Forever We Fall

by Chloe Walsh

  “Nothing much,” Lee muttered, as she stirred the jug of gravy furiously with trembling hands.

  Slamming the jug down on the counter, Lee wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and sighed. “They couldn’t disclose any information about Daddy’s other convictions, so I just withdrew my statement and phoned you.”

  Exhaling a ragged breath, she tucked a loose curl behind her ear and bit down on her lip. “I tried Kyle’s phone first,” she whispered. “He wouldn’t answer my calls.”

  “Maybe he was out of service,” I suggested, not believing one word of what I was saying. Something had gone wrong in Kyle’s brain and it had to be something pretty fucking huge if he was forgetting about Lee and Hope.

  His behavior, since I’d come back from Addyson a few weeks ago, reminded me of the old Kyle. The one who built huge walls around himself and treated everyone like they were the enemy. I was used to him being a closed-off asshole, but it was crippling Lee.

  “I called five times, Derek,” Lee said quietly as she pulled out a chair and sat down. “He doesn’t want to know anymore.”

  “That’s not true, Lee,” I said in a coaxing tone as I came to the conclusion that Lee kind of reminded me of a trailer. I knew that sounded ridiculous but I meant it in the nicest possible way. When she first moved to The Hill, she had depended on Cam to tow her along and somewhere along the way Kyle had become her hitch, guiding her and protecting her.

  But now, for some reason, Kyle had pulled away and left Lee behind and, as much as I loved the girl, there was no way I was strong enough of a person to pick up the pieces. Kyle needed to get his ass back in the game and reattach his, uh, trailer.

  Jesus, maybe I needed to go back to therapy . . .

  The sound of a car engine revving startled me from my reverie and I locked eyes with a very anxious looking Lee. “Calm down,” I told her as I placed the beef on a serving plate before bringing it over to the table and taking the seat beside her. “Just sit down and eat something, Lee,” I added when she started to get up.

  Her gray eyes were so wide they looked like they would pop out of their sockets. “I don’t want an argument,” Lee mumbled, as she tucked and then re-tucked her hair behind her ears.

  The front door slammed loudly, Lee flinched, and seconds later Kyle stalked into the kitchen with a far-off expression on his face.

  He didn’t speak, didn’t look in our direction, as he walked over to the sink and poured himself a glass of water.

  “Forget your phone again, dude?” I spat when his ignorance got the better of me.

  Craning my neck around to look at him, I asked, “Would you like to know what’s been happening around here?” Lee’s legs were rattling so much the vibrations were shooting through me. “Or do you even care?”

  “No,” was all Kyle replied, continuing to stare out the kitchen window.

  “No?” I shook my head and clamped my hand down on Lee’s shoulder, making her stay put. She’d done nothing wrong here. This was all on Kyle. “So you don’t care about what’s going on with your family?” I asked through clenched teeth.

  “No, Derek,” Kyle said with a sigh.

  Turning around, he stared blankly at the both of us. “Right now,” he said softly, glancing between Lee and me. “I really don’t give a fuck.” He shook his head and sighed. “Is that clear enough for the both of you?”

  “You’re a goddamn idiot . . .”

  “Stop, Derek,” Lee whispered, patting me on the hand.

  Pushing her chair back, she stood up and lifted Hope out of her chair. “If he doesn’t want to know about us,” she choked out. “Then that’s his choice.”

  When she hurried out of the kitchen with Hope, I was sure Kyle would follow—would do something to fix this—but all he did was turn around and continue to stare out the window.

  “I’m confused here, Kyle,” I told him, even though I wasn’t sure if he was listening to me or not. “You’ve spent years trying to win that girl’s trust. Keep this up and you’ll lose her.” Sighing heavily I added, “And trust me, there’s nothing worse in this life than living with that regret.”

  “You think there’s nothing worse,” Kyle whispered, startling me. I didn’t realize he was listening. “But you’re wrong,” he added quietly.

  “What’s wrong, dude?” I asked. “This isn’t like you. You’ve been acting all fucked up with weeks.”

  “I can’t tell you,” he choked out, gripping the edges of the sink tightly. “I wish I could.”

