Eternal Mourning

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  Aimee quickly made him two large sandwiches before making herself a small one since she was suddenly hungry, as well. She took the seat beside him and nibbled at her food as he practically inhaled his. They talked about nothing in particular, but the sound of his voice soothed her, as did the fact that the color was slowly coming back to his skin. Apparently, food helped him replenish his stores, but she had a feeling resting would help even more. However, she didn’t know his plans for the rest of the day, nor did she know what was going on with the rest of the Pack.

  “Who do you think tried to hurt Parker?” she asked abruptly.

  Walker tilted his head as if he were truly a wolf and studied her face. “Why do you think the attack was aimed at Parker specifically?”

  “You don’t?” she asked, frowning. “The fire didn’t touch a single other person and looked as if it came from four corners to center around Parker. I know you pushed me down so the fire wouldn’t hit us, but it was still high enough before it hit Parker that it might not have touched as at all.”

  Walker shook his head. “It went low enough.” He held out his arm, and Aimee sucked in a breath before gently tracing her fingers over a red mark on his skin.

  “Walker, do you need to see Leah?” She jumped up from her chair and went to get ice or something to help, but Walker put his palm on her arm, stalling her.

  “I’m fine, Aimee.” Once again, his voice was a low rumble that went straight to parts of her she’d long forgotten.

  She turned so she faced him while he sat on the stool at the kitchen counter. He was already far taller than she was, and in this position, he seemed even larger. Yet she wasn’t afraid of him, and couldn’t fathom a reason why she would be other than the feelings he stirred within her.

  Aimee cleared her throat, pushing those thoughts out of her mind as far as she was able.

  “What are you thinking about?” Walker asked, his gaze on hers.

  “Parker?” It was a question more than an answer—and a lie. She should have been thinking about Parker and the rest of the Pack. She should have been thinking about what the next steps would be and how she could stay out of the way since she was an outsider in something far bigger than she.

  But she wasn’t thinking any of that.

  Instead, she was thinking about how much she liked the feeling of Walker’s skin on hers as his thumb gently brushed the inside of her forearm. And she thought about how good his hands would feel on other parts of her body.

  She might not be as strong as she once was, but she was still a living, breathing woman who, apparently, had needs that had decided to show up and consume her right at that moment.

  “No, you’re not.” Walker kept his grip on her arm even as he slid from the stool. The action brushed their bodies together, and she sucked in a breath. “I’m not either. Not beyond the fact there is nothing we can do about that particular situation for now. If and when the time comes, I’ll be ready to help out where I’m needed. But for now, it’s just you and me in the room, and I think we should finish what we were talking about in the field before everything happened.”

  She blinked, still keeping her gaze on his. “I don’t think we were were doing much talking at that point.” She blushed, aware she was far more brazen than usual and liking it.

  His other hand came up, his thumb gently brushing a soft caress over her lips. “Maybe we should talk first, though that’s not exactly what I said on the field.”

  Disappointment slid through her, and she tried not to let it show. She must not have been successful because he lowered his head to rest his forehead on hers.

  “I’m only saying that because if I start kissing you while we’re both alone in my house, I’m not going to stop unless you ask me to.”

  “And I probably won’t want you to,” she said wryly, truthfully.

  He let out a rough chuckle she could feel along her body. “That honesty of yours is going to get us into trouble.” She could hear the smile in his voice as he said it, so she figured it wasn’t all that bad. “That means I should get what I have to say out in the open now before we go too far and can’t take it back.”

  She pulled away, her brows lowered. “Now you’re starting to scare me a bit.”

  “I don’t mean to. I can promise you that.” He took in a deep breath, then met her eyes. “I think my wolf wants you as his mate, but with the mating bonds in flux as they are, I’m not fully sure. I don’t know if I will be certain at all until we try mating. That means, I’d mark you as mine and hope that it’s a true mating. Or, perhaps, the mating bond can start with us as soon as we have sex. Mating bonds aren’t as clear as they used to be, and I’m still trying to figure out what it all means. But before I kiss you again, before I want you more than I already do, I have to explain it to you. You have to know that if we go to bed, we could end up mates. Before, when bonding was clear-cut, I could have warned you fully; now, I can only say it could happen.”

