The Longing Within (Desire for Discipline Book 3)

by Kole, Isabella

  “I can’t lose you, Lyndsey,” he whispered. “Not like this.”

  The tears fell down her cheeks as she replied, “You were never going to lose me, John.”

  “We have to talk.”

  “It’s over. I’m not going to look for anything else. I’ll continue my freelance editing for now. Later on, we can discuss it again. I want to forget this ever happened.”

  “I love you, Lyndsey,” he said as he got up. He kissed her gently and flipped her over again. Gently, he removed the plug. When he returned from the bathroom, he told her to get cleaned up while he fixed something for them to eat.

  “Here,” he said as he threw the tube of aloe gel at her. “You’ll need this.”

  Lyndsey filled the tub with cool water. She gingerly sat down in the water and waited for the sting to subside. When she could no longer stand the coldness, she got out and carefully dried herself before spreading the cool, soothing gel on her blistered cheeks. When she emerged from the bathroom and slipped into her satin robe, John entered the room. “Do you need help?” he asked.

  “I’ve got it, thank you,” she replied.

  “Supper is ready. I opened a can of soup and made some grilled cheese sandwiches, with tomato, just like you like it.”

  She followed him into the kitchen and tried to sit down.

  “Wait,” he said. He returned with a throw pillow from the couch and put it on the bar stool after which he helped her.

  “Lyndsey,” he began.

  “No, John, I don’t want to talk about it. I hurt you, I know. It’s over. It won’t ever happen again. I love you and I was only thinking about myself. I thought if I got the job, you’d see it in a different light. I was wrong. I should have told you about the opportunity before applying behind your back.”

  “In time, a move might be possible, but now is just not that time. We can revisit it at a later date. It might not be that company, but I’m sure another opportunity will arise.”

  After supper, they went to bed. They never spoke of the betrayal again. Lyndsey focused on her editing and one day, she sat down at her laptop and began to write. She poured out her heart as her fingers flew across the keyboard. She wrote about a memory from the age of three, her earliest one. She told about losing her parents at four and going to live with her parents’ friends after that. She typed and typed until she glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost time for John to come home. She saved her work and put away her laptop. No one needed to know about her manuscript, not yet. She may never do anything with it.

  It wasn’t a hurtful secret, like the interview, this was a very personal secret. The book she’d started was about her own life, the hurt, anger, fear, and the longing.

  Each day, she set aside a few hours in her schedule to add another chapter. She told of her teen years, and finally, of her years as a young adult. She told of her love for a man she met while working and how she fell head over heels for him, of how she kept their relationship a secret from everyone but Bryan. One day she wrote a chapter about finding out he had been a Dom before he met her. She told it all, every piece of it, every feeling, and every happy moment she had found in that man. And when it was finished, she reread it, edited it and changed some things, but it was all true. Every word of it was true, the fear and anger at losing her parents, the problems with Maeve and Bob, when they wanted her to marry Bryan, a man she thought of as a brother. She wrote about the pain she’d experienced when she lost her job. She didn’t leave out anything, starting with her third year of life to the present day.

  When it was ready to go out the door, she researched until she found the perfect publisher to submit it to. Under the pen name of Lynn Greene, she sent her precious masterpiece to a company known as Blushing Books. Blushing specialized in spanking and erotic romance. Since her story was about the longing in her heart and the void that had been filled by living the D/s lifestyle with John, she felt it was fitting to send it to them.

  The day she submitted the story, she made a special candlelit dinner. That night when John came home, she told him to sit down and relax. She served the dinner and as they were eating, she told him about her book.

  “You’ve been working on it all this time? That’s great. I’m proud of you. When Maeve mentioned you’d always wanted to write, I wondered why you didn’t, but with all the emotions you were experiencing, I didn’t bring it up. I knew Maeve was taking care of that.”

  “I sent it to a publisher today,” she said quietly.

  “You did?” he asked. “Not to Darwood?”

  “No, definitely not to them, and not to Bland and Bland either. I did my research and found the perfect place for my story. Let’s just wait and see if anything comes of it.”

  “I should be taking you out instead of you cooking a romantic dinner tonight,” he said as he stood up to clear the table.

  “You can do that if I get a contract,” she said.

  “I will certainly do that, you can hold me to it,” he replied. “Let me get the dishes. You go relax; it seems you’ve been working awfully hard lately.”

  Lyndsey didn’t tell anyone else about what she’d done and she may never tell them about Lynn Greene. It was something she had done for herself and something she may never do again. She went back to her editing, accepting more assignments. One week after she’d sent the submission, she received an email telling her that Blushing Books had accepted her story. The contract arrived, she signed it and sent it back and a few months later, her book, A Perfect Balance, by Lynn Greene, was released. It hit the charts running at number one and stayed there for weeks.

  “When are you going to write another one?” John asked one night at dinner.

  “Maybe never,” she replied. “I had an interesting phone call this afternoon.”

  “From?” he asked.

  “Cassandra Lewis with Darwood Publishing,” she replied nonchalantly.

  “What did she want? Did she offer you your job back?” he asked.

