It Had to Be Love (An It Had to Be Novel)

by Tamra Baumann

  Tara pushed her empty plate away before she succumbed to seconds. She wanted to save room for the chocolate mousse dessert Ryan had brought. “Or, just the opposite. So obvious, no one would ever think to look there. Hidden in plain sight, so to speak. Could go either way.”

  Tara’s heart warmed as she watched Ryan and Eric wolf down the food she’d made. It was nice to share a meal with her two favorite guys in town. If only she could stay . . . no. She needed to stop. She didn’t know if she’d be able to stay, and thinking how nice it’d be to have dinners like these every night was just making her sad.

  But she hoped they’d actually find the map for Eric. The kid deserved a break. And Ryan did too. If they found it, then maybe his father would stop hounding Ryan and he’d stay in Anderson Butte where he clearly belonged. She hated how Ryan’s father treated him. He deserved so much better.

  Just as they were about to head out, her phone rang. It was Detective Bailey. She flipped the screen around so Ryan could see who it was. She couldn’t talk in front of Eric. “Why don’t you guys go on ahead? I’ll catch up.”

  Ryan gave her a worried look. “We’ll start at the Dumpster first.” He slung an arm around Eric’s shoulder and then grabbed Sherlock’s leash, leading them out the front door.

  Tara answered her phone. “Hi, Detective. Any news?”

  “Nothing.” He let out a long sigh. “The surveillance system at the hospital had been undergoing an upgrade, so the IT people had taken different sections offline for periods of time last week, leaving big gaps. Our interviews of the staff and caterers is almost complete, and we still don’t have a suspect.”

  Tara’s hopes for finding the accomplice quickly plummeted. “And my parents’ staff? Nothing there?”

  “No. I’m looking at the possibility we may have an internal leak in my department. That’s why I’m calling you from home. I think it’s time I start looking for a new place for you.”

  No, not yet!

  Hot tears stung her eyes. “I’m not sure I want—”

  “Nothing has to be decided tonight. I want to have someplace ready for you, though, just in case. Are you still insistent on practicing dentistry?”

  The thought of never talking to her family again, and of leaving Anderson Butte, Ryan, Eric, and Sherlock, made Tara’s legs grow weak. “I’d like to keep just one thing I’ve worked so hard for in my life. But I understand it’s another way for Spencer to find me.” She made her way to the couch and sank into it.

  “Let me see what’s available. But it’s important you don’t take instructions or discuss relocation plans with anyone but me. Understood?”

  She cleared away the lump in her throat. “Yes. Only you.”

  “I’m not giving up yet. Not until we’ve exhausted all the possibilities. I’ll let you know immediately if there’s any news.”

  “Thank you. But if we don’t catch a break, how soon are we talking about moving me? I want to tell my parents good—”

  “You can’t do that, Tara. You can’t tell anyone. Especially because we don’t know where the leak is coming from. I’ll get word to your parents after I have you safely tucked away somewhere.”

  She couldn’t even say goodbye? “Maybe I should just stay and take my chances. I’m so tired—”

  “Tara, you have that option, but I’m afraid it’ll only be a matter of time before he finds you. Relocation is the only way to keep you safe.”

  Keep her safe, maybe. But what about her happiness? What was that worth? “Okay. Go ahead and start looking for a new place. But I still need to think this through some more.”

  “Will do. I’ll be in touch.”

  “Thanks.” Tara hit the “End” button, then tossed the phone on the coffee table. What was she going to do?

  She stared at the wall, watching the shadows lengthen as warm tears dripped down her cheeks. Running different scenarios through her mind over and over, she couldn’t find a way around moving. But there had to be another option. Wasn’t there some way she could stay? The thought of leaving—no. What she was going to do was hope for the best. Stay positive. Maybe they’d find who they were looking for tomorrow. Then she could stay.

