If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  “What, honey?” Perri asked her.

  “Madear always says pride is a sin.”

  “Yeah, she does,” Perri agreed.

  “But,” Hunter added, “I personally believe that there are several different forms of pride. All of them can be destructive if taken too far. But I’m also inclined to think as far as men and the way they feel for their women go, it’s not egotistical pride for simply telling all your business; it’s more like personal tie pride wherein a man knows he’s bonded with his woman and he’s not afraid to show it to anyone willing to witness it, and that includes his woman. Thank God,” Hunter raised her hand as if testifying to a truth. “Perri, Barrington is a man all day long; the world will do its part in tearing his manhood down. As his wife, it’s really up to you to build your man’s heart back up. Best way to do that is to let him know he still has the ability to knock the ball out of the park for his wife.”

  “Umm,” Tyler said. “I like that definition.”

  Perri nodded in agreement. “Yeah, Hunter, I gotta hand it to you. Sometimes you really are the wisest among us.”

  “Oh, forget you, girl.”

  “No, seriously, Hunter. Now I understand why Barrington appeared so put out because I refused to say it when we were, well . . . enjoying each other.”

  Tyler laughed out loud.

  “You hurt his feelings,” Hunter observed.

  “I guess I did,” Perri admitted. “But it wasn’t intentional or anything like that; I mean, if I’d only known exactly what and how much it meant to him . . . .”

  Grabbing her purse and keys, Perri stood. “I have to go now.”

  “Go on, girl,” Hunter encouraged, knowing what her sister meant.

  “Yeah, Perri,” Tyler told her, “Go hunt your man.”

  Perri smiled. “I’m going to my beautiful sisters. Because I finally realize now what my husband was trying the only way he knew how to tell me physically last night and then again audibly this morning. Sometimes a woman just has to make love to her man.”

  “Preach, girlfriend,” Tyler giggled.

  “Amen, sister-girl; now, go tell it to your man,” Hunter added her spoon, stirring the pot.

  “Thanks, Hunter.”

  “Not a problem, Perri.” Hunter smiled sheepishly. “Now go home to your husband and solve yours. You know there’s nothing wrong with a little afternoon delight.”

  They all laughed.

  “Girl, hush. I still got a forty-five minute drive ahead of me. And I don’t need to be getting a ticket for trying to make it home at break-neck speed, either.”

  Hunter smiled and shrugged. “If you get pulled over, just say you doused your husband’s fire last night. And right now, you need to get home and rekindle the flame.”

  “Yeah, Perri, but make sure old dude know and understand he don’t need to be writing you no ticket for burning down the house with your husband in it.”

  They laughed.

  “No, I’ll tell the officer just the opposite. That I need him to be a gentleman and please let me go because I needed to get home quick, fast and in a hurry to sing my man’s praises because he needs me to make love to him right now.”

  ***

  As soon as Perri got home, she lit up all the candles she could get her hands on. Then going into their bedroom, she took a quick shower, put on her cute stuff—including three inch black heels, completed a mirror scan, sprayed on some perfume in all the right areas, and went back to the living room to wait for her man to get home.

  When Barrington pulled into the driveway, Perri met him at the door with open arms. “Hey, baby,” she greeted seductively, and chuckled when Barrington dropped his keys.

  “Damn, baby,” he said as the head of his cock tried to jump its way through his jeans.

  “Yeah, baby, here it is.” She winked at him before stepping up to him, on tiptoes, she kissed him. Pulling back, Perri took her time, removing every stitch of his clothing. Seeing and knowing he was fully ready, she announced, “Follow me, baby boy.”

  When Barrington came into the living room, she was holding a brand new black robe open for him to step into. She was encouraged anew when she witnessed his response. Her husband was so excited he was shaking. “That's okay, baby, that's exactly how I want you.” Perri opened her short robe, letting it fall to the floor, revealing a sheer white negligee. “I want you to shake for me,” she whispered.

