Sinful

by Joan Johnston

  Connor felt a moment of apprehension when they arrived at the door to the nursery. He wasn’t sure how Sawyer would react to being left behind. His son ran toward one of the other little boys, calling out his name. “I guess he isn’t going to miss us,” he said with a chagrined smile.

  Eve laughed. “No, he won’t. Mrs. Robertson runs the nursery.”

  Connor was both shocked and dismayed. “What?”

  Eve nodded toward a short, slender, dark-haired woman with her back to them, bending over a small child holding up a toy truck. “She has for the past six months. I guess you wouldn’t know that. Molly brought the kids to St. Michael’s every Sunday and usually put Sawyer in the nursery. He knows all the kids.”

  Sawyer left his friend’s side and charged over to his grandmother, who picked him up and gave him a hug. Mrs. Robertson turned in the direction Sawyer pointed, and Connor saw the same wariness in her face that he felt himself. As she walked toward them Brooke called out a jubilant “Nana!” She pulled free of his grasp and raced toward her grandmother.

  Mrs. Robertson talked briefly to both children, who seemed excited to see her, then took Brooke’s hand and led her back to Connor.

  “Hello,” she said. “The children look well.”

  “Did you think they wouldn’t?” Connor heard the antagonism in his voice and felt Eve’s hand on his arm in the same instant.

  “It’s nice to see you, Mrs. Robertson,” Eve said. “You’re looking well, too.”

  That wasn’t exactly true, Connor realized. Molly’s mother looked tired, as though she weren’t sleeping. And sad, which he could understand. He felt a spurt of sympathy and tamped it down. This woman had tried to steal his children.

  Connor felt Eve’s fingers twine with his, felt the reassuring pressure of her grasp, and let the anger and resentment seep out of him. He had his children back. He could afford to be generous.

  “Will you be leaving Sawyer here today?” Mrs. Robertson asked.

  Connor nodded curtly.

  “And Brooke?”

  “Brooke’s going to church with us,” Eve said.

  Molly’s mother looked disappointed, but she merely patted Brooke’s chestnut curls and said, “I’ll see you after the service, sweetheart.”

  “Bye, Nana,” Brooke said as she ran back to Connor, her arms outstretched to be picked up.

  As he let go of Eve’s hand to scoop his daughter into his arms, Connor realized that Brooke was totally unaware of the tension arcing between him and her grandmother. Maybe he should make sure it stayed that way.

  “We’ll see you after the service,” he said.

  Mrs. Robertson looked surprised at the neutral tone of his voice, but also relieved. “Yes. See you then.”

  As they turned to leave, Eve whispered in his ear, “I’m proud of you.”

  He frowned. “For what?”

  “For giving her a chance. For having an open heart. For doing what you know is right.”

  Connor made a face. But it felt good to hear Eve’s words of praise.

  “Just a moment, Eve.”

  Connor and Eve both turned back to Mrs. Robertson.

  “I have something for you,” the older woman said. “I’ve been carrying it around with me, hoping I would see you in town. If you don’t mind coming with me a moment, I can give it to you now.”

  “Of course.” Eve followed Mrs. Robertson toward the back of the nursery, where Molly’s mother retrieved her purse from a shelf. She rooted through it, then handed Eve a small book with a flowered cloth cover.

  Connor saw the surprise on Eve’s face, her attempt to return the book, and Mrs. Robertson forcing it back into her hands.

  Eve finally tucked the book into her purse and rejoined him.

  As they left the nursery and headed back down the hall to the church, he asked, “What did she give you?”

  “A book.”

  “I could see that. What kind of book?”

  “It belonged to Molly.”

  “Are you going to make me keep asking questions, or are you going to tell me what it is?”

  “It’s a diary.”

  Connor stopped in his tracks and turned to face her. “Molly’s diary?”

  “No, Mrs. Robertson’s diary.” She snorted at the stunned look on his face. “Of course it’s Molly’s diary!”

  “Why did she give it to you?” And not me?