  She went to the bathroom to wash her face. She’d been crying for the better part of an hour and couldn’t let the guys see how upset she was. After patting her skin dry, she went to the kitchen and grabbed a flashlight from the junk drawer. In the time she’d been pondering her fate, it had become dusky outside. When she opened the front door, Sherlock bounded across the porch followed by Ryan. He had a grim look on his face.

  “Hi. No luck?”

  “Nope.” Ryan leaned the shovels on her front porch then stepped inside. “Eric was pretty disappointed so he went home.”

  She was disappointed too. And now she was even more determined to find that box. Especially because she might not be around to help soon. “We’ll have to go back to the beginning and look for more clues, I guess.”

  After Ryan freed Sherlock from his leash he asked, “So what did Detective Bailey have to say?”

  He’d said not to talk to anyone about her possible relocation plans. “They’re still investigating and he’ll let me know as soon as he knows something.”

  “It took him an hour to tell you that?”

  Frown lines on his forehead told her he suspected she wasn’t telling him the whole truth. “No. But it was a great excuse to get me out of digging.” Taking his hand, she led him toward her bedroom. She didn’t want to waste a moment of the little time she might have left with Ryan. “How about I give your poor, tired muscles a massage as my punishment?”

  “Oh, no you don’t.” He swept her off her feet and then dropped her on the couch. “No bene-friend sex until you spill my grandmother’s secret ingredient.”

  Tara picked up the remote and turned on the TV. “You might want to reconsider, pal. I’ve already proven I can go without for almost three years.”

  “Which is exactly why I’m betting you won’t last ten minutes making out with me on the couch.”

  “You’re going to torture me with almost-sex?”

  “Yep.” Ryan took the remote from her hand and turned off the TV. Then he framed her face in his hands and kissed her.

  Slowly, and so sweetly her defenses were already cut by half.

  Dammit.

  She leaned back for air. “I’m not telling—”

  He cut her off with another kiss. Then he nibbled on her earlobe. That always drove her nuts. When he moved to her neck, she sighed.

  After two more minutes of his sweet torment, her brain had only a few functioning cells left—the only things stopping her from blurting out the truth. She had the hardest time lying to the man. “It’s in the fridge. Top shelf on the right.”

  He hopped up so fast it startled Sherlock out of his deep slumber under the coffee table.

  She called out to his retreating back, “I didn’t tell you, that’s how you figured it out if your grandmother asks!” Ruth had sent the ingredients along with Tara so she could take the bread out of the oven right before Ryan arrived. When the three kinds of cheese were still hot and gooey.

  He replied, “It’s mayonnaise? You put that on before the paprika and cheese? My grandmother shouldn’t be eating all that cheese, much less real mayonnaise. That’s bad for her cholesterol.”

  She moved beside Ryan, who still stood with the fridge door open, examining the jar with utter horror on his face. “She said, and I quote, ‘Don’t tell Ryan, he’ll have a fit, but the mayonnaise is what makes it so damned good. You’ll be guaranteed all the milk you can handle if you make him his favorite bread tonight.’”

  “Milk?” He put the jar back and shut the door. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “You know the one about how a man won’t buy the cow if the milk is free?” She turned and headed for
her bedroom. “Was she right?”

  Ryan caught up with her. “Depends on the cow.” He scooped her up and kicked the bedroom door closed behind them.

  “No, I meant the part about how I’ll have all the milk I can handle tonight.”

  “Yep.” He laid her on the bed, then started on her blouse buttons. “Guaranteed.”

  Tara, in her office the next day between patients, checked her cell. It was noon and still nothing from Detective Bailey. She tried to stay positive, but the more time that passed made it even more difficult.

  Please let them catch a break today.

  Missy stuck her head inside the door. “Lunch is here.”

  “Thanks. I’m starving!” Tara followed Missy to the break room and grabbed two waters from the fridge.

