The Hope That Starts

by Heidi Hutchinson

  “I'm Irish,” she supplied needlessly. Anyone who heard her last name would know that.

  “Me too,” Harrison responded roughly.

  He pulled gently on the pendant, ending the small gap that had still existed between their bodies. She felt hers begin to buzz and her hands tightened on his biceps to keep from melting into him completely.

  His head bent, his lips centimeters from hers. She held her breath and closed her eyes in anticipation, hoping like hell this was real life and not a very, very potent dream. She'd never been kissed by a man with a beard before. What would it feel like? Would she survive it?

  “Zelda,” he whispered, his breath warm on her face. “Goodnight.” He pressed his lips to her forehead and let her go. She took a step forward as she lost her balance with his sudden absence. He stepped around her and she heard him going up the steps to the bunks.

  Zelda took a deep breath to steady herself. Both relieved and disappointed. Her fangirling was out of control. She needed to rein it in a just a bit or she was going to get her ass fired.

  Rock stars.

  She shook her head, trying to shake out of the residual heat that the touch of his body had left on her. She had never realized before how powerful attraction could be. It was a physical thing. And it would screw up the best job of her life if she weren't careful.

  She swiped her phone off the table, turned off the light, and went to bed. The bunk area was dark and quiet as she settled under her covers. And cold, compared to the roaring inferno she'd experienced on the lower level.

  “Goodnight, Zelda,” Sway called sleepily.

  “Goodnight, Sway,” she answered, controlling the tremor in her voice, but just barely.

  Harrison remained silent.

  Of course he did, he'd already said goodnight downstairs.

  Chapter 8

  Love Somebody

  “Has he tried to kiss you again?” Amber asked hopefully over the phone.

  Zelda's face got hot even as she rolled her eyes. She looked around to make sure no one was in the general vicinity. The coast was clear. She stepped more solidly out into the open parking lot, just so no one could sneak up on her. It wasn't exactly the kind of conversation she wanted to have around extra ears.

  It was her as-regular-as-she-could-manage chat with her bestie Amber. It was after sound check, but before the show, and she happened to have a good connection and a half hour.

  “I shouldn't have even told you about that. My God, he didn't try to kiss me. I imagined the entire incident,” Zelda scolded, making a small circular lap of her chosen parking spaces, keeping alert for approaching foot traffic.

  “Whatever,” Amber grumbled. “Have you seen your lips? You have the most kissable lips in the 'Verse. Even if he weren't interested in you as a life partner, he's at least thought about kissing you. I would bet the first season of Sherlock on it.”

  Zelda smiled. She loved this girl, she spoke her language.

  “Where are you today?” Amber asked.

  “Today we're in Missouri,” Zelda answered, looking up at the blazing sun. “And it's hot.”

  It had also been more than a week since their last day off. They would be getting another one day after tomorrow, though Zelda wasn't sure exactly where they would be. They still had to make good time as they approached the Midwest part of the tour. In fact, they'd all gotten a lecture from Carl about “lollygagging” after tonight's show.

  She heard rustling on the other end of the phone.

  “I'm so excited to see you next week,” Amber said, breathing oddly and sounding distracted. “I would love to talk more, but the stupid neighbor across the hall just left his box of empty beer cans outside my door again and then left.” It sounded like she was running down the stairs. “I'm gonna try and catch him.”

  Zelda chuckled. “Okay, I'll call you tomorrow.”

  “Later, Shiny. Hey! You forgot these!”

  The line disconnected and Zelda looked at her phone for a second before laughing again at her friend. Hopefully Amber wouldn't be in jail by the time she reached Nebraska next week.

  Zelda turned back to the buses and scrunched up her nose. It was about that time.

  They had returned to normal the day after the “almost kiss.” Harrison treated her like usual and so did Sway. They continued on with the tour and their lives. Like, it had returned to exactly what it had been. Nothing had changed. Harrison made her coffee in the morning, Sway was reading through the Sullivan Summers collection, Zelda took all the pictures ever.

