Don't Tell

by Violet Paige

  17

  Vaughn’s eyes darted back and forth. “Emily…”

  “Yes?” I wondered if it was on his tongue too. The words that had struck me this morning on the balcony.

  Words I hadn’t said to anyone before. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t felt them. I had. I had felt them more than once, but I was always too afraid to say them first. Maybe that was my mistake. I waited for someone else to tell me how they felt first. I hid behind the shelter of their words. I protected myself by not going first.

  “Em, I-I—”

  I couldn’t stop it from happening. “I love you.”

  There was silence between us. My eyes dropped to the floor. “Oh God. Was that not what you wanted to hear?”

  He lifted my chin in the air. “I don’t think I’ve ever wished things could be different before.”

  He crushed his lips to mine. I didn’t care that he hadn’t said it. I felt it. I felt it when his hands circled my body. When he stripped the clothes from my skin. When he lifted me into the shower.

  He pressed my back into the wall. “Why now? Why did you say it now?” he growled. I thought I heard pain in his voice.

  I was breathing so hard, I could barely talk. The water rushed over his back and between us. His hand pried my legs apart. I gasped when I felt him circle my clit. My mouth parted with a sigh.

  “You don’t have to say it, Vaughn.” I bit my lip. “I just wanted you to know before you left. It’s ok.”

  He held my eyes with his gaze. His body pinned me to the shower wall. His erection was solid against my hip. God, I wanted him. I wanted him inside me. This man I loved.

  “But I’m leaving tonight.” He lifted my leg over his hip.

  I nodded. “It’s ok. I love you means no pressure.” I whimpered when he pushed his cock to my entrance.

  “Fuck, Emily. You just made everything complicated.”

  My eyes flared. “No. It’s not.” My hips jerked forward to show him that I accepted what was between us, no matter if he said it or not.

  His hands took mine overhead. “You know you drive me fucking insane?”

  I nodded. “Yes.” My voice was breathy.

  “And your body is like my drug?”

  I nodded again. “God, yes.”

  His fingers curled against my knuckles as he started to push inside me.

  “And I don’t think it was an option not to fall in love with you.”

  He thrust with powerful force as my body wrapped around him. My heart seized. My blood pumped faster than before. It was the complete ecstasy of Vaughn possessing me and hearing the words simultaneously.

  I lost gravity. I lost my hold on reality as his body took mine. He lifted my ass against the wall and I straddled him with my other leg. He surged inside me with strong strokes. Each one pinning me against the tile with more urgency than the last.

  “Why did you say it?” he panted, kissing my throat.

  He pushed inside me. “Ohh,” I cried. I had no way to support myself or gain traction. Vaughn held me as I slid up and down at his will.

  “I’m leaving tonight,” he repeated.

  “I know.” I found words. “I love you. I do.”

  I touched the rippled lines of biceps and dug my fingertips into the skin on his shoulders.

  My body tightened as my core shook with the last threads of resistance. The orgasm had built to epic proportions. Vaughn reached between my legs, caressing my clit and I lost it.

  “Vaughn,” I screamed into the shower as the last wall collapsed and the orgasm broke free.

  “Fuck,” he growled pumping harder and faster.

  I rode him wildly, abandoning fears. I clung to him, grasping for more of his skin. His back. His arms. His hands splayed on the wall behind me as he pushed deep, giving in to his own release.

  I sucked in gulps of air. The water splattered off his shoulders, hitting my cheeks.

  His head hung against my neck. “Fuck.”

  I raised his head so that I could stare in his eyes. “I don’t like that you have to leave, but I think I like goodbye sex.” I smiled shyly.

  He lowered my legs to the floor. He kissed me, sucking and biting my lips. The flutter in my core returned. I didn’t know anything for sure, but I didn’t know how this could be anything but love.

  We opened our eyes.

  “I have to go soon.”

  “Will you call me when you get where you’re going?” I asked.

  “I don’t know if I’ll be able to.” He turned around and reached for the shampoo.

  I leaned into his back, circling my arms around his chest while my cheek rested on his back. I loved how he felt under my palms.

  “Maybe a text or a message. I have that international app. I can give you my username.” I had added it to my phone just for him.

  He ran the shampoo through his hair. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  His hands landed on top of mine. He rotated to rinse the shampoo. We were chest to chest. My nipples grazed the indentations of his muscles. My lips pointed toward his. He brushed his wet lips over mine. I smiled.

  “I can’t wait for you to get back.”

  He was quiet.

  He turned me around and soaped my back with body wash. When we were finished rinsing off, Vaughn reached for the towels, wrapping me in a spiral before drying his hair and stepping from the shower.

  We both dressed and he picked up the few things he had brought with him last night.

  “I guess you’ll have to get to know Preston another time,” I mused.

  “I guess so.” He tucked his wallet into his back pocket and unplugged his phone from the charger.

  “Maybe when you get back we can do a different double date. A movie? Or one of the shows that are coming up for the holidays?”

  “Maybe.” He walked past me and pulled his jacket from the hook on the back of the door.

  The charge between us had changed. I couldn’t explain it, but it seemed as if Vaughn was so distracted from his travel plans he couldn’t focus. As soon as the shower sex was over, he was on a clearly distinct mission to collect his belongings. I didn’t want to believe it was because I told him I loved him. He already knew—saying it out loud only made it official.

  “When is your flight?” I sat on the bed and watched him, confused by how broody he had become.

  “Three hours. I have to pack.”

  “At least you had a shower,” I teased.

  He sighed. “Yeah.” He walked toward the bed. “I have to get going.”

  “I could ride with you. Help you pack? Or drop you off at the airport?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I have to run by the office first and pick up files. I don’t really have time.”

  “I could see your office then.”

  “No, Em.”

  I felt the disappointment sink in. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t know how to stall him without coming across as immature. I should be able to handle this. It was a business trip. When he went to Germany for a week things weren’t this serious between us. We had one date. We were way past that point now.

  The last months had been everything I wanted in a relationship. Knowing there was going to be an interruption in that made me nervous. It shouldn’t. I should have more confidence in him. In us.

  I pulled my shoulders back.

  “I hope you have fun wherever you go.” I plastered on a fake smile.

  “Thanks.” He leaned down to kiss me. “Bye, Emily.”

  He backed up toward the door, pausing for a second. I thought he was going to say something, but he turned and was gone.

  I fell on the bed, trying not to feel sad. He would be back soon, I told myself. And between now and then I had plenty to keep me busy. I had more than most people. I had a huge wrongful termination case. I had a meeting with Max Harrison this week. I had a roommate to reconnect with.

  I pulled the pillow to my chest. I had all of that, but what I really wanted had just walk
ed out the door.

  18

  I had fallen into sort of a groove at work. It was still chaotic and overwhelming, but that had become my new normal. Monday morning, I walked in looking for a case to distract me. I wanted to sink my teeth into something while Vaughn was gone. I hadn’t heard from him yet.

  Addie looked up for a brief second.

  “Good morning.” I smiled.

  “Hi.” She scribbled notes on an open file.

  Jessie was right behind me. “Am I late?” She was noticeably out of breath.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I just got here.”

  “Good.” She scooted in next to me, closer than what I was comfortable with. “I was worried that you had already started meeting with clients. I ran from the shuttle, but then I remember I left my phone so I had to find that and it was one thing after another.”

  I didn’t know if I was a good mentor for Jessie or not. I didn’t enforce any type of rule system. I taught her the law of the cases we worked on. I explained what documents we needed and the deadlines for filing them. I didn’t give her advice on how to make a career in law or even how to impress the boss by showing up on time.

  Addie was the complete opposite. She had handed her mentees a syllabus with expectations and guidelines for the year. They checked in with her throughout the day.

  “Want me to go on a coffee run?” Jessie offered.

  “Actually yes.” I needed a second to breathe. Alone. I handed her a wad of cash. “The usual.”

  “No problem.” She stuffed the bills into her purse and walked out of the office.

  It gave me a few minutes to settle in.

  Meg poked her head in the door. “Ready?”

  I waved her off, while Addie waved her first client in for the morning.

  I needed more time. I didn’t know if there was enough coffee or enough minutes. But I wasn’t ready.

  By lunch Jessie and I had seen four new clients and two active cases. I wanted to devote the rest of the afternoon to cases I still had pending.

  It was hard to juggle the caseload with so many people piling up in the lobby. I didn’t want to turn anyone away, but I couldn’t help the people I was already committed to if I didn’t close some of the cases.

  I walked to the student store to grab a salad. I pulled my phone out when it buzzed. It was a text from Greer.

  Had fun last night. See you tonight, roomie. Want to watch a movie?

  I smiled. Last night had been fun. It wasn’t what I had hoped for, but Preston decided not to come over when he realized it was going to be a girls’ night.

  Definitely

  I was glad that Greer wanted to try to bring us back together. It wasn’t her fault things had become foreign between us. I had ignored our friendship as much as she had. I was lost in some kind of Vaughn spell. I had to learn how to balance our relationship in my life. It was too easy to be consumed by him.

  I paid for my salad and walked across campus, pulling my coat tighter to my chest. I decided to eat lunch at my desk while Jessie took her full hour break.

  I poured a drizzle of dressing over the kale leaves when my phone vibrated again.

  I wanted it to be Vaughn. I sighed when I saw the text was from my mother.

  Are you coming home for Thanksgiving?

  It seemed like the kind of conversation we needed to have over the phone. It was the most time off I had since I started at American.

  Can I bring someone?

  I waited for my mother’s response. I hadn’t talked to Vaughn about the holidays, but Thanksgiving was only a few weeks away. Of course it was entirely possible he had plans with his family. But there was a part of me that wanted to take him home to New Bern with me.

  Even if my family was crazy and unstable. They were still my family. And I wanted them to meet him.

  Greer?

  I groaned. This was why texting wasn’t the best option. But it might be hard to get off the phone with my mom. I didn’t want to spend my lunch break detailing my relationship.

  No. My boyfriend. I’ll call you tonight when I’m not at work.

  Boyfriend? Who? What’s his name?

  I typed out my last reply.

  His name is Vaughn. I’ll call you later.

  I shoved my phone in my purse so I could ignore more messages. To be fair, my mother didn’t meddle in my relationships. She was too engrossed in Garret’s problems to focus on mine.

  That should be a compliment. I was the kid who had everything together. The one she didn’t have to worry about. She trusted me not to date an alcoholic or an unemployed tattoo artist. But it didn’t mean I didn’t want her approval.

  And for the first time in a long time I had someone in my life I was proud of. I wanted to take him home and show him off. There wasn’t anyone like him in New Bern. Polished and sophisticated, yet rough and masculine. No one had come close to capturing my senses like he did. He had managed to crumble all of the walls I had. Broken through my resistance. And there was a reason for it—he was incredible.

  “This a bad time?” Jessie joked.

  I looked up from my fork. I hadn’t taken a single bite.

  “No. Just thinking,” I answered. I had intended to read through notes on Lana’s case.

  “It looked serious.”

  “Trying to figure out the holidays with my family. That’s all,” I explained.

  “Ahh. I think I’m staying here.”

  “Really? Do you have family in D.C.?” I asked.

  “Nah.” She shrugged. “It’s just not worth going home for a few days when I’m going to be back at Christmas. A lot of the students are getting together for a Friendsgiving thing.”

  “Oh. I hadn’t heard.”

  “I don’t think it’s a big deal. But some people want to study.”

  Sometimes I forgot how much work Jessie had. On top of her clinic hours with me she had classes and exams. The holidays were a miserable time when I was in law school.

  “How are classes going?”

  “Fine. Or terrible. Depends on which day you ask me.” She smirked.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “No. I like being in the clinic. It’s a nice break.” Her smile was pretty. Underneath sometimes I thought I saw something sad.

  “What about a break today?” I suggested. “Take the rest of the afternoon off and study. Or just sleep. I remember how awful law school was. Time is precious.”

  “Are you serious? Don’t you have to sign off on my hours.”

  “It’s fine. Really. I can handle the rest of the afternoon.”

  “What about Addie?” She looked at the empty desk next to us.

  “She doesn’t know if you’re researching something for a case or not.” I grinned. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  She picked up her bag. “Thank you. I don’t know what to do first.”

  “Maybe sleep,” I advised.

  She nodded as she turned for the door. “I think I might.”

  Addie walked in past her. “Is Jessie leaving?”

  “I gave her an assignment.” I glanced at my laptop, ignoring Addie’s needling stare.

  “Oh.”

  I felt some sort of satisfaction having a secret from my officemate. I wasn’t a rule breaker, but today there was something renegade about my attitude.

  We both looked up when we heard a rap-tap on the frosted glass of our front wall. It was Max Harrison.

  “Professor Harrison.” Addie suddenly had a bright smile and warmth.

  “I know you’re busy, but Emily I was wondering if you had a few minutes.”

  I could feel the anger dripping off Addie. She shouldn’t be jealous. Neither of us knew what this was about.

  “Of course. Would you like to sit?” I offered.

  “How about we take a quick walk?”

  I covered my salad. “I can do that.” I grabbed my jacket and followed him outside.

  We started on one of the sidewalks that lo
oped around the building.

  “I don’t usually interject in any of our resident’s cases, but I wanted to discuss a specific one with you.”

  “Oh?” My eyebrows lifted.

  He shoved his hands in his wool jacket. He had a plaid scarf tied in a hefty knot under his chin.

  “I read the brief on the Foley case.”

  I bit the inside of my cheek. “And you have a recommendation for me?”

  “I’m wondering if you have referred Mrs. Foley to outside counsel.”

  The wind kicked up. “No. She came to me specifically stating she didn’t trust any law firms in the city. Working with someone else isn’t an option for her.”

  “Have you brought it up again? Suggested she go with a full legal team?”

  I shook my head. “What is your concern? That I’m not able to handle the case?”

  He tilted his head toward the tree limbs overhead. “Emily, this is the kind of case that’s going to receive national attention. Suing a sitting senator is not a run-of-the-mill suit.”

  “I’m aware of the implications and the consequences,” I stated. The case had kept me awake at night. I knew all of the ramifications.

  “I’m afraid it’s going to appear as though our university is trying to insinuate itself in a national matter.”

  “Are you asking me to drop Mrs. Foley’s case?”

  He stopped under one of the oaks. I wrapped my jacket closer to my chest.

  “I think it would be best.”

  I shook my head. “I can’t do that.”

  “You can,” he pressed.

  “Then I should say I won’t do that. I stand by her claims. She was wrongfully terminated. Someone has to hold the senator accountable.”

  “Then let the Justice Department do that. I’m sure a high-end firm would love the publicity.”

  I sighed with exasperation. “That’s exactly what Lana doesn’t want. She needs an advocate who has nothing to gain. Nothing financial. Nothing but pursing the purity of the law. And that’s what I intend to do.”