  When Missy unloaded their to-go order from the diner, her brows quirked up. “Chicken pot pie? You usually get the grilled chicken salad with dressing on the side. All that ‘just friends’ sex with Ryan must be increasing your appetite.” Missy’s lips tilted into a sly grin. “Or maybe you’re eating for two?”

  Tara accepted her lunch and sat down at the table. “Seeing as I’m missing the necessary parts for that to happen, we’ll just go with all the fun sex.”

  Missy’s grin quickly disappeared. “I’m sorry, Tara. I had no idea. Foot in mouth once again.”

  “No worries. It is what it is.”

  Missy took a bite of her sandwich. “So, since you and Ryan are just sex buddies, do you think he’ll get back together with Sarah now that she’s left Ed?”

  “What?” Tara’s stomach took a dive. “When did that happen?”

  “Over the weekend. She’s staying with her mom temporarily. I ran into her at Brewster’s the other night, and she told me the whole story. She says she’s going to move in with her sister in Denver as soon as she can find someone with a truck to help her get all her things there. Is it just a coincidence both Ryan and Sarah are moving away to Denver? Or do you think they’ve been planning this all along?”

  The prospect of losing Ryan slammed home what Tara had been trying to deny. The thought of him with anyone else made her stomach ache. But she couldn’t be in love with him. It was too soon. They’d only known each other for a short time. No. The ache in her gut made a liar out of her. She was in love with him. Dammit!

  Forcing a smile, she shook her head. “Ryan would never do anything so underhanded.”

  “You’re right.” Missy nodded as she chewed. “Well, don’t kill the messenger, but there’s a new betting pool in town. Who’ll win Ryan’s heart—you or Sarah?”

  Of course. The people in Anderson Butte loved their bets. “Well, I hope you put your money on Sarah, because I’m not after Ryan’s heart.” She should’ve told her heart that sooner, though.

  “Too late. I bet on you.” Missy dug back into her sandwich.

  “Why would you do that when I’ve told you all along how things are between Ryan and me?”

  “Because I see the way you light up when you talk about him. And for him to break his in-town dating rule? Face it. You’re falling in love with each other.”

  Ryan hadn’t said the “L” word to her so she couldn’t be sure of his feelings. He had said he cared for her at the wedding, though . . .

  Oh, God. What if he really was in love with her and then she just up and left him? She couldn’t tell him the details about the relocation. He’d know after she left what had happened, but that was no way to say goodbye.

  She needed to break things off with him first. In a nice way. One that wouldn’t hurt his feelings too much. But how?

  Then a thought struck. Sarah.

  She’d point out to Ryan how Sarah would be the better choice for him. At their last girls’ night, Sarah had talked about wanting kids in the worst way. And everyone in town said Ryan was in love with Sarah but too shy to tell her. She’d help him tell her. Then she’d remind Ryan about their original deal—for her to help him date better so he could find the right one for him.

  “Hey, where’d you go off to there?” Missy said between bites.

  Tara snapped her head up. “Sorry. Just thinking. I need to run a quick errand. Be right back.”

  “Something I said? Did I just stick my foot in my—”

  “No. If I’m not back when Martha gets here, set her up and tell her I’ll be with her shortly.” She headed out the door and straight to the toy store, hoping Sarah hadn’t quit yet. If she had, Tara would have to track her down at her mother’s house.

  After a short walk, Tara stepped inside the store. The place was empty, so she crossed to the register and rang the bell. After a few moments, Sarah appeared with her arms full of stuffed animals. “Oh, hey, Tara. How are you?”

  “In a hurry, unfortunately, so I’m just going to cut to the chase. Are you still in love with Ryan?”

  Sarah’s cheeks turned pink. “He’s with you now. I would never—”

  Tara held up a hand to stop her. “I want what’s best for you both. So please answer the question.”

  Sarah put all the stuffed animals on the counter. “I’ve always loved Ryan. But I don’t know how he feels about me. I don’t think Ryan heard the words ‘I love you’ much growing up. Meg told me he’s never even told his family that he loves them, but we all know he does.”