  In less than two seconds, Barrington had his wife in his arms, devouring every bit of her yummy flesh, while delivering a sensuous and promising kiss to each inch of her soft, supple, and delectable skin. When she moaned in his mouth, he deepened the kiss, going intimately further in exploring the inside of her mouth like it was the very first time.

  “Barry . . .” she panted. “I need you, baby. I need you, the best lover I've ever had; my only lover; my partner; my best friend for life. Oh, yeah, I definitely need you, Barrington.” Tears poured from her eyes as she looked up into his beautiful yellow-green heated gaze. “I need you, Barrington, to make love to me until I can't take anymore. And I promise, baby, in return, I'm gonna make love to you until all you can think about is me; just us two, Barrington.”

  “Baby, I'm already ahead of you. You're all I think about anyway, sweet Perri.”

  “Make me feel it,” she begged unashamedly.

  Not having to ask him twice, Barrington picked his wife up, and in two long strides, laid her out before him on the couch. He stood back and admired her beauty, knowing every trace of her body by heart. Mentally, he decided what part of her he was going to enjoy first, but knew he was going to save the best for last.

  Eager for him to love her, Perri gazed up at her husband, thinking what a beautiful man standing before her, looking at her like she was the cream of the crop, and he couldn't wait to sample every part. She felt more bold and brazen, but most of all, she felt uninhibited. Perri reached up for him. “I wanna make love to you and with you, Barrington.” She pulled him down until his warm body was covering her completely. “Welcome home, G-man.”

  They kissed until they were both in tears.

  Barrington caressed her cheek, cupped her nape as he tilted her chin until he was staring in her beautiful chocolate brown eyes. “That's all I've wanted to hear you say since you walked back into my life,” he confessed with emotion.

  Stroking his face, she whispered, “Welcome home, baby,” over and over again.

  “Thank you,” he whispered right back every time she said it.

  Perri couldn't hold back any longer, she revealed her heart, “I do love you, Barrington.”

  “I know you do. But, baby, how do you know?”

  Staring at his beautiful golden tanned face, tears flowed from her eyes. “Your pain is my pain. When you hurt I hurt. Your pleasure is my pleasure. When you're filled with happiness my heart is filled with unspeakable joy. You're the first person I pray for in the morning. The constant person I pray for throughout the day. The first person I pray for at night. Yours is the first face I want to see when I wake in the morning, still held in your arms and the last face I want to see before I lay down in your arms and sleep at night. When you walk into the room my present is beautiful. When you smile I know my future is bright. Barrington, you are my shining knight.”

  Perri framed his face, kissing away the tears easing from the corner of his eyes. “You're my heart, Barrington. You're my world and how I do love you, baby.” She sobbed, having completely dissolved into tears inside his loving embrace. “You're my everything, baby boy. And—”

  Barrington didn't let her finish. His mouth found the side of her throat, and he tongued her there until all she could do was moan helplessly in his arms. Feeling her shiver uncontrollably, he observed, “You like that, don't you, sweet Perri?” When she nodded, Barrington moved down the length of her throat until he reached the sensitive base. He kissed her there and then laved the scented hollow with the tip of his tongue.

  “Barry,” she gasped as her hand autom
atically pressed against his chest and at the same time she arched back, giving him more access to her throat, melting under the assault of his tongue.

  After teasing her a while longer, Barrington answered, “Yes,” and studied her full lips.

  Perri could only stare up at him, mesmerized by his beauty, enraptured by his charm, and enslaved by his one-of-a-kind way of loving her intimately. Tears came to her eyes. Barrington gently licked them away. He kissed her cheek, nose, forehead, then softly kissed her eyelids closed. All she could do was sigh because at that point she was totally lost in his love, forgetting that there was even a such thing as tomorrow. All that mattered was here and now with her husband. She quivered at just the thought that this beautiful man doing wonderful things to her was truly her husband, the man that God sent to love her through. And he'd freely chosen to spend his life with her! Marveling at his awesomeness, Perri cried.

