If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  Perri didn’t know what to say; truth is she didn’t even know why she was standing there.

  You want him.

  There was that bothersome voice again. Ignoring it along with the butterflies swarming in her belly she tried to come up with a suitable answer. “I just wanted to see you.” Surprising both of them with her sudden candid honesty, she blinked hardly able to believe her own ears.

  Not realizing he’d been holding his breath, Barrington broke into a full-fledged smile. “And now that you have?”

  She blinked rapidly.

  Wasting no time reaching for her hand, Barrington said, “Stop fidgeting, Perri.”

  She was about to protest until she realized she’d been playing with the buttons on her shirt which she all of a sudden remembered she’d snagged from his pile of clothes he’d shedding when he stripped them both naked on their way to making love for the very first time.

  “It’s all right, baby. We’ll take it one true confession at a time.”

  His smile did more to reassure her than he realized.

  “Come on.” He ushered her down the hallway. “I’ll fix you some hot chocolate.”

  “How’d you know I was gonna get some?”

  Not turning to look at her, he only said, “Sweet Perri, I remember everything about you, the little things that make you happy. After a night of unfit rest you want hot chocolate to calm you, so you fall into a relatively comfortable sleep.”

  His impeccable memory impressed her and she smiled, unable to help being touched he took notice of something so insignificantly minute. “Thank you, Barrington,” was all she could manage because she felt tears on the horizon and the last thing Perri wanted or needed was to come undone emotionally in front of him.

  “You’re welcome, baby.” Preparing the water, he walked to the stove turning on the front eye and placed the kettle upon it.

  Perri watched his every move feeling herself unravel with each motion he made and before she caught herself he turned and smiled when he saw her staring at him.

  “Is it too soon to ask for another true confession?”

  “What do you mean?”

  His eyes connected with and held her eyes. “Can you allow yourself to admit you still care for me?”

  Feeling the heat infuse her cheeks, Perri admitted, “I’ll always care about you, Barrington. That much about me hasn’t changed.”

  He smiled visibly satisfied. “I’m glad.”

  “So am I.” The kettle whistled. She watched him move about preparing a cup.

  “Hot chocolate for the leading lady in my life,” he offered the mug, “my wife.”

  Her fingers brushed against his warm skin as she reached for the mug in his hands. An intense wave of desire flooded her being. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome, baby.” Watching her bring the mug to her lips and gently blow in it, Barrington wanted her so much he felt it in his soul and his heart hurt because he couldn’t reach out and take her in his arms to familiarize himself with her body all over again—inside and out—loving her for the remaining time they had before daylight.

  Barrington and Perri stood hand in hand in the hallway. Chuckling, she teased. “Thanks for seeing me to my door, kind sir.”

  “Not a problem, madam, it was on the way.”

  Judging the distance in between the kitchen and her bedroom, she smirked at him.

  He said, “It would be if I were coming from the hall bathroom.”

  They shared an easy laugh.

  Feeling his cock rear its head, Barrington knew he’d better leave now. “Sleep tight, Perri. I’ll see you when you wake up.” He turned to leave.

  Her hand shot out to stop him because her voice wasn’t quick enough.

  Barrington stopped but didn’t turn to look at her, instead closing his eyes willing himself the strength to not take advantage of his wife in a moment of what was probably brief weakness.

  “Will you stay, Barrington? Please?” Perri held her breath waiting for his first response.

  Barrington swallowed hard wondering if she had any idea what she was doing to him. Chancing all his emotions, he turned staring into her eyes, the window of her soul. “Do you know what you’re asking?”

  “Yes.”

  “Perri, you better be sure,” he warned. “I’m telling you if I stay I am going to make love to you. If you can’t handle it, or you’re not willing to go that far, you better let me go right now, baby, while I’ve still got the strength to restrain myself.”

