Meg's Moment

by Amy Johnson

  “I demand you take your hands off my daughter. Right now, Mister, or I’ll fire this entire can of Mace into your beady little eyes.” She paused to read the label on the can and when she couldn’t read it she held it close to Megan’s eyes and said “What does that say, dear?”

  Megan rolled her eyes. ‘Good thing I don’t need a real rescue. I’d be dead because my mother forgot her glasses’, Megan thought.

  “It says shake well, point and spray Mom.” Her mother nodded and shook the can and regained her spraying stance with the look of a determined mother who wouldn’t hesitate to empty the entire can to protect her daughter. The only flaw in her plan was that Megan would probably get just as much of the Mace in her face because Jack’s face was right behind hers.

  Jack let go of Megan and Megan lunged for the can of Mace, almost knocking her mother down in the process.

  “Ma’am it’s not what you think. I was…” Jack began.

  But Megan’s mom wasn’t buying it and she repositioned her purse in her hand and in one swift motion she bashed Jack across the face with it and started yelling at him.

  Josie winced and said, “There went the other side. You know he was hot when we first found him. Now he’s starting to look like hell.”

  “Who in the heck do you think you are, young man? Putting your hands on my daughter like that? Why I ought to have you arrested.” She belted Jack again with her purse and then she turned to her daughter who was trying to disappear into the wall. “And what about you, Megan?” She whacked Megan with the purse. “Why, I ought to call your father. You know he couldn’t sleep tonight because he has heart burn, but when I tell him what I just witnessed he’s going to have a heart attack.” She swung her purse again and Jack stepped in front of Megan just in time to take the blow for her. Josie winced again and Megan tried to explain things to her mother but her mother silenced her with a glare. Mrs. J. sat down at Ted’s desk.

  “You know Megan we always wanted the best for you and just look how you’ve turned out. You’ve been seen consorting with three strange men this week and one of them hit you.” Jack straightened and felt anger at the words ‘hit you’. “And you cut your hair and then I find you in the kitchen with that man and there are condoms in your trash can.” She paused and Megan looked genuinely perplexed. “I sanitized that counter by the way. You know I’ll never be able to eat in that kitchen again. Oh God!” She clutched her chest. “I think I’m having a heart attack. Just take me now Lord, before Megan messes up my chances of getting to heaven.” Megan rolled her eyes and thought I’m right there with you Mom. Lightening, tornadoes, speeding buses, I’m not picky.

  “Mom!” Megan shouted but her mother was oblivious to anything she was saying.

  “Oh Mrs. J., don’t forget about Megan’s orgasm at the massage parlor. It was awesome. I was there.” Her mother’s face went pale again and Megan threw a flashlight at Josie. “Should I not mention the porn flick?” Josie said shooting a ‘what-you-gonna-do-about-it’ look to Megan who shot her a ‘you’re-dead look’ in return. Jack watched them both hoping the cat fight might still be a possibility.

  “Mom, she’s joking about the porn.” Megan’s Mom looked like she was going to faint. Jack took a step closer to her and reached out a hand to steady her and she nailed him with the purse again.

  “Don’t touch me!” she shrieked. “First I catch you molesting my daughter and now you want to lay those filthy hands on me. I don’t think so.” She swung again but this time Josie stepped in and grabbed her purse away from her.

  “He’s had enough,” Josie said.

  Megan muttered, “We all have.”

  Megan tried to regroup. OK, first things first. Deal with Mom. She turned to her mother who was still looking very unstable.

  “Mom! Get a grip. He wasn’t molesting me. I fell and he caught me.” Jack nodded and grinned and then thought about the mace just sitting there and took a step back. “And about the kitchen. What you saw was really very innocent.”

  “But there were condoms. Big ones.”

  Megan gave her a blank look and Josie hollered, “Oh, those were mine.” When Megan looked at Josie she said, “Remember I used them in the basement. I tossed them in the trash before I left.”

  “Oh my God! My daughter is making pornography in the basement.” She crossed herself and Jack decided he really needed to visit that basement. And the kitchen.

