A Family Like Hannah's

by Carol Ross

  “Shortly after Park moved to Rankins, he was hanging out at the Cozy Caribou shooting pool with some guys. You know how it is sometimes—a couple pitchers of beer, a fair amount of bragging and an impromptu tournament was born. Park won his first two games, which were both against women. He started mouthing off about how women can’t play pool as well as men. I’m not kidding—he actually said women were physiologically incapable of playing pool as well as men, or something along those lines.”

  “How could he be that dumb?”

  She delicately raised a shoulder as if to say “what choice did I have?” “And so, I challenged him to a game.”

  Tate nodded, his lips twitching at the vision forming in his mind’s eye. “Ah, I see, with a fish frenzy kind of result?”

  “Pretty much. It was worse actually. There are certain, um, sporty things I guess you’d call them that I’m just good at, in addition to the fish frenzy. I don’t know why.” She tilted her hands palms up as if to reiterate that she had no control over her innate athleticism. And that was probably true.

  “Shooting pool is another one of these skills I’m guessing?” he asked.

  “Yep, I would advise you not to play ping-pong or darts with me either. I’m also freakishly good with a bow. I allowed Park exactly one chance before I cleared the table.”

  He let out a chuckle, his head shaking in perplexity. “So he lost a game of pool, so what?”

  She grimaced. “He lost five hundred dollars and suffered the decimation of his continent-sized pride.”

  He laughed. “What kind of idiot...?” He suddenly realized that he’d made a similar bet because he’d been just as sure as Park she wouldn’t be able to deliver. “An idiot like me, obviously,” he joked.

  She laughed again and Tate knew he was grinning like a fool but didn’t care in the least because making Hannah happy was the greatest feeling in the world. And he never thought anything could feel better than standing on top of the podium after a hard-fought competition. How wrong he’d been.

  Still grinning she said, “You’re so serious, so when you make a joke it’s like extrafunny or something.”

  Tate thought this was as good of a segue as he was going to get. “I am a serious person, Hannah. Too much sometimes, and I’m beginning to realize how much of a problem that can be, thanks to you. I need to apologize to you for that, and for some other things. These last weeks—this last year really—it’s been even worse than normal because of my concern for Lucas. I’ve felt like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders but—”

  She interrupted, “Of course you have. Raising a child is a huge responsibility and the love you have for—”

  He held up a hand and kept talking “—but I’m hoping to change that.”

  Her brows dipped down in confusion. “I’m sorry. Change what?”

  “Well, I was going to try and win you over. You know—do things right—kind of gradually with flowers and gifts and dates and...”

  “Tiny pieces of heavy equipment?” she asked with a teasing tone. “Thank you for that, by the way. It made me smile.”

  Yes, he thought, getting somewhere. “Good, that was my intention. I also planned on other thoughtful, albeit possibly more romantic gestures. But now I’m feeling a sense of urgency to clear the air between us. I’d like to skip some steps and move forward.”

  Her face scrunched with confusion and he wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her crinkled brow.

  “But...why?”

  “Well, Kitt for one thing.”

  “Spencer?”

  “Yes, he obviously wants to get back together with you, Hannah. And I know you two have a history, but I’m asking you to give me a second chance before you commit to anything with him. Seeing you with him made me understand...”

  * * *

  AS THE WAITRESS delivered their meals, Hannah’s hopes plummeted from wildly soaring to crashing disappointment in the length of a few short sentences. A second chance? When had they had a first chance, really? A couple kisses did not a relationship make, although for a while there she had thought... But he was the one who had pulled back, and she was now glad he had because the heartbreak could have been so much worse.

  Seeing Spencer had reminded her of that, in addition to the postaccident promise she’d made to herself to never accept anything less than unconditional love.

  The French fry she’d been dredging in ketchup stilled in her hand as she peered at him intently. “So my value has increased in your eyes because someone else is now interested in me?”