  Aimee took a step back, trying to formulate her words so she wouldn’t hurt him or herself. “You know, I knew something was different between us. But, Walker? I’m not a wolf. I’m not Pack. So I need you to slow it down so I can catch up.”

  He ran a hand through his longer-than-normal hair and nodded. “I get that. And I’m making a muck-up of everything since it’s not like I have a handbook for what to say when I think I’ve met my mate who happens to be human and also happens to, probably, have a curse on her. I swear, I’m usually smoother than this, or at least a little gentler, but I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, and since I’m fucking it all up, I have a feeling I’m just pushing you away before we even have a chance to really talk about what’s going on.”

  She reached out quickly and gripped his wrist. As he was a wolf and could have moved far faster to get out of her way, she knew he’d let her grab him.

  “You’re not pushing me away, but you’re also going to have to remember I’m human. Yes, I’m attracted to you.” Once again, she blushed. “And let me tell you, I don’t normally blurt that out to guys like that but, apparently, this is different between us, and a whole new situation for me.”

  He let out a small growl, and she widened her eyes. “Sorry, best not mention other guys in front of me right now. The mating urge is riding me just a bit, and it’s making my wolf a little more aggressive than usual.” He swallowed hard, and she watched the long lines of his throat work. “I’m not as dominant as most of my brothers. They were even growlier when they first met their mates. And while I’m not a hundred percent certain you’re mine, I’m not pushing the possibility out of the way either.”

  “That should probably scare me—the growling thing. But considering I’ve watched my best friend turn into a wolf and fight to protect my friends and me and found out I have a curse on me that is causing me to slowly fade away? This isn’t the weirdest conversation I’ve had recently.”

  Walker’s lips quirked up into a smile, and she smiled back. He was truly handsome when he smiled, and even when he growled, and that was why she was able to say what she needed to say next.

  “Walker,” she said slowly, her voice serious now, “you know that I’m sick, that I might not have a lot of time left.” She didn’t let the tears fall, she’d already had time to grieve what she might lose because of the unknown. “First, I truly hope that what you’re saying is because of me and not a way to Heal me.”

  She hadn’t known she was worried about that until she’d said the words.

  Walker’s eyes suddenly glowed gold, and she let out a gasp. “That is not the issue. I am not feeling pity for you. Fuck, nothing I’m feeling for you has anything to do with pity.”

  She didn’t back down, even when he started to growl low in his chest. “Fine. I believe you, but I also had to ask.” She raised her chin, her breath holding steady. “I’ve been pitied enough in my life for how poor my family was or how, no matter how hard I tried to pay for college, I always ended up having to drop out for one circumstance
or another. I’ve seen pity in even my friends’ eyes when they realized I would probably always be a waitress at a small diner rather than anything more. I saw their pity when I couldn’t even hold that job because I was sick. So I’m sorry if the first thing that came to mind was pity and not the fact that you could want me for me.”

  He crushed his mouth to hers then, startling her into opening her lips and letting his tongue slide in. The kiss was rough, demanding, and sent heated shivers down her spine and all the way to her fingertips.

  When he pulled away, leaving them both panting, she curled her fingers into the cotton of his shirt and tried to catch her breath.

  “Pity has nothing to do with what I feel for you. Nothing. I don’t know if you’re my mate, not for sure, but I know there’s something here. If you are my mate, and I’m able to Heal you because of it? Then that’s a fucking perk, but it’s not the reason I want you. Yes, I want to save you. Yes, it’s in my blood to do so. But it’s not the only fucking thing. You’re in my dreams, Aimee. From the moment I first saw you. You haunt my sleep and my waking hours. You drive my wolf insane. I don’t know what happens next, but I do know that if you want to, I want to take a chance and see if you could be mine.” He swallowed hard. “And if I can be yours.”