  “Mom, she used them for…never mind! Look, let’s take this one thing at a time. First off, what are you doing here in the middle of the night, Mom?”

  “Well your dad had heartburn, so I was going to the store to get antacids but then I thought you might have some so I went to your house and when no one answered the door I got worried so I used my key and went in through the kitchen and there was a wad of paper towels on the floor so I went to throw them away and then I found the condoms. Then I remembered that guy you were holding hands with in there earlier. You know, the one that hit you?” Megan dropped her head in exasperation and Jack felt the anger again. ”But then I remembered that nobody answered the door so I thought he might have kidnapped you so I sprayed the counter with sanitizer and went upstairs to check on you and I saw you in your bed so I went back to the kitchen and finished sanitizing the counter.”

  “So you thought I might be kidnapped but you sanitized the counter first. Thanks Mom!” Megan thought about jumping out the window.

  “Well no, hon., I just sprayed it. I wanted to give it some time to set.”

  “Oh. Well then, I guess that’s OK.” Megan shook her head and took a deep breath. “So how did you end up here?”

  “Well, when I only saw one body in the bed…”

  “Which was Ted,” Megan pointed out.

  “Well, I’m an old woman and I don’t see well in the dark. You know if you hadn’t of cut your hair…”

  “Anyways, you thought I was in bed and…”

  “I still had to get the antacid so I was on my way to the Wal-Greens when I drove by here and saw lights, so I thought Ted might be here working late and I wanted to talk to him about your recent behavior.” Her mother scowled and Megan frowned.

  “My behavior. Right! Didn’t you get the memo? I’m thirty.”

  “So I pulled into the lot and started for the door when I thought I heard your voice so I shouted for you and then I saw that man molesting you…”

  “I prefer the word rescuing,” Jack said, but her mother fixed him with a ‘don’t-mess-with-me-bud’ stare and he shut up.

  “OK, the rest we know.” Megan seemed to relax a little. “Ok, here’s what we’ll do. Jack, go to the store and get my father some Rolaids, I will get my mother calmed down, bring the antacids here then Josie can take Mom home in Mom’s car.” Josie shot Megan a look she didn’t even want to try to interpret. “Once you get Mom home, Josie, get her key and wait for me at the house and when Mickey drops me off he can take you home.”

  “I thought I was going home with Jack?” Josie said.

  “Change of plans,” Megan said.

  Jack said “Thank God.”

  Josie jiggled her boobs at him as if saying ‘your loss, Bud’ and then Mrs. J. lit into Josie about feminine behavior. “Well I’m not a lady,” Josie began but before she could finish Mrs. J. shushed everyone as if she heard a noise and then after a minute said, “Michael, get out of that closet right now, young man.”

  “Who’s Michael?” Jack asked and Mickey appeared in front of them laughing.

  “It’s a long story,” Megan said.

  Jack nodded and Mickey said, “How’d you know I was in there?”

  “I heard you snickering. You know it’s not very polite to laugh at people behind their backs. You were raised bet…” Megan downed the last of the whiskey.

  “Rolaids! Wal-Greens! Now!” She told Jack and he obediently left to get them.

  ***

  Fifteen minutes later her mother had antacids and a ride home. Mickey, Jack, and Megan had reorganize
d the office to its original state-except for the empty Wild Turkey Bottle- which they decided to put in Tiffany’s drawer and let her explain it to Ted.

  “Your mother’s quite a woman,” Jack said.

  “She’s not too bad if you don’t molest her daughter.”

  “I was trying to keep you from hurting yourself.”

  “That was a joke, Magnum,” Megan said. “You know for a detective you’re kind of slow.”

  “Just tired.” And I’m sitting so close to you that I smell the Whiskey on your breath, and between that and the tomato sauce in your hair I am so turned on that I don’t have a lot of blood in my brain. Be still my heart.”

  “C’mon, Mickey, let’s go!” She hollered out and then she stood and moved directly in front of Jack. “That was dirty what you did earlier, you know. Not showing us yours.” Jack thought about the things he wanted to show her but decided to keep those thoughts to himself. For now anyways.