  He looked startled by the question. “No, that’s not it. I was heading in this direction before I even found out about Kitt. I, uh, I also talked to Cricket. I know about the accident, about the injuries that ended your career.”

  What had Cricket said? How much did Tate know? Surely Cricket hadn’t told him everything?

  “Hannah, I’m so sorry. When I took the consulting job and purchased a part of Snowy Sky I was so focused on what I wanted—what I wanted for Lucas—I didn’t even stop to think that you might have a story, too. That Snowy Sky might mean more to you than just a business or a job. Like you were just saying yourself, you come across as so easygoing and carefree and optimistic it never even occurred to me and—”

  “Wait.” Hannah interrupted with a stop-sign, palm-forward gesture. “So...what? You feel sorry for me? That’s what this is about?”

  “No. I mean, yes, but that’s not—”

  She stood, dropping her napkin on her chair, her barely touched meal now a thoroughly unappetizing pile of sauerkraut and grease. She rubbed a hand across her forehead and felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She pulled it out.

  A rush of nerves zinged through her as she stared at the screen. “I have to take this. I’ll be right back.”

  She answered the call as she walked toward the back of the restaurant. Listening as she continued down the hall leading to the restrooms and a back exit, she eventually agreed to the date and time for the appointment.

  Her eyes were drawn to her leg and she couldn’t help but wonder if this weekend was the last time she would ever ski on two legs? How would she teach Lucas with only one leg? Eventually maybe she’d be able to ski with a prosthetic. She’d seen people do it and the thought heartened her to a significant degree.

  Swallowing down a lump of anxiety, she tried not to think about what might be; choosing instead to focus on what she could control. And this situation with Tate definitely fell into that category.

  She knew what she had to do as she returned to the table, but knowing wouldn’t make the doing any easier. And the look of concern and sincerity on his face nearly had her chickening out.

  She suddenly wanted to cry as she realized that once again she’d fallen for the wrong man, even though the feelings she’d had for Spencer didn’t even begin to compare to how she felt about Tate. But that didn’t change the fact she needed to be with someone who wasn’t afraid of what life might bring—good or bad. She couldn’t live with the fear of knowing the man she loved might not stick around when the going got rough. As Hannah very well knew, sometimes you couldn’t avoid the rough patches; you just had to ski through them the best you could until you reached smoother terrain.

  And she certainly didn’t want to be with someone who was with her because he felt sorry for her. Continuing forward, she halted when she stood just a few feet away.

  “I’m sorry, Tate, but I can’t do this. I cannot have a relationship with someone based on guilt, or pity, or whatever else is going on here.” She gestured between them. “But even more importantly for me is the fact that you pulled away once already when things got even a little bit rough. If I ever let a man in my life again I need to know he will face whatever life throws at him, or me, or at us, fearlessly and that he has the will to fight if that’s what it take
s. Fight or flight—I need a fighter. I need someone who loves me unconditionally.”

  * * *

  HANNAH WAS STUFFING the last of her clothing into her suitcase when Adele pushed awkwardly through the door, a tall paper cup in each hand.

  She started talking immediately. “I’m so glad I found you. Is your phone off? Tate told Cricket that you got a phone call and left lunch upset. I’ve been calling...”

  She frowned at Hannah. “What are you doing?”

  “Packing.”

  “I see that, but we’re not leaving until tomorrow.”

  Hannah yanked on the zipper, blew out a sigh, and sat down hard on the now-closed suitcase. “I know.”

  Adele marched over and handed her a cup. “I brought you a hot chocolate. It has whipped cream and chocolate syrup on top. There’s a muffin in my bag because Cricket said that Tate said you barely ate a bite.”

  Hannah squeezed out a smile for her cousin. “Thank you. You two are quite the team these days, aren’t you?”

  “You’re welcome. And yes, I guess we are kind of...a team, now. If I don’t screw it up. Apparently, according to Cricket anyway, I have commitment issues.”

