Ride or Die 1

by Claire C. Riley

  “No, Gauge, I want it there. It’s not all about the TV, you know.”

  “Maybe not for you, but a man wants to come home at the end of the day, drink a cold beer, watch some TV, and then fuck his old lady,” he replied bluntly.

  “Oh, and your old lady likes getting fucked by you, does she?” I smarted.

  “Might not have laid claim to a woman, but damn straight I fuck every night, you little bitch,” Gauge yelled back, his temper getting the better of him.

  Jesse dropped his end of the sofa down. “Will you two shut the fuck up arguing already?”

  “Fuck off!” both Gauge and I shouted at the same time.

  Jesse stared at us, and I wondered whether he and Gauge were going to start a huge fight in my freshly decorated living room. There had been a time that I had worried Gauge could kick Jesse’s ass, but after seeing them fight previously, it was pretty obvious that they were evenly matched, despite Gauge’s experience and age. Now I worried more that they would beat each other to death rather than just senseless.

  Men are idiots.

  Jesse saw my pleading look and dragged a hand down his beard. He gave one last glare to Gauge and then stormed back out of the house, muttering something about crazy-ass family genes and hoping that our kids didn’t get them, and I couldn’t help but laugh. I looked over at Gauge as he put down his end of the sofa and sighed. He looked from me to the sofa and then pushed the small sofa against the wall like I had wanted. When he turned around I threw myself at him, my arms wrapping around his neck like a little spider monkey, and I buried my face into the crook of his neck. His body froze, his muscles stiffening as he tried to work out what to do, and I half thought he was going to throw me off him—because hugging wasn’t exactly our thing—but then all at once he softened and I felt his arms go around me as he hugged me back.

  I was hugging Gauge—my father—for probably one of the first times ever, and it felt good.

  We didn’t say anything to each other, probably because the usual bullshit would only come from both of us if we did, so instead we hugged in silence and I reveled in the scent of my father’s leather cut and his sweat wrapping around me comfortingly.

  Jesse came back inside with Casa, both of them carrying the new mattress. He took one look at us and smiled and shook his head.

  “Goddamn crazy running through their blood, that’s for damn sure,” he said to Casa as they carried the mattress upstairs.

  “Can you imagine the fucked-up DNA you two will pass on to your brats?” Casa laughed, and I think Jesse told him to go fuck a goat and stop talking about kids.

  I pulled out of the hug first and Gauge looked down at me. I had thought I’d gotten all of my coloring from my mom, but looking at him now, I could see that I got his looks too. Though his gray eyes were ghostly where mine were dark pools, our skin was a light brown and his hair was dark like mine. Gauge reached up and touched my cheek, his eyes capturing me and holding me hostage. My body trembled under his touch, because this wasn’t him, or us. We were hard and rough, we fought and we hated. We were never kind or gentle to one another. And that was okay, because at least I knew what to expect with that. I couldn’t be let down if I never hoped for anything more. I couldn’t hurt if I never let him get close. But this was different, now.

  “You look so much like her sometimes it scares me,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “She’d be proud of you, kid,” he said, and then he lowered his hand and walked away.

  I stared after him, a trembling feeling in the pit of my stomach and tears blurring my eyes. I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed my eyes closed to stop myself from crying.

  “See, Mom? Not all bikers are bad,” I whispered to her, hoping she could hear me, and hoping that Gauge was right and she would be proud of me.

  “You okay?” Jesse asked.

  Casa walked out the door, giving a wolf whistle as he did, and I laughed and opened my eyes. Jesse reached around me, wrapping his arms around my waist before pulling me closer.

  “Yeah, baby,” I said. “I’m fine.”

  He kissed my mouth. “Good.” He kissed me again, his hands going lower to cup my ass and hoist my body closer to him, making sure I could feel how hard he was in his jeans. “Gonna make you feel real good when everyone fucks off out of my house.”

