Between a Rock and a Hard Place

by Jenna Galicki

  Of course he did. There was no doubt in her mind that he loved her and wanted her just as much as Angel. It was stupid, toxic jealousy, amplified by the rabid headlines of the paparazzi that tore her insides apart and mangled the thoughts in her head.

  They both became aware of Angel’s presence at the side of the bed at the same time and turned to him. Angel was holding his cock in his wet, sticky hand.

  “Did you just jerk off watching me fuck my wife?” Tommy asked with a curl to his lip.

  Angel answered with a wicked grin. “That was savage. It was an erotic charge. I’ve never seen you so aggressive. And, Jessi, you were like a feral wild cat. I felt your orgasm from here.”

  Angel stared at her while he took off his shirt and wiped his smut covered hand. Her accusation about Tommy preferring to sleep with him over her silently echoed in his eyes and she saw the hurt that it caused him.

  Tommy took Angel by the hand and pulled him down onto the bed. He kissed Angel, tenderly, but Angel broke the kiss and stared at Jessi with the same hurt expression. He didn’t attempt to say anything or extend a peace offering in the form of a gentle touch. He only stared at her with a deep wrinkle embedded in his forehead and remorse reflected in his ebony eyes.

  Jessi didn’t want to fight with him anymore. She didn’t have any answers, nor did she relinquish the gnawing separation between them, but she wanted his affection. She put her hand to his cheek.

  Some of the pain left his eyes and they softened. “Did you mean those things you said about me?”

  “Yes,” she answered honestly, “but I may have exaggerated a bit because I was mad.”

  He shook his head. “What am I going to do with you?”

  She had quite a few things in mind, but they were all stashed away in her fantasy drawer. “You’re going to kiss me.”

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Jessi sat in the lounge area of the bus with her Tablet and tucked her legs underneath her. She reflected on the last few days. Things were better with Angel, but they still weren’t settled and not much had changed. She still barely got to spend any time with Tommy in the three days since their infamous angry sex. They spent a day together in Brussels, but as soon as the bus pulled into Luxembourg this morning, they were off to the studio. She decided to stay on the bus rather than go up to an empty hotel room.

  She didn’t see Angel as a rival anymore, but she still needed to discuss an array of unexplored feelings with him. At least she stopped blaming him and they were on their way back to mending their relationship.

  She flipped through a few screens until she found the half-finished sketch she was working on. It was a leather vest with a collar and braided trim. On the back of the vest she added a large skull with downward angel wings. The skull would be embellished with studs and the angel wings would sparkle with rhinestones.

  The vest was for Angel, the man who awakened so many different emotions inside her that it made her head spin. He was sexy beyond words and his handsome face and dark features were worthy of a Greek god. He didn’t have the broad shoulders that Tommy possessed, but his taut body was well-defined and each muscle offered another curvaceous hill that she longed to explore. His beauty and allure were more than superficial. He had a good heart and he was generous. He was from a loving family and he was thoughtful and romantic, but there were times when he was the thorn in her side. It was unfair, because it wasn’t his doing. It was circumstance that necessitated him and Tommy to be bound together. Tommy’s and Angel’s lives were fused by music.

  Alyssa sat down next to Jessi and unzipped her black thigh-high boots. “What are you drawing now?”

  “Just something for Angel. A vest.” She turned the Tablet around to face Alyssa, who leaned over on one elbow to take a closer look.

  “He’s going to love that.”

  Jessi tossed her Tablet on the couch. “I’m not enjoying this tour.”

  “I don’t think anyone is. Except maybe that prick, Angus. He’s making them do extra promos and write an album while on the tour. The guys have no choice. Neither do we. It goes with the territory of being married to a rock star.”

  “I know, but Tommy and Angel are together all day and night. You see how close they are now.” She was tired of competing for Tommy’s attention. She was tired of feeling guilty for hurting Angel’s feelings and she was tired of making Tommy feel guilty for things he couldn’t control. A dismal sigh conveyed her anguish. “Sometimes I think it would just be easier to walk away and step out of the picture and let Tommy and Angel be together without me.”

  Alyssa’s eyes narrowed into two slashes of thick black eyeliner. “Don’t say that. Tommy loves you, and so does Angel.”

  She knew that Tommy would be devastated without her. She knew exactly how badly it would hurt him, but she wondered how upset Angel would be if she left and he could have a normal committed relationship with Tommy. “What makes you think Angel would miss me? How do you know he wouldn’t hold the door open for me as I left?”

  “Because I see the way he looks at you. When you first met, he talked about you just as much as he talked about Tommy. He loved your hair and your style. He couldn’t praise you enough for helping him with the band and his stage outfits.” She paused and folded her tattooed arms across her chest. “And you kept that bitch Kendall away from him and banished her from his life when she tried to blackmail him.”

  Jessi fumed at the mention of Kendall’s name. She never wanted to hear or think about that bitch ever again. “I can’t believe you just brought up Kendall.”

  “Sorry. I didn’t know you still had a sore spot when it came to her.”

  “She ripped one of my garments. A designer never forgets that.”

  “We’re getting off track. Have you noticed the way Angel looks at you now? Since he came back from Asia?”

