Buttons and Grace

by Penelope Sky

  I stared at her beside me, treasuring the sight of her face. I’d pictured it constantly to keep my strength. It was strange to think there was a time in my life when I wasn’t living for her, when she wasn’t the motivation behind everything I did. My life didn’t seem that valuable until she walked through the door. Now, I lived every day for her, to make sure I would be alive to make her days perfect.

  And now, I had another person to live for—someone I hadn’t met. “Does it feel different?”

  “What?” she whispered.

  My hand moved to her flat stomach, my large fingers stretching across her entire torso. It wasn’t that I had big hands, but she was particularly petite. “To be pregnant.”

  “In the beginning, it was. I felt sick pretty often.”

  “And what about now?”

  “I don’t know.” She placed her hand on top of mine. “I guess I don’t feel different. I guess I don’t look different. But knowing they’re in there…that feels different. I don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, but I can feel them. I don’t feel like the only person in this body.”

  My hand pulled up her shirt, and my fingertips felt her bare skin. There was no way to detect someone was deep inside. She’d only been pregnant for weeks. It would take months before we noticed a change in her body. “When I’m better, you can expect me to wait on you hand and foot. I’ll get you all the ice cream you want, make you as many fires as you want…”

  “You already do those things.” She smiled at me, her affection obvious.

  “Then you don’t have to feel as bad for asking me to do it.”

  “I never ask, Crow.”

  I did those things on my own, making sure she had what she needed. I never thought I’d be a good person to take care of another human being, but the second Button became mine, I automatically did everything for her. Sometimes I was cold and distant, but she was still the first person in my life. “I guess I spoil you too much.”

  “You do.” She moved closer into my body and pressed a kiss to the corner of my mouth.

  My arm circled her waist, and I pulled her tighter to me, hugging her even though it made me wince in pain. The discomfort was worth the pleasure. I kissed her back and sucked her bottom lip into my mouth. I wasn’t a man of many words, and the best way I communicated with Button was by touch. I wanted to make love to her, to erase the hardship we’d both experienced. But I was too weak, and she would never allow it to happen.

  So I kissed her instead.

  The kisses turned hotter, deeper. I felt the connection deep down inside me, the burning need to take more of her. I could have died in that warehouse, but I was here with her now. I was kissing my wife as our baby grew inside her.

  She pulled away first, probably because we were getting carried away. She licked her lips, tasting me one last time before she shifted back. “What do you think we’ll have?”

  I hadn’t given it much thought. “I don’t know. I don’t care.”

  “Really?” She cocked her head to the side, examining me with intelligent eyes. “You don’t prefer a son?”

  “Why would I?”

  “Every man wants a son.”

  Just a month ago, I wasn’t thinking about having a family at all. It was a luxury I didn’t care about. I imagined our lives would be just about the two of us. So I never thought about my preferences. “As long as they’re healthy, I’ll be happy.”

  She smiled.

  “Do you want a boy or a girl?” If I had a son, I imagined he’d look a lot like me. I would raise him to be similar, to inherit my strengths and avoid my weaknesses. If I had a daughter, I imagined she would look just like Button. She’d be beautiful, with thick brown hair and gorgeous eyes. She’d inherit her mother’s love of life and also her ferocity. When she grew older, a man would fall in love with her—and I’d have to kill him.

  “I don’t know…”

  “I retract my statement. I want a boy.”

  “Really?” she asked. “Why?”

  “If we had a daughter, she’d be beautiful like you…and I’d never let her leave the house.”

  She chuckled. “You never let me leave the house, so I believe you.”

  “A boy would be easier.”

  “Even if we have a boy now, we could have a girl later.”

  “We’re having more kids?” I asked in surprise. “How about we focus on this one for right now?”

  “We can’t have just one.”

  I didn’t mind knocking her up, but I wasn’t sure if I wanted the outcome. “How many are we talking here?”

  “How many are you willing to go for?”

  Both of my eyebrows rose.

  “How about four?” she suggested.

  Jesus Christ. “You want four kids?”

  “Yes.”

  “Four?” I repeated.

  She chuckled. “Yes, Crow. I want four.”

  My parents only had three, and they felt overwhelmed most of the time. “Any reason why?”

  “I want a family. I was in foster care, and then I was by myself… I’ve always been alone. There’s not a single person on this earth who shares my DNA. You have Cane, but I don’t have anyone.”

  I’d never thought of that before. I did have a special bond with someone that couldn’t be severed. It didn’t matter how much he pissed me off. He was my brother—and I always had his back because of it.