  “She said there are a few passages in it I should read. She marked them for me.”

  Connor waited for Eve to share more of whatever reason Mrs. Robertson had given for handing over Molly’s diary, but she remained stubbornly mute. “Fine. Don’t tell me anything. I probably don’t want to know what’s in the damned thing anyway.”

  Eve looked unhappy. “No, I don’t think you do.”

  “If Molly wrote something bad about me—”

  “It’s not about you,” she said, interrupting him. “It’s about me.”

  Connor stared at her a long moment, then felt Brooke tugging on his hand.

  “Come on, Daddy. Church is starting.”

  He searched Eve’s face one more time for any sign that she might relent, then said, “We better get to church.”

  He took one of Brooke’s hands and Eve took the other as they walked down the center aisle to the Flynn pew on the right-hand side at the front of the church. Angus sat on the aisle. Aiden, Brian, and Devon were spread out, leaving no room for anyone else. “Scoot over,” Connor said to Aiden.

  Aiden turned to Brian and said, “Move over.”

  Brian said to Devon, “Make some room.”

  The three brothers edged farther down the pew to make room between Aiden and Angus to fit Connor and Eve. Connor watched his father’s back stiffen and his shoulders square as Eve stepped past Angus and settled on the cushioned pew beside Aiden. Connor sat to Eve’s left, next to his father, and held Brooke on his lap.

  Connor didn’t hear much of the liturgy. He was too busy wondering what Molly had said in her diary. Then he realized he hadn’t asked Eve the most important question. What year had the diary been written? During Molly’s youth? Or since their marriage?

  He realized he had far bigger problems than Molly’s diary. His father sat rigid as a fence post beside him. Angus hadn’t said another word after “Hummmph” when Connor sat down next to him. Connor was pretty good at reading body language, and Angus’s said, “You’re toast.”

  Connor let Brooke fiddle with the handkerchief in his pocket, with the buttons on his suit coat, and with the clasp that held his tie. He let her draw with a pencil provided by the church on one of the church’s attendance cards. He held her in his arms when they rose to sing hymns, and when the time came, he helped her to kneel on the prie-dieu beside him.

  It was all familiar behavior. The only thing missing was Molly. But for the first time since her death, Connor had hope that he might find happiness again after the loss of his wife. His wedding night—and all the nights since then—had been a revelation, in more ways than one. Surely Eve couldn’t make love to him night after night, often several times a night, if she didn’t have feelings for him.

  Since Aiden hadn’t moved down enough to give Eve much room, her thigh was pressed against Connor’s. He caught her hand in his and held it, knowing that she was as unlikely to make a scene in church as his father. He wasn’t just making a statement to his father, he actually enjoyed holding her hand.

  His father held the hymnal where Connor could see it, but the instant the song was done, he slapped it closed and set it back in the rack behind the pew.

  When it came time to take Communion, Connor settled Brooke in Eve’s lap and followed his father to the rail, his brothers behind him. Connor found surprising solace in taking Communion. It was one more step toward letting go of all the anger he felt at having his life turned upside down.

  To his surprise, as soon as his family was seated again, Brooke scooted from Eve’s lap onto her grandfather’s lap. In the past Connor had bro
ught his daughter to both church and the Lucky 7 frequently, so he knew Angus had a soft spot for his first grandchild.

  Connor was content to let Brooke sit with his father for the rest of the service. He watched as Angus pulled his cell phone from his pocket and handed it to Brooke, who immediately began playing a digital game. Connor was astonished at how adept his four-year-old daughter was at handling the complicated cell phone. His child’s world had definitely moved on while he’d been overseas.

  Since the Flynns sat at the front of the church, they were the last to leave. Angus didn’t get up, he simply handed Brooke to Eve and said, “Connor and I will meet you out front later.”

  Eve eyed Connor sideways as she stood and left the church with Aiden, Brian, and Devon. Once they were alone, Angus focused his steely gaze on Connor and said, “If you expected this spectacle of familial harmony to change my mind, you’re badly mistaken.”