  The nights were her still her favorites. Harrison was catching up on Doctor Who while she edited pictures. He would sit right next to her. Like it was all the same for him.

  Maybe it was.

  She shoved her hands and phone in the pockets of her short shorts and started her way back to the bus. Normally, she didn't wear things so short, but holy damn was it hot. Her blousey green top was no longer blousey and a whole lot sweaty as it stuck to her in various places. The fabric was some sort of blend that was supposed to be airy and light, but at the moment it was twisted under her arms and creeping up her back. She should have gone with cotton.

  Sweat had gathered on her scalp as well, her thick hair not allowing any room to breathe. She had tried having her hair tied up at the crown of her head to keep it off of her neck, but it got too heavy and her neck began to ache. So now it was hanging in sweaty ringlets down her back, adding to the dampness that was already there.

  What she wouldn't give for a decent thunderstorm to break up the days and days of hot. Because that's all it was. Hot. In fact, she was afraid she was going to be dead before getting to the bus. She pictured her shriveled and crispy corpse posed in a desperate lunge for the air conditioning. She'd probably make it to the papers. Or at least someone's Facebook newsfeed. GIRL COOKS TO DEATH IN MISSOURI HEAT. EXPERTS CLAIM IT WAS HER POOR CLOTHING CHOICE.

  She opened the door to the bus and the cold air rushed out. She closed her eyes and crawled on all fours up the steps. Once at the top, she rolled onto her back and closed the door with her feet. Then she imagined her body sucking in the cold air the way a mushroom sucked in garlic infused olive oil. She felt fuller, and more tasty. Or something.

  Spreading her arms out to the sides she relaxed, knowing she only had a few minutes to dry off before having to go back out into that Easy Bake Oven. Which she would. It was an outdoor show.

  “Definitely wearing cotton tonight,” she said.

  A chuckle to her left caused her to open one eye and look in that direction.

  Harrison sat on the couch, lacing up his Chuck Taylors. They were black. Classic. So very Harrison.

  Turning her head more fully to face him, she opened both eyes. “Can I ask you a question?”

  He glanced up at her and then back to his shoes. “Yeah. What's up?”

  “Are you sure? It might be weird and make things super awkward,” she pressed, lifting an eyebrow. Maybe this would help. Just get it out there, get her clarity, then move forward.

  Harrison's lips twitched and he moved to work on the other shoe. “I highly doubt that.”

  “Did you almost kiss me last week?” Zelda saw his hands freeze for a second, then they resumed their task. Silently.

  “Because it's likely that I imagined it.” She faced the ceiling again and laced her hands over her belly. “It's happened before, you know. Sometimes I start having a daydream right in the middle of my real life. And now I'm worried that I'm supposed to feel awkward and rejected somehow. But I don't. I need to know how to proceed, because ignoring it isn't working.”

  Harrison stood up and walked the short distance to where she lay. She tilted her chin to see him better. He held a hand out to help her up. She took it and hopped to her feet.

  Smiling gratefully at him, she tugged her slightly less sticky shirt back down from its bunches at her back. He still hadn't answered and she was regretting putting him in this uncomfortable situation.

  “If I need
to put the fangirl back in the box, just let me know. I can take it.” She faced him directly, awaiting her fate. Being this direct was hard, but she was hoping it would prove to have its merits.

  Harrison smirked, which made her relax slightly. “Two things.” He cocked one eyebrow. “First, don't ever put the fangirl back in the box. Second, while I'm flattered that you thought I almost kissed you, it was just your imagination. While you are a...” He took a slow, deep breath as his eyes skimmed over her face. “Very attractive woman, I can't blur the lines of friendship and attraction. I'm just not that guy.”

  Zelda nodded succinctly. She was afraid of that. Forcing a cheesy smile, she moved to step past him. He grabbed her upper arm firmly.

  “I'm being honest, Zeldy. I don't want things to get weird.” His face had grown serious, worried even.

