Saving All My Lovin'

by Donna Hill

  Tony’s eyes explored her face. “You’re going to be okay. Believe that.”

  “I’m working on it.” She unfastened her seatbelt, opened the door and hopped out of the Navigator. She peered into the window. “See you later. Good luck with the photo shoot.” He was doing a spread for a corporate brochure that morning.

  “Piece of cake. I’ll see you back at your place around six.”

  “Okay.” She waved and walked toward the steps of the court.

  Tony watched her from the window. There was so much about Stephanie that he knew and so much that he didn’t. He wanted to be there for her every step of the way, if she would only let him. She pushed through the revolving doors and merged with the crowd. Tony put the SUV in gear and slowly drove off. Today was a major step for them both. Hopefully they would take many more steps together.

  Ann Marie left the office early and went straight home. She needed to talk to Sterling. She thought of the airline ticket burning a hole in her pocketbook and fretted about how she would find the words to explain what she needed to do to Sterling. It was a lot for anyone to swallow but she didn’t see any other way around it. She wanted her divorce and if it took going back to Jamaica and dealing with Terrance for two weeks then so be it.

  She flipped on the lights in the apartment then went to her bedroom. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she picked up the phone from the nightstand and dialed Sterling’s number before she lost her nerve. He answered on the third ring.

  “Hey, sweetie. This is a pleasant surprise.” He closed the folder on his desk and leaned back in his leather swivel chair.

  “I was hoping I could see you later.”

  “Do you need to ask?” He chuckled. “You want to come by my place?”

  “Um, I was thinking that I’d fix dinner and we could relax over here.” She felt more in control in her own surroundings.

  “Not a problem. Need me to bring anything?”

  “Uh, no. I’m sure I have everything I need.”

  He paused a moment. “Is everything okay with you? You sound funny.”

  She cleared her throat. “I’m fine. Just a hectic day at work, that’s all.”

  “Hey, listen we can go out so you won’t have to trouble yourself fixing anything if you’re tired.”

  “No. It’s okay. I want to.”

  “Well…if you’re sure.”

  “I’m sure.” She really wasn’t sure about anything. “So how about nine?”

  “No problem. Gives me time to finish up here and dart home for a few minutes. I’ll see you at nine.”

  “Bye.”

  “For now.”

  Ann Marie blew out a shaky breath and hung up the phone. The first hurdle was out of the way, but the big one was yet to come.

  She got up from the bed and went into the bathroom for a quick shower. All the while she thought about maybe just getting him drunk and telling him that way.

  As the hour drew near, Ann Marie began to doubt the veracity of her plan. Maybe there was some way she could get what she wanted without giving into Terrance’s demands. Good idea, but she didn’t see how she could make it work. If nothing else, Terrance Bishop was good as his word. He would make her life hell. And she had plans to spend the rest of her days in someplace other than there.

  The alarm on the oven went off. Her broiled salmon was ready. She took the tray out of the oven and put it on the side counter. She checked the saffron rice with peas and turned that off as well. The chef salad was in the fridge. Ordinarily she would have cooked up a feast, but she wanted to keep it simple. Besides, she didn’t have the concentration for much else.

  She took two plates from the glass cabinet and put them on the dining table, flatware from the drawer and two glasses from the cabinet. Just as she was fixing the place settings the bell rang. For a moment she squeezed her eyes shut and said a silent prayer that the evening wouldn’t turn out as ugly as she imagined.

  Wiping her hands on a red and white dishtowel she went to the door and opened it.

  Her expectant expression froze along with her body. The last person she expected to see was Raquel.

  “I know you weren’t expecting me and I shouldn’t have come without calling.” She fidgeted with her purse. “But I wanted to talk to you—to apologize.”

  Ann Marie exhaled in relief. The strain between them for the last month had taken more of a toll on her than she was willing to admit.

  “Do you want to come in or stand ‘ere and speak our business in the street?”

