The Many Lives of Avery Snow

by Christy Sloat

  She made it sound so simple. Just meditate and focus. Okay, first of all I had never, ever meditated. So I feared that if I sat there long enough I would just fall asleep. That was the last thing I needed to do! Even though last night I slept without Dedrick’s intrusions I wasn’t too sure if the same could be said for now. So I went outside anyway. I felt the cool air on my skin and a chill filled my entire body. I found a chair on Richards’s deck. A nice wicker chair with a yellow pillow. I sat staring out at the landscape. The pool, with its little ripples being made by the wind. The trees blowing and swaying and I closed my eyes. Focus and think about my Watcher and that is what I did. I was instantly transported to a memory.

  A day very similar to this. Wind blowing, trees swaying. Garrison’s eyes filled with tears as I told him that while he was away on his trip to New York I had fallen in love with Cooper. He begged me to change my mind but I didn’t. I had selfishly fallen for Cooper, the man Garrison hired to help around our home. To make our home welcoming for me, the soon-to-be bride. I stared into his eyes and they seemed so familiar to me now. A beautiful brown. With the tears I couldn’t be sure as to why they were so familiar. I went inside the house and grabbed my already packed bags as he sat in the foyer with his dark hair hanging in his face. My gloved hands touched his cheek. A tear soaked the tip of my index finger. Then I left. No words. I just walked away.

  I met Cooper at the end of the road. We left town and never looked back.

  A week later I was sitting with Cooper at morning tea reading the paper. A story of a suicide was on the second page. Famous author Garrison Whitaker had hung himself in his barn. It crushed me, and Cooper, as well. So bad in fact that we didn’t speak to each other for days. Whenever we tried to speak, only sobbing came out. We had killed him with our betrayal.

  My eyes popped open and Dallas stood before me.

  “I am sorry to interrupt but I came to say bye.” He had his keys in hand.

  “Why?” That was all I could muster up to say.

  “Well, I have work and I have finals tomorrow. I don’t want to leave. Trust me,” he said as he sat down in front of me.

  “I understand. I know this is a lot to take in. A lot to deal with.”

  “No, it’s not that. I just have to get back to my life.” He put his head down. I could tell he didn’t want to leave. “No, that came out all wrong...”

  “Stop. I understand. This is a lot to process and you have a life. I don’t fault you for that. This will all be over soon and we can get back to us. I promise.” I grabbed his hand. He was so patient with me. How could I possibly be upset that he had to get back to his life? What I was going through shouldn’t mess with his future.

  “You’re so great Princess Snow. That’s what I love about you, your honesty. Don’t worry, I’m only a phone call away and I will be thinking of you every moment. I spoke with Justin and he agreed to take you and Landon home.” He kissed me and I melted. I wanted to go with him and forget this all. But I couldn’t.

  “Can I walk you out?” I asked.

  “No, stay here. Focus and meditate,” he teased. One last kiss and he turned to leave. Then he stopped and turned around again. “Hey, one last thing that might be strange but when we were kids Landon always called me Garrison. No big deal but I thought it might help.”

  I almost fell over from the shock. Just hearing that name brought up a lot of emotions. Maybe it was no big deal, but it was a huge coincidence. Then he left, this time for real.

  I looked at the people left inside. Ianni was here now. She must have come in while I was outside. I wondered what she was thinking. Lillith was talking very closely to Landon, who stared at me with those burning eyes. Richard sipped coffee and stared into space. Justin was coming outside.

  “Okay, so that is strange huh?” Justin said as he came out.

  “What is?” I asked shyly.

  “Come on Avery, you know, Garrison??”

  “Oh yeah. You heard that? Well, could be coincidence, right?”

  “You know better Avery. You know that in your heart it could be true. But we have more pressing matters. Come inside, we have devised a plan.” He pulled me out of the chair and my legs felt like Jell-O. Could it be? How in the world could this be possible? What a twisted thing to consider. Like Justin said, I had to sort of push that aside for now. We had to find the Watcher.

