Collide Series Box Set

by J. C. Hannigan

  When I realized I was just reading the same sentence over and over again, I closed my book and rested my head against the tree.

  I breathed in the crisp September air, allowing the hint of fall to envelop me in a comfortable blanket of familiarity. I watched the breeze make the leaves, just beginning to change colour, dance in sync with one another. I felt peaceful for the first time in over a week.

  "Do you mind if I join you?"

  I tore my eyes from the dancing leaves, in the direction the voice came from. A girl I vaguely recognized from my sociology class stood in front of me, looking hopeful. She was a shy looking girl with wiry, curly red hair, thick-rimmed glasses and freckles dusting across her cheeks. She seemed harmless enough, although something about her was familiar.

  I was bad with faces, and the familiarity might have just been that I had seen her somewhere before. Her red hair did stand out in a crowd.

  I forced myself to smile, actively trying to look more inviting. I think I just scared her, though. She took a step tentative step back.

  "Sorry, I'm still working on my friendly face," I said, wrinkling my nose at her discomfort. She laughed awkwardly, managing to sit down and cross her legs in one fluid movement. "My name is Harlow," I told her, raising my eyebrows in question. She stared intently at my lips as I spoke.

  "Oh cool!" The girl's face lit up, her pale blue eyes sparkling. She leaned forward eagerly. "A unique name! It's very pretty! How did your parents come up with it?"

  I blinked once, caught off guard by her response as my earlier assumption that she would be shy evaporated. "Um...my dad picked it. I think I'm named after Jean Harlow. He had a thing for old movies."

  "Cool," she said, smiling, still looking at my lips. I arched my eyebrow again, waiting for her to answer return the favor. "Oh, sorry. My name is Crimson."

  "Interesting." I gave her a small smile, feeling worn out from all the social interaction I’d been doing lately. I could count on one hand the amount of people I spoke to regularly. Making conversation wasn't something I'd been interested in, at least not since high school. Conversation seemed to cause me a lot of trouble if I wasn't careful.

  "Yeah, believe it or not, it basically means red." The girl, Crimson, rolled her eyes, as if bonding with me over strange names. She didn't seem to notice my demeanor.

  "I would have never guessed," I said dryly. Crimson winced, sensing the sarcasm. I felt bad, not wanting her to take it to heart, which was unusual for me. Usually, I didn't care if I offended someone. "I'm sorry. I'm naturally sarcastic. I truly don't mean to offend."

  "It's okay," Crimson blushed, thrown off by my apology. She dipped her head down. "It's just hard for me to tell with most girls what they mean by what they say...most people, for that matter."

  The sentence may not have made sense to most, but I thought I understood where she was coming from. I had to agree with her. Most girls were two-faced and cruel. Or at least the majority of the ones I had come in contact with. My heart warmed slightly towards her. She looked lost, as if she was desperately trying to find a familiar face that wasn't cruel.

  "I know what you mean," I said, nodding in agreement. "You're in my sociology class, right?"

  "Yes!" she said, seemingly excited that I remembered her. "I mean, yeah. Totally. I can't believe class was canceled already. What luck is that?" the girl rambled on nervously. "I'm also in psychology with you, only you probably didn't notice. I can't believe how massive that class is! I can't hear a damn thing!" Then she laughed with delight, shaking her head as if she'd just told a hilarious joke and couldn't believe how perfect the deliverance had been. She turned her head from side to side, gesturing to the small hearing aids she wore in her ears. "Get it? I'm partially deaf. I have fifty-five percent hearing in my left ear, and thirty percent in my right."

  Now it made sense why she was staring at my lips intently; she was lip-reading. Before I could respond, I saw Jax walking towards us and my words melted on the tip of my tongue. He was just the person I wanted to avoid, and there he was, sauntering up to me like he had no idea how much his presence irritated and confused me.

  "Fancy running into you here," he said, coming to a stop beside Crimson. He dropped his bag on the ground and sat down beside her, across from me. His eyes swept across my face and I felt that annoying, yet familiar swell of attraction surge through my belly again.