  Raquel pressed her lips together and walked inside. “Thank you,” she murmured.

  Ann Marie closed the door softly behind her then followed her inside.

  Raquel took a seat on the lounge chair. Ann Marie sat opposite her on the couch. For several moments an uncomfortable silence took up the space between them.

  Raquel cleared her throat. “I…I’m sorry for the way I acted and the things I said to you. I had no right to judge you.” She looked into her mother’s eyes. “I was angry and confused. I never gave you a chance to tell your side. That was unfair of me.”

  “Thank you for that. It takes a lot to say sorry.” She paused trying to find the right words to explain the unexplainable to her daughter. “I should have told you the whole story about me and your dad years ago or at least when you were old enough to understand.”

  “Why didn’t you?”

  Ann Marie sighed, looked off into the distance then focused back on Raquel. “I was ashamed.”

  “Ashamed? Why?”

  “Of being such a weak woman. Of letting a man have such control over my happiness. Of sitting by and allowing him to run his life as he chose without any regard for me.” She looked at her daughter and saw Terrance and for the first time it was all right. “I never wanted you to see me as weak. I didn’t want that to be the image of what you thought a woman should be.”

  “Sometimes love does make you weak.” She thought of her own failed marriage to Earl and inwardly cringed. “But it doesn’t have to make you bitter.” She drew in a breath. “What hurt me the most, Mama, was not having a father it was not having you. Everyday I blamed myself for your lack of love for me. And I didn’t know what to do to fix it.”

  “I’d hardened my heart Raquel. Hardened it to anything good. I cut my feelings off. Too scared to care about anyone that much again. In my mind, love equaled pain and betrayal.”

  “It doesn’t have to. Only if you let it.”

  “I know that now. Because of you and…because of Sterling.” She sat back and a slow smile curved her mouth. She told Raquel that her return into her life had opened her up again and as a result she knew she was capable of love and worthy of receiving it as well as giving it. Then she went on to tell her about Terrance’s proposition.

  “So what are you going to do?”

  “I don’t have much of a choice. I was planning on telling Sterling tonight. He should be here any minute.”

  Raquel jumped up. “I should go.”

  “No.” Ann Marie held up her hand. “Stay.”

  “I think it’s best that you deal with this without me.”

  Ann Marie flashed a crooked smile. “I was hoping you could stick around for moral support.”

  “You’re a big woman,” Raquel teased in a perfect Jamaican lilt. “You’ll be fine.” She fished in her purse and wrote something down on a piece of paper then handed it to her mother. “In case you want to talk.”

  Ann Marie looked at the paper. It was Raquel’s number at the hotel where she was staying. A knot of guilt formed in the center of her chest. “Why don’t you come back here?”

  Raquel shook her head. “One hard lesson you taught me was to stand on my own two feet. I have a good job and I’ll be moving into my own place in a couple of weeks. I purchased a condo in lower Manhattan. I’ll be a home owner for the first time.” She smiled brightly.

  “That’s wonderful!” She sobered and took Raquel’s cheeks in her hands. “I’ve never told you
how proud I am of you.”

  “I needed to hear that.”

  Ann Marie placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

  Raquel stepped back, her gaze soft. “I’ll call you.”

  Ann Marie could only nod her head, afraid that if she spoke she’d burst into uncharacteristic tears.

  Raquel turned and left. Thoughtfully, Ann Marie closed the door. For all the mother that she’d never been to Raquel, she’d turned out to be a fine woman in spite of it.

  Before she’d gotten halfway back into the house, the bell rang again. This time it was Sterling.

  “Hey beautiful.” He kissed her long and slow.

  “Hey yourself,” she breathed against his mouth. “Come on in. Dinner’s ready.”

  “Smells delicious.”

  “Want a glass of wine first or something stronger?”

  “No. I’m good.”

  “I thought we could eat in the dining room.”

  “Rather formal tonight, aren’t we?” He gave her a curious look.

  She averted her gaze. “Not at all.” She led him into the dining room then began fixing their plates.