  “It’s confidential. I can’t share it with you.”

  “So you’re a liar. And you break into people’s houses or businesses and snoop. And you’re a conman and you probably steal and gamble. Jeez, I need to hang with a better crowd. My mom’s right, I’m earning the entire Johnson name a one way ticket to hell.”

  “Well at least I just lie, cheat, and con. You’re way more corrupted. I mean condoms in the kitchen, porn in the basement, drinking like a fish, massage orgasms.” He grinned, happy to be sitting beside her and then she smiled. Uh-oh.

  “Well my mother has a very active imagination. Don’t believe anything that woman tells you.”

  “I’ll be sure to decline my invite to Thanksgiving Dinner,” Jack said.

  “Right.” Mickey filled the doorway after taking care of his twins again. “The prices a drag queen will pay for elegance,” he said and Megan and Jack both shuddered.

  “We ready?” she asked.

  “After you, babe.”

  “You know, if you’re going to continue your life of crime you might want to reconsider your choice of underwear,” Jack told Mickey. He wanted to tell Megan that she should reconsider too and just go without but he remembered her mother’s purse and bit his tongue.

  ***

  It was after 3AM by the time Megan finally crawled into bed. After checking Ted’s pulse to make sure the rodent was still breathing and letting the pups in she crawled into the bed in the guest room and tried to sleep. Mostly she just tossed and turned and loved on the pups. She was thinking about Ted and Tiffany and rubbing Bitty’s belly when the pup let out a sad moan and Megan said, “I know. Daddy’s a jerk and your Mommy neglects you to commit felonies and get felt up by robbers.” She thought of Spot all alone downstairs and went to bring him to the guest room too. “Old fashioned quality time,” she told them, then she frowned at the family she was never going to have. No babies, no soccer games or Easy Bake Ovens. No proud Daddy teaching his son how to ride a bike or his daughter how to dance.

  That made her think of her dad and how he used to dance with her, her standing on his feet. How could she have had such an awesome father growing up and then marry someone like Ted, who didn’t even play Daddy to the dogs or Spot.

  And her Mother, bless her heart. She put everything she had into raising Megan and keeping a clean, organized home with these great hopes of spending her retirement spoiling her grandkids. Instead she had two four legged grandkids which she spoiled anyways and a fish that hides in his treasure box every time her Mother came to visit.

  So now instead of grandchildren her Mother will probably be crushing up Prozac in her tea and stuffing Christmas stockings with doggie biscuits, rawhide bones, fake seaweed and fish food until she dies.

  And then Megan realized that if she and Ted got divorced she might not ever have kids, and dogs don’t live as long as people. She’d probably have to die alone.

  She rolled over and her cheek fell right into drool from Bug’s mouth and she wiped that off and remembered the pasta in her hair and eating lasagna off the floor. “Jeez. I’m a mess. No wonder Daddy’s having an affair. I’d cheat on me too.” She looked around the small tidy room and realized she bored the hell out of the pups and Spot because they were all crashed out.

  And then there was Jack. Sexy in a reckless way, but smart assed and smug as all get out. She wondered if he was passionate and then reminded herself that he committed felonies on a regular basis and was probably a con artist. She tried to picture herself with Jack, her cooking dinner in her apron, him sitting in the chair watching the ballgame shirtless with prison tattoos all over his body. She shuddered at the thought and then she pictured this mind blowing sex he might be capable of. Then that thought was crushed with one of her visiting him in prison and her Mother sanitizing every surface in the house. Yep, that boy was bad freaking news. Sexy as sin, but definitely not worth selling her soul for.

  She closed her eyes and thought about his hands on her waist and his dark brown eyes. And the way he seemed to look at her like she was the only person in the room. Then she envisioned the Johnny Cash tattoo on his chest from prison and decided that she’d take her chances in internet chat rooms before she’d think about going near Jack. It’d probably be less fulfilling but a hell of a lot safer.