  She smiled warmed by his words. “Barrington, I’m not a child. I know what I’m saying. I know what it means. I know I want you to stay. I know I want to make love with you.” Perri took a deep breath. “Barrington, I’m tired of denying my heart the love I feel for you. I’m tired of running. I can’t fight the feeling anymore, it’s too draining. I don’t want to fight what I feel for you, Barrington. Please say you wanna stay with me.” Reaching up she caressed his smooth cheek, her hand burning with the desire he kindled in her. “Lay with me, my beautiful husband.”

  Sweeping her up in his arms, Barrington told her, “I want that more than you know, sweet Perri. More than even you can imagine.” He kissed her lightly at first, slowly teasing her as his tongue played with hers. When he heard her purring, he whispered, “My baby, this is your last chance to change your mind.”

  Smiling, Perri whispered, “I’m not looking for a way of escape.”

  Kicking the door open, he carried her inside stopping long enough for her to push it shut behind them. Placing her on the bed, Barrington stood back marveling as he looked at her in awe.

  “What?” she asked due to the sudden delay of where his eager hands should be displayed.

  Barrington was shaking his head, “I just wanna look at you for a minute. You are still without a doubt the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

  It wasn’t easy, but for him, Perri made herself not fidget while he seemed to be taking an extensive inventory of her entire body and she wondered what could have him mesmerized when she was still fully clothed, though she had to admit how good it felt having his eyes watching only her body again.

  “You’re so damn beautiful. You always were.”

  “Thank you.” She smiled, reaching out her hand to him. “You always make me feel beautiful, Barrington.”

  He knelt before her framing her face. “I want you to be absolutely sure about your sudden change of mind, because once we start they’ll be no stopping until I’ve brought you to pleasure in every possible way imaginable. Just like old times only better because I’ve missed you something awful and I’ve got a lot of pent up passion reserved with your name on it, girl.” He searched her eyes. “Once I begin making love to you, Perri, just like when you were in labor ready to give birth to my seed, the only way out of it is through it, and I’m gonna make damn sure you feel every labor of love I have stored up for you,” he promised.

  Perri caressed his face. “Barrington, you’ve always been able to caress a song and make lyrical love to it with your voice.” She swallowed hard. “Just like your love comes pouring through every lyric you sing, I want you to love me more and make love to me deeper.”

  Barrington was fighting to keep his back out of his front. Sometimes, when it came to his songs, he felt like the crowd liked his music, but weren't necessarily listening to his lyrics. It warmed his soul to know the woman he loved with all his heart also listened to the lyrics in his songs. She was causing him to melt for her fast with her words alone. He could just about and had imagined what it would be like to make love to her after nearly two years of absence.

  “I may have been born with a song in my heart, Perri, but I was created to love you, baby.” He looked deeper into her eyes, seeing love for him reflecting back at him. “I’m human, Perri,” he continued. “We’re married now so it will be different . . . better. I just need to know that you know and understand that if we consummate this marriage, it will be a real marriage in every sense
of the word from that point on.”

  Nodding her head, Perri said, “I understand and I’m ready, Barrington.”

  “Anything you want, whatever you need, sweet Perri, you know I got it and I'm gonna give it to you. But first, baby, I need to know. What are you ready for?”

  This time Perri understood how badly he needed to hear her say the words and felt compelled to comply with his desire. It was so simple that had she not been looking for the underlying meaning she would have missed it altogether. For the first time Perri realized it wasn’t about his need to have his ego stroked. Finally she knew for Barrington it was much more serious and couldn’t be compared to anything vain. Now, she understood his heart needed to be reassured that he wasn’t in this marriage alone, because even though physically Perri was right there with him, emotionally the only feeling she’d allowed him to feel as far as they were concerned was loneliness. In that instant, she felt how much her holding back was hurting him; hurting them.

  Perri smiled lovingly at her husband, wanting him, desiring him, and needing him. “Baby, once in a lifetime you find someone like you.” She struggled for control over the tears falling down her face. “You've been a very patient man with me.”