  After a long discussion, or rather speech, from Lillith and Ianni we devised a plan. They told me that when I entered Henry and Claire’s old home in dreams my Watcher was always there. I just don’t see him.

  “So it is their home then?” I asked Ianni. She nodded. It didn’t seem to resemble what my memories told me about the house.

  “Are there other doors in the house that you can see?” Lillith asked Landon.

  “Many doors but I always only enter one. Why?” He asked.

  “Well the watcher could be in the other doors. This time, we are going to enter the dream with you and we are going into the other doors. While Landon is with you, Avery, in the main door. Then we will see who your Watcher is.” Lillith answered. It was so matter of fact, like she thought it up all on her own.

  “So you’re going to chance me seeing Dedrick again?” I was now scared. Well more like terrified. What if I could not say no to him? What if this was it? Landon drew nearer to me. He took my hand. I let him because, if not for him, I felt like I could possibly fall.

  “Don’t fear Avery, we will be there with you. You will be safe,” Ianni said, sounding very sure and convincing again. It must be a Spirit Guide thing. “So you must drink your Yulu tea tonight. We will all be with you to make sure you wake up when you need to. Richard has agreed to stay with you as well,” she continued.

  I looked his way and he smiled. And Landon looked at me and there were those eyes again.

  “Can we talk a minute?” He asked. How in the world could I say no?

  “Yes.” I replied.

  Chapter 17

  Getting to Know You

  He sat down next to me on the other chair. At first he looked away looking at the trees. Then he was staring at me intently. I had a hard time looking back at him. He almost made me nervous. His good looks didn’t help with the nervousness. He was such a beautiful man. I started feeling like I had when he was Cooper. I knew why I had fallen for him back then. There was just something about him. I felt like I could be with him and there would be only calm. Like the day in the coffee shop. I was just so comfortable. A man I hardly knew anything about, but we just had coffee together like any couple would. He took his wallet out and handed it to me. I held it in my hands and gave him a puzzled look.

  “Everything you need to know about me is there in that wallet.” His voice was almost rugged and raw. Kind of like a person who had been crying for hours.

  So I opened the wallet and inside was several pictures. The first was of a woman in her early twenties holding little blonde baby. It was Landon and his mother. She was beautiful and he was adorable. The next picture was of Landon and Dallas. They were hugging each other, probably no older than six or seven but still best of friends. There was no doubt about that. I could see how happy they made each other. I could picture them playing together. Army men or cowboys, playing tag or hide and seek. A smile appeared on my face. It truly made me happy to see this picture.

  The next picture immediately took the smile off of my face. A girl in her wedding dress. It was Claire. Me. I stared at the face of a girl I had seen in my dreams, seen when Ianni showed me the visions. How insane was it that I was looking at myself from the past? I quickly turned to the next pictures. Three children sat in a small chair, our children.

  “How did you find these pictures?” I asked just staring down at their little faces.

  “If you do a little research it’s unbelievable what you can find. I just found our old town in England. I contacted a genealogy expert and told him that I was a distant relative. He gave me tons of information. Pictures and records everyt
hing you can imagine.” He was smiling now. He seemed pleased to be showing me these pictures, like he was finally telling his secrets.

  “Keep looking. They are all in there. All of our lives.” And he was right. Emily, Cooper, Elsie, Adam, and all of their children. All of our children.

  “How….. How can you carry these things? How does it not rip out your soul to know these people are gone? All of our children are gone.” It was really the first time I had referred to them as our children out loud but it felt so refreshing to not pretend. We were and we are an ‘us’.

  “It helps me. I don’t know, I sort of feel haunted everywhere I go. Like the past is haunting me. So when I learned about us, and I mean really learned, I felt better. Like I wasn’t searching anymore. I haven’t always looked for you in this life. There was a long period of time when I stopped. I focused on my life and career. I felt so much better once I at least had your pictures. It was right after my trip to Europe that I decided that I would stop looking.”