  “Something is bothering you.” He stepped up beside her. She focused on what she was doing. “Would you look at me?”

  “Hmm.” She gave him a millisecond of eye contact. “What?”

  “What is going on with you? You’re not acting like yourself.”

  She slid a piece of salmon onto his plate and forced a smile. “Who me actin’ like?”

  He clasped her shoulder and turned her around. “That’s what I’m trying to find out.”

  She eased out of his grasp. “Let’s sit down. I need to talk.”

  She sat at the table in the kitchen. Sterling pulled up a seat. He folded his hands on top of the table. “I’m listening.”

  “I have to go to Jamaica.”

  He frowned in confusion. “What are you talking about? Why?”

  She swallowed. “To get my divorce.”

  He was silent for a moment, processing the information. He zeroed in on her. “When did you come to this realization?”

  Tell him. Tell him. “Terrance is here. He said if I came back to Jamaica, he would give me my divorce.”

  Sterling’s face contorted into a series of hard lines. “I see. And when were you going to tell me that your husband was in town?”

  “He only just arrived. He’s leaving day after tomorrow…and he wants me to go with him.”

  Sterling stood. “Really?” He crossed the room in two long strides then swung around to confront her half-baked story. “What else does he want, Ann?”

  She felt hot all over. “Me,” she whispered.

  He expelled a nasty chuckle. “Figures. And you’re just playing along I take it.”

  “If there was any other way I would do it!”

  “Would you?” He approached her. “There’s still something between the two of you. It’s obvious every time you mention the man’s name and you can barely look at me when you do. And now you’re going to run off to some island with him?” He tossed his head back and laughed devoid of any humor. “That’s rich. That’s real rich.” He glared at her. “And tell me Mrs. Bishop what the hell am I supposed to be doing while you work things out with Mr. Bishop?”

  Ann Marie’s nostrils flared as she sucked in air. She pushed up from the table, her palms pressed down on the surface, her accent getting the best of her. “T’ink what ya wan’. Me g’wan do this t’ing or me never be free of ‘im. Don’t you understand that?”

  “I don’t understand much of anything when it comes to you Ann Marie. Not much of anything. Do what you need to do. But I wouldn’t bet money that I’ll be waiting when you get back.” He shoved the chair under the table and stormed out.

  She lowered herself back into the chair. The sound of her front door slamming ricocheted around in her head.

  Yep, it was just as bad as she’d imagined.

  Chapter 22

  “Ready?” Stephanie asked Tony as they walked down the corridor of the facility.

  He took her hand. “Absolutely.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek.

  “She’s in the room down this hallway. Don’t get upset when you see her. She doesn’t react well to strangers.” She babbled to cover up her jangling nerves.

  “Babe, relax. It’s going to be fine.”

  She looked at him and flashed a tight smile then stopped in front of Samantha’s door. She knocked and slowly opened the door. Sam was seated as always in her favorite place by the window. Stephanie approached slowly. She knelt down in front of her sister.

  “Sam. Hey sweetie.” She took her chin and forced Samantha to focus on her. “It’s me, Stephanie. How are you today?” She brushed the hair away from her face.

  For a moment Samantha focused on her sister. Light brightened her usually vacant gaze. “Steph…anie,” she slurred.

  Stephanie’s heart lurched, a smile blooming across her face. She looked up at Tony and stretched her hand out to him. “I want you to meet a friend of mine. His name is Tony.”

  Tony stepped into Samantha’s line of sight. For a moment he was speechless. They were identical. Except for the eyes. Where Stephanie’s brown eyes held fire and light and passion, Samantha’s were almost empty, devoid of life. “Hi, Sam. Your sister has told me all about you.”

  Samantha looked at him for a moment then slowly the light faded and she turned her face away.

  Stephanie gave Tony an apologetic look.

  “I’ll wait outside,” he mouthed. Stephanie nodded her head. Once Tony was gone, Stephanie turned her attention back to her sister.