  She was sure that there had been more romantic words spoken, especially in all the world over the eons of its existence, but right then, she couldn’t think of any of them.

  Walker’s words were just what she needed, exactly what they needed.

  And now, she needed to figure out what she wanted. Because if she took the wrong step, she could hurt them both.

  “I want you,” she whispered. “You already know that. But mating is permanent, Walker. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. And, honestly, I don’t know if you are either.”

  He lowered his head to hers, resting like he had before. “Then we take it one step at a time. We see if we can be, and then see if we should be.”

  Aimee leaned back so she could look into his eyes and cup his bearded cheek. “That…that sounds perfect.”

  In answer, he leaned down and took her lips once more.

  And she was lost.

  Chapter Seven

  Aimee tasted of sweetness, like his, and Walker knew if he weren’t careful, he’d find himself addicted. Yet in that moment, he wasn’t sure he cared. She clung to him, and he towered over her, deepening the kiss and pulling her closer. His wolf craved her, and the man wasn’t far behind. She made a little sound in the back of her throat that pulled a growl out of him, and he couldn’t help but run one hand down her back to grip her ass. He squeezed, shocking them both, but they didn’t break apart.

  Couldn’t break apart.

  If he were thinking only through his wolf, he’d devour her, lead her to the bedroom or even the couch in the living room behind them and strip them both down to nothing but skin. He wanted—no, he needed—to be inside her, even if he’d just told himself they would take it slower than they were at this present moment.

  Aimee was his drug, his addition, his salvation.

  And yet, he knew if he didn’t stop right then, they’d go too far, too fast. He needed to remember that she was human and didn’t have the same mating urges he had. Oh, yes, she could feel some connection and that attraction she’d spoken of, but it wasn’t even close to the extent it would have been if she were a wolf. And because of that, going full-tilt right away would be careless, even if it were the fates and the moon goddess who started it all.

  So, he would pull away and let her breathe, if only for a few moments longer.

  When he finally wrenched himself away from her, they were both panting, their bodies shaking as they clung to one another as if they were lost, thirsty sailors on a vast ocean who had just found pure water in far too long.

  “That was…” she whispered, her breaths shaky.

  “Yeah. That was…yeah.” He grinned at her, feeling lighter than he had in ages. He wasn’t like the rest of his family, who had each gone through their own personal hells in order to survive their previous Pack leaders and turn into the adults they were today. Yes, his father and uncles had been harsh taskmasters, but he’d had it far easier than the rest of his brothers and sister and cousins. He’d only been forced to bear witness to the ruins that were their history and help find a way to pave the stones that would one day be their destiny.

  As he’d said before, he was the Healer, not a soldier. He did not fight, but stood behind until it was his time to face danger head-on so he could help those who fell around him.

  It wasn’t an easy way to be seen by those who were so much stronger and fought so much harder, but he’d learned to live with it. He’d found a way to be the man who wanted a mate when the others didn’t. And, one by one, they had found their true halves and thirds while he had once again been forced to stand by and watch.

  Now, he had his potential future in his hands, yet he knew she could sift through his fingertips like sand on a windy day. Even without the curse, her life as a human was far shorter than his, so much more fragile. There were so many ifs when it came to Aimee and what she could be to him—and what she could be herself.

  He had to find a way to break her curse.

  Had to see if she was his mate.

  Had to discover if he could change her and have her survive.

  But the only way for her to be changed under the eyes of their new rules and upcoming laws was if she was his mate.

  So the vicious cycle reared its ugly head once again, and he held her in his arms and studied her face. He knew she was thinking just as hard as he was in that moment, but he wasn’t sure where her thoughts lay. Maybe one day it would be his honor and duty to find out.