  “I brought my wife and daughter to worship with my father and brothers. I’d hardly call that a spectacle.”

  “She’s a Grayhawk.” He made the word an epithet. “Her father killed my sister. That’s something I can never—will never—forgive.”

  “Aunt Jane’s been gone a long time, Dad. Why don’t you let it go?”

  “Because he got Matt back!”

  Connor was confused. “What does Matt have to do with anything?”

  “King doesn’t deserve that boy’s love.”

  “From what I’ve heard, Matt’s only here until he can take possession of Kingdom Come.”

  “King will never give him the ranch—assuming, of course, that he owns it a year from now.”

  “There’s a chance he won’t?”

  Angus sneered. “A very good chance. But if he does, that slimy son of a bitch will find some excuse to call off the deal.”

  “I can’t believe Matt wouldn’t have asked for something in writing before he came all this way.”

  “You can bet whatever King signed is unenforceable,” Angus said. “It’s what I’d do. Whatever else I think about that snake in the grass, he’s every bit as crafty as I am.”

  “Why are you so cynical?” Connor asked. “Why can’t you believe King just wants his son back and is willing to pay the price to make it happen?”

  “Because that bastard never did a generous, loving thing for anyone in his whole miserable life.”

  “Dad, listen to yourself. This has to stop. No one’s all bad. King Grayhawk is my wife’s father. Nothing is going to change that.”

  “I don’t want his blood mixed with mine. I want that marriage annulled before she—”

  “No.”

  He saw the shocked look on his father’s face before his cheeks reddened with anger. “Are you daring me to cut you off?”

  “If you’re forcing me to choose between Safe Haven and my wife, I’ll take Eve.”

  “What’s got into you?”

  “I don’t want to lose her.”

  “You hardly know the woman.”

  “She’s a fantastic mother. She’s a great photographer. And she’s going to be a damned good wife.”

  Angus lifted a bushy black brow. “Is the girl pregnant? Is that why you’re being so obstinate?”

  “No, Dad,” Connor said in disgust. “I’m not asking you to give me anything that isn’t already mine, but I need that trust fund.”

  A pained expression crossed Angus’s face.

  “I’m not asking for myself. I’m asking for the veterans who come to Safe Haven.”

  Connor watched the creases in his father’s brow deepen before he said, “Get rid of that Grayhawk woman, and you can keep your trust fund. Otherwise, my lawyer will start the paperwork to rescind it starting bright and early tomorrow morning.”

  Connor didn’t argue. Angus was obstinate, used to getting his way as only a very powerful and wealthy man could be. He was going to have to figure out another way for his sanctuary to thrive.

  “Goodbye, Dad. If we’re going to use family relationships as weapons against each other, you should know that so long as Eve isn’t welcome in your home, Brooke and Sawyer won’t be coming there, either.”

  “How dare you threaten me! Go! Get out of my sight.”

  Connor rose and left.

  Chapter 25

  EVE SHOWED UP at the bedroom door, Molly’s diary in hand, her face bleached of blood. “She knew.”

  Connor dropped the book he was reading as he lay in bed. “Knew what?”

  “About us.”

  He sat up. “Impossible.”

  Eve sank onto the bed, opened the diary, and began reading.

  I know Eve likes Connor but I like him more. He’s so dreamy!!! His eyes are bluer than blue and I want to brush back that lock of hair that falls on his forehead so bad!!! Eve’s so beautiful and amazing she can have any boy she wants. But not Connor. He’s mine!!! It’s a good thing his name is Flynn or I’d have no chance, because I can tell Connor likes Eve, too. He’s always watching her with this goofy look on his face. She has no clue, thank goodness!!!

  Eve met Connor’s gaze. His face was flushed, probably because of that “goofy look” comment. “Did you watch me in high school?”

  He nodded. “I told you I liked you.”

  “This sounds like more than that.”

  “What do you want me to say?”

  Eve turned to another bookmarked page in the diary and began reading again.