  The question took Jessi by surprise. She did notice a look in his eye, at times, that wasn’t there before. She thought it was her imagination or plain old wishful thinking, and then their lives got so busy and messed up that she didn’t notice anymore. “What are you trying to say, that he’s interested in me now? I’m not going down that road again, Alyssa, so don’t try to make it sound like I have a chance with him, especially now when things are all fucked up between us.”

  “I’m just saying that it’s obvious how much he missed you. Angel wears his heart on his sleeve. He loves you. Anyone can see that.”

  Jessi sighed, more confused than ever. She compared the love she had for Tommy to the love she had for Angel. There wasn’t much difference.

  It was time she sat down and had a long overdue heart-to-heart with Angel.

  It was hard to find time to talk to Angel without Tommy around, but the opportunity presented itself later that night when Tommy stopped off at Damien’s room and Angel came back to the suite alone.

  Angel was at the desk, skimming through pamphlets that advertised popular tourist attractions. He was the party planner, always seeking out fun and interesting places to explore in each city. Jessi watched him unfold the leaflets and study them. He made two separate piles, marked some and dog-eared others.

  It was times like this that made her realize how much she loved him. Other times, he was her nemesis.

  Her deep breath caught Angel’s attention, but he was unaware of the reason behind it. He was making a diligent effort to forego any hostility between them. He held up a few brochures. “Our choices seem to be either a museum or one of the historic churches.”

  She couldn’t hide the frown that formed on her brow. “I need to talk to you.”

  Angel’s face dropped and took on that same hurt and sad look that weakened her heart. “Are you still mad at me?”

  “I have a lot of unresolved issues with you, but I’m not mad at you. I love you, Angel. Through all this bullshit, I still love you, but we need to settle things. Otherwise, this isn’t going to work, and I have a feeling that it’s either going to be the both of us, or neither of us, in To
mmy’s life.”

  Worry and concern inhabited his handsome face. He pushed the pamphlets aside and left the desk to sit next to her on the sofa. “Please tell me what’s bothering you, Jessi. I’ve hated this battle between us. I don’t want to live my life fighting over Tommy.”

  “Neither do I. It’s just that . . . since you and Tommy went to Asia together, you’ve bonded and connected on another level.”

  “We did. It was wonderful. We spent time alone together on the beach and watched the sunrise. We went shopping in Hong Kong and Tokyo.” His face lit up as he recollected their time together. “We experienced our first gig in a foreign city. It was an amazing accomplishment that we both dreamed about since we were kids. I never thought that we would be playing a show in Hong Kong or Beijing. A year and a half ago we were playing small clubs in Williamsburg.”

  Hearing Angel recap their time in Asia stirred some leftover turmoil inside her. “Well, while you two live out your dream, where does that leave me?”

  “You’re living it with us.”

  “No. I’m not. You’re with Tommy all the time. I barely see him. The two of you got closer, and me and Tommy grew further apart. It made me resent you.”

  “Don’t you know how much Tommy loves you?”

  “Yeah, but – ”

  “But nothing. I never thought he could love me the way he loves you. You’re everything I’m not. You’re his wife. You have a history together. When I first met both of you, you were more bonded together than anyone I had ever met. Nothing was going to tear you apart. I was the newcomer, barging into your relationship. If it didn’t work out, I was the one who was going to get tossed aside, not you. For months I was a nervous wreck, worrying every day if my heart was going to be torn to pieces, and I seriously doubted my decision to pursue this relationship.” He snorted. “As if I had a choice. I couldn’t stop loving Tommy any more than you could. Then finally, one day the doubts subsided and I realized that I was an equal part of this relationship. I was a third. But me and Tommy still didn’t share the same bond you two had. I knew it was something that happens gradually, over time, and it’s not something you can rush. When we went to Asia together and spent time alone, that’s when it happened.” His voice lowered to a soft whisper. “Now I don’t feel like the third wheel anymore. I know Tommy loves me just as much as he loves you.”

  “You were never the third wheel. I was.”

  He shook his head.

  The light reflected off his misty eyes like a mirror, and she knew he was too choked up to speak. His vulnerability and raw sensitivity made her heart crumble. The dull pain that squeezed her heart immobilized her. She had no idea that Angel battled the same fears and uncertainties that she was dealing with, and she wished she would have confronted him sooner. Her eyes welled with tears because they could have been comforting each other instead of silently waiting for the ball to drop and their lives to explode. “I can’t believe you’re saying all of this. I feel the exact same way. You understand Tommy. You made him love himself. I’ve been trying to do that since I met him. Why do you think I pushed the issue of bringing men into our bedroom?”

  She waited for him to answer, but he didn’t. He only looked back at her with confusion.

  “I wanted Tommy to be at peace with his sexuality, whatever it was. He was sick holding it inside him. You made all that disappear. That’s one of the reasons I love you so much, Angel. I could never do that for him, but you did, and it was effortless. You didn’t even try.” Her emotions were getting the better of her, and her voice was beginning to falter. “You balance out Tommy’s life. You keep him centered and grounded. You’re everything I’m not.”