  “Then you need to tell your girl,” I said gently, anxiety gnawing at my gut. “Whatever’s going on isn’t worth losing your relationship over. Talk to Lee.”

  When he didn’t respond I snapped, “Kyle, are you hearing me?”

  Nothing.

  Pushing my chair back, I stood up and, taking my beef with me, I walked over to the door. “You know where I am when you’re ready to talk.”

  “Lee?” Derek called out from somewhere behind me, disturbing me from where I’d been scraping ice out of the freezer on my hands and knees. Hope was napping and I had to do something to distract myself from pining over Kyle.

  “I want you to meet my friend,” Derek added.

  Better not be another woman, I thought to myself before blowing out a breath and climbing to my feet. Turning around, I gaped at the huge blonde man with tattoos where the sleeves of his shirt should be, standing in my kitchen, grinning shamelessly at me.

  “Lee, this is Danny, my friend from Addyson,” Derek announced rather reluctantly. “Danny, this is Lee, my roommate.” Sighing Derek added, “Danny decided to stop by for a visit.”

  “Hi Danny,” I said nervously. I wasn’t great with strange men and this one was intimidating the life out of me. He was huge and I wasn’t joking. His shoulders were like boulders. He must be a weightlifter or a wrestler or something that made a man’s body bulk up like an action man doll . . .

  “Lee,” Danny purred, his brown eyes fixed on me as he prowled towards me, thrusting a large tanned hand out for me to take. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Uh, yeah,” I muttered awkwardly as I took a step back to regain my personal space. “What are you?” I asked as I craned my neck up to see his face.

  “All man.” He chuckled and it was a rumbling sound. “Where ‘bouts are you from, Lee? You’ve got that sweet southern drawl going on.”

  “She’s from mind your own fucking business, asshole,” I heard Derek warn as he dragged Danny back from me. “Engaged with a baby,” Derek hissed, locking eyes with Danny. “Remember Kyle?”

  “How could I forget,” Danny said with a smirk, revealing straight white teeth.

  “Danny and I played football together in high school, Lee,” Derek told me, which explained his bulky muscled build. “We’ve been friends since we were kids.”

  “That’s nice,” I said with a small smile as I stepped around the two men and rushed over to the kettle. “Would you like a cup of coffee, Danny?” I asked politely.

  “I’ll have whatever you’re offering, gorgeous,” he chuckled and I had to force myself not to flinch.

  “Behave,” Derek grumbled as he shoved Danny down on a chair and sat next to him. “She’s not even on your planet, dude.”

  Pouring three mugs of coffee, I inhaled a deep breath, fixed a smile on my face, and joined the guys at the kitchen table.

  “Yeah, I was a good boy in high school,” Derek chuckled in response to my question. “Straight A’s,” he chuckled.

  “Don’t forget prom king and star quarterback of the varsity football team,” Danny piped up before turning to grin at me. “Derek here . . .” He paused to nudge Derek’s shoulder. “Had the world at his feet when we were younger.”

  “You weren’t exactly a recluse yourself,” Derek laughed, nudging Danny back. In the past thirty minutes I’d learned more about the male mind than I had in the past twenty years and had come to the conclusion that most men–n
ot all—were creatures of comfort and calmness. Danny certainly came across that way and I was feeling silly for being so nervous of him. He wasn’t a dangerous man. He obviously had very few morals, but he was a nice person who obviously cared deeply for his friends and family . . .

  “What about you, Lee?” Danny purred.

  “What about me?” I asked as I pushed my chair back and walked over to the island to grab the plate of cookies I’d forgotten to give them.

  “Who were you in high school?” Danny asked, curiosity evident in his tone.

  “Me . . .” I shook my head and smiled. “I wasn’t someone you guys would have hung out with . . .”

  The kitchen door flew open, causing me to pause mid-sentence, as Kyle strolled in, followed by an insanely attractive black-haired woman.

  My heart sank.

  “What the fuck, Kyle,” Derek growled and I flinched.

  This was bad.

  Oh god, this was really bad . . .

  “Damn, girl,” Danny whistled, which only confirmed what I had been thinking; the woman was gorgeous.