  “You mean our house,” I mumbled, grinning against his mouth. I opened to let him slide his tongue inside. His hand fisted in my hair and I groaned.

  “Keep your pants on, we’re coming in,” River laughed, coming inside loaded down with bags of food, closely followed by Charlie and Silvie. They all laughed and went on through to the kitchen and I pulled away from Jesse, though it took some force since he made it clear that he really didn’t want to let me go.

  “You smell good,” he said, running his nose along my throat and sending shivers running through my body.

  “You, on the other hand, don’t smell too good,” I said, batting him away.

  “Aah, you fuckin’ love it,” he said, making a grab for me again. “Gonna take you on this sofa later,” he said, backing me up against the new sofa. It was still covered in plastic wrap and crinkled noisily when we bumped against it. “Gonna take you on this floor with you on all fours, gonna take you every which way until you don’t know which way is up or down.” His mouth vibrated against my throat as he spoke, and my toes curled at the images that swelled in my head.

  I thought the way he made me feel would eventually wear down and become something less…intense and more normal, but in the past few months it had only gotten stronger. My attraction to Jesse James Hardy was devouring me. I moaned as his rough hands grabbed my hips and pulled me down onto the sofa.

  “Want you now, babe,” he muttered, dotting my throat and chest with kisses.

  Gauge walked in and glared over at us. “I’ll never get used to this shit,” he grumbled before slamming the small wooden coffee table down and heading into the kitchen.

  I giggled against Jesse’s neck. “We need to keep going,” I said.

  “I agree,” he rumbled against my neck, his hands still pawing at me.

  I laughed again and shoved at him and he practically snarled before relenting. “There’ll be plenty of time for that as soon as we get everything moved in and get rid of our friends.”

  “Fuckkkk,” Jesse growled before sitting up and rearranging himself. “The second that door closes, this is mine,” he said, thrusting a hand between my legs and palming me with the heel of his hand hard enough to make me sigh and almost reconsider.

  Or I would have if Casa hadn’t walked in with Pipes, one of the newer prospects, and they didn’t both just stop and star at me and Jesse with huge grins on their faces like they’d never seen a woman on her back before.

  “Move along!” I yelled at them both, and they put down the boxes they were carrying and walked back out the front door laughing.

  “We need to hurry this shit up,” Jesse grumbled.

  “Agreed!” I said. “I’ll go see what the girls are up to. You keep going with the boxes and furniture.”

  It shouldn’t have taken that long, really. My own things fitted into one large box and suitcase, though my school stuff took up a little more space. And I’d refused to let Jesse bring half of his stuff into our home since it was either old as hell, broken to hell, or crude as hell. But everyone had been so generous, giving us furniture and buying us housewarming gifts. It made me appreciate how lucky we really were, and understand more why this life was so appealing. These people weren’t just criminals, they were family—the kind of family that everyone should have. They would live and die for one another, no matter what.

  Jesse slapped my ass and walked out the front door, and I headed to the kitchen only to be met with Gauge being pushed out of it. Right behind him was Charlie, her black hair tied up high on her head and her face covered with a mischievous grin.

  Gauge looked between us both. “What the fuck, Charlie?”

  “N
o men allowed,” she replied drolly. “Now get out.”

  “I’m hungry,” he snapped back.

  “You’re always hungry,” I said with a laugh.

  “This is why I’ve never claimed a woman. Bitches are annoying as fuck!” he said as he pushed past me.

  “Yeah, because that’s the reason that you’re single!” I called after him with a laugh, feeling much more comfortable now that we were back to our usual dialogue.

  “Bitch!”

  “Go fuck a horse!” I yelled, giving him the middle finger.

  Gauge almost walked right into Jesse, who was coming back in with yet another box in his arms. “You need to sort out that filthy mouth of hers, brother,” he snarled and continued outside.

  “I like her dirty mouth,” Jesse said, looking at me.

  Charlie laughed and stuck her finger down her throat. “Get a room.”

  “Don’t need to,” I said, turning back to her with a huge grin on my face. “We got a whole house. Now let me into my kitchen.”

