by JP Summers
“Whatever! You’ve always had it out for Erin. She’s not this terrible person that you seem to make her out to be.”
“You know what? I am so fed up with arguing about her and Evan. I’m really tired from not getting any sleep from thinking something happened between you and Erin. I should go back inside and get some rest.”
Just as I was about to open the door, Carson started the truck, exclaiming, “For your information, I didn’t do anything with Erin when I made sure she got home okay.” He paused for a moment, then turned back to looking at the garage before admitting, “When I went back the second time, I had already assumed you were hooking up with Evan and ended up having sex with her.”
I couldn’t breathe. I needed to get out of the truck before I threw up all over the dash. My hands fumbled at the door handle as my brain disconnected itself from the rest of me. I wanted to yell at Carson, but did I really have a right to? I made out with Evan. I’m no better than him if I throw that back in his face. If I didn’t feel so nauseous, I would have thrown what I had done in Carson’s face.
I ran out of the truck and back into my house. The toilet wasn’t strong enough to hold me up as I wrapped myself around it and held on for dear life. I dry heaved as the painful images of Carson touching Erin, kissing her, and making love to her continuously haunted my mind.
I didn’t think my heart could take any more pain, but I was wrong—I was just at the beginning of the most unthinkable pain I would ever endure. Our friendship was barely holding on by a thread. There were so many things we could bounce right back from, but I was deathly afraid this wasn’t one of them.
*****
An uproarious creak followed by the sound of more shattering glass ricocheted inside my eardrums and startled me. Carson reached for my hand as we slowly got down from the table to find out what had happened. To our astonishment, the rest of the roof caved into the living room area. Now we were trapped in the confines of the kitchen with no way of getting out other than through the window.
I sat back on the table waiting for Carson to rejoin me underneath the blankets. Instead, he stood at the end of the table with a terrorized look in his eyes. The way his eyes widened and never blinked made me realize something much worse than what we had already dealt with was scaring him shitless.
After a few minutes, Carson got back onto the table to envelop me within his arms. I turned myself around so that the front of my body was facing his and I was able to straddle my legs around him. I wrapped my arms around his back, securing our grip even more while pressing my face against his neck. We were doing our best to stay warm, but I wasn’t sure how long it would be until the temperature would drop back down to freezing.
While I rubbed tiny little circles around Carson’s neck, he squeezed his hands around me even tighter and confided, “I have a confession to make. I am 99% certain it will piss you off. It has to do with what happened during our senior year.”
Carson caught my full attention as I inquired, “What is it that you think will piss me off?”
He hesitated for a moment before he admitted, “I didn’t have sex with Erin on the night of our prom.”
“What?” I screeched out in a raspy tone since my throat was painfully dry.
Another moment of reluctance temporarily held Carson’s tongue captive until he was able to speak. “I lied… I never had sex with her.”
“Why did you say that, then?”
“After seeing you leave with Evan, I wanted you to hurt just like I was.”
Removing my face from Carson’s neck, I shook my head in dismay. “Well, you succeeded. I was so sick to my stomach I almost threw up in your truck from the agony at the thought of you being with her.”
“I know it was so immature on my part. It was the only way I knew how to hit you where it would sting the most.”
I pulled my body back from Carson, deciding to come clean by fessing up. “Since you’re being honest, I should follow suit and do the same.”
“Okay. Spill, then.”
I took a few seconds to conjure up all of the words. “When Mira had that Halloween party our junior year, I kind of mistakenly let the person dressed in the same costume as you feel me up in the bathroom.”
“Wait… you did what… and with who?”
“I was in the bathroom fixing my fishnet stockings when I opened the door to see you— or I thought was you—in a Batman costume. I pulled the person into the bathroom with me and kind of let them play around with me for a minute or two.”
“I don’t even remember seeing someone else dressed as Batman. So who was the person wearing the same costume as me?”
I held my breath for a few seconds. “It was Evan.”
“So what exactly did you and Evan do in the bathroom?”
“I took his hand, then slid it under my skirt and—”
“Okay, okay… I don’t need any more details. I can assume what happened, but I have a question. How did I not see him in the bathroom when you opened the door?”
“I made Evan hide in the shower because I figured you’d kick his ass again.” I placed my face back on Carson’s neck as it began getting cold again. “There’s still one more thing I want to come clean about.”
In true smartass form, Carson snickered before commenting, “Don’t tell me you had all the comic book characters feel you up, too.”
“No! This is about what really happened with Evan after prom.”
“You don’t really need to bring up anything that involves him. Really, I don’t mind if we don’t ever talk about my soon-to-be ex-brother-in-law.”
“I need to say this, Carson.”
“Okay, then tell me.”
I pressed my mouth against Carson’s neck. “I was so upset about you leaving with Erin that when Evan just happened to show up and offered to get me the hell out of there I thought, why not? In the back on my mind, I knew it could cause even more problems between us, but I could have cared less at that moment. Once we got back to my house, that’s when the storm got worse and we ended up in my hallway closet. Before I knew it, Evan and I were making out. At first I was conflicted between what I wanted and what I needed to emotionally heal my wounded pride after it was clear your past history with Erin was more important to you than exploring a new future with me.”