  She had jet-black hair, straight as a dye, falling to her the middle of her back. Her tan skin was flawless, her body tall and slender.

  “Where the hell have you been hiding all my life?” Shoving his chair back, Danny stood and prowled towards the woman. “They call me Danny, but you can call me Cupid, ‘cause I’m about to stick your fine ass with my arrow.”

  Derek rolled his eyes and frowned at Danny. “Cupid? More like fucking stupid. You have some serious issues to address.”

  “Is that a fact?” the girl teased in a throaty, sultry tone, stepping closer to Danny. “They call me Cindy, like the doll because of my flexible body parts . . .” she let her voice trail of as her eyes dropped to his body.

  Danny’s eyes roamed over her hungrily Kyle’s cheeks pinked, and I died a little inside because even her voice was beautiful.

  “Shit,” Danny muttered and I almost laughed at seeing him out of his depth.

  Kyle’s gaze met mine for the briefest of moments before he nodded curtly, walked over to the knick-knack drawer, and busied himself rummaging around.

  “So you must be Kyle’s amazing fiancée?” Cindy’s voice broke through my calmness and I tore my eyes away from where I’d been watching Kyle, to find Cindy staring at me.

  Her sultry green eyes studied me; the confusion on her face was both obvious and calculated. She wanted me to feel like a piece of shit.

  Mission accomplished.

  I tucked a loose curl behind my ear and straightened my stance. Why the hell did I have to be so freaking short? Cam had been tall, but the woman in front of me was like an Amazonian. The denim jeans I wore with a plain yellow t-shirt looked both plain and childish compared to her black, fitted pencil-skirt and green silk blouse.

  I stepped sideways, hiding the lower half of my body behind the island, before offering her a small smile. “Hi,” I said. “I’m Lee.”

  “Lee.” Cindy clicked her tongue as if she was sampling the sound of my name on my tongue. I felt her eyes on me, scrutinizing every piece of me. She wasn’t giving me the evil look. It was more like a look of blatant disbelief.

  Her scrutiny raised a whole bunch of insecurities and doubts about the balance in mine and Kyle’s relationship that I thought I had buried deep. Not deep enough obviously. “Cute,” she chimed. “It’s nice to put a face to the name. For a moment I thought Kyle had switched teams.”

  “Now, now,” Danny said in a feigned warning tone, as he leaned against our refrigerator, clearly amused. “Play nice, Dolly.”

  “So, how do you two know each other?” I asked, steering the topic of conversation away from my name. I was used to the snide comments and boyish remarks. After the way Rachel took me apart, I didn’t let myself care about what anyone thought of my name. Kyle started to cough so loudly I thought he was about to hack up a lung.

  “Damn, Carter, are you diseased now?” Danny moaned. “You’re all sweaty and pale.”

  I jerked my head around to look at Kyle and realized that Danny was right. “Are you sick, Kyle?” I asked.

  “He’s fine,” Cindy laughed as she made herself comfortable at my kitchen table. “He’s just embarrassed because his fiancée and the girl who took his virginity are in the same room.” She fanned her face dramatically. “Awkward.”

  My entire body froze as I strived to keep my head and be rational. I pressed my fingers to my temple as I tried to think of what Cam would say to me . . . I visualized her face in her mind and thought of what she might say to me . . .

  “Okay, babe, yeah he screwed the girl, but you knew he wasn’t a virgin. He’s had a lot of women. You know this. You’ve lived with the guy for two years. You know he used to be a man whore. He’s not the guy he used to be. He’s changing. He’s changed.”‘

  Then I thought of all the things I would have shouted back at her . . .

  “Then why the hell did he bring her here? I’m hurt that he’s the only one who has ever had me . . . I’m pissed off, Cam.”

  I must have zoned out because when I snapped back to reality Derek was standing in front of me with Hope in his arms, studying my face with a worried expression. “Hey Lee,” he said in an upbeat tone of voice. “Can you come here and help me with Hope’s diaper?”

  “Sure,” I replied moving towards the door. “Excuse me.” I hurried out of the kitchen, avoiding eye contact with all three of the assholes who were gawking at me.