  Before he could ask her what their next step should be—because while he might have wanted to just tell her outright, he’d learned from the women in his family not to be that much of an asshole—his phone buzzed in his pocket.

  He gave her an apologetic smile and pulled it out so he could answer. “Sorry, I have to take this.”

  She waved him off. “Of course, you do. You’re not only the Healer, but Parker was just attacked by a witch. I’ll give you privacy.”

  He held her hand so she wouldn’t leave him. If he needed to talk in private, he would, but for now, he couldn’t let her out of his sight. His wolf—and the man—had it bad.

  “Gideon, what can I do for you?” Walker asked, his voice harsher than usual. He wasn’t angry that his brother and Alpha had interrupted, considering the fact that he’d needed time to get his thoughts in order anyway. But since his cock was currently pressing into his zipper and his wolf was riding him hard, he wasn’t surprised that he sounded off.

  “Come over to the house so we can talk about what’s going on with the attack. Leah said Parker’s resting, and she will update us soon. I just got off the phone with her and Ryder. The others have done their reconnaissance, so we’re going to discuss everything each of us knows, try to piece it together, and see what we should do next.”

  “Okay.” He paused. “I have Aimee with me.”

  Gideon let out a wry laugh. “We assumed since one of Kameron’s soldiers saw you walk way with her, but in the future, make sure you let Dawn know if you plan to kidnap one of her friends. It’s only because she and Mitchell are at the Central den that she’s not on your doorstep right now making sure her friend is safe.”

  Walker cleared his throat. He’d been so focused on getting not only Parker and his mates safely out of harm’s way, but also Aimee, that he hadn’t exactly mentioned to Dawn where he was taking her friend. Yes, he’d known where everyone else had gone, but he hadn’t thought to mention himself. He was so used to not having to keep others up-to-date because he was usually at the clinic or at their side on the field.

  “Next time, I’ll do better. Do you want Aimee to come with me?” He met her gaze, and she raised her brow. “She’s standing right next to me, by the way.”

  She rolled her
eyes, and he couldn’t help but grin. She was making him act irrationally, and he didn’t know if he liked it. But he knew he didn’t want it to stop either.

  “I can leave,” she mouthed, and he shook his head. He didn’t want her to go yet, and he knew he probably wouldn’t get what he wanted anyway.

  “Dawn and Mitchell are on their way back to the den. Why don’t you drop her off at their place since we’re discussing Pack business? While I trust Aimee, she’s also not Pack, and some of the other members that won’t be at the meeting because of seniority might have a problem with that.”

  Their Pack had gone through some changes recently and had had a few upheavals. It seemed that every time they got back on their feet, something else happened to make them fight harder. While Walker understood that Aimee truly had no place at an official hierarchy meeting, he still didn’t want her out of his sight. His wolf rode him hard, and he had a feeling he’d have to start fighting his other half back sooner rather than later if he wanted to remain sane and keep her from fearing him and his wolf. After all, she might know about some of the world of the paranormal, but she didn’t know everything about what wolves and mating entailed.

  “Understood,” Walker said quickly after he’d been silent for far too long. “Be there soon.” He hung up and stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

  “I need to drop you back off at Dawn’s and then check on Parker before heading over to Gideon’s.” He cleared this throat. “Once I’m done, though, I’d like to see you again. To talk about what just happened.”

  She gave him a shy smile. “Talk? Yes, we need to talk. And I think some space right now might be good for both of us. I have a feeling neither of us can think clearly when we’re in each other’s presence.

  He kissed her again, knowing he shouldn’t, and had a feeling she was far more correct in that statement than she could possibly know.

  An hour later, Walker sat in Gideon’s large living room as his Alpha paced the floor, Kameron, right beside him. As the Enforcer, Kameron was probably just as on edge as the Alpha since his triplet should have been able to sense that danger was coming. But since his brother hadn’t been able to, they all knew that something was wrong.