  Her forced grin softened into a genuine smile as she tried to reassure him. “It won't. I probably shouldn't have brought it up.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “I make things up in my head sometimes. Especially if it relates to any one of my fandoms. If it feels awkward, that's all my fault. Not a lot of people can handle the weird that is me.”

  Harrison's earnest face melted into humor and he let go of her arm. “Same goes for me.” He made it to the door and turned towards her again. “Doctor Who tonight on the road?”

  Thankful for the change of subject she nodded. “Yeah. Which episode are you on?”

  “'The Name of the Doctor.'”

  She tried to keep her face blank, but she must not have succeeded because Harrison made a face. “That's the one, isn't it? The one you warned me about.”

  Zelda pursed her lips and Harrison sighed. “Well now you have to watch it with me. I won't be sad alone. I refuse.”

  Her lips twitched with a smile. “Okay, but don't ask me to tell you anything about it. I won't spoil it for you.”

  He lifted his chin. “Agreed.”

  She grinned openly at him and he returned it before leaving the bus.

  Well, at least that was out of the way. Now she had something to report back to Amber and she could proceed with the friendship unhindered. She wasn't as disappointed as she thought she might be.

  It was a relief, truth be told.

  She had the worst taste in men anyway, so it was just as well she not fall for a rock star.

  She snorted under her breath at the thought.

  But friends? Friends she could do. She rocked at being friends.

  ***

  Harrison ran his hands over his sweaty face and shook his soaked hair. They'd only been on stage for twenty minutes and his shirt was saturated. The rest of the band had already rid themselves of their shirts, and Harrison was considering doing the same. He didn't much like to take his clothes off on stage, it always felt a little more showy than really fit his personality. But damn this heat.

  Movement in the corner of his eye drew his attention. Zelda was just to his left, crouched next to an amplifier. Her wild hair was tied into a thick braid, with escaped curls stuck to her neck and cheeks. She'd changed into little black shorts and a navy blue t-shirt with Captain Kirk on it. Young Captain Kirk.

  He wondered if he should have just kissed her last week and gotten it over with. Maybe he'd feel relieved instead of so tightly bottled up. But getting swept away was a choice. He couldn't drag her down with him when he had no idea if it was just the tour bubble or something else that was drawing him to her.

  Still, the way she had touched him, looked at him, waited for his mouth to take hers... the memory was potent. He liked it. He liked the way she watched him, the way she made him feel like he was the star he'd been masquerading as for the better part of his adult life.

  Before he could over-think it, Harrison stripped off his drenched shirt and threw it into the crowd. It had absolutely not one thing to do with Zelda. Or the fact that her lens was focused right on him.

  ***

  Rock stars.

  Rock stars and their egos, and their fans, and their muscles, and their charming smiles. Not to mention their humility, insecurities, appetites, and enormous hearts.

  Kendra was going to pretend like Harrison not wearing a shirt during the meet-and-greet was completely normal. She was also choosing to ignore the theatrics of the girls taking pictures with him.

  You know who wasn't ignoring all of this? Their photographer.

  Kendra tried to hustle the guys through the process, checking her watch. They needed to be on the road in less than thirty minutes.

  One of the problems of working with rock stars who were as gracious as they were talented was that they didn't like to rush their fans. They took their time, listening, signing, taking pictures, making each person feel important. Damn if she didn't respect them for it, even if it made her job ten times harder.

  Her assistant, Zed, handed her the shirt she had told him to fetch from the bus. She needed to get Harrison clothed again. As one of the last standing bachelors in the band, he was causing quite a stir with his near-nakedness. Kendra understood that the defined muscles in his chest, abs and arms were desirable to a vast number of women. Not to her, she was more of a butt-in-tight-jeans kind of girl.

  She tossed the heathered tee to Harrison, who caught it without breaking conversation with the two girls in front of him. Instead of putting it on, he tucked the edge of it in his back pocket and crossed his arms over his chest. If swooning had a sound effect, Kendra heard it uttered from a dozen female lips at that second.