  That made Tara’s heart ache even more. “So he never said he loved you?”

  “No.” Sarah’s gaze dropped to her shoes. “When Ed asked me out I accepted, hoping it’d make Ryan finally tell me how he felt. But it backfired. I should have known better than to test Ryan that way. He would never let anything get in the way of another person’s happiness, so he stepped aside.”

  The pain in Sarah’s voice had Tara blinking back her threatening tears. That was so true about Ryan. He was the kindest, most patient man she’d ever met. And Sarah was Ryan’s perfect match—kind, sweet, wanted a family, and wanted Ryan with all her heart. Tara had to step aside herself. That it would be for Sarah made it slightly easier to do. “I think you need to have a talk with Ryan. Tell him how you feel.”

  Sarah finally met Tara’s gaze again. “I think Ryan has real feelings for you, Tara. I had my chance. I think you should take yours.”

  A rogue tear threatened to slip down Tara’s cheek as she worked up the courage to tell Sarah a lie. She blinked it back and said, “I don’t love him, Sarah. So please, ask him to have dinner or something. Then you can see if the old spark is still there?”

  A frown line split Sarah’s forehead. “You’re sure?”

  “Yep.” She needed to leave before she fell completely apart. “Good luck.”

  She quickly slipped out the door but walked slowly back to her office to give herself time to pull it together. She’d have to have a talk with Ryan next. Sooner rather than later would be best. Then when she left, they’d have a clean break. And she’d be able to leave knowing that Ryan would end up with someone who’d loved him all her life.

  Sweet, kind Sarah was the better choice for Ryan. She’d be able to give him children, and Sarah wouldn’t have to worry about a scary ex coming back one day to hurt her and her family. It’d be best this way, before hearts got any further involved.

  She’d vowed to never get emotionally involved with a man again, for solid, real reasons. Reasons that made sense for everyone’s safety. Better to stick to the plan and live a life free of all the messy emotions that came with a relationship.

  She nodded sharply as she pulled her office door open.

  It was the right choice.

  Ryan finished up the last of his paperwork and was just about to call it a day when Tara appeared in his doorway. “Hi. I ran into Mike on his way out. He said to come on back.”

  “Hey.” Something was wrong. Tara seemed nervous. Bad news from Bailey?

  He stood and gave her a hug before leading her to a chai
r. “You look upset. What’s going on?”

  “We need to talk, Ryan. About us.” She looked away and folded her hands in her lap.

  No. It couldn’t be happening again. He’d lost Sarah. He wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. “What is it? Is Bailey pressuring you to move? Because I’ll go with you, if that’s it.”

  “That’s incredibly sweet.” She blinked back the tears forming in her eyes. “But I’d never ask anyone to live my life. Hiding from Spencer, having to pick up and move just as I get settled somewhere. Not to mention Spencer would hurt you and I can’t let that happen. I should have never let this relationship happen.”

  The sudden band of pain constricting his chest made it hard to draw a deep breath. “So your idea is to break up to protect me? I can take of myself. You have no idea what I’d put up with just to be with you, Tara.”

  “I’m asking you to recall what our original deal was. I was going to help you with your dating skills and you’d teach me to cook—along with no-strings-attached sex. I think we’ve both done our part, so it’s time to take a step back. That way we can both move on and get what we want.”

  He needed to turn this around. Fast.

  He took her shaking hand. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, Tara.”

  She closed her eyes and whispered, “Sarah told me she’s loved you her whole life, Ryan. She doesn’t have to live her life on the run, and she’s able to have children. Sarah wouldn’t be endangering their lives, along with any man she’s with. Because of Spencer, I can’t be with you, Ryan.”

  Couldn’t be with him? Dammit! “I don’t want to be with Sarah. I want to be with you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  When tears leaked out of the corners of her closed eyes, he nearly lost it too. She thought she was protecting him, but she was killing him. He needed to tell her how he felt. To say the words.