  Crimson's jaw dropped as she drank him in, her eyes widening slightly before she shook her head, breaking herself out of the spell his face cast upon anyone with ovaries.

  "You again." My eyes narrowed. I couldn't help the nervous butterflies fluttering in my stomach, but I could be pissed about it. I didn't do butterflies. Not since Iain. "Please stop stalking me."

  "You can stalk me," Crimson said, almost in a daze. Jax's laughter made her shake her head again, and she flushed deep red, as if she hadn't meant to say it aloud. I couldn't help but smile with amusement. Her innocence was endearing.

  "You're both hilarious. You should consider doing standup comedy," Jax said, shaking his head. I watched his beautiful hair flow with the movement, angry at how he kept captivating my attention with the most subtle of actions.

  "You should consider getting a haircut," I retorted, bristling.

  "We're not even dating yet and you're already telling me how to wear my hair?" Jax asked, arching his eyebrow. Conflicting emotions of anger and desire reared up, making me glower at him. "Kidding," he said, raising his hands in innocent surrender. My eyes were still locked on his, the annoyingly magnetic pull toward him making me even more hostile.

  Crimson's pale eyes bounced back and forth as she watched our heated exchange. I had almost completely forgotten about her until her head moved slightly, the copper highlights in her hair catching the sunlight and reflecting it back to me.

  "I'd love to stay and chat, but I've got to go...see you around, Crimson," I said, grabbing my things in one quick motion. I was on my feet in an instant, hoping that nobody would follow. I walked quickly, my feet digging into the grass as I tried to give myself momentum to get away.

  I barely knew this guy, and yet he was rattling my core and I didn't want to be rattled.

  "Hey, Harlow...wait up please!" Jax shouted, obviously not getting the hint. I didn't slow my movements for him. I didn't even turn to see if he was catching up. He was suddenly beside me, gently touching my arm. I stopped, freezing upon the contact; his simple touch sent an electrical shock that coursed through my body.

  "What is your deal?" I demanded, shaken at how out of control I felt. I crossed my arms, trying to keep my expression from betraying the inner turmoil I felt. Jax seemed to read me, despite my attempt to hide my feelings. He lowered himself slightly so we came eye to eye.

  "I just want to get to know you a little. Is that so wrong?" he asked.

  I frowned at the thrill his words evoked inside of me. "Maybe I don't want to get to know you," I muttered, breaking his gaze so that I could figure out how to think straight again.

  "I don't believe that," Jax said confidently. I shot an angry look at him and he grinned. "Come on, I know you feel it. I can't be the only one who feels this...connection." His voice grew deeper, almost husky, the rumbling low tones vibrating into my core, making my pulse do strange things.

  "Easy, Romeo." I backed away, heart pounding with anticipation, thrill and fear.

  He smiled a genuine friendly smile. "Would you settle for being friends? Comrades in arms? You know we need each other. I heard through the grapevine that Professor Pedersen loves assigning group homework."

  I chewed my lip, eyeing him suspiciously.

  "Besides, I think you might want my notes," he added, winking. For the first time, I realized he was holding a couple of loose pages in his hand. I'd been so caught up in his physical presence, watching his face, that I hadn't even noticed them. He held the pages out to me, a peace offering of sorts.

  "Thanks," I muttered, warily accepting them. I bit my lip when our fingers
brushed.

  "See you around, friend," Jax uttered smoothly, his eyes pausing to rest on my lips. His eyes raised, meeting mine, that captivating golden swirl aglow with the same lust I was feeling.

  I watched him return to the tree where he'd left his bag beside Crimson in his haste to catch me. I sighed deeply, realizing that I'd been appreciating the toned muscles of his back the entire time.

  This was not going to end well.

  * * *

  I opened the door to our apartment, my head aching from the day I'd had. After leaving Tabaret Lawn, I worked a four hour shift at The Bean, hedging off a torrent of questions from Jamie about Jax.

  It felt good to finally be home. I knew I had a long night of studying to do. I had to copy over the notes Jax loaned me and actually absorb some of the information in them so that I would be prepared for the next seminar.