  “She somehow found out about Lynn Greene. She asked me to come back as an editor and an author.”

  “Are you thinking about it?” he asked with interest.

  “I flatly refused. I told her Lynn Greene was happy with her current publisher and that Lyndsey Gordon was doing freelance editing and loving it.”

  “Good for you. I would have supported you if you’d wanted to go back, but I’m glad you told that old battle ax where to get off.”

  “It did feel good.”

  “Sweetheart, I have a surprise for you, as well,” he said with a sly grin.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “How would you like to spend a week basking in the sun?”

  “Where and when?”

  “I have to go back to California next week. I’d really like for you to come with me. I’ll free up some time for sightseeing, I promise. It was beautiful out there and the last time I went, all I could think of was how I’d like to share it with you.”

  “It’s not because you don’t trust me while you’re gone?” she asked.

  “Of course not, that’s ancient history. I really would like for you to experience it with me. We can even stay a few extra days after my work is finished if you’d like.”

  “Well, that sounds good, as long as we’re back in plenty of time for me to fly to Pennsylvania and help Joanne with her wedding. That small, intimate wedding has sort of grown into a slighter bigger, intimate wedding. That’s why they moved it to September.”

  “We’ll be back in plenty of time. You can fly out early to help her and I’ll join you later in the week.”

  The next week was the most perfect, romantic trip she could have imagined, even though John was working during the day. She was inspired to write another book and was glad she’d decided to bring along her laptop. She spent her days by the pool writing and when John returned in the late afternoon, they explored the countryside, shopping, visiting wine country, sightseeing and eating exotic food. They made love an
d then made love some more. It was wonderful.

  She had just enough time after they returned home to prepare for her trip to Pennsylvania. It was exciting to have another wedding to look forward to. First there had been Bryan’s wedding to Janis, hers to John, and now Joanne was marrying Blake. Who would have ever in a million years imagined those two would get together? Fate and karma were strange things. Joanne had laughed until she cried when Lyndsey told her about her call from the dragon lady herself.

  “Now, that’s karma at its best,” Joanne had said.

  “I thought so,” Lyndsey replied.

  Yes, life was good. It had taken a while to get there, but she wouldn’t change her life these days for anything, well, there was one thing…

  Chapter Twenty

  Lyndsey stepped into the terminal and looked around. As soon as she saw Joanne waving to her, she ran to her. “Oh, it’s so good to see you,” she said as she hugged her.

  “I’m glad you’re here,” the other girl said as she flipped her unruly red hair out of her face. “We have so much to do.”

  “When’s your family getting in?”

  “Not until tomorrow, so we have tonight to catch up before the madness begins. Mom will be issuing orders right and left once she arrives.”

  “If that’s what it takes to get the job done,” Lyndsey said with a giggle.

  “Oh, she’ll get the job done, about like Maeve in that respect.”

  “Oh, my, dear Maeve,” Lyndsey replied. “I know she can be a royal pain at times, but I do love that woman.”

  “Let’s get your bags and go to the café for coffee and chit chat.”

  “Sounds good, I want to hear all about the job and the wedding.”

  “I want to hear all your news too.”

  When they were settled in at the café a short time later, Joanne leaned across the table and said, “Now, tell me, how was California?”

  “It was heavenly. We had such a good time. John worked in the mornings while I sat poolside and wrote. Mid-afternoon, he came back to the hotel every day and we went sightseeing. We saw so many things.”

  “Sounds perfect,” Joanne replied wistfully.

  “Where are you two going next week?”

  “To New England,” Joanne said. “I’ve always wanted to go there and it’s supposed to be gorgeous this time of the year.”

  “I bet it will be. Take lots of pictures.”

  “You said you were writing. Is there going to be a second Lynn Greene book?”

  “I’m working on one, yes. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever write another one, but I was inspired in California. Now, tell me about the wedding.”

  “Oh, it’s gotten so much bigger than I’d anticipated. Once Mom got involved, well you know how that goes. There will still be just you and John standing up with us, and the ceremony itself is going to be simple, but the reception is a lot more than we’d originally planned, a buffet, a dance, the whole bit.”

  “It’ll be fun.”

  “We are doing the decorating, though, it was cheaper that way. Mom came up last summer, reserved the place and chose the menu, and Blake hired the band. We’ll decorate Friday afternoon, the rehearsal and dinner afterward is Friday night.

  “Sounds like Friday and Saturday are going to be very busy. At least we have tomorrow to catch up on last minute details.”

  “I’m so glad you got to come in today. When’s John arriving?”

  “He’ll be here Friday, early afternoon, just in time to help with the decorating.”

  They spent the better part of Wednesday afternoon catching up. She marveled at Joanne’s gown and tried hers on again. She’d come up one weekend for the fitting. It was perfect. “I love your choices,” she said as she twirled in front of the mirror.

  “Thank you. Yours was easy, I knew exactly what I wanted, but mine took a little bit of trying on different styles before I finally decided.”

  “I’m sure you’ll look beautiful in it. It’s simple, yet elegant.”