  The force of Angel’s embrace surprised her. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart. This has been unfair to you, and I should have seen it before. I guess because I was the one coming into your marriage, I thought I was the outsider. I never imagined that you would feel the same way. I never thought you would feel threatened by me, and I never thought your feelings for me would be so strong.” He slowly lifted her chin so he could look into her eyes, and he had that look again. He smiled softly and bestowed her with a tender kiss.

  “Something else happened when we were in Asia,” he said. “I realized how much I love you. I missed you. In the middle of the night I would wake up and look for you. I would wonder what you were doing and if you were lonely. When me and Tommy made love it was beautiful, but at times something was missing, and that something was you. We share more than just Tommy. We share our life. You’re just as much a part of my life as Tommy is. We’re not together just because of him. Don’t you feel the connection, too?”

  “Of course I do, Angel.”

  “There’s more. I had a dream. It was as real as me and you standing here right now, and it was probably the happiest moment of my life.”

  The sentiment in his eyes and in his face was the most loving she had ever seen.

  “I dreamt that we were a family.”

  “We are a family. We just got derailed a little.”

  “No. A real family, with two babies. One of them Tommy’s and one of them mine. Since that night, I’ve loved you so much more. You’re going to be the mother of my child.” He took her hand. “Will you? Will you give me a son or a daughter one day, when the time is right?”

  She struggled to steady her quivering lips. The tears were almost blinding, but she blinked them away. She swallowed hard to stifle the sob that was fighting its way out of her throat. He wanted her to have his baby. She and Tommy touched on starting a family when they first got married, but neither thought a child fit into their lives at the time and they never seriously talked about it since. The time still wasn’t right, but the idea that Angel wanted her to be the mother of his child – or children – showed her how much she meant to him. She knew Angel loved her, but this new declaration was intense and solidified a place in his heart. It told her that she was just as important to him as Tommy was, and she knew he was sincere. Their union was no longer a lopsided tripod hovering on two legs, waiting to fall. It was on solid ground, and stood strong and proud.

  “I came back from Asia loving you more than I ever knew possible, and before I had a chance to tell you, things went south. You hurt my heart with some of the things you said and it made me defensive. I’m sorry. We should have had this conversation from the start.” Angel looked deep into her eyes. “I love you, sweetheart. I can’t explain the kind of love it is. My feelings for you are deep and consuming. I can’t put a label on how much I love you. As a gay man, I don’t understand it. It’s not sexual. I want to be upfront about that. I don’t want to mislead you, but it’s so much more than just friendship.”

  Remorse ripped her in half. “I’m so sorry, Angel. I don’t know how or when things escalated out of hand between us. You’re right. We should have put everything else aside and discussed the issues we had with each other.”

  She thought about the idea of having a family with him and she couldn’t stop the smile from broadening across her face. “I would be honored to have your baby.” She let out a small laugh. “Once our lives are a lot less volatile and, maybe, after we mention it to Tommy.”

  Angel smiled softly and placed the most gentle, tender kiss that she had ever received on her lips. Not even Tommy was the source of such a delicate show of affection.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Tommy didn’t need to get Damien’s opinion on a guitar riff. They just spent hours together in the studio. He left Angel and Jessi alone because he knew they still had issues that needed to be resolved. Again, he questioned his decision to force the resolution between them, and his stomach flip flopped as he made his way back to their hotel room.

  He put his ear to the door with apprehension, and hoped he didn’t hear any harsh words. It was silent, except for some music on the stereo.

  He opened the door to find Angel and Jessi at the table looking through tourist brochures.

  “I’m glad you’re back,” Angel
said with a big smile. “We can’t decide which one of these attractions you’d hate more, the National Museum of Art and History or the Luxembourg Modern Art Museum. The next time you see my mother, make sure you thank her for teaching me to appreciate art.”

  The posture between Angel and Jessi was relaxed and warm. He hoped they settled things between them, because he needed to get some things of his own out in the open.

  “Are you OK, mi amor?” Angel asked with concern. “You look upset.”

  “Me and Angel kissed and made up,” Jessi said. “We’re sorry if we put you through hell.”

  Angel snorted. “We were all in hell. But we’re happy to have left it behind and now we’re ready to move forward with our lives.”

  Tommy breathed a sigh of relief. “There are some things I need to say to both of you.” He put his guitar down on the couch, and Jessi and Angel left the table and came to his side, concerned about what he had to say.

  “Everyone thinks my life is easy,” Tommy began. “They think that everything’s icing on the cake for me. Everyone says, ‘it must be good to be Tommy Blade’. Well, it’s not. It’s damn hard. My heart is torn in half. I love both of you more than I could ever put into words. I would die without either one of you. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t know why I need you both so much. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to balance that love, so one of you doesn’t feel less important than the other? I constantly wonder and second guess whether I did something that might be misconstrued as favoring one of you over the other. I’m so afraid of hurting one of you. I hated the friction between you two, but I couldn’t get involved. Our relationship is fragile. Our life hangs by a thread, and it’s all up to me to make sure there aren’t any frays in that thread. Otherwise our entire life could unravel. It’s a lot of responsibility.”