  He took the wallet and shoved it back into his pants. Then leaned back and looked to the sky. The wind was still blowing and the trees were still swaying. He looked like he was more comfortable than I had yet to see him. Maybe just being out here talking with me was what comforted him.

  “I even had a relationship. It didn’t last too long. That was because of my career. It takes a lot of your time. I just don’t want you to think that I am some sort of freak.”

  “No, well I did call you a soul stalker. I am sorry for that.” I felt so ashamed now. What an awful thing to call your soul mate

  “Ahh, don’t worry about it. I am so used to being called names. People always thought I was a freak. When I was a kid I remembered everything. I called my mom Emily.” He started laughing and so did I. It really decreased the tension.

  “But they were more scared than anything else. They didn’t understand why I was talking about you and why I wanted to be called Henry. I even asked them to call me Cooper for short. I thought that it would be fitting because that is my last name now. But it didn’t fly.” He laughed again. He continued to tell me about how his parents sent him away. I had already heard about that part of his life. It sort of angered me but I understood that maybe they didn’t know what to do with him. They didn’t understand and fear took over.

  “So, I have a question,” I said when he was done.

  “Anything.”

  “Ok, did you really call Dallas Garrison?” He froze at my words and I sort of did too. It seemed like he didn’t want to answer.

  “Well only because his eyes. They looked so much like Garrison’s. So it was just what I called him. I was a just a kid.”

  The eyes! That is why they looked so familiar to me in the vision. They were the same brown, even the same shape. Almost almond-shaped. They also had this sadness in them. It was almost like eyes were the haunting factor now. Eyes were the windows to the soul right? That’s why Landon’s pierce me and Dallas’ look just like Garrison’s.

  “So how do you deal everyday with knowing who you are? How do you not go a little crazy?” I asked.

  “I think I am a little crazy, don’t you think so?” He admitted.

  “No. I mean you did search for me in every lifetime.”

  “But…that is love. I mean real love. It’s crazy, it’s not sane and it’s not mediocre. Love is fearless, ridiculous, do anything, foolish and everything in between. And that is how I feel for you every single lifetime. I can’t escape you.”

  He took a deep breath, almost like it was a weight taken off of him to say these things to me. I, on the other hand, had stopped breathing, to the point of almost passing out. He reached for me and just as his hand almost touched mine I stood up. I could not tolerate another vision. I wasn’t sure if I would have one but it seemed every time we touched something cosmic happened. I could not chance that.

  “Well this has been a long morning for me,” he said so matter of fact. “I just want to tell you one thing before I go inside. I will not ever come in between your relationship with Dallas. I just want to see you happy. Really, honestly, happy and if Dallas can do that for you, well then I will let it be. But I do want to be in your life. Can we be friends?”

  Friends? How could we just be friends now? After all these lifetimes together I felt as if we were closer than that. I felt a draw to him, a pulling that made me want to escape this world with him and not look back. But I had to just accept that we would be in each other’s lives.

  “Yes, friends,” was all I could say for now.

  “We may be family soon if things with you and Dallas continue the way they are.” His voice cracked a little. I could tell it was hard to be the friend already.

  “Um….”

  “Well, who are we kidding? Dallas doesn’t fall in love every day. And the way he looks at you it’s just like the way I looked at….” He stopped.

  “Me.” He nodded in and agreed. He swung his head to shake the long hair from his eyes. My heart leapt at this simple thing that I notice Landon doing almost every five minutes. At that moment he stood and walked away. And I was left there standing alone.

  I tried very hard to not watch him walk away. I could feel the presence of everyone left in the kitchen. I could only guess at what they were thinking.