  She managed a real smile at that news. “He has a lot of room to talk. Seriously though, you guys are great for each other. I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.”

  “I saw it, but I was too afraid to...” Adele trailed off with a sigh. “I hate proving him right, but I also can’t deny it when it happens. Thanks, Hannah. Your blessing means everything to me. Now tell me what’s going on.”

  Tears burned in her eyes, but she willed them away, taking pride in her self-control. At least that was something she could still control.

  Exhaling a long breath, she tried to decide where to begin, but all she could think about was... “Adele, are you still going to love me if I only have one leg?”

  “Oh, Hannah.” Adele lowered herself into the cushy chair in the corner near Hannah. “Cricket and I were wondering if the call Tate mentioned was from the doctor.”

  “It was. Well, it was the nurse. The doctor wants to see me next week. I’m going to ask Cricket to take me. You guys are the only ones who know that I’ve been having problems. I don’t want to tell Mom and Dad until I’ve found out for sure what’s wrong. And Shay is too excited and busy getting ready for their baby. I don’t want to upset her. And Janie is pregnant. If I ask Tag to fly me he will insist on telling Mom and Dad. And I love the triplets, but they can’t keep a secret.”

  Adele agreed. “Cricket and I will do our best to cover for you. And to answer your question, I will always love you. Two legs, one leg, hair, no hair, hands, fingers, toes... I don’t care. No one has been better to me than you since I showed up in Rankins. I don’t know what it’s like to have a sister, but for the first time in my life I have a real family. You epitomize the meaning of family to me—as well as friendship. My love for you is...unconditional.”

  Adele’s answer and the use of that word struck her like a bittersweet blow to the heart. She supposed the right words from her cousin and best friend instead of the man she loved were better than not hearing them at all.

  But she wanted to hear them from Tate. More than that, she wanted to see proof of them from Tate. She did. She couldn’t help it. She bent her head, cradled it in her hands and for the first time in three years she couldn’t hold back her tears.

  “Oh, sweetie...” Adele took her cup and set it on the dresser with her own. Then she lowered herself onto the suitcase next to Hannah, wrapping her arms around her shoulders.

  “I’m...I’m...sorry...” Hannah snuffled out the apology.

  Adele handed her a tissue. “Don’t be sorry. That’s what I’m here for. I’ve never seen you cry before, though, and it’s scaring me a little.”

  Hannah laughed through her tears. “That’s because I don’t cry.”

  “You should. You’re very good at it.”

  Which earned another sniffle-filled chuckle. “It’s just... I know there are worse things than losing my leg. There are worse things than losing my skiing career. There are even worse things than giving up my plans for Snowy Sky to Tate and Park, but...I just can’t seem to get a grip on what they are right now. And seeing Spencer, and knowing that if I told him that I might still be losing my leg he’d run like the wind—again. It just brings back all the feelings of sadness and inadequacy. I’ve tried so hard to stuff them all away. Stay positive.

  “And then Tate comes prancing in, telling me, ‘Oh, I changed my mind, I really am interested after all.’ Clearly only because he thinks someone else might be. As tempting as it is to give it a shot with him, I can’t. I can’t fall in love with someone who I don’t trust will stick around when things go bad. Because having a girlfriend who needs her leg amputated is pretty bad. Which reminds me, what did Cricket tell him? Does he know about my leg? I don’t need him feeling sorry for me about that, too.”

  “I’m not sure what Cricket told him, but I can assure you he would never do or say anything that he didn’t believe was in your best interest. That man loves you like a sister.”

  Those words brought a fresh round of tears to her eyes, reminding her of that old saying about the danger of opening floodgates. She wiped them away and muttered, “I can handle my emotions. It will not help to feel sorry for myself—”

  Adele interrupted with a firm voice. “Okay, Hannah, your Dr. Voss probably wouldn’t like me saying this, but I’m going to anyway. I know a thing or two about loss and life not working out the way you plan. No offense, but probably more than he learned in a classroom at whatever Ivy League university he went to. Don’t get me wrong—putting on a happy face and focusing on how something could be worse in order to lessen the sting of your own situation can be an effective coping mechanism, but...”