  Charlie grinned wider. “Can’t do that.”

  “What?” I replied. “Why?”

  She stood her ground in the doorway of my kitchen and wouldn’t let me past when I tried to barge through. “It’s a surprise, don’t ruin it. Now go rearrange some potted plants or some other shit, Laney,” she giggled, her hands on her hips.

  I rolled my eyes at her. “Fine! But you girls better not have broken anything, or defiled anything in there. It’s all new and shiny, and if anyone is going to defile it, it’s going to be us!”

  Charlie winked and laughed before backing into the kitchen. I tried to see past her but the woman was too sneaky for her own good. No wonder Rider liked to keep her on a short leash. I turned back around to find myself alone. Jesse had gone back outside to retrieve some more of our things, and I was left in the front room with boxes of handed-down silverware and curtains and bedding all ready for us. All of our furniture had been either new or handed down from our friends and family, but the kitchen and bathroom, bed and sofa, and of course the carpets had all been brand new.

  I kicked off my boots and dragged my socks off my feet before wiggling my toes against the soft, thick carpet—a gift from Gauge. He’d said I walked all over him anyway, so I may as well be comfy while I did it. The thought made me smile. He’d been a shitty dad, but he was at least trying to make up for it. And I couldn’t blame him for everything, I guess. I mean, if Mom hadn’t bothered to tell him about me, it wasn’t exactly his fault. He’d never wanted kids—he’d made that very clear to me when I first went to live with him—and he certainly didn’t expect to get a teenage girl handed to him.

  I sighed and walked around the living room, enjoying the way the thick pile squished between my toes. I’d never had nice carpet like that before. It had always been bare floorboards with Mom. And not the fancy kind, either, but old, crappy floors that would give you splinters in your feet if you didn’t tread carefully enough.

  Living with Gauge had been both good and bad. Bad because he was always bringing a new piece of ass home with him, and listening to him fuck was not a good sound—that and we really didn’t get along. But it had been good because he had nice floors—not carpet, but wooden floors that he’d sanded himself. The sort of floors my mom would have loved. His furniture was expensive and nice, though all very masculine, of course. He was a bachelor and he’d made no effort to change his place for me. Whenever I had tried to put my stamp on anything in the house with either a throw cushion or a vase of flowers, I had found them in the trash later that day.

  But this place, this was Jesse’s and mine. It was our home, where we could be ourselves and find peace together. We were both broken, but together, there, we could fix each other. And maybe, one day, we would have our children there too.

  I smiled as I looked out the window and watched Jesse pulling the door closed on the truck. He was talking to Casa and Butch, and they were laughing and carefree, and it made my heart swell with love and pride.

  Jesse was an intense man, and there were only ever two people that could make him smile like he didn’t have a care in the world. Well, now there were three, because now there was me.

  Jesse looked over at the house, and I think he saw me through the window. His smile grew wider, and his brother slapped him on the back, making him laugh some more. I laughed too, wanting to freeze the moment and take a mental picture so that I could hold onto it in my mind forever.

  The soft carpet between my toes.

  My heart full of love.

  And my home full of family.

  This was it for me now.

  I had everything and everyone I could ever ask for, and it was everything I had hoped it would be.

  Chapter twenty-one:

  3 months ago

  Jesse

  I shook my head and looked around. This was not what I’d had in mind—not at all.

  Seriously, fuck this shit.

  My house was full of people and I didn’t give a flying fuck that they were our friends and family. And I sure as shit didn’t care if they’d brought us food and beer. So fucking what if this party was supposed to be our final moving-in present?

  All I wanted right then was for everyone to get the fuck out of my house so I could drag Laney down to the floor, tear her panties off with my teeth, and slam myself home. Then I’d be fucking happy. That was all I wanted for our moving-in present. But by the look on my brother’s motherfucking smug face, he fucking knew that. Asshole.