  Connor is taking ME to the Sadie Hawkins dance!!! It was sort of a nasty trick to get Eve to ask for me. I bet Connor thought she was going to ask him to go with her. Too bad!!! This is my chance to show him how nice I am, and I plan to make the most of it. Connor Flynn won’t know what hit him. I love him!!! Soon he’ll be mine forever. Sorry, Eve, but you had your chances. Your fault if you didn’t take them.

  “This doesn’t sound like the woman I knew,” Connor said, shaking his head. “Molly was never a conniving person. She was always generous and giving.”

  “Absolutely,” Eve agreed. “Except, obviously, where you were concerned.”

  She turned to a third marked passage. “This was written years later. She was cleaning out boxes and apparently found her diary and wrote a final entry.”

  I can see why I was so worried about Eve loving Connor—and Connor loving Eve—when they were teenagers. All these years later, the sparks still fly whenever they’re in the same room together. I trust them both implicitly. Neither of them would ever betray me. But I feel guilty knowing that I may be the reason they aren’t spending their lives together as a couple. Maybe they would never have gotten past the feud between their families, but they manage to coexist just fine in my home. Which leads me to believe that if I hadn’t been in the way, true love might have won out. I’m so sorry, Eve, for stealing the man you loved. I know that’s why you’re still single. You’re so careful to hide your feelings whenever Connor’s around. That’s how I know they still exist.

  And Connor, my dearest love, I know you love me, but I wonder if you would have married me if you weren’t afraid you might die before you had a son or daughter to leave behind. I took advantage of the love you both had for me to take what I wanted—and needed—from each of you, which meant your own desperate desires remained unrequited.

  I hope someday both of you can forgive me. I’m so sorry I came between you. If the day ever comes when I’m no longer here, I hope you find your way to each other.

  Eve’s throat was so swollen with emotion that she barely managed to finish reading the last sentence. She looked up to find Connor’s eyes glistening with tears. When he blinked, one slid down his cheek.

  “She never said a word,” he said. “I had no idea she knew I had feelings for you.”

  “Or that I felt that way about you.” Eve set the diary on the end table and crawled across the bed toward Connor.

  He opened his arms and the two of them lay together, holding one another close.

  Eve swallowed over the knot of guilt in her throat. “She
hoped we could forgive her.”

  She heard Connor struggle to swallow back more tears before he said, “Yeah.”

  “How could she stand it?” Eve wondered.

  “She loved us both. And she knew we loved her.”

  Eve was silent for a long while, remembering all the times she’d visited her friend when Connor was home on leave. All the times she’d coveted him while her best friend had stood by and watched. And known. The sorrow she felt was unbearable.

  “Do you suppose we were fated to be together?” Connor asked.

  Eve shrugged. “The fates can’t want us together very badly or they wouldn’t be doing such a great job of shoving us apart.”

  “It does look like the odds are stacked against us,” Connor agreed.

  “I don’t want to take the job in Nevada,” Eve said, her face hidden against Connor’s throat. “I just don’t think I have any other choice.”

  She put her fingertips against Connor’s lips to still his protest. “I called the editor today and told her I’d take the job.”

  She felt Connor’s arms tighten around her, as though he could keep her close, when they both knew that in thirty days she’d be gone. For a couple of weeks. Or maybe a couple of months. And maybe again and again and again.

  Eve’s heart hurt. “I don’t want to go,” she said, her throat aching.

  “And I don’t want you to go.”

  The lovemaking that followed began with tender kisses and soft, reverent touches. But the knowledge that, just when the truth of their longtime love had been revealed, it might be the beginning of the end of their lives together, turned their caresses into desperate touches and transformed soft forays into demanding explorations. Until they were both clutching at naked flesh as though to hold on forever to the final moment of exultation.

  Eve was still gasping for breath when she rolled away from Connor into a tight ball of misery. He slung his arm possessively across her body, pulling her close.

  “We still have a month to come up with some way to keep you here,” he said fiercely.

  “You never told me the result of your talk with your father. Is there any hope—”

  “He’s revoking the trust,” Connor said flatly.