  She paused to inhale a deep breath before continuing. “Sometimes it’s okay to just let go. Cry, scream, stomp your feet, kick something, feel sorry for yourself. Do whatever it takes to get that emotion out. Accept and embrace the fact that life just isn’t fair, and then after you’ve done all that, and I mean really done that, then you can think about moving on.”

  Hannah stared wide-eyed at Adele for a moment, then finally laid her head on her cousin’s shoulder and cried.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  HANNAH HAD NO idea how things would go with Tate once they returned to Rankins. He, Viktor and Lucas had flown home a day later than the rest of the party. But the evening after they returned Tate and Lucas delivered a homemade pizza to her house.

  Unable to resist the matching aprons they wore or the proud smile on Lucas’s face, she invited them inside to join her. As they devoured the entire pizza, laughing and reminiscing about the trip, she thought it had been wise of Tate to break the ice in this way. So they could establish a new kind of relationship for Lucas’s sake.

  Relieved that things seemed at least okay between them, if slightly strained, she would continue to hope for even better as time went on.

  The next evening after work Lucas invited her over for a couple rounds of memory game, where he proceeded to win four out five games. Tate made popcorn the old-fashioned way on the stove top, which delighted Lucas. They settled in to watch a movie and by the end of the evening her and Tate’s status seemed to have evolved to friendly. Which was what Hannah wanted—or at least that’s what she kept telling herself because being around him was difficult, causing her already-tender heart to ache.

  The gigantic bouquet they’d had delivered seemed a little much, but then she saw that Lucas had signed the card. A burst of affection lit within her as she imagined him carefully printing the message in his scrawling hand—“You are so great. I love you, Hannah. Lucas.” Tate had added a simple, “and Tate.”

  Serious concern about both Tate’s intentions and her willpower surfaced a few mo
rnings later, however, when she went out to her mailbox and found a small package. After carrying it inside and peeling away the shiny foil paper, she opened the box to reveal a treasure. It was an exquisite glass fairy maybe five inches high, and in the fairy’s outstretched palm was a tiny koi.

  A small gasp flew from her lips. Gingerly removing it from its tissue paper bed, she carefully examined the stunning figurine; the glossy finished fish had the same black, orange and white color scheme as Bridget. The note had read, “To the most beautiful fish fairy of all. Love, Lucas and Tate.”

  It was the sweetest, most thoughtful gift Hannah had ever received. The fact that Tate realized and appreciated how much those koi meant to her... She squeezed her eyes shut as a wave of undeniable fondness washed over her, followed closely by a panicky feeling that tightened her chest and stole her breath.

  Because this...wonderful behavior was awful. It had to stop.

  * * *

  HANNAH HAD PICKED Lucas up for swim lessons that morning and was trying to decide how to approach the subject with Tate when she dropped him off. Gathering her courage while waiting for Lucas to change, she saw Janie enter the community center with the twins in tow.

  “Hannah, hey! Glad you’re here. I was going to call you.”

  “Hi, Janie. Gabe, Finn,” Hannah said. The twins came toward her, each with the opposite hand raised so she could fist-bump them at the same time in the way they’d devised. She peered at them closely. “What’s with the switcheroo of the hats, guys? Are you trying to trick people again?” Lately, the boys wouldn’t go anywhere without the hats their mom had knitted and decorated for them. Gabe sported a lime-green and yellow alien and Finn a grass-green dinosaur on an orange background.

  “Ah, dang!” Gabe cried, as their little faces simultaneously fell with disappointment.

  Janie chuckled. “They saw your car and wanted to try fooling you. You’re one of the few people who can tell them apart.”