  “Shhh, sweet Perri. You don't have to cry alone anymore.” The tears in his eyes matched hers. “Baby, from this point on, I even want to share your tears.” He gently kissed her lips. “When you hurt, baby, I hurt, too. When you're happy, Perri, I'm happy, too.” He deepened the kiss only breaking it when she needed to breathe. “I only want to make you happy.”

  “You do, Barrington. You do.”

  “Do I?” When she nodded, he said, “Really?”

  “You really have to ask?” She kissed him until she was sure he was sure.

  Lifting his wife in his arms, Barrington headed for their bedroom. Placing her on the bed, he took his time removing what little material covered her beautiful body, revealing every part of her to him—naked and not ashamed. Lowering his head, he automatically licked one full breast causing her to cry out in what he mistook as pleasure.

  Pushing his head away, Perri snapped, “That's Imani's happy meal!”

  Trying his best not to laugh at her very serious expression, Barrington said, “Sorry. I forgot, baby.” When the creases in her forehead diminished, he knew her anger had subsided, and he asked, “How long before”—he looked at her luscious, plump and overly ripe breasts—“they become my happy meal again?”

  Shrugging, she told him, “I plan to breastfeed until she's eight months. Madear said it'd be okay to put her on whole milk then, especially since she has such a healthy appetite.”

  Already having calculated the time frame, he said, “So, in four months, I get my twins back?”

  They both burst into laughter.

  Framing his face, Perri kissed Barrington's smooth, chiseled cheek. “Yes.”

  “Promise?” He eyed her breasts again, wanting very badly to suckle them now.

  She laughed at the wanton look in his eyes as she watched him watch her breasts like they were the last supper and this were the only opportunity he'd have to ravish them like there was no tomorrow. “I promise, G-Man, the day after Imani turns eight months,” she lifted his chin so his eyes were on hers instead of her breasts, “the twins will be yours to nurse again.” She sealed the vow with a very seductive and wickedly tantalizing kiss. “For now,” she winked and licked her lips, knowing it was a turn on for him, “you can do whatever you want with the rest of my body.”

  “Well, all right, now. Careful what you tell me because I'm gonna take you at your word.”

  “Take my word, my money, my house, my car, take anything you want. Take me any way you want. I don't care, baby, long as you take me with you.”

  His cock definitely responded. ”Guess we'd better get this love-fest started because I'm not through with you yet, baby,” he promised.

  “I hope not. But now, Barrington, it's my turn to take care of you.”

  He chuckled. “You always take care of me, Perri.”

  “Well, now, I'm gonna love you, baby, like there's no tomorrow.” She straddled him, not breaking eye contact with him, feeling the heat of his manhood, she slowly eased down on his cock, taking all of him fully inside her as she closed her eyes and relished the feel of him mushrooming inside of her. Perri smiled when he moaned out his cries of pleasure. “This is where you belong, Barry.” She arose slightly and came back down on his manhood harder, squeezing her pelvic muscles around his shaft. “Always,” she said, gazing lovingly in his eyes.

  “Hold on tight, baby.” Wrapping her legs around his waist, she whispered, “Enjoy the ride,” and rode her husband, hard, fast, and furious and she didn't stop until he was melting in her arms, begging her to stop before he cried out her name numerous times in the heat of his release. Inwardly, she took total delight, knowing she had him hollering for her like that. But instead of saying that to him, Perri slowly began to ride him once more, grateful that he was immediately fully aroused again, joining her for the second round. In her mind, it was still all about Barrington, and she wanted to make sure her husband got his—as much as he wanted. She flexed her pelvic muscles, drawing him deeper inside her wet core.

  “Damn, Perri . . . damn, damn, damn, girl,” Barrington called out excitedly because it was all he could do, slapping her ass a couple times before grabbing her hips in an effort to still them. “I don't wanna come again yet. Not before you this time.” Without breaking the union of their joined sweat-slick bodies, Barrington quickly and expertly changed their positions, him on top, and somehow, without breaking their rhythm, he plunged deeper inside her, feeling her wrap her legs around him like an octopus.