  “Because my heart belongs to you, Perri; whatever you want and need from me, it's yours, baby. Now that I have you, it's nothing I won't do to keep you, my baby.”

  “I don't deserve you, Barrington, but God, how I do desire you.” She lightly brushed her lips against his, loving the softness. “Barrington, my husband, I’m ready for you to make love to me as your wife.”

  Her words were music to his ears and all Barrington needed to hear to let the music of his heart play, creating the perfect backdrop, while he in turn made lyrical love to his wife who was without a single doubt his life. His heart was full and his cup of love for her was overflowing. He felt a joy he’d never felt before all because, finally, his sweet Perri was as ready for him as he’d always been for her. For that one reason alone, he was going to make sure they both received their just reward.

  “Hit me, Barry.”

  “What?” Shocked, he looked at her strangely until he glimpsed the hint of a smirk in her eyes. Remembering how she'd said that to him after the first time they made love, Barrington couldn't help laughing.

  She laughed too.

  Shaking his head, he said, “Sweet Perri, you got me feeling a million different ways for you.”

  After kissing Perri's body up and down for the second time, Barrington lingered at the base of her throat, delivering the most powerful, delicious, sweetest kisses. It was a potent tonic with an effect like no other. Slowly, deliberately, just the way she loved, he tongued her throat until, out of pure ecstasy, Perri joyfully cried out his name from the pleasure she'd gained. Then without forewarning, he seductively slid down her body until he was staring at her wet core, longing to taste the secrets he knew all too well that lingered inside that sweet haven. “Hold on tight, Perri.” Licking his lips, he looked into her eyes. “Enjoy the show, baby; I intend to.” Barrington began to feast inside her sex, swirling, twirling, and licking his tongue up and down sending her over the brink as a pleasurable cry rippled from her body, igniting more fire in his.

  Unable to bear another minute of elated passion, Perri begged. “Barry . . .”

  “Not yet, sweet Perri; the temp is up, but I'm not through with your sweet nectar yet.”

  His tongue continued to explore the familiar territory he'd once claimed before; territory he was sure no one besides him had visited. She tasted better than he remembered. Or maybe he'd just missed her so bad it seemed that way. He didn't know; didn't care. He only knew he was going to take his time, pleasuring her, bringing her joy forevermore. The more Barrington feasted on her the more he wanted to taste of her. When he hit her sweet spot and she cried out his name, he still didn't stop. Not even when she drizzled inside his mouth and his tongue tired he didn't stop. He couldn't. Like a drug addict craved nose-candy, he was craving her and he didn't want to leave her alone. Just like the first time he'd loved her this way, one hit of her and Barrington was an addict busting out of recovery all over again, strung out on the juices flowing from his beautiful wife’s delicious body. God, he’d missed this. Missed her; missed tasting her.

  Perri half moaned, half groaned from pleasurable pain and frustrated need. “You're killing me,” she rasped out between ragged breaths.

  “I'm loving you, sweet Perri,” he corrected softly.

  “You're torturing me, G-Man,” she insisted.

  “I'm pleasing you.” He knew the undeniable truth.

  Perri couldn't have held back the loud cry that escaped her throat if she'd tried, as Barrington once again delved deep into her core with his well-placed tongue, exposing all her intimate secrets that only he'd been privy to discover and uncover from the start. After that, all she remembered is visiting heaven here on earth as her husband, with his potent tongue, made love to her until he was sure she couldn't take anymore.

  Satisfied his wife couldn't handle any more lovemaking from his tongue Barrington slowly entered her core with his cock and began to love her in a seductive ritual as old as the Ancient of days. He forgot about himself. Only Perri's needs mattered.

  Needless to say they had a very long and beautiful night filled with so much unspeakable love, joy, peace, and happiness.

  Chapter Twenty

  “I think you must’ve forgotten who you were dealing with.” Barrington grinned at his wife. “I’d think last night would have reminded you I don’t play by your rules, dear wife.”

  Not amused, Perri said, “Last night was last night; today is a brand new day.”