  "OH MY GOD," Jenna squealed with excitement, rushing towards me in a blur of blond hair flailing arms. It was almost comical. "You'll never guess what happened to me today!"

  "What?" I asked warily, pulling my shoes off and dropping my bag on the floor. I kicked it over to the corner, waiting for Jenna to spill the beans. I knew it likely had to do with her crush from the way she was buzzing with happiness.

  She stood in front of me, practically bouncing on her heels, her lips tight as she tried to reign in her excitement. Giving up, she screeched, "LUCASASKEDMEOUT!"

  "Could you say that a little slower?" I frowned, rubbing my sore eardrum.

  "Lucas…asked…me…out!" Jenna tried again, this time annunciating each word with care.

  "That's great." I smiled, my words sincere. I wondered why Jamie hadn't spilled that little piece of gossip. "Details?"

  Jenna followed me as I made my way into the kitchen to load up a plate with leftover Chinese. I didn't even care if it was cold; cold Chinese food tasted even better than fresh takeout. I headed to the couch, sinking down into the comfortable worn cushions. Jenna followed me the whole time like an excited little puppy.

  "Well, I went in to The Bean on my break and he was there, only he wasn't working. He was hanging out with his friends or something...anyway, he saw me waiting in the lineup and waited until I was at the station fixing my tea. Then he came up to me and asked me out!" Jenna said, practically dancing around the coffee table.

  "That's awesome, Jenna!" I smiled wider, genuinely happy for my friend. "When is the date?"

  "Friday night." Jenna's smile wavered a bit. "Oh my God. I have nothing to wear! We need to go shopping, Har."

  "Okay." I sighed heavily. I placed my plate down, massaging my temples with my fingers. I felt a headache coming on.

  "Hey...are you okay?" Jenna asked, frowning in concern as she sank down beside me.

  "Yeah, I've just had...a day." I sighed again. Jenna crossed her arms and leaned back, tapping her foot impatiently as she waited for me to continue. I exhaled deeply. I didn’t want to make a big deal about anything, but at the same time I wanted Jenna's input. She knew me in a way that I didn’t know myself. "Well. I saw Jax again."

  "And?" Jenna arched her brow, shaking her head slightly as she urged me to continue.

  I drew my legs up, hugging them to my chest as I stared at the cold food on my plate, my appetite diminishing. "I think I like him. Like, I'm attracted to him. He makes me feel...things."

  "And that's bad because...?" Jenna wasn't following.

  I chewed on my lip, trying to put into words the conflicting emotions I was feeling. "For one, it makes me feel guilty about Iain. I feel almost like I'm cheating on him," I confessed. I felt a pang of sadness twinge in my heart.

  "But you're not because you aren't together," Jenna reminded me, her voice gentle, her eyes understanding. She hesitated.

  "Go ahead, say it." I knew I wasn't going to like what came out of her mouth.

  "I know you really cared about him, and he cared about you too. But Harlow, he was our teacher. He knew better. 'Pull' or not, he knew better. If he truly wanted a future with you, he would have waited instead of jeopardizing everything."

  I muttered a sound of displeasure. When Jenna had first found out about our relationship, she thought it was romantic. As she watched me suffer in silence when Iain didn't immediately reach out to me, she stopped seeing my relationship with him as a sort of Romeo and Juliet romance. Jenna never bashed Iain's character, but I knew she didn't see him in the same light that she once had. She removed her rose coloured glasses way before mine came off. She made it her personal goal to help me get over him and move on. Though she wanted me to get over the relationship, she never made me feel bad about my feelings for Iain. She did, however, make it clear that I deserved better and that there were other prospects out there.

  Jenna sighed, as if this conversation was just as painful for her as it was for me. "Har," she said softly. "It's been a while since his release. Have you heard from him at all?"

  "No," I said sullenly. I had let Iain’s presence (or lack thereof) affect me to the point that it had changed who I was. I hated it. My 'don't care' attitude that I had worn for so long was ripped away by Iain, and by his absence, it hadn't returned to me. I was left bare and exposed.