“So that’s why you slept with Evan? I get it. I pushed you into it by my thoughtless actions at prom.”
“NO, CARSON! What I am trying to get at is that I DIDN’T sleep with him. I couldn’t take things any further. As soon as the worst of the storm had subsided, so did most of the rage I felt over you ditching me. I immediately told Evan to leave and then I admitted I was in love with you when he left. When you showed up to my house, I had every intention of telling you, but I couldn’t fess up. I was too distraught over the fact you had slept with Erin—what I now know was a lie to get back at me.”
“Again, I’m sorry for being a major asshole. I guess if we hadn’t been so upset and pissed off at one another, then we could have learned the truth about what happened. Maybe things could have gone differently for us. Maybe the last few weeks of school wouldn’t have gone the way they did.”
I knew exactly what he was referring to. I replayed what I could have done to prevent my best friend from losing everything he worked so hard to achieve. But nothing I could have done would have mattered. Carson’s secret was bound to have come out before he started college at Northeastern Michigan University.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
With Carson’s and my honesty with each other, coming amidst the freezing temperatures and the threat of freezing to death, I still couldn’t help but relive how I became an accomplice to ruining Carson’s life.
*****
It was two weeks before graduation, and I had barely seen Carson. Whenever we passed each other in the hallway, he ignored me. Erin had ruined my life. She had my best friend by her side and she became his girlfriend once again. The thought of them together made me want to vomit. I was still brok
enhearted from prom night.
As I made my way to fifth period art one day, I happened to walk past the boys’ soccer and football coaches. They were having a conversation and mentioned Carson’s name. I decided to stop by the water fountain next to them and pretend I was getting a drink just to see if I could listen better. As soon as I overheard them say there was an email sent out about mandatory drug testing for athletes getting scholarships during eighth period, I panicked.
I may not have been on talking terms with Carson, but I still cared about what happened to him.
When Carson first started using steroids, during our freshman year, it was to better his chance of securing a spot on the university’s team. After I discovered he was taking them, I repeatedly pleaded for him to stop. It wasn’t until around the time his chest started to bother him that he had a change of heart. At least that is what I would love to believe.
Even though Carson promised me that he had stopped, my gut was telling a very different story. His erratic behavior made me wonder even more. I should just go to class and let Carson suffer the consequences of his actions. It’s not like he deserves my loyalty…right?
As hard as I tried to go to my next class I just couldn’t. Carson may have decided he was going to ignore me, but I couldn’t change the fact that I still cared deeply for him. I had to do something. Anything to warn him.
I walked away from the water fountain, trying to figure out how I could get Carson’s attention if I can’t get him to speak to me. That’s when I saw Erin walking in my direction and decided I would be the one using her for a change. It may not be my best idea, but it just had to work.
I walked up to Erin and stated, “Listen, I know you probably don’t want to talk to me, but it’s urgent you and I discuss something that involves Carson and his scholarship.”
“I suppose I can give you the time of day if it involves my babe. Meet me in five minutes by the choir hallway and we can talk in private.” Her annoying reference to Carson’s pet name made me nauseous.
I quickly ran into my art class, making up some lie about having major “girl issues” and having to take care of it immediately. Since my teacher was a man, I knew he would give me the hall pass without any further explanation.
The bell rang, and everyone was in their class while I roamed the halls. I found Erin with a questionable look on her face waiting to speak with me. She insisted I follow her into the restroom across the hall. I waited for the door to close behind us, then confided, “Carson could possibly be in some serious trouble with his coach.”
With her arms crossed, Erin inquired, “I don’t understand. Why would he be in some kind of trouble?”
I stood across from her. “Carson used steroids last year. I thought he was going to quit and he might have, but now I think there’s a chance he could be using them again.”
“Tia, you have stooped to an all-time low. You honestly want me to believe Carson would be stupid enough to do what you are accusing him of?”
“It’s true! I confronted him after he received a supply of anabolic steroids.”
“OH GOD!” Erin exclaimed, bringing her hand to her mouth.
Before she had a chance to speak, I pleaded, “You are the only one that can help him now. I promised Carson I wouldn’t tell anyone, but I’m really worried about him losing his scholarship.”
Nodding her head in approval, Erin asked, “What should I do?”
“Well, I overheard the coaches talk about doing a drug test, for the scholarship athletes, during eighth period. If you somehow get Carson to pretend to be sick, then he can dodge this one bullet for now.”
“What if Carson has stopped using the steroids? Don’t you think he’ll be furious at you for telling me?”
“He isn’t talking to me anymore, anyway, so I have nothing to lose. You are his girlfriend and should know the truth. Besides, couples usually tell each other everything.”
“Tia, thanks for letting me know. You have no idea how much I appreciate it,” Erin said gratefully.
I left restroom certain I had done the right thing by using Erin to warn Carson for me. I just couldn’t sit back and watch my best friend throw his life away because of a foolish choice he made in high school.