  After tossing and turning for about another hour she finally gave up and went to the kitchen. Johnson survival tip number one; when you’re stressed, bake. That way you have food to ease the stress because desert always makes people happy and then once you eat all the food, you get fat and then you can stress over losing weight instead of the real stuff. Yes, repression is a highly regarded defense mechanism for the Johnson’s. Brownies, Megan thought. Her mother would be so proud that she was using the kitchen for something other than sex. Hell, double fudge pecan brownies were better than sex.

  ***

  Across town, Jack Westin had trouble sleeping as well. Every thought he had drifted to Megan. He closed his eyes and pulled up her image standing in front of him, his hands on her waist, that innocent but determined look in her eyes. The sadness.

  Somewhere between the cheerleading squad and happy homemaker her life had taken a turn for the worse. And she only knew the half of it. Ted was cheating on her but that was probably the least of her worries. And now Jack was stuck. He’d been hired to investigate Ted and he’d jumped at the opportunity just because he despised Ted and wanted nothing more than to see him brought to his knees. The only problem now was that he’d looked into Megan’s eyes and seen the hurt and confusion and he knew that what he had found would devastate her. Obviously she still loved Ted.

  And why should he care anyway? She didn’t even know who he was. They’d grown up in the same town, went to junior high and high school together and she didn’t even recognize him. Of course it had been dark in Ted’s studio last night and he was no longer the scrawny teenage geek he used to be. Not to mention the fact that she was drunk and thought he was a murderous burglar. Between the alcohol, the fear, and the proof that her husband was, in fact, an adulterous slime ball her brain probably wasn’t firing on all eight cylinders. It was probably a miracle she recognized her own mother.

  He had a brief memory of Mrs. Johnson’s purse and involuntarily rubbed his head. That woman had a hell of a swing for an old woman. Thank God she hadn’t had a bat.

  He rubbed his eyes and tried to think of what to do. When he closed his eyes he saw Megan again, her hair a mess and that crooked smile and instantly his brain went back to mush. After all the torture he could bear, he finally abandoned sleep for a shower. His mind always worked better in the shower.

  Chapter NineIt was after seven when Ted woke up and strolled into the kitchen. He went directly to the cupboard that housed the medicine and fished out four Tylenol extra strength caplets. Megan was on her fourth batch of double fudge pecan brownies and humming mindlessly in tune with the radio. She kept her head focused on the mixing bowl and stirred the ingredients vigorously to keep from throwing the damn bowl at Ted, who upon arriving
in the kitchen had not even given her a sideways glance or one single word. ‘Good Morning’ would be nice. Or maybe, ‘How come you didn’t come to bed last night?’ She’d even settle for ‘Hey, Honey, I’m off to work so that I can sleep with Tiffany the Tits behind your back and sell the rest of our assets to my brother.’ But instead she got cold silence. The bastard.

  “Head hurt?” She asked trying to keep her voice light.

  “Yeah!”

  “Good.” She’d meant to say that under her breath but hadn’t succeeded. He gave her a confused look then washed the pills down with water.

  “I feel like I’ve been kicked in the head,” he said holding his hands to his temples.

  “Don’t give me any ideas,” she muttered as she added the eggs to the bowl.

  “Breakfast?” He asked tensely, expecting eggs and bacon and a protein shake.

  “Nope.” She added the pecans and continued stirring with more force than needed.

  “Megan, make my damn breakfast. I’m going to take…” Before he got the rest of his words out she reached under the stove and pulled out a skillet and flung it on the stove. It landed with a loud clatter and Ted winced from the noise. Good!

  “Make it yourself,” she snapped and added the vanilla to her brownie mixture.

  “What?” The look on his face insinuated that she must be crazy to think he would make his own breakfast. “Meg, I don’t have time for this. Make my…”

  “Oh, what was I thinking?” she said. “Poor Ted, with his pounding head and busy schedule. I sure hope you can find time to shag Miss D Cups today. And while you’re at it, have her make your damn breakfast!”

  “You’re nuts, Megan.”

  “You have no idea,” she said and she grabbed the frying pan and tossed it in trash can. “Now, get out of my kitchen. I’m sure your little tramp doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”