  I had been watching Laney all day long, walking around in those tight little denim cutoffs and her ankle boots, her hair tied in a long plait down her back that was just begging for me to hold like a rope while I thrust into her over and over. Her skin would be covered in a light sheen of sweat, her chest rising and falling as she panted and screamed against me, her arms wrapped tight around my body. There was only so much one man could take. Yet instead of burying myself home, I was fucking stuck having a moving-in party that I didn’t even want to be at.

  Butch winked at me and I flipped him off, and he and Dom laughed even harder and walked outside. Fuckers were all in it together, that was for damn certain.

  “Cheer the fuck up,” Casa said, handing me a beer.

  I took it and drank it down in one. “Get the fuck out of my house and I’ll cheer the fuck up, brother.”

  He laughed. “Better keep drinking, because we got three kegs and nobody is going anywhere until they’re all gone.”

  “Fuck,” I replied bitterly, my gaze still on Laney as she moved around the room speaking to people, her tight ass almost taunting me. She looked over and smiled and my dick got even harder—painfully so. I reached down and rearranged it, and I watched the blush rise to her cheeks before she looked away coyly.

  “Why don’t you just go take her upstairs?” Casa asked, sounding genuinely confused.

  I dragged a hand through my hair. “She said some shit about it not being polite to go fuckin’ upstairs while our guests party on around us.”

  “What? Are you serious?”

  “Wish I fuckin’ wasn’t, but yeah, that’s what she said.”

  “And you’re listening to that shit?”

  I pulled my gaze away from Laney to look over at Casa and I shook my head. “I’m trying to be all gentlemanly and shit,” I grumbled, not enjoying it one bit.

  “And how’s that working out for you?” He laughed and pushed at my shoulder.

  “Like my dick got cut off! How d’you think it’s working out?” I yelled at him.

  He continued to laugh, enjoying my misery. “Come on, let’s go get you another. Might help cool you down.” He smirked and pulled me away.

  We headed outside to get some fresh air and another beer, with Casa smiling at every piece of ass that walked by us and making me hate him even more. Someone had lit a fire pit, which I already knew Laney was going to love, though the neighbors probably not so much, but whatever. Our back yard was big, though there wasn’t a
nything but grass and weeds in it at the moment. A fence went around our entire property, and Laney had already talked about taking out one of the fence panels at the back end of the yard and putting in a gate because it backed up onto a small grove with a little stream running through it. Damn woman had already talked about getting a fucking dog to take for walks in it too.

  I shook my head at the obscurity of my life. It had only been six months ago, give or take, that I’d been banging anything that moved. Of course that was mostly to take my mind away from wanting to fuck Laney. Then she’d casually strutted her shit right back into my life and turned my world upside down and twisted it sideways until I didn’t know which way was which. Now there I was with a house, a woman, and a fucking dog on the way if what she was saying was anything to go by. Jesus, next thing she’d be talking about would be babies and marriage and—

  “What’s happening with you right now? Your face is doing some weird spasming shit, brother,” Casa said, looking at me curiously.

  I stuck my red cup underneath the spout and pumped some beer out, a huge shit-eating grin on my face. “Yeah?” I asked.

  “Yeah. Like you looked like you were going to kill someone and then you looked like you were about to blow your load all over the fucking beer, now you’re grinning like you just received the best blow job of your life. What’s that all about?” He grimaced.

  I barked out a laugh. “I’m fuckin’ happy is what’s wrong,” I replied, realizing with absolute certainty that truth of my words.

  I was happy.

  Not that fake happy where you plastered on a pretend smile and acted like you weren’t already dead inside and just waiting for life to catch up to you to send you to ground, but the sort of happy you got on those bullshit Hallmark cards.

  It hit me like a punch to the gut, a weird, crazy-ass feeling coursing through my body and making my heart speed up so much I had to force myself to breathe. Goddamn, was I having a heart attack? That would just be my luck too: I finally get my shit together and then I die because of some bullshit or other because I drank too much and smoked even more.