Do I need to have the talk with you?”

  “Oh, Sophia, stop it.”

  “A lot has changed in recent years.”

  She stretched her neck to look past me, changing the subject. “Douglas didn’t come with you?”

  “No. I told you the only reason he came last Sunday was because my car was in the shop.” I opened one of the shopping bags, taking out each item. “I got you some more of that hand lotion you like and goodies to replenish your snack drawer. Those pretzels with the peanut butter inside, Cheetos, Hershey Kisses, and Apple Werthers.”

  I scooped up everything and headed to the nightstand. When I opened the drawer, I was surprised to see it full of Nonnina’s favorites.

  “I must be going crazy. I could have sworn this drawer was almost empty,” I said.

  “You’re not crazy, dear.”

  “Then how’d you get all this stuff?”

  “Douglas.”

  My entire face scrunched in disbelief. “Doug?” She simply nodded. “My Doug?”

  A self-satisfied expression took over her face. “Yes. Your Doug.”

  “You know what I mean. I still don’t understand what he has to do with any of this.”

  “It’s quite simple. That sweet and thoughtful Douglas came over to visit a few times this past week while you were out of town. We talked, played cards, and watched TV. He was very popular at the ice cream social.”

  “I… don’t… Why would he do that?”

  “Because he cares very deeply for you and knows you care very deeply for me,” she said, before popping a peanut butter pretzel in her mouth.

  I sat next to her. “Granted, things between Doug and I have improved to almost tolerable on a semi-consistent basis.”

  “Mmm… Hmm.”

  “And Nonnina, I deeply love you.”

  “Mmm… Hmm.”

  “The peanut butter is stuck to the roof of your mouth, isn’t it?”

  “Mmm… Hmm.”

  My lips curled into a smile. “I’ll get you some water.”

  She nodded. “Mmm… Hmm.”

  As I got the glass of water, a warm feeling spread throughout my chest. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that Doug did such a sweet and thoughtful thing for my grandmother. I’m sure it was nothing more than another show of gratitude that I’m letting him live at my place. And knowing how persuasive Nonnina can be, he probably felt he didn’t have a choice, but to replenish the snack drawer.

  I LEFT NONNINA in the capable hands of her lover boy, Herbie. My heart sang seeing how attentive and sweet he was toward her. Making sure she had her shawl and the gentle way he pushed her wheelchair. I was allowed as far as the dining room, then I got the look from my grandmother, telling me it was wonderful to see me, but I needed to go.

  The timing was perfect since I was babysitting my gorgeous Goddaughter tonight. I loved that after being a couple for five years, having a baby, and busy schedules Hart still romanced Bryson like when they first got back together. Plus, I always looked for any excuse to spend time with Hope. The first stop we made was, of course, at the toy store. A few essential items that every girl needs were purchased. Then we headed to my place for some girl time, until grandma picked up Hope for the night.

  I slung my purse over one shoulder, the diaper bag over the other shoulder, and looped my arm through the bag of toys before unbuckling Hope’s car seat. Weighed down, I waddled onto my front porch. As I slipped my key into the lock, the door swung open revealing Doug on the other side.

  “Perfect timing,” I said.

  He leaned down to Hope’s cherub face. “Hey, noodle-doodle. I didn’t know you were coming over.”

  Her little arms reached out for him. He didn’t disappoint, taking her from me. I used the moment to step inside and drop my stuff on the sofa. I turned around stealing a second to watch Doug and Hope interacting. She was out of her seat and in his arms, covering his mouth with her hand. He blew into her little palm setting off a flurry of sweet little giggles. Doug entertaining Hope was natural and easy. It was weird that I had never noticed before how good he was with her and how much she obviously adored him. I also hadn’t noticed he was dressed in head to toe black, jeans, T-shirt, and leather jacket.

  “Wow, you look nice,” I said.

  His attention stayed focused on Hope. “Thanks.”

  “Do you have a date?”

  That redirected his attention.

  Doug’s expression turned somewhat sheepish. “You know I don’t date, Soph.”

  “Yeah. I do.”

  I wondered if his plans included purple ponytail Priscilla. An emptiness took over my stomach that had my head foggy and confused.

  “Do you need me to stay and help?” he offered.

  “No. You have plans.” I walked toward him and took Hope into my arms. “Besides, boys aren’t allowed at our tea party.” I rubbed her nose with mine. “Right, pearly girly?”

  Hope squealed and patted my cheeks with her chubby little hands. I carried her to the sofa and sat her down next to me. I opened her diaper bag first where I knew her favorite toy was stashed, Baby Katy. Baby Katy looked as if she’d been through a lot in her short life. Her shiny blonde hair stuck up straight on one side, while the other side was balding. One of her thumbs had been chewed off and the taffeta and satin dress she wore was in tatters. But, Hope loved her for who she was.

  Hesitantly, Doug said, “Well, I guess I’ll go.”

  I didn’t look at him, instead, I tried to slick down Baby Katy’s hair. “Have fun.”

  He stalled a little longer, which surprised me. But when I heard the front door close, my chest sank. I had no idea what was wrong with me. Doug could do whatever with whomever he wanted. The fact I was bothered by it was the shocker.

  I looked down at Hope who had Baby Katy’s foot in her mouth. “Hope, boys are stupid. The sooner you learn that, the better off you’ll be.”

  “Ba-ba-ba-ba,” she babbled.<
br />
  “Exactly.” I took the first toy out of the bag. “Let’s get your cell phone open. You don’t want to miss an important call.” I struggled with the packaging until finally the bright yellow, pink, and white play phone was released. I handed the toy to Hope who stared at it like it was an alien. “You press these big buttons and it plays music.”

  During the demonstrating, the front door flung open, and in galloped Doug. Without saying a word, he shrugged out of his jacket and hung it on the banister.

  “What are you doing,” I said, surprised.

  He stood with his hands on his hips. “I may or may not have been called a girl a few times in my life. Does that count?”

  Butterflies took flight in my stomach. “Barely. Hope, should we let him in on the fun?”

  “Ba-ba-ba-ba.”

  “Looks like it’s a yes,” I said.

  AFTER PULLING OUT all the toys I had collected and kept at my place, we gathered the stuffed animals and Baby Katy in a circle for our tea party. It was heartwarming the way Hope was mesmerized by Doug. He worked tirelessly to make her happy. Sipping “tea” like it was the best thing in the world. He gave goofy voices to each party member including Baby Katy. I had never heard Hope laugh as much as she did with Doug around.

  At one point I’d gone into the kitchen to get a bottled water. When I returned to the living room, Doug held Hope to his chest, her little hand in his, and they were twirling around the room to All Night Long by Lionel Ritchie. Not wanting to stop the fun, I stood in the doorway and watched.

  Doug was so sweet and patient with Hope, like he was with Nonnina. Each day brought the discovery of a new level of Doug. Hard to believe that after all these years, it took reluctantly letting him live here to reveal the man behind the jokes.

  “Hey, Soph! Come join the dance party.” Doug’s voice snapped me from my thoughts.

  “I don’t want to make my girl mad by breaking in.”

  “There’s enough of me to go around.” He winked.

  He danced Hope over to the playpen and gently sat her down. He spun around in my direction. Rolling his forearms over each other, he swiveled his hips toward me.