  I slumped into the chair. My chest was aching and my head spinning. This was a horrible day for me. In so many ways it could have been a great day, now it was ruined. I closed my eyes for just a second and as I did I tried to control my breathing. What did Landon want me to say? How could he bring those pictures out here and expect me to just say, “Oh yeah we can be just friends!” He knew that he was making me sick with decision. Every day lately that’s all it’s been, making decisions. I wanted my old lonely life back. Right now! I just wanted to be quiet old lonely. No Angels, no boyfriends, no past Avery.

  I stood at the opening of a barn. It was very muddy and the stench from the cows and horses stung my nose. Yuck! It was very unlike me to visit a farm. I looked inside and the barn was extremely large, unlike any I had ever seen before. It wasn’t red, it was green. I took a step forward and I heard a whinnying. A horse. I never liked them.

  “In here darling. Come back,” a man’s voice said. It was familiar, I knew it somehow. I listened and went towards the back of the barn. He was there in the back in a stall with a cream colored mare. His back was to me. He was brushing her gently with great tenderness. She whinnied again in pleasure. Whatever he was doing with the brush she seemed to like it.

  “It’s Adele’s grooming day darling. Would you like to ride her later? I can saddle her up and you can ride her right after lunchtime.” Still his back faced me as he spoke.

  “Who’s horse is this?” I asked.

  “Don’t be silly darling, Adele is your horse.”

  “My horse? I don’t have a horse. I don’t even really like horses.”

  “You’re in a rare mood today darling. Come a little closer. She senses you’re here and you know she must see you now that she knows you’re here.” I walked closer to the mare and the man, my feet getting stuck in the mud. It was almost difficult to walk, but it was true what the man said. The horse, Adele, she did sense me being there. As I drew closer to her she started getting more restless. So I walked faster and finally reached her stall. I reached a shaky hand out towards her. She nuzzled up to it. I felt her breathe on my fingers and it calmed me.

  “See darling. I told you. Now if you don’t want to ride her then why are you here?” A great question. Why was I here in this barn? Where am I? Who was he? Heck, who am I?

  “Who are you?” I asked him.

  “I think you know who I am Avery. You haven’t been able to stop thinking about me.”

  “What? Why did you come to me? Am I dreaming?” It had to be a dream. It was a dream. Only it wasn’t a normal dream. Not my normal kind of dream.

  “Darling, I didn’t come to you, you came to me.” Ok now I was frustrated. He was talking to me but s
till facing the mare.

  “Turn around and show me who you are,” I demanded. “And stop calling me darling.” Just then he turned around. His eyes, the brown eyes shaped like little almonds. Garrison.

  “No, it can’t be. How can you be here?”

  “How can one person be anywhere Avery? I just am. I am here to show you what you can’t see.” He was calling me Avery. I looked down at myself and sure enough I was Avery. I wasn’t Emily, as Garrison had once known me as.

  “What can’t I see?” I asked. As soon as I did he disappeared. I heard a horrible crack. I ran towards the sound, it was on the side of the barn and it wasn’t in my sight. The barn was filled to the ceiling with hay. As I came around the corner another noise filled the barn. This time it was a horrible creaking noise over and over. That’s when I saw him, hanging from a beam in the ceiling, Garrison had hung himself in the barn. He had hung himself after I left him for someone else. For Cooper. I screamed and he swayed side to side. That horrible creaking noise. I could try all my life but I don’t think I will ever forget this sound. I put my head in my hands willing myself to wake up.

  “You’re not going to wake up Avery. You came for an answer and I still have to give it to you,” he spoke, in a soft voice. I was too afraid to lift my head. “Look at me Avery. Look at me and open your eyes.”

  “I can’t, I can’t see what I did to you. I am so sorry. I loved you, but I loved him longer. You see, it wasn’t you. It wasn’t anything you could control. We have been together for centuries. We are twin souls and you didn’t stand a chance. No one did.” I felt that I needed to tell him all of my feelings. I did once love him. That was all true.