  “Blake’s staying at his folks until after the wedding. With you getting in and my family, he thought it would be better. Of course you’ll stay with me at the apartment.”

  “Where is your family staying?” she asked.

  “They’re getting hotel rooms. I don’t have room for everyone. Of course, when John gets here, you may want to get a room, but he’s welcome to stay with either us or over at Blake’s folks’,” Joanna offered.

  “I think Blake wants him to stay with him. They talked about it and they thought it would be fun for the guys to hang together and you and me to do that.”

  “I like that idea. That way you’ll be there for me Saturday morning.”

  “That’s kind of what we thought.”

  The evening was spent relaxing with a pizza while they talked about everything from Joanne’s job, to the people she’d met, to folks back in Nashville they both knew.

  “We’d better get some sleep. Mom, Dad and my sister will be in tomorrow afternoon. They’re driving, so I don’t expect them before one. Then all hell will break loose.”

  “It’ll be fun. Just let your mom do her thing.”

  “Oh, there won’t be any choice in that regard.”

  They laughed and Joanne showed her to the guest room. She settled into the bed and called John before falling asleep.

  “Hey, baby, how’s it going there?” he asked.

  “We just sort of chilled out tonight. Joanne says once her mom gets here tomorrow she’ll put all of us to work.”

  “Everything coming together?” he asked.

  “I think so, although there may be some last minute things to take care of tomorrow, but Friday afternoon we have to decorate the reception hall.”

  “I can help if I get there in time. Blake is picking me up at the airport.”

  “I think I’m staying here and you are staying with Blake at his folks’ house. Is that okay?” she asked.

  “Yeah, we talked about that and I think it’s the best. Joanne will need someone there with her. Blake said her family is staying at a hotel.”

  She told him goodnight shortly after that and promptly went to sleep. The next day was hectic, from the moment Joanne’s family hit town, as predicted. Her mother had indeed put them all to work, giving each one of them a task to attend to. Everything had been checked and double checked.

  Friday morning, the girls stole some time away to get their nails done, but that afternoon found them busily getting everything ready for the reception. By the time they had cleaned up and were heading to the church for the rehearsal, Lyndsey let out a huge sigh.

  “Wow,” she said.

  “I warned you. Mama put everyone to work the minute she got here.”

  “But, it’s all done and it’s beautiful. All you have to do is get through this rehearsal and walk down that aisle tomorrow.”

  “I personally think we should have just run away and eloped, but his parents and mine would have been livid.”

  “You’ll look back on the day and cherish the memories. Think of the fun you’ll have showing the photos to your kids someday.”

  “Funny you should mention kids,” Joanne said.

  “Why, are you…?” she asked.

  “No, silly, but we have discussed it and we plan to start a family in a year or two. I think with the job I have now, a family will fit in just fine. My hours are pretty flexible.”

  “You’re really happy there, aren’t you?” Lyndsey asked.

  “Oh, yes, I love it. You’ll meet my co-workers at the reception. Great gals, both of them,” Joanne replied. “What about you? Have you and John thought about starting a family?”

  “Oh, look, there’s the church and the guys are here already,” Lyndsey said.

  “Nice way to get out of answering my question,” Joanne said with a giggle.

  Joanne parked the car and they joined Blake and John. The four of them walked in to the church together and talked with the minister while they waited for the oth
ers to arrive. The rehearsal was short, as would be the actual ceremony, and soon they were on their way to the restaurant to enjoy the meal Blake’s family was providing for them.

  Lyndsey and John enjoyed visiting with the families. When it was time to go, he kissed her goodnight. “This is strange, kissing you in the parking lot and saying goodbye.”

  “Makes it kind of fun, though, doesn’t it?” she asked with a wink.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow at the church. Take good care of our bride. Blake would never be the same if she chickened out.”

  “I don’t think we have to worry about that happening. She can’t wait to get this hoopla over with and be on their way to New England for a week.”

  The wedding went exactly as planned the next day. Joanne, in her simple white gown, and flaming red hair, was a beautiful bride. Blake, standing at the altar, his light hair neatly styled, and his black tux fitting his muscular frame perfectly, was a handsome groom. They said the vows they’d written and kissed at the appropriate moment.

  The reception was fun and Lyndsey enjoyed meeting some of the people who were now a part of Joanne’s new life. After the bride and groom were on their way, she and John stayed behind to help with the cleanup efforts.

  They had made plans to stay in one of the local hotels for the next few nights. John had business to take care of in the office on Monday in Blake’s absence and after that they would fly back to Nashville.

  Lyndsey had a delicious secret she’d been aching to share, but she had to wait until the time was right. She didn’t want to take away from Joanne’s moment, and so she had waited.

  She would wait a little longer.

  They both fell asleep soon after checking into their room and the next day they spent a lazy and relaxed Sunday together. They enjoyed a quiet dinner together, rehashing the events of the day before.

  “It was a beautiful day,” Lyndsey remarked.

  “Yes, it was perfect. I’m happy for them. It was time for Blake to settle down again.”

  “Joanne never had any luck with relationships until Blake. It still amazes me they found each other at our wedding reception. We were so busy, we didn’t even notice.”