  “So I want to make my own family. I want to hear their voices in the hallways. When they’re adults, I want to have them in this beautiful home for every holiday.”

  I would give my wife anything, but I wasn’t sure if I could give her that. “Let’s start with two and see how it goes…”

  She smiled at my compromise. “Thank you.”

  My hand moved into her hair, and I treasured the feeling of her soft skin. She was the perfect addition to this bed, the perfect complement to my life. Other women had slept where she slept, but they never left their ghost behind. I hadn’t taken Button into the playroom since we’d been married because I had no urge. What we had was more than enough. “I can’t wait until I’m back on my feet.”

  “I know lying around all day is going to be hard for you.”

  I got another chance at life, and my wife was already glowing with the life growing inside her. I didn’t want to lie in this bed all day, my injuries wrapped up and healing. I wanted to make love to my wife—over and over.

  * * *

  I sat up in bed and looked out the windows that led to the patio. It was a warm day despite the winter chill. The sun was shining, and the vineyards were vibrantly green. There was work building up on my desk at the vineyards, but I was unable to attend to it. Without having a purpose, I felt lazy.

  It made me want to drink.

  I couldn’t have alcohol with my medication, so I had to skip the scotch. I was drinking a lot of water, and I never realized just how bland it was until I had to consume a lot of it. I was getting my meals in bed, and Button was tending to me like a nurse. She didn’t seem to mind, but it made me feel emasculated.

  Button walked through the door, her hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail. It showed the contours of her face, the beautiful slenderness of her neck. “You’ve got company.”

  “I don’t have any friends.”

  Her mouth smiled, but her eyes narrowed. “Not true. Cane and Adelina are in the hallway. Can I bring them in?”

  I was bored out of my mind, so why not? “Sure.”

  She grabbed a shirt from a drawer and tossed it at me. “Put this on.”

  I caught it and couldn’t wipe the grin off my face.

  “What?” she asked as she placed her hands on her hips.

  “You don’t want Adelina to see me shirtless. You really are a Barsetti.” I pulled it on and leaned back against the headboard.

  She strutted out of the room, her ass shaking in skintight jeans.

  Damn, I couldn’t wait until I could move again.

  Button returned with C
ane and Adelina. Cane was dressed like he was heading to work even though there was no longer a business to run. He wore all black with a leather jacket, and a pistol sat in the holster at his hip. Adelina was in black jeans and a gray sweater. She looked a lot better than the last time I saw her. Her face was free of bruises, and she wore a smile instead of a tearful face.

  Cane walked to my side of the bed and looked down at me. “Still being lazy, huh?”

  I didn’t rise to the insult because I knew it was a joke. “Unfortunately.”

  “You look good, though.” He clapped me on the shoulder, showing me more affection than he usually would. “Your eye looks a lot better. Don’t look like a pirate anymore.”

  “When my ribs are healed, I’m kicking your ass for that.”

  Cane chuckled. “Good. I miss it.” He stuck both of his hands in his pockets. “Seriously, how are you doing?”

  “I’ve been better, but I’ve also been worse. I’ve got a beautiful wife to take care of me, so I shouldn’t complain.”

  “And a butler,” Cane added. “Who makes bomb-ass food.”

  I chuckled. “Yeah, he does.”

  Adelina came to my side next, her long, brown hair framed around her face. Her hand moved to mine on the bed, and she touched me in a way only a select few were allowed to touch me. When she’d hugged me a few weeks ago, I’d felt awkward as hell. It was strange to hug a woman besides my wife. But since she might be my sister-in-law soon, I’d have to let her in. “Thank you for everything that you did. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

  “You’re welcome, Adelina. I’m happy you’re free. Not all women are as lucky as you and Pearl.”

  “I know…” Her eyes immediately fell in sadness.

  And I knew why. I hadn’t thought about her friend until I was already done talking.

  “I’m here if you ever need anything. I’m indebted to you for the rest of my life,” she said. “If there’s anything you ever want, please don’t hesitate to ask. I’ll make it happen if it’s possible.”

  Our hands were still touching, and her fingers felt distinctly different from Pearl’s. “You don’t owe me anything, Adelina. You deserved to be free. Every person in this world deserves that luxury.”

  She gave a slight nod, her eyes full of emotion.

  “But if you’re insistent on doing something for me, I’m sure Pearl could use some help when the baby comes.”

  Her eyes fell again, but she quickly covered it up with a smