Don't Tell

by Violet Paige

  Greer emerged on the deck and I blushed instantly.

  “Oh, shit. Sorry.” She turned around.

  “Hey, I didn’t know you were coming home.” I threw the blanket on Vaughn and awkwardly stood next to him before sitting again.

  Greer took her time to face us again. Vaughn was covered and I hadn’t gotten to do what I had intended, so there was nothing to see.

  “I didn’t know you had company.”

  “Oh, yeah. Sorry. Greer this is Vaughn. Vaughn, this is my roommate Greer.”

  He nodded. “Nice to meet you.”

  I realized under other circumstances he probably would have stood up.

  She looked back and forth between us. “Do you think we could catch up for a quick second? Inside.”

  “Oh yeah. Sure.”

  “I’ll just eat this last donut.” He wagged his eyebrows and I slapped him on the shoulder before I followed my roommate inside the apartment.

  “Who in the hell is that?” She spun on her heels.

  I stepped backward. “That’s Vaughn.”

  “Vaughn? Vaughn? Who is Vaughn?” she sputtered. I couldn’t remember seeing her flustered like this.

  I looked at the ceiling. “He’s my … he’s … we’ve been dating.”

  Her eyes widened. “You have a boyfriend? Since when?”

  I shrugged. “Since a few months, I guess.” It sounded terrible. As if I had kept a dark secret from her.

  “Why didn’t you mention him? I don’t understand, Emily.”

  “You’re never here. Did you want me to text it to you? That seemed weird.”

  She looked angry. “This is somehow my fault?”

  “Are you mad I’m dating someone?”

  She folded her arms. “No. Yes. I’m mad I don’t know about it. How did this happen?”

  “We met at that bar you took me to—”

  “No, not that. The part about you and me not sharing big information like this. Although, yeah I do want to know about him. But, this. You and me. How did this happen? I knew more about what was going on your life before you moved here. How could you have dated a man this long and I had no idea?”

  I sighed. “You’re busy. I’m busy. You have Preston. It’s not like our calendars really match up anymore. Or have at all since I moved in.”

  I looked over my shoulder. Vaughn was finishing off the donut and reading the news. Over the past few months the apartment had felt like ours. Vaughn’s and mine. We spent every night here except one or two when he needed to leave earlier than usual for a meeting. Occasionally he was gone for business.

  Greer hadn’t slept here in so many nights I had lost count. I knew she had dropped by to grab more clothes because she would message me, but that was it. I thought back to how things evolved.

  “When I first went out with him it seemed too new. I didn’t want to jinx it. You know that feeling?”

  She nodded sadly.

  “And then it kept going. We kept seeing each other and I didn’t know how to drop it into a conversation. I’m sorry, Greer.”

  “It is my fault.” Her shoulders slumped.

  “It’s no one’s fault. I’m not mad at you. I miss you. I do, but I’m not mad. I’d love it if you could hang out and get to know Vaughn a little bit. Are you leaving right away? Can you stay?”

  “Preston wants me to go to brunch with his parents, but I think I can get out of it.” She pinched her lips together. “I’m going to get out of it. Hold on, I’ll be back on the deck after I call him. This is more important right now. He’ll understand.”

  “We can plan something later, if you want.”

  I noticed she had brought in her work bag and a few file boxes and dumped them in the living room.

  “No. No time like the present. I’ll be right out.” She shooed me, pulling out her phone and I walked out to the deck to talk to Vaughn.

  “How did that go?” He looked up at me.

  I laughed. “Besides her walking in on what I was about to do, it was fine. She was embarrassed. I think she’s going to hang out for a little while so you two can get to know each other.”

  He sat forward. “How long?”

  I nuzzled in next to him, stretching my legs out next to his and pulled the blanket on top of me.

  “I’m not sure. She’s calling her boyfriend Preston now.”

  Vaughn clicked off the tablet. “I could go if you two need time.”

  I shook my head. “I want you to at least meet her for more than five seconds.”

  Greer stepped onto the rooftop. “Sorry about that. I’m all free.”

  “No problem.” I smiled. “I would offer you a donut, but Vaughn ate the last one.” I elbowed him in the ribs.

  “Guilty.”

  Greer pulled up a chair next to us. “I brought some coffee out. It’s cold out here this morning. You two don’t look very cold though,” she teased.

  I wrapped an arm over Vaughn’s chest. “Not at all. He’s more snuggly than he looks.”

  “Thanks,” he grumbled.

  “What are your big Sunday plans?” she asked.

  Vaughn and I looked at each other. “This.”

  I smiled. I knew it was a stupid smile. But I couldn’t help it. We had some kind of calm that ran between us that when I wasn’t looking could instantly turn into something wild and passionate. I bounced back and forth between utter contentment with him and unreal lust.

  “Wow. I wish I could do that sometime.”

  “What kind of work do you do, Greer?” Vaughn slipped his fingers through mine under the blanket.

  “Actually, I have a little bit of news to share about that,” she explained. She brushed her bangs to the side.

  “What is it?” It seemed strange that neither of us knew what was going on in the other’s life.

  “I got the promotion.” Her smile was wide. “It was way sooner than I expected, but I found out last night.”