  Kendra rolled her eyes. On their downward glide, she caught Luke Casey's attention. His brows dipped in question and she raised hers in answer. He nodded in understanding and began to wrap up his conversations. The guys, taking the cue from their leader, did likewise. Kendra and Zed began to graciously wave the fans away from the buses.

  “Put the shirt on,” Kendra bossed after she approached Harrison. He grinned at her in response. She handed him his aviators, which he slid on before taking the shirt out of his back pocket. “I hope this doesn't become an issue. If I have to deal with another Chad, I won't be amused.”

  Harrison chuckled in response as he pulled his shirt over his head. “How is Chad?”

  Kendra felt the blush creep into her cheeks as she tried to pretend like it didn't.

  Seeing it, Harrison nodded in understanding. “So Chad is good.”

  “Shut up,” she reprimanded. “Get in your damn bus so we can get on the road.”

  He pulled the shirt down and it draped over his narrow hips. His face took on a searching expression as his gaze swept through the remaining crowd. His posture relaxed and he turned to the bus when he found whatever it was he was looking for. Kendra looked over her shoulder as covertly as possible, found the target of his search and closed her eyes in a silent plea.

  While Zelda had nothing to hide, the girl wore every thought, feeling, and hope on her expressive face. She couldn't keep a secret if her life depended on it. Her blind adoration for the guitarist was apparent. No one was talking about it, but everyone was thinking it.

  Honestly, there probably wasn't a more perfect girl in the world for Harrison O'Neil.

  Too bad he was wasting all that loyalty and devotion on someone else.

  A woman that no one approved of. A woman who was completely and totally unworthy of Harrison. A woman who couldn't even respect him enough to put a label on what they were.

  Even with all of that, Kendra still did not approve of the developments taking place on her tour. Being on the road had its advantages. It was like living in a bubble, surrounded by pretty lights and dreamy perceptions. Attraction thrived here. It often developed into complicated infatuation. The people you worked with and saw day-to-day became your entire world; it was hard to see the world outside of it.

  But the tour would end, and the pretty lights would get put away and you had to make a life in the gray with the choices you made. Because as strong as attraction and friendships could be on the road, when tested in real life applications, they oft
en fell apart.

  Oh well, it couldn't be helped at this point. Feelings were already in play, all she could do was her job and hope for the best. Hope that the people she cared about would make the best decisions. She would not be meddling this time.

  At least Harrison seemed far more reasonable than Blake.

  The tour where Blake and Lucy had fought against their feelings for each other had been her first and hardest. Kendra had since learned to the let the rock stars be just that. Bright, brilliant, burning stars. Sometimes those who got too close got burned. And sometimes, those stars lit up entire worlds.

  ***

  Zelda slowly closed her laptop and set it aside. She had been planning on going over her pictures from that night's show, but she really loved this episode. It was too much of an emotional distraction.

  Sway took the computer from her lap and set it aside. She smiled gratefully and then pulled her legs up underneath her in a crossed position as Sway draped an arm along her shoulders and she snuggled into his side.

  “I have no idea who these people are, but I can tell by the look on your face that this is important to you,” Sway observed. Harrison sat on the other side of her, Hüsker Dü on his lap.

  “River is the Doctor's wife, but she's dead, this is only her impression,” Zelda explained in a whisper. “She's mentally linked to Clara, so only Clara can see her.”

  “But—”

  “Shhh!” Zelda stopped his questions, laying a hand on his leg.

  This episode never failed to grip her. It felt like someone reached into her chest and wrapped unforgiving fingers around her heart, then squeezed.

  It was because the Doctor's relationship with River was always so secretive. Sure, they were married, and they bantered and sparred like old comrades. But you knew it was more than that. You could feel it, especially when River looked at him that way. With a look that said, “I wish this man loved me the way I love him.” And still being happy with what he could give her.