  “The doctors say you’re doing so much better, sweetie. That’s such good news.” She held Samantha’s hands as she spoke. “They are going to start you back on speech therapy again. Would you like that?”

  Samantha sighed heavily. She pointed to the window. “Out…side.”

  Stephanie blinked back her surprise. “You want to go outside? Is that what you’re telling me?”

  “Out…side,” she repeated, like an infant testing the language.

  Stephanie drew in a shaky breath. “Okay.” She took Samantha’s hand and helped her to her feet. “Let’s go outside.” She led her out of the room and down the hallway.

  “Where are you going?” one of the nurses asked, stopping her in the hall.

  “I’m going to take her for a short walk on the grounds.” Stephanie smiled brightly then looked at her sister. “She asked me to.”

  “I’ll get someone to go with you.”

  Samantha suddenly shook her head wildly.

  “Okay, sweetie, relax. It will be just you and me. Just us.” She pleaded to the nurse with her eyes.

  “Just on the grounds,” the nurse warned. “And she needs a coat.”

  Stephanie nodded her head, took off her suede jacket and put it around Samantha’s shoulders. She hooked Samantha’s arm through hers and led her down the hallway toward the door that opened to the grounds in back.

  Tony saw them and got up from the bench where he’d been seated in the waiting area. Stephanie subtly waved him off and walked outside.

  “It’s a beautiful day for fall,” Stephanie said as the first bite of chill hit them. “Are you warm enough?” Sam kept walking, looking around as if seeing the world for the first time.

  She stood in the center of the courtyard and turned in a slow circle. The muffled sounds of traffic could be heard in the background. She faced her sister and smiled a real smile. Stephanie’s hand flew to her mouth.

  “Chilly,” Sam murmured and grinned, hugging the jacket around her.

  “Yes, it’s chilly.” Stephanie ran her hands up and down her arms, thankful for her sweater. “In a couple of months it will be Christmas and there will be snow.”

  “Snow.” She grinned again. She walked toward the bench beneath a naked tree and sat down. Stephanie joined her and put her arm around her shoulders.

  Sam rested her head against Stephanie’
s neck. “Tony?”

  Stephanie angled her head to look at Sam. “You want to know about Tony?”

  “Tony?” she repeated.

  Stephanie slowly told Samantha how they’d met and how important he’d become to her.

  “I care about him a lot,” she concluded. “I hope you’ll like him too.”

  Sam was quiet for a long while. “Cold,” she finally said.

  “Okay, let’s go back inside.”

  They got up and walked hand-in-hand back inside.

  “I still can’t believe it,” Stephanie said, once she and Tony were in the car. “It’s been years. The doctors had totally given up on her ever speaking or even thinking clearly again.” She turned in her seat. “This is the first time in over a decade that my sister has spoken to me.” Her voice crumbled into little pieces. “You have no idea how that feels.” Tears spilled over her lashes.

  Tony squeezed her thigh. “I can only imagine,” he said softly.

  “I know it’s too much to hope for but maybe one day she will actually get out of here.”

  “Will you stop feeling guilty then, if she does?”

  Stephanie lowered her head. “I don’t know if that will ever happen,” she confessed. “If it wasn’t for me, she wouldn’t be here. I don’t see how I can ever forgive myself for that.”

  “But maybe she has.”

  “Dad, you want to tell me what’s buggin’ you?” Chauncey asked, taking a seat opposite his father at the kitchen table.

  “Don’t you have homework to do or something?”

  “No. All done.” He studied his father’s dour expression. “Something’s got you bummed out. Is it work?”

  “No. Work is fine. Look I really don’t want to talk about it right now.”

  “Maybe you should go down to the spa and work off some of the stress that’s written all over your face.”

  Wil suddenly pushed up from the table. “That’s not gonna happen.”

  “Why not? I thought you liked it.”

  “Forget it! Okay.” He stormed out of the kitchen and into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.