  “You did? That’s awesome.” I untangled myself from Vaughn to give her a hug. “That’s great. Really great.”

  She nodded. “I’ve worked my ass off.” She looked around me to explain to Vaughn. “I work for the senate committee. I’ve been trying to get an advisor position. I thought it was at least a year away.”

  He nodded. “Congratulations. Sounds like you put in a lot of hours.”

  “Yeah, I’ve sort of been married to my job the past few months. Maybe I should spend a few nights here for a change. Give my work marriage a break.”

  “What about Preston?”

  She shrugged. “He can come over if he wants.”

  It hadn’t occurred to me how much I liked that my roommate was absent until my freedom was being threatened. I liked the setup, but I knew that was because of Vaughn. When he was here I felt safe. I had fun. I had amazing, mind-blowing sex all over the apartment. More Greer wasn’t a good thing.

  “Are things ok between you two?” I asked.

  “They’re fine. But it wouldn’t hurt him to spend a night or two over here.”

  There were other advantages to Greer staying at his place. I didn’t have to deal with him.

  “I have an idea,” Greer spoke. “Why don’t we make dinner tonight? The four of us. Here.”

  I looked at Vaughn. I didn’t know what his reaction would be. We had never done anything with another couple. We hadn’t hung out with other people. It was as if we lived in our own bubble. And I liked it that way. I thought he did too.

  But at some point, we had to let other people into it. We had families and friends. We had jobs. The cocoon couldn’t last forever.

  “We’ll have to go to the store. I think the only thing left is cereal,” I reported.

  “That’s ok. We could go together,” she suggested.

  Vaughn still hadn’t said if he was up for a double date with my roommate. It felt strange.

  “What do you think?” I tried to read his expression.

  “It will have to be an early night. I have a big cl
ient meeting in the morning, but sounds good. What are we having?”

  I let out a sigh. I had been holding my breath without realizing it. I didn’t know if I was nervous that somehow pressure to do something as a couple would scare him off. That was absurd. But it was as if he had passed a mini relationship test.

  I hadn’t wanted to test him. I didn’t think about Vaughn like that. I didn’t put him in a category with past boyfriends. What connected us was different. I didn’t think it needed a definition because I felt it so strongly in my bones.

  But Greer reminded me there were other elements in the real world that would tumble into our path. And because of that at some point I would have to determine how real this thing was between us. Could we navigate the everyday ups and downs? Could sex sustain us through emotional challenges or stress and crisis? Did the physical bond strengthen everything else between us? Could we hang out with other couples over dinner and talk about movies? Would we dominate a game of bar trivia? My head spun, picturing us in every scenario.

  “Want to go to the store now?” Greer asked.

  “Now?” I groaned.

  I was comfortable and warm. I liked how Vaughn’s body felt next to me. I didn’t want to move.

  “Want me to go with you?” he offered.

  “You grocery shop?” I let a giggle slip.

  “For donuts I do.” He winked and I knew my cheeks instantly reddened.

  “Come on. We can catch up,” Greer prodded.

  “Are you ok staying here?” I wanted to make sure he didn’t feel as if I was leaving him for extra girl time. I’d rather stay with him.

  He nodded. “I think I’ll be fine with the coffee and this crossword.”

  “Ok. Let me get dressed.” I rolled out of the chaise, but not before his arm circled my waist and pulled me in for a rough kiss. I tasted the sugar on his lips. The kiss caught me off guard.

  “Wow,” Greer whispered.

  I staggered to my feet and followed her in the apartment. She closed the door behind us.

  “Is he always like that?”

  “Like what?”

  She planted her hands on her hips. “Intense. Like he’s always going to devour you.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. I guessed she saw it too. I wondered if it was only my perspective. I was used to it, but hadn’t taken it for granted.

  “Yeah. He’s intense,” I admitted.

  “I think I’m jealous.” She smiled.

  “Really? It’s not like that with Preston?”

  She glared at me. “You know Preston and you know the answer to that.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Say you know how he looks at you. Say you know you have something every girl in this city is looking for.”

  I felt a combination of pride and guilt. As if I had taken something that didn’t belong to me.

  Greer shooed me. “Go get dressed. I have a million questions for you.”

  I stole another glance at Vaughn. He was working on his tablet, sipping coffee. It was in that moment that I knew what had happened.

  I had fallen in love with him.

  16

  Greer and I waited in line for the couple in front of us at the market. They had to be buying groceries for the entire month.

  “What did Preston say when you told him about dinner tonight?” I asked.

  “He’s fine with it. I think he knows things have been out of balance lately.”

  “Because of work?” I was worried the senator’s office would discover Lana’s case before we were ready to officially file. It was one more huge secret I kept from my friend.

  She sighed. “Because of everything.”

  “What’s going on, Greer?” I held my breath, praying it had nothing to do with Senator Mitcherson and Lana Foley.

  We scooted forward in line and started placing the steaks and vegetables on the counter.

  “I think it’s a phase. I know it’s a phase.”

  “What is?”

  She quieted her voice. “We’re both so tired when we get home we go to sleep.”

