Cranberry Winter

by Ruth P. Watson

  “You said they wanted to visit Robert; now you want them here with you. They live across the street, not around the way somewhere. I’m not selfish. I am still young, Simon. I shouldn’t have to take on everybody’s mess.”

  “Just let them come over today. Nadine is going to look for a job.”

  I knew it was about Nadine. Whatever Nadine wanted, she got.

  “So, why did you even ask?”

  Shortly after our conversation, the two children knocked on the door. Simon opened the door and let them in. Neither of the children spoke to me, and the little girl rolled her eyes up in her head and stared at me as if she was in charge and a grown woman.

  “Y’all hungry?” I asked them. Still, neither of them said anything.

  Simon went over to the stove. “We’ve got some fried chicken if you want some.”

  “I do, Daddy,” the little boy said, and I cringed.

  I went over to the stove and got a biscuit and a chicken leg and put it on a plate. I set the plate on the table. The children still didn’t say anything.

  “Thank you,” I said. “You should tell me thank you.”

  “You are not our mother,” the little girl argued.

  I waited for Simon to say something to them, but he didn’t. He just smiled and accommodated them. He put their food on plates, and set the plates on the kitchen table. Then he told the girl, who had been rolling her eyes at me, and the boy, to sit down. Robert had been playing on the floor. He stared at them, pulled up, and trotted over to them.

  “Don’t come over here, baby,” the little boy said. “My momma said you are not our brother; you are an ole man’s child.”

  What he said caused my blood to boil. I cut my eyes over at him.

  “Be quiet now,” Simon warned him, but it was too late. Now I knew Nadine knew about Robert, and the only way she could have known was from Simon.

  “He is your brother,” I said, “and Simon is his daddy too.”

  “Momma said he ain’t,” he said again.

  “Be quiet, little Simon. I’m gonna tell Momma on you,” the little girl threatened. I watched her glance over at her brother in an attempt to keep him quiet.

  “But, she said it,” little Simon shot back.

  Simon was without words. He sat there grinning and seemingly clueless about how to keep him quiet. The girl nudged her dad, and put her finger over her lip. “Be quiet!” she yelled.

  Little Simon’s eyes suddenly were wide open. He tucked his little head and whispered, “Momma said it.”

  I stood beside the stove waiting for Simon to say something to the little boy, yet he didn’t open his mouth. It occurred to me that the little boy was the most honest person in the room. Momma had always said children would tell the truth if adults did not insist on them lying to save face. The little girl had already learned how to keep secrets. I looked down at Robert, who was holding on to my legs, and wondered what secrets of mine he’d be forced to keep. I decided at the moment to never force a child to lie for me. Why must they carry such a load?

  After the children had eaten, they came into the sitting room and sat on the floor with Robert and played with the blocks. Simon didn’t say anything at all; he sat in the high-back chair admiring the family he had created.

  It wasn’t long before Nadine knocked on the door. I beat Simon to the door.

  “I came to pick up my children,” she said, with a smirk on her face, as if to say, ‘I have won this battle.’ I saw it and for the first time, I didn’t care.

  “Your mom is here!” I yelled to them.

  Nadine asked, “Can I come in?”

  “No, you can’t,” I said, and stood at the door until the children came. Then I waited there until Nadine and her children started down the stairs. I slammed the door.

  Again, Simon had let me down. I spent the rest of the day cleaning the house, restoring it to the organized state it was in prior to me going to school. It didn’t take much. I also fed the chickens out back that Mr. Hall had been caring for while I’d been away. It was like something inside of me was propelling me to move. It was as if I’d been in an undisturbed world and now I had intruders vowing to take over. When I was done, I put Robert down for a nap, and sat down in the parlor, pulled out my schoolwork and attempted to focus on all the things I enjoyed doing. Simon was about to leave when someone knocked hard on the door. Simon beat me to the door. When he opened the door, I heard him shout, “What’s happening?! What’s going on?!”

  I got up to go see what was going on, and there was a policeman holding Simon down with his knee in his back.

  “What are y’all doing?” I asked. Simon was peering back at me, but he didn’t seem afraid.

  One of the policeman said, “Your husband is under arrest for the murder of Herman Camm.”

  My jaw dropped. Simon said, “Carrie, go let Ms. Pearl know what is going on. Tell her to get me out.”

  I shook my head yes. As they coaxed him down the stairs toward the paddy wagon, I noticed Nadine standing on her porch. She had her hand over her mouth.

  “What is going on?!” she yelled.

  The Halls were also sitting on their porch.

  I watched as she pranced around as if he was her man. When the wagon pulled off, she came across the street swinging her arms and practically ran up the stairs. “Carrie, what is going on?”

  I inhaled to gain my composure; then I gazed her into her eyes. “Nadine, it is none of your business.”

  “Why you feel that way? He is my children’s daddy.”

  “Like I said, it is none of your business. Now get off my steps before I push you down them.”

  She turned and took off down the stairs. I went inside, picked up my books, and continued with my schoolwork. I was not going to let Simon worry me. I would stop by to see Ms. Pearl when I felt like it. It was about time for Simon to slow down, give himself some time to think.

  Chapter 26

  I didn’t run straight to Ms. Pearl with the news of Simon’s arrest. I stopped by to see her on my way back to school. I would have completely missed her had I been able to drive Simon’s car. I would have driven it to Petersburg, and taken the street that bypassed the club. I did stop by on Monday afternoon on the way to school. I asked the bouncer standing at the door if he could ask Ms. Pearl to step outside for a minute. I didn’t want to step foot in the place. It was dangerous as long as Pearl Brown was the entertainment.

  Ms. Pearl walked out the door looking around as if she expected something to happen. “What is going on, Carrie?” she asked after noticing me standing and waiting. She was dressed in a low-waist show dress, her hair perfect and the matte powder covering up any flaws on her face.

  As I waited for her, I had already scanned my surroundings for anything suspicious. The club was notorious for violence. It was a warm day and the atmosphere calm. Folks were strolling down the street with smiles on their faces, enjoying the sun.

  “Simon has been arrested, Ms. Pearl. He told me to let you know.”

  “What was he arrested for?”

  “They said he murdered Herman Camm. They picked him up on Saturday.”

  She bit her bottom lip, and shook her head. “Okay, let me handle this. I will do what I can for Simon.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I answered. I was clueless about what she could do for him. I was afraid to ask.

  She tapped me on the shoulder as if to console me. “Now don’t worry about him; he can handle himself. I will get somebody on it immediately.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I said, and walked away. I headed straight to the train station. I had no doubts she could handle what was going on with Simon. She seemed to be as dangerous as any man and she was afraid of no one.

  When I got to Petersburg, I was unprepared for what awaited me. When I got off the train, Adam was waiting. “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

  “I knew you were coming back today, so I decided to come and meet you.”

  He was wearing a pair of cu
ffed trousers and a white button-down shirt. He grabbed my suitcase.

  “Adam, you can’t keep doing this. It is hard enough without you popping up from time to time.”

  He listened to me, but I could tell he was going to do what he felt was right. Adam knew I loved him. I wasn’t sure if we would ever be a couple, because now all I wanted to do was work on getting over Simon.

  “You should be happy somebody cares enough to want to take care of you. It is difficult to do what you are doing and raise a child. You are special to me, and I will always feel like I need to take care of you. Do you remember when we first met?” he asked as we walked to the boardinghouse.

  “Of course, I remember,” I said, smiling from ear to ear. “You showed me all the steps needed to get into school and even went with me to enroll. Adam, you are the nicest and smartest man I know.”

  “If that is true, then why are you trying to run me away?”

  We turned down the street toward the boardinghouse. “I don’t want to be confused anymore. I don’t want to love you because I need someone in my life. I want to love you because I love you. And, I can’t do it if I’m confused and torn.”

  “I understand,” he said, although his face reflected something different.

  “I hope so, because I never want to lose you as my friend,” I said and reached out and touched his face. He smiled. “Don’t take too long, okay?”

  He carried my luggage up the steps to the front door of the boardinghouse and set it on the porch. He turned and went back down the steps and waved. I watched him walk down the street and merge into the trees. It was the first time since I had known him that he didn’t kiss me at least on the cheek goodbye. I was all of a sudden vulnerable.

  I picked up my bag and went inside and up the stairs toward my room. I paused before entering and wiped the tears creeping out the side of my eyes. Adam was more special than I could admit. Now I was faced with a deep sense of desperation to do something soon.

  Miriam filled my ears with the excitement of dating. I listened, but not with my entire heart. My mind was on Adam and the things I had to get straight.

  I spent the entire summer in Petersburg. I ran from school to the boardinghouse. I had asked for more work hours so I could pay the bills in Richmond. I found out when I had asked the Halls whom I needed to contact to pay the rent, that Simon owned our building. The information was shocking. It was yet another thing I didn’t know about my husband.

  So, I worked very hard to get the best grades I could. I studied in all of my free time until Miriam convinced me to go with her to a place the students got sandwiches and listened to music.

  Adam was there with a beautiful young lady, her hair hanging down her back like an Indian. She looked exactly like the woman I expected him to be with. I had assumed he was into the attractive and classy type. I wasn’t sure if I fit the description anymore. He saw me and walked over to the table. I had not seen him in two months.

  “How are you, Carrie?” he asked, studying me with his serious, dark eyes.

  “I’m fine,” I replied, smiling. I missed seeing him even if it had been at my request. The woman he was with stood across the room watching him.

  David and Miriam were cuddled together gazing into each other’s eyes. It was beautiful to see couples admire one another. Simon and I had been like that. I thought about him daily, but more in a sympathetic way.

  “You are looking fine,” I said to Adam.

  “You’ve lost weight,” he replied with concerned eyes. I had lost weight. I had been working so hard, I could only get in one meal a day. I got up early, worked in the kitchen preparing breakfast for the tenants in the boardinghouse. Afterward, I would go to school and help one my professors clean the laboratory. She paid me out of her own pocket. I was determined to stash money away for Robert and me. I didn’t know what might happen once Simon was released.

  “Adam, I am a little thinner. I have been too busy to eat.”

  “Just take care of yourself,” he commented, and walked away.

  He grabbed the girl he was with by the hand and escorted her out of the café.

  Miriam tapped me on the arm. “Stop staring.”

  “I didn’t know I was staring.”

  “You are. See, you shouldn’t have pushed him away.”

  “Who is she?” I wanted to know.

  “She is a friend. They just started dating. You know he is such a gentleman.”

  I was absorbed by what I had just witnessed. I didn’t know it would be an issue, but it was.

  Chapter 27

  The leaves had turned yellow, orange and red. It was a colorful sight, and a beautiful introduction to fall. Simon was still in jail when I came home the first week of September. Ms. Pearl had promised to get him released, yet for some reason, he was still in the county jail. Mrs. Hall had been to visit him twice. She said he was like family to her.

  “He wants you to come to see him,” she said, when I stopped by to get Robert for the weekend. I held my hands out to Robert, so I could pick him up, and he acted like he didn’t know me. When I picked him up, he kicked and screamed until I gave in, and put him back down. He no longer knew me; the frequent trips to school and then staying in Petersburg for the last two months had taken a toll on our relationship.

  “Do you remember me?” I asked Robert, and he ran over to Mrs. Hall and stayed there.

  “He will take to you as soon as you get him home,” she assured me after seeing the disappointment in my face.

  “Mrs. Hall, has Robert been too much for you?” I asked her.

  “To be honest, we miss him when he goes upstairs with you. We love having a child to care for and he loves being with us. I feel like he is my child. I hope you will not get angry, but if we could keep him permanently, we would. He is a joy for the both of us.”

  I knew I was not the best mother, and even though I thought about my child every day, my finishing school was the most important thing for our future. Though I admitted I enjoyed the freedom associated with being able to come and go whenever I chose. One of the girls at school had a baby and she was always late for class, and as soon as her day ended on campus, it was just beginning at home. She could never spend time after class with her friends, and the teachers were threatening to fail her. I had a baby, too, yet I had the Halls. I knew God was watching over me.

  “Mrs. Hall, I was adopted, and although I had a great childhood, I can’t see signing him over to you at this time. I couldn’t live with him thinking I didn’t love him.”

  “Listen, Child, you don’t need to think about that. Just know we are here for you and we love him as if he was our own.”

  Mr. Hall had been quiet, and most times it was difficult to get him to talk, yet he had to add something to our conversation.

  “Carrie, the boy needs a man in his life. I am here for him and I can teach him things.”

  Tears welled up in my eyes. “You both have been good to both of us. I am so glad you all love my son. When I think of Robert being here, I am never worried. You all are the best family anybody could have.”

  Mrs. Hall got a few of Robert’s toys and put them in a bag. “Now bring these back with Robert. I am teaching him his ABCs.”

  “He is just one.”

  “It is never too early to teach him and now is a good time to start.”

  I sat down on the davenport. “I don’t know what to do, Mrs. Hall.”

  She sat back down. “Just go and visit Simon. You don’t have to commit to anything. Now may be a good time to start something brand-new.”

  Mrs. Hall was flawless in most ways. She lived her life with coloreds and I had never heard a mumble of regret. She adored her husband, and she was the twinkle in his eye. When I thought about loving someone, I often thought about how they interacted. Mr. Hall was the gentleman most women admired and she was his princess. I thought I was Simon’s princess. The way he saved me from the whispers of Jefferson County made me feel like a queen. Those thoughts
had slowly dissolved, and now they were floating further out in the sea. I didn’t love him like a husband any longer.

  “I’ll go to see him in the morning, Mrs. Hall. I’ll drop Robert down on my way out.”

  “Well, you don’t need to take all of his things upstairs if that’s the case.”

  “Okay. I will just take him and try to get to know him again,” I said, smiling and feeling like a mother who had abandoned her child.

  I picked Robert up and he started to squirm out of my arms. I held onto him until he settled down; then we left. He cried at least twenty minutes after we were in the apartment. The only way I could get him to be quiet was by bribing him with a piece of sweet bread Mrs. Hall had sent home for him.

  After fighting with Robert, I was tired. I gave him a bath. He lay down beside me and cried his little self to sleep. I gazed at him and examined his small features. He was changing. He no longer looked exactly like me. Now, he had some of his father’s features, the small beady eyes and long slender hands. It bothered me, and a chill traveled throughout my body. I knew it would not be long before he would take on some of his father’s features. So far, for the most part, he favored me. I knew Herman would live on through Robert and felt I could deal with it.

  I finally dozed off to sleep thinking about the things I had endured. I was especially grateful for having a family like the Halls in my life.

  I woke up early the next morning, bathed and fixed Robert some oats for breakfast. He woke up looking around for Mrs. Hall. He began to whine, but quickly changed his mind when I began to feed him his breakfast.

  I took Robert with me to the backyard to get the eggs from the hens and to feed them. It was something he enjoyed doing with Mr. Hall; I was determined to make Robert smile. He loved the chickens; Mrs. Hall had often said so. Now, I was able to see for myself. He trotted across the yard and I ran after him. He giggled. He was a happy baby.

  After putting away the eggs, I took Robert downstairs. He saw the Halls and squirmed until I put him on the floor. He ran to Mrs. Hall and grabbed the tail of her dress. Mr. Hall held his arms out for him and Robert ran straight to him.