  I was angry about it; angry that I let the pain of our relationship, of what happened between us, affect me so profoundly. It wasn't like I sulked in my room day in and day out. I still tried to live my life, but I let Iain's memory cloud everything that I did. I closed myself off from any opportunity at happiness with someone else. I shot down guys before they could even declare an interest, just to protect my heart and myself.

  Before Iain, I didn't allow anybody the chance to get close enough to me; I was scared that I would get hurt. Letting Iain in and then having him leave...it shredded my heart and I hated it. I knew that Iain's reasons probably made a lot of sense—hell, he went to jail for a year because of us, but it was the silence that followed, the wondering if he hated me for it. The guilt I felt for him losing everything in the process, all because I pursued what I wanted. I pursued him.

  "You feel something for this Jax guy, so go for it! Don't let a memory hold you back," Jenna trailed off, consuming her own words. I looked up, knowing by the expression on her face and the darkness behind her all-American blue eyes that she was thinking about Andrew.

  "Same goes for you," I said weakly, offering a small smile.

  The next day at school, I realized I had a lot more classes with Crimson than I originally thought. She was in pretty much all of them, and eagerly sat beside me in each one.

  She stuck to my side the whole day, chatting my ear off about everything from what music she liked to what she hoped to do after University. Apparently, she wanted to be a social worker and work with kids who had special needs.

  "Honestly, growing up with hearing aids was hard and isolating. I want to help kids so they don't feel held back by their differences," she was saying while we sat under a tree on the Tabaret Lawn during a break between classes.

  "Wow, that's deep," I told her, impressed.

  "What do you want to do after University?" Crimson asked, taking a bite of her pizza.

  "I'm going to write." I shrugged. "But I'd also like to help women who have been through trauma." I had recently started looking into halfway houses for battered women. My emphasis on women's rights might help me a little, but I would also need to focus more on psychology and counseling. Next semester would be my heaviest course load yet.

  "Cool." Crimson smiled, before changing the subject to her favourite animals. I blinked, thrown off a little by her ability to change topics so abruptly. It was almost as if she was on a quest to get to know every single thing about me before the week’s end.

  By the end of the day, I was ready to shell up in my bedroom and tune out the world. I liked Crimson. She was genuine and kind, but her personality was a lot for me to handle.

  Unfortunately, I had to endure a night of shopping at the mall, at Jenna's request. She claimed she had nothing to wear on her date
with Lucas, so I agreed to humor her by watching her try on a variety of outfits.

  I headed towards my apartment, putting in my headphones and listening to the album of my new favourite band, July Talk. It was a tremendous relief finally being alone.

  Since it was daylight and I was still on campus, I wasn't paying close attention to my surroundings. I knew better than that of course, but I was distracted, thinking about all the things Jenna and I had talked about the night before.

  I was heading away from the hall where my last class had been and didn't notice anybody approaching me until a large hand reached out and gently touched my shoulder. I whipped around, my heart jumping with fear.

  In my haste to turn around, I rolled my ankle off of the sidewalk. I fell backwards, but before I could catch myself, Jax's strong arms encased me. He held me, almost in a dip, looking down at me with amusement and concern. My palms were splayed out across his chest and I could feel the muscles beneath them. He was even more impressive to touch than he was to look at. His scent was intriguing and almost mouth watering. He smelled like amber with hints of sandalwood and spice mixed with something that was just him.

  "I knew you liked me, but I'll admit...I didn't expect you'd fall so quickly." Jax’s voice oozed. I knew he felt what I was feeling. The air sizzled between us. My heart beat erratically, and I knew it had more to do with him and less to do with being caught off guard. Jax’s scent overwhelmed my senses. It overpowered and intoxicated me, and the fact that he was looking down like he was about to kiss me didn't help.

  I wasn't one for swooning, but it was kind of hard not to with a guy like Jax holding me and looking like he wanted to devour me.

  I shoved him away, frazzled. A part of me instantly missed the feel of him. Another part of me wanted to yell obscenities.

  "Don't sneak up on me," I grumbled, standing as tall as I could despite feeling so shaken. Jax stepped back, giving me space. He still towered over me.