The rest of the afternoon went by pretty fast. I had just showed up to my last class of the day when the guidance counselor, Mr. Morris, came into the classroom to whisper something in private to the teacher, Mrs. Rivas. I was about to sit down when Mrs. Rivas called for me to come up to the front of the room and bring all of my items with me.
I went into the hallway with Mr. Morris. As the tardy bell rang, he informed me, “I need you to come with me to the office. It appears we have a serious accusation about a student and you know some crucial information that can support this actual claim.”
I walked quietly behind him, worried that the accusation somehow involved Carson. My teeth nervously dug into my lower lip as my fingers strummed the edges of my books while we walked what felt like ten miles to the office. When we arrived at Principal Peterson’s door, I heard faintly mumbled voices behind it. I immediately recognized one of the voices as my mother’s.
Mr. Morris knocked to gain permission for us to go in. When the door opened, I was shocked to see Carson sitting in one chair and his parents in the others alongside Coach Egan, my mom, and a police officer. I sat down across from everyone as Principal Peterson cleared his throat. “It has just come to my attention we seem we have a major problem on our hands.” I couldn’t even look in Carson’s direction. I didn’t need to. I could feel his rage.
“Okay, Carson, why don’t you tell me about these performance-enhancing drugs you’ve been taking and where exactly you got them from,” Principal Peterson demanded.
My full attention turned to Mr. Peterson, realizing that the information he obtained came from me. And it was in that moment I knew that Erin had sold me out
Carson’s hands gripped the arms of the chair. “I wasn’t getting enough exercise in during soccer practice, so I went online to find where I could purchase something safe that would help me build up more endurance and be faster on the field. That’s when I found someone that offered to bring me the anabolic steroids to school because I was more worried about getting caught taking them at home than here where I could easily hide it in my gym locker.” He briefly paused as his head hung shamefully for what he was about to continue on to confess, “I started using anabolic steroids my freshman year, but I stopped in December of last year.”
The cop walked over to Carson with a piece of paper and handed it over to him. “The substance you took was not only unsafe, but illegal. Because you made your purchases on the school grounds, you are now facing a huge fine for your actions.”
Carson’s mom cried while his dad’s face turned beet red and his eyes widen out of anger. Clearly they were devastated by all of this unsettling news. Just as I thought things couldn’t possibly get any worse than they already had, the cop walked over in my direction to hand me a paper as well. “Since you held valuable information that could have stopped the owner of the gym from possibly distributing an illegal substance to others, you have earned yourself community service in place of probation and a fine.”
There was no need to look at mom to know how upset she was. I was so caught up in trying to be Carson’s best friend and honoring his wishes I ignored all of the consequences that came along with hiding such a destructive secret.
Coach Egan sighed. “I wish I didn’t have to do this, but I have an obligation to the university Carson plans on attending to administer a drug test to all incoming freshmen. Since he has admitted to using an illegal performance-enhancing drug, I have to do my job as a coach and report this whole incident to the university’s soccer coach.”
Principal Peterson stood up from behind his desk and walked over to Carson. “I was contemplating whether or not you should be allowed to walk across the stage at your graduation after your actions. I decided to allow you the privileg
e, but you cannot partake in any other senior activities.”
I waited for Mr. Peterson to stand in front of me to say something, but he never did. I waited for the cop, Carson, his parents, Coach Egan, and Mr. Morris to leave before turning to Mr. Peterson questioning, “Why wasn’t Erin Storms in your office, too? She was the one who told on me and Carson… wasn’t she?”
I patiently awaited confirmation that Erin had sold me and Carson out, but Mr. Peterson unfortunately stated, “I cannot release that information. It would be a breach of confidentiality between myself and the person I spoke with.”
Upset that I couldn’t find out if my assumptions were dead-on about Erin, I let my mom drag me out of the office. Once we got into the car, my mom refused to speak a single word to me all the way home. I repeatedly apologized to her before she fell back asleep, but she still wouldn’t accept it, only saying that she thought my punishment of community service was fitting.
I knew it would be a matter of time before everyone at school heard what Carson and I had done. I was worried about what people would say about him and how badly his reputation would be tarnished. I was just thankful my time at New Holston High was nearing its final days.
Saturday rolled around and before I realized it we were at our commencement practice. I wasn’t sure what to expect when I sat in front of Carson. I bet if it were humanly possible I would have a hole burned through my head just from his enraged look in his eyes.
We stood on the football field waiting for instructions. I looked to the left of me to see Erin with a damn smug look on her face. Oh I hope that lying witch choked on that damn piece of gum she kept blowing bubbles with.
The principal told us to get in line by our last names, and that’s when the revolting sight of Carson holding hands with Erin made me want to puke on the fifty-yard line. It disgusted me how they were acting all lovely-dovey around each other. I felt like they were purposely rubbing their apparent happiness in my face.
As soon as we had finished practice, Erin went over to talk to one of the teachers, leaving Carson all by himself. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to talk with him. Immediately, he noticed me coming in his direction and started to walk away. I yelled for him to stop, but he just kept going.
