It Had to Be Love (An It Had to Be Novel)

by Tamra Baumann

  “Tara. Look at me. Please?”

  When she blinked her lids open and met his gaze, he said, “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I can’t lose you, I . . .” Dammit.

  He could say it. “Tara, I—” The words wouldn’t come. As badly as he wanted to say them, he couldn’t make them form.

  She shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore, Ryan. I let things go way too far and now I need to be fair to you. Go find the woman who can give you back what you deserve. Because that woman isn’t me.”

  She slipped her hands from his and stood to leave.

  He couldn’t lose her. “Tara, wait!”

  She slowly turned and faced him again, clearly fighting back her emotions. “What?”

  “Tell me you don’t think we could have a future together and I’ll let you go without a fight. Otherwise, stay and let’s make this work.”

  She stood there blinking at him with her bottom lip quivering for what seemed an eternity. Please don’t say it.

  Please. Don’t. Say. It.

  Finally, she threw her shoulders back and said, “I don’t see a future with you, Ryan.” Then she turned and ran out the door.

  Her words sliced through him like a knife to the gut as he dropped into the chair. What was so damned wrong with him that he couldn’t just tell her that he loved her? But would it have even made a difference? She didn’t see a future with him. He couldn’t see one without her.

  Tara hurried out of Ryan’s office with tears blurring her vision. She hated that she had to lie to him, but he wasn’t going to let her go otherwise. No matter how much it hurt, it was the right thing to do.

  Her legs shook, so she slowly sank onto a bench in the long hallway that led to the lobby. She opened her purse and dug out a tissue to wipe away her tears before she ran into anyone in the lobby who’d ask questions.

  She felt horrible for what she’d done to him. He’d even offered to come with her if she had to leave. That had been so tempting. To have Ryan by her side to help her face whatever challenges the next town . . .

  What was she thinking? She couldn’t endanger his life too. All this heartache was her own fault. She knew better than to have a real relationship ever again, dammit.

  She’d be better off swearing off men for good.

  She dabbed at her eyes, and as she gathered up the strength to walk home, she studied the old black-and-white pictures on the walls before her. Anderson Butte in the early days. Ryan’s great-grandfather’s days. Dusty roads with carriages parked in front of the few buildings surrounding Town Square. There were more buildings now, but the square hadn’t changed a bit. The same whitewashed bandstand stood in the center, or perhaps one rebuilt to look just like it, surrounded by grass and paths that led across the park to the other side of the square.

  Ryan’s family had worked hard to preserve their pretty little town and make it prosper. She hoped Ryan and Sarah would stay now that they had a shot with each other. The residents in town needed Ryan to offset his hard-nosed father.

  A door opened at the end of the hall. Afraid it might be Ryan, she stuffed her tissues into a nearby trash can and headed for the main lobby exit. She couldn’t look him in the eyes so soon or she might break down and confess her lie.

  She pushed the lobby’s glass door open just as her cell rang. She looked at the caller ID, but didn’t recognize the number. Bailey said he’d called her from home last night so maybe he was calling from a secure number? She tapped the “Answer” button. “Hello?”

  Silence filed her ear. “Hello?”

  Finally a deep, gravelly voice said, “Sorry. Hit the wrong contact number, Tara.” Then the line went dead.

  She didn’t recognize the voice. And he’d called her Tara. Someone in town? But she hadn’t given anyone her new number yet. Had that been Fred? Or . . . someone working for Spencer?

  Had Spencer figured out her new name?

  Picking up her pace, she headed home while dialing Detective Bailey’s number. That call was all she needed to make her decision. Ryan didn’t need her. He had Sarah now and seeing them together would just be too painful to bear.

  When Bailey answered, she said, “Hi. I’m ready to be moved as soon as possible.”

  Ryan walked home, replaying his and Tara’s conversation in his head. She’d told him right up front what the ground rules were. Meg had been right. It had been a stupid plan to try to change Tara’s mind and in the process fall in love with her.