  “Ohh.” I felt relieved. “That’s understandable. You’re exhausted. You both work crazy hours. That’s why Vaughn and I have lazy Sundays. We just re-charge.”

  She shook her head. “No, I mean we sleep. Only sleep.” Her eyes bore into mine.

  “Ohh.” I realized what she was telling me. “You haven’t?”

  “Not in weeks. I don’t know when the last time was actually.”

  We stopped talking when the cashier started ringing up the groceries. After we paid, we each grabbed the bags and walked outside.

  Greer faced me. “I think it hit me when I saw how Vaughn just grabbed you like that.” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know if Preston has ever kissed me with so much … so much…”

  “Intensity?”

  “Yeah. That.”

  “You’re probably right. It’s just a phase. You can get back on track with a romantic date. You two should have dinner together tonight if you’re both free. We can do the double date thing another night. Go have sex tonight.” I didn’t know if I was being generous or selfish. I wanted my alone time with Vaughn.

  “No. This is just as important. I need to get to know the guy who is living in my apartment.”

  We started walking toward home.

  “He doesn’t live there,” I argued. I hadn’t offered him a drawer. He didn’t keep a toothbrush in my bathroom.

  “I’m teasing you. I want to get to know him. See if I can break past that smoldering thing he has.”

  I laughed. “I haven’t broken past the smolder.”

  “Is it really serious between you two?”

  “I don’t know how to answer that. It doesn’t feel casual if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “How’s the sex? Tell me that. I need to live vicariously through you at the moment,” she pressed for details.

  “Ok. That’s personal.”

  “I know it is. But it has to be off the charts. It is, isn’t it?”

  “Ok. I’ll tell you this.” I checked behind us to make sure there wasn’t anyone walking close by. “I’ve never … I’ve done all kind of new things. And I love it. Ok? That’s all I’m saying.”

  “Thank God someone has a sex life.” She sighed. “I feel like a forty-year-old married woman. This is pathetic.”

  My eyes softened. “Greer, just take a breath and talk to Preston. You know he misses sex as much as you do. I’ll go to a movie tonight or something if you want the apartment to yourselves.”

  “You’d do that?”

  I shrugged. “Of course. Vaughn said he has to leave early. I’ll go out and let you two have some space to talk. And then I’ll lock myself in my room.”

  “Thank you. What do I do if it doesn’t work?” She looked panicked.

  We stopped in the foyer of our building. I let the grocery bags rest on the the floor to give my arms a break.

  “You have to take the first step. No relationship was cured in one night, but if you don’t have the night, make the time, set the priorities, or it won’t heal. Do the small things. They add up.” I smiled.

  I saw her eyes glisten with the threat of tears.

  “I-I think it’s this place, you know? We’ve made the senators and our careers more important than each other. All the things that brought us together are the things that are slowly pushing us apart.”

  “Why don’t you get away for a weekend? Vaughn took me to this amazing vineyard and winery in the country. It’s rustic and romantic.”

  Her jaw dropped.

  “He took you on a trip?”

  I nodded. I wanted to distract her from how much we had drifted apart.

  “I’ll give you the name. Surprise Preston with a reservation. He’ll love it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Shit. He sounds perfect. So fucking perfect.”

  I shook out my arms before picking up the bags again. “He kinda is.”
/>
  We started up the three flights to the apartment. Vaughn was right where I left him. I dropped the grocery bags on the counter and walked out to tell him we were back.

  “Hi.”

  “You weren’t gone long.” He rested the tablet next to him.

  “I’m going to help Greer put everything away. Preston will be here at five for dinner. He volunteered to bring beer and wine.”

  “Am I going to like this guy?”

  “Probably not.” I smiled. “But he’s never here, so it’s not like you two have to be best friends.”

  “Good to know.”

  The sun had started to warm the rooftop.

  Vaughn’s phone buzzed next to him. He picked it up. “Hello?”

  I waited while he took the call. It sounded like work. I could tell the instant quiet and clipped way his words changed.

  He hung up and looked at me.

  “Everything ok?” I asked.

  “I have to fly out tonight.”

  “What?”

  He put his bare feet on the stone floor. “My meeting was moved.”

  “Out of town?” I questioned.

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I don’t know when I’ll be back.”

  He rose from the chaise.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I’m getting the itinerary in my email.”

  He moved toward the glass door. “Wait, Vaughn. You’re just leaving?”

  He faced me. His eyes looked darker than I had ever seen them. “I have to pack. I have to get my passport.”

  “I thought you didn’t know where you’re going.”

  “I always take my passport when I fly.”

  “Oh.” My stomach twisted in knots. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t like his mood.

  “Come on.” He reached for my hand. “I need to take a shower before I leave.”

  I looked through the door. Greer was busy opening cabinets and arranging the food in the refrigerator.

  Our fingers entwined with instant heat. He led me through the apartment. Neither one of us said anything to my roommate as we passed through the living room. She didn’t seem to notice. Vaughn locked the door and backed me into the bathroom. He turned on the shower.

  “I don’t know when I’ll be back.” He brushed my hair from my shoulder.

  “I don’t think I like that idea,” I whispered. My throat clamped with pain as if I could cry.