  Derek, holding Hope with one arm, opened the front door and dangled a familiar looking key in front of me. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded in relief as he dropped the keys into my palm.

  I drove slowly and carefully, very much aware that Hope was in the backseat of Kyle’s old truck—his old truck I hadn’t known he’d kept.

  Derek didn’t try to make conversation or shout at me when I stalled the car at a set of traffic lights—he sat patiently in the passenger seat with his hands in his lap—nor was he surprised when I pulled into the deserted parking lot, down the road from the cemetery. He grabbed Hope’s stroller from the trunk, unfolded it and held the handles for me as I sat her in and strapped her buckles. The sun shone down on the three of us as we made our way to Cam’s grave in silent unison.

  The moment we reached her grave, Derek stepped forward and stroked the top of her headstone with such tenderness tears filled my eyes. I turned away, giving him his privacy, as he whispered something I couldn’t quite catch. I picked Hope up before sitting cross-legged on the freshly cut grass with Hope on my lap.

  After a few minutes Derek came and sat beside us. “It’s getting easier to come here, Lee,” he muttered. “For a long time I didn’t think I’d ever find the line.”

  “What line, Derek?” I asked, confused by his words.

  “The middle line,” was all he replied. I didn’t ask him to evaluate any further. If it made sense to him, I was happy with that.

  Leaning down, I kissed the top of Hope’s head and then turned to Derek. “That girl in the kitchen, have you met her before?”

  Derek shook his head. “No, ice,” he muttered. “Never seen her before today.”

  “I shouldn’t let it upset me,” I whispered, afraid to speak too loud incase my voice broke.

  “I’m sorry he’s doing this to you, Lee,” Derek said quietly as he picked at the grass, pulling the blades of grass out of the ground. “And I have no idea why I’m defending him,” he added as his cheeks reddened. “But don’t give up on him. He’ll come around.”

  “I don’t want to give up on him,” I choked out. “But I am so tired of feeling bad things, of being treated like this.” I shook my head. “It shouldn’t be this hard, Derek.”

  “I know, ice.” Derek stretched his legs out in front of him.

  Leaning on his elbows, he stared straight at Cam’s headstone. “Do you think she can hear us?” He chuckled softly. “I bet she�
��d kick Kyle in the balls for this one.” He smiled fondly. “I can imagine what she’d say: ‘Touch my best friend and I’ll cut your balls off, asshat.’ I laughed at Derek’s imitation of Cam’s voice and he joined me.

  “That’s a sound I missed hearing,” I said, smiling at his confused face. “Your laugh,” I clarified. “It’s nice to hear you laugh again.”

  “It felt good . . . It feels good.” Derek sighed deeply.

  “I had an appointment with my nephrologist the other day.” I shivered in wonder. “It was good news.” Turning to face him, I told Derek what I’d been trying to tell Kyle. “The AKI,” I chuckled. “Dr. Michaels thinks it’s may be showing signs of reversal, but I won’t know for sure until the results of my next tests.”

  Derek’s eyes widened. “Holy shit, Lee, why didn’t you say anything earlier?” He dragged me into one of his bear hugs. “This is the best damn news I’ve heard all year.”

  “Thanks,” I chuckled, squeezing him back, taking care not to squash Hope. “I guess I forgot, what with the former object of my fiancée’s desire arriving on my doorstep and all . . .”

  A shadow fell over the three of us as a familiar voice rang through my ears. “Former being the pivotal word here, Princess.”

  I groaned, Derek muttered ‘about damn time,’ and Hope squealed in delight.

  “Da-da, Da-da,” she babbled, straining to break out of my hold and get to her father.

  “Hey angel,” Kyle said quietly, sweeping Hope out of my arms.

  “Did you tell him we were coming here?” I hissed, glaring at Derek and feeling oddly betrayed.

  “He didn’t say anything,” Kyle replied quietly. “It was a lucky guess.” Kyle bounced Hope against his chest. “Derek, can you give us a minute?”

  “Aye aye, Captain,” Derek saluted, climbing to his feet. “Come on, missy,” he said to Hope as he lifted her out of Kyle’s arms. “Mommy’s mad with your Daddy. It’s time you and Uncle Derek got the hell out of dodge.”