  He walked down his drive and found Sarah sitting on his front porch. Learning that Sarah had loved him her whole life should have made him happy. Instead it just muddled things. “Hey.” He sat on the step beside her. He wasn’t ready to invite her in.

  “Hi.” She smiled but quickly looked away. “So, Tara came to see me earlier.”

  “Yep.”

  While drawing curlicues in the dirt with a stick, she said softly, “Did she tell you what we discussed?”

  “Mm hm.”

  “Well, it looks like we’re both going to be living in Denver soon, so . . . maybe we could get together and have dinner or something? After I get my separation papers all filed and I get settled in?”

  “Sure. But can I ask you something?”

  She finally met his gaze. “Anything.”

  “If you’ve always . . . had feelings for me, why did you start dating Ed?”

  “I didn’t know how you felt about me, Ry.” She shrugged. “There’s nothing worse than unrequited love. A woman needs to hear the words to know for sure.”

  “Yeah. I need to work on that. So, is Ed helping you move?”

  She shook her head. “He took a job up north for a few months. I told him I’d be gone when he got back. Seeing you at our house the other day and how you showed honest concern for me made me face the realization that Ed doesn’t love me. He just wanted to steal me from you because he’d never been able to best you at anything else. I’d thought maybe with time he’d come to love me, but it’s never going to happen.”

  “Yeah.” He’d always known that was true. At least Sarah had finally figured that out.

  He turned and studied her, searching for a clear-cut answer, but nothing materialized. He had feelings for her, but not like the hit-him-in-the-chest ones he felt for Tara. Maybe that’s just because he’d known Sarah his whole life? “So when do you plan to leave?”

  “Toby was going to help me move on his day off on Thursday, but then his truck died. Zeke said it’d take a week to get a part to fix it. Ed took our car, so I guess I’ll have to wait until the truck is fixed. My sister said I could use her old car once I get to Denver.”

  Silence fell between them again. Finally she asked, “So, you have a truck. Could you drive me to Denver?”

  He opened his mouth to tell her that probably wasn’t a good idea, but she looked so lost and fragile sitting there staring up at him with her sad brown eyes. She had to be hurting from her breakup. How could he say no?

  Besides, maybe a drive to Denver and a visit to Bailey were just what he needed to figure out what to do with his life. “Sure. I can drive you on Thursday. I need to see about a job there anyway.”

  Sarah’s whole face lit up like it used to whenever she saw him. “That’d be great, Ryan. And it’d give us a chance to catch up on the drive, right?”

  He nodded. “How about we load up around seven thirty? Get an early start? Do you need help packing before?”

  She stood and wiped her dusty hands on her pants. “Nope. I’m all packed and ready to load. I’ll call my sister and let her know.” She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Ry. You’re the best.”

  “No problem.” He leaned back on his elbows and watched her walk away. He’d waited four years for her to leave Ed.

  Why wasn’t he happier about it?

  Because it was Tara he wanted to b
e with. But she’d made it clear she didn’t want him. He’d never met anyone like her. Would he ever find someone he could love as much again?

  He slowly got up and made his way inside. He crossed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for something to make for dinner before realizing it was Tuesday. Used to be, he ate at the diner every Tuesday—before Tara, that is.

  Slapping the door shut, he turned and headed out for some damned meatloaf.

  Tara stared at the contents of her fridge. She had all the ingredients to make a homemade pizza, but the thought of eating it alone when she’d planned to make it for Ryan as a surprise made her slam the door shut again. She’d lost her appetite.

  Slumping down on the couch, she crossed her arms.

  Alaska.

  That’s where Bailey said he’d found a spot for her—a small town that desperately needed a dentist to service not only it but also many small towns for miles around. They’d be thrilled to have her. She’d leave on Saturday.

  Alassssska. Where it was cold. And it stayed depressingly dark for months at a time. Yay.