  “But as far as my intentions go, nothing’s changed.” He inched closer to her face. “The way I made love to you last night, Perri, I’m sure you noticed it was different. That was my own way of branding you, claiming you for myself and, letting you know that you’re now mine forever.”

  “Branding me? Claiming me? Yours?” She shook her head. “Did you bump your head? Man, I am not some livestock nor am I part of your luggage collection. I will not become part of your baggage claim!”

  “Don’t fight it, Perri. Like I said, you’re all mine now, baby.” He grinned and walked out the door before she could say more.

  ***

  “Have you guys ever been hunted by a man?”

  “Excuse me?” Tyler raised her eyebrow. “You mean like a dog or something?”

  Perri giggled. “No not exactly.” She couldn't believe she was actually sitting in her parents' home discussing something so intimate.

  “But it could include doggie-style.”

  “Hunter!” Tyler and Perri said.

  “What?” Hunter innocently asked. “I’m just saying . . .”

  “Girl, you are off your rocker today,” Tyler told her.

  “My hinges work just fine,” Hunter disagreed. “Besides, Tyler, what are you over there wigging out about?”

  “Huh! Ask me the question again, Hunter.”

  Hunter playfully squeezed her cheeks. “One day, Tyler, it is gonna happen to you.” She kissed her left cheek.

  Joining ranks with Hunter, Perri tickled under her chin. “And it’s gonna be so good to you.” She kissed her forehead.

  “Would you two stop,” Tyler pretended to be irritated, pushing both her sisters’ hands away from her. “You two are starting to weird me out,” she complained.

  Hunter rolled her eyes. “Anyway, Perri, I know exactly what you mean.”

  “So, you’ve been hunted by a man?”

  “I’m married, aren’t I?” was her reply. “I’ve been through enough bull crap to know I wouldn’t settle for a man who doesn’t even consider me important enough to, at some point in our relationship, come after me strictly from his animalistic nature. And make no mistake,” she said to Tyler who was about to challenge her, “every man who’s alive and breathing without the aid of a machine has one.”

  Perri laughed.
>
  “What you laughing at, Perri? You now know for yourself what I’m saying is true.” She laughed out loud fanning her face, thinking about it. “And it’s so cute, too. At least it was with my Usher,” Hunter bragged. “You know a man is completely yours when he starts saying stuff like ‘You are mine, baby. I branded you, girl. I put my mark on you and make no mistake I belong to you, too. I claim you, woman; that means there’s no one else for you as long as I’m alive. I know the make of your body inside and out, your scent is one of a kind, not to be confused with any other woman. I’m drawn to you like an animal in heat. You’re mine forever and don’t you make a mistake and think otherwise.’ You know, things of that nature. Then he puts his mating skills into practice, you become his prey and he hunts after you until you, too, are saying you belong solely to him.” Spinning around the middle of the floor in a circle, Hunter laughed out loud along with her sisters.

  Catching her breath, Perri said, “That’s how Barrington was talking, too.”

  “Ooh, just wait till I see my brothers again. I’m not going give them any mercy,” Tyler laughed herself silly.

  “Trust me, ladies,” Hunter was now saying, “a man knows his woman; that’s why he has no qualms about letting you and everyone else know that you are strictly and totally his.”

  By now, both Tyler and Perri had tears in their eyes as they laughed 'till they cried.

  “So,” Hunter sobered, “was it good, Perri?”

  Grinning, she said, “Yeah, Hunter, it was. But I wasn’t about to tell him that.”

  “What?” She sounded offended. “Why?” she wanted to know.

  “Because, Hunter, Barrington is just too cocky for his own good and, I for one, was not about to feed his overinflated ego.”

  “It’s called manly pride, Perri. And every man has a certain measure when it comes to his woman and knowing for a fact he took good care of satisfying her—inside and out. Plus, your man just needs to hear it even if it is every once in a while.”

  “I don’t get it.” Tyler’s features showed her confusion.