  “Perri . . . I . . . love . . . you. Only you, baby. I love you, sweet Perri.” With each thrust, he made sure to tell her what she meant to him. “You're the best part of me, Perri.” He delved deeper inside her, feeling her muscles constricting around him. “You're my world, baby girl.” His pace quickened. “You're so damn beautiful, Perri.” Feeling her muscles tighten, tense, and then yield to him, he said, “I cherish you, Perri.” He thrust inside her one last time, taking her over the edge. “I would die for you, sweet Perri.” He made sure to go with her when she reached that unexplainable spot, crying out his name, at the same time Barrington got his release, her name on his lips.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Three months later

  “Barrington . . .” Perri stopped, calculating how to say the words. This was the fifth discussion they'd had on the subject of babies—more to the point—him wanting to have a baby and, soon. “Look, Barrington, it's not time for us to add another addition to our family; I'm still breastfeeding Imani,” she told him as if he should have known now wasn't a good time to even entertain the prospect of a new baby, let alone proceed to have one.

  Unable to accept his wife's theory or excuse, Barrington challenged, “Don't you want to have my baby, Perri?”

  Hearing how ridiculous he was being, she rolled her eyes. “I already have your baby, babe.”

  “Yeah, and Imani needs a playmate.”

  “Imani has a playmate—you.”

  They laughed.

  “Besides, Barrington, our daughter is still basking in all the attention you lavish upon her. So why should she want to share you so soon?”

  “I have enough love to go around, Perri, so Imani doesn't have to worry about that changing because she's my favorite girl, after you. But, still, Perri, I have room in my heart for more children—more children with you, because I love you and I want to experience the joy of going through every stage of pregnancy with you. Is that so bad in your eyes?”

  She blew out an exasperated breath. “Barrington, I love you; you love me and we both love Imani. For now, why can't that be enough? I know it is for me, because God knows I don't want stepladder kids.”

  “Exactly, Perri, you don't want any more kids. It's enough for you to just have one, but I want more, and I want them with you.”

  “Even though it's not what I want?”

  “Okay, wait, Perri. Answer me this. Why don't you want another child?”

  “I’m not saying I don't want another child, Barrington; just not right now.”

  “What's wrong with now, Perri?”

  “Barri—”
<
br />   “Baby, we're married now,” he cut her off, “so you don't have to worry about going it alone.”

  Perri lowered her gaze, wondering why he seemed to jump on any bandwagon he could if it meant he got to throw her one mistake with him in her face whenever he didn’t get his way. That routine was getting old real quick, and she was thinking to tell him so, but instead she ended up saying, “That's exactly what I mean.”

  Whatever she said was said so softly Barrington barely heard her. Having a pretty good hunch what the real problem was, he tried his best to make headway with her, knowing the past was still an issue for his wife. “I keep telling you it doesn’t matter to me, Perri. I just want us to be able to move forward without all of this tension between us, you know.”

  She arrested him with a calculating expression. “What are you talking about, Barrington?”

  “Withholding the truth about Imani from me; leaving me with no explanation . . . all of that.”

  Barrington’s comment flew all over her. The remark about Imani she understood, although he’d already said he forgave her for that a long time ago. So why bring it up now? And just where did he get off trying to shift blame concerning their turbulent history to her? He was the one who left her high and dry with no explanation like she was one of his typical groupies.

  Okay, Perri, just calm down, do not cause a scene now.

  She folded her arms. “Well, your royal high-priest, I’m ever so grateful for your pardon seeing how I couldn’t live without it and all.” The expression on Barrington’s face changed to one she didn’t recognize. Bitterness? Hurt? No, she’d seen him in each one of those phases. Was it . . . fear?

  “That’s not what I meant, Perri,” Barrington rushed the words out.

  “So! You are so ridiculous. I don’t care what you meant, I heard what you said. And just so you know, you are aggravating my soul.” No sooner than the words were out of her mouth, Perri could feel the harsh slap of cold, tense silence hovering over her, judging her actions harshly, dividing them more. She swallowed a wave of guilt along with the bile clawing its way from the bitter acid lining her stomach to the back of her throat. She covered her mouth.