  She glanced down at her puppy, who stared up at her with such adoration in his eyes it shattered what was left of her broken heart. “I’m going to miss you so much, Sherlock.”

  When he whimpered, she let her tears fall and gave his ears a rub. How did he always know when she was sad?

  She wished she could bring Sherlock. He’d probably like Alaska. It’d make it less lonely for her. But the rules Bailey had e-mailed to her earlier said no pets.

  A loud knock on her door startled her. Was it Ryan?

  She hopped up and ran to open the door, but then forced herself to slow down. If it was Ryan, she had to send him away.

  Stay strong. It’s the right thing to do.

  She squinted through the peephole.

  Eric. And Ryan’s grandmother with a wrapped plate in her hand.

  No gun in sight, but Tara had been forewarned by Ruth about the consequences of breaking Ryan’s heart. Were the cookies laced with arsenic?

  Ready to take her medicine, Tara opened the door. She might rather be shot or poisoned than go live in Alaska anyway.

  Hi, guys. Come on in.” Tara opened the door wider for Eric and Ruth to pass by. Maybe Eric being there would save Tara from the wrath of Ryan’s grandmother.

  “Hope we aren’t interrupting your dinner, Tara.” Mrs. Anderson held out a plate of chocolate chip cookies.

  “Sorry there’s one missing.” Eric grinned. “They’re my favorite.”

  And therefore probably safe to eat if Mrs. Anderson had given one to Eric.

  Accepting the paper plate, Tara said, “I think these will be my dinner. Thank you. And how are you, Eric? Besides feeling not at all guilty for eating my cookies?”

  “Sorry. But we’ve been busted.”

  “Busted? What do you mean?” Tara led the way to the living room and held out a hand toward the couch. “Have a seat.”

  Ryan’s grandmother hobbled to the couch and then dropped into it. “I saw Eric and Ryan digging on my land the other night. Got me a new pair of those night vision goggles off of Amazon just to catch trespassers. Eric came clean with the details. Now I’m trying to decide if I want to squeal on you or if I’m going to join you all.”

  Tara chuckled at the thought of Mrs. Anderson peering through night vision goggles. But then, nothing the woman did surprised her anymore. “So in other words, you’re blackmailing us so you can be in on the hunt?”

  “Yep. You could say that.”

  Tara glanced at Eric. “Do you have any objections if she joins us?”

  He quickly shook his head, clearly terrified of the woman. She couldn’t blame him.

  She sampled a cookie so good, she had to have another. “I think we’re one down anyway. Ryan isn’t likely to help us from here on out; rather he’ll just ignore us so we can find the box. And I don’t mind if you want to help, but all the proceeds from this hunt have to belong to Eric, or we can’t let you join us.” Tara placed her hands on her hips the way she’d seen Mrs. Anderson do to appear more formidable.

  Ruth waved a hand. “It’s not the money I’m after. It’s only right an Anderson be a part of finding the box. And I want to finally taste this so-called world-famous whiskey. It wasn’t polite for womenfolk to drink it back when I was young. Now I say, PFFFT to that!”

  “Me too. Let’s polish off these cookies while we put our heads together. Ruth, maybe you can fill in a few blank spots in Anderson Butte history for me and Eric. Be right back.” She retrieved their research from her study, then plunked the box on the dining room table. “The answer has to be here somewhere.”

  And she only had a few more days left, so they needed to hurry.

  After Ruth, Eric, and Tara had chosen three more potential sites to dig, Tara reached deeper into the box for more archived newspapers. They were full of interesting facts.

  She munched on her cookie dinner as she scanned the pages.

  When her hand landed on the last newspaper in the stack, she gently lifted the fragile, yellowed paper out. The front page showed a picture of a man holding a number under his chin. A mug shot. The picture was black and white, faded and dark, but the man who’d robbed the Anderson Butte Bank had haunting eyes.

  She held out the page for Ruth to see. “Did you live here when this guy robbed the bank in town?”

  The old woman glanced at the photo then huffed out a breath. “Yep. The one and only time we’ve had a bank robbery.”

  Tara studied the picture more closely. “He’s seems too good-looking to be a bank robber. I wonder what color his eyes were.”

  “As blue as the Mediterranean Sea. He was the most handsome man you’d ever lay eyes on. That’s my first husband.”

  Eric’s eyes widened. “You married a bank robber?”

  “Well, I didn’t know he was a bank robber when I married the man. We didn’t have the Internet and such to check people out like you kids do now.”

  “Spill.” Tara leaned closer. “This is the most interesting thing I’ve heard since I moved here.”

  Ruth took off her glasses and rubbed her eyes. When she slipped them back on, she said, “It was one of the biggest scandals in town history. No one ever spoke of it in polite company. But now I guess it is kinda interesting and what do I care? My reputation is what it is.” She picked up the picture and stared at it. The slightest smile tilted her lips before she said, “Jake was the most charming man I’d ever met. When he rode into town that day, I knew my life would forever be changed.”

  Eric slurped his milk then wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Rode into town? Like on a horse? It was that long ago?”

  Ruth laughed. “No. I meant in a car. A flashy red convertible to be exact. I’m not that old, Eric. This was in the fifties.”

  “Oh.” Eric glanced at Tara and frowned. The fifties must still have been ancient history to Eric.

  Ruth waved a hand. “Anyway. My father was the bank manager at the time. Worked directly for Ryan’s great-grandfather. He’d been disappointed that I wouldn’t accept the next Anderson in line’s marriage proposal. Believe it or not, Eric, I was a good-looking woman at one time. I had my share of beaus.”

  Before Eric expressed out loud the shock that shone on his face, Tara quickly said, “I’m certain you were quite the catch. So, how long did you and Jake date before you were married?”

  “Well, since back then we weren’t as loose with our,” she glanced Eric’s way and then back at Tara, “milk allowances, people tended to marry quicker. We dated for maybe four months before I accepted his proposal.”

  That was about as long as she and Spencer had dated too. And shorter than her time with Ryan. Weirdly, she felt a little better that a smart and strong woman like Ruth had been fooled by the same type of deceitful man as she had. “So
did he stay charming after you married him?”

  “Nope.” Ruth pursed her lips and shook her head. “He turned out to be a real devil in disguise, that one. He only married me so he could get his hands on the keys to the bank. It wasn’t two months after we were married that he was in jail serving time for bank robbery. A few months after that he was shot and killed while trying to escape. I was all of nineteen at the time. People either laughed at me behind my back for my lack of judgment or pitied the poor young widow.”

  “So, naturally you were afraid to be fooled by a man again, right?”

  “Nope. Plug your ears, Eric.” After he complied, she said, “The things Jake could do in bed provided me with memories to live off of for the rest of my life. But I finally realized I’d been fooled by a no-good but extremely charming man. So I did the sensible thing and married a reliable man I’d known my whole life. I loved him, even though he could be a tad boring. But as steady as they came. He was the same in the sack too, but it was probably too much to ask for a man to be both reliable and exciting in bed.”

  Ryan was both.

  Ruth tapped Eric’s arm. “You can unplug your ears now. The rest of the story is we eloped because his daddy, the mayor, wasn’t pleased his son was dating a tainted woman like me, but he got over it as soon as our first son was born.”

  Tara shook her head in wonder. Ruth had gone through a lot, especially living in a small town where everyone knew her business. Probably explained her gruff nature. “That’s quite the story, Ruth. Glad it all turned out for the best.”

  “Things usually do. Unless you do something dumb to mess it all up.” Ruth stared deeply into Tara’s eyes. “Just because one man doesn’t work out isn’t any reason to throw in the towel, Tara. There’s good ones out there and there’s bad ones. You throw out the bad and keep the good. It’s as simple as that. Plug your ears again, Eric.”

  He rolled his eyes, then stood and headed for the back door. “Come on, Sherlock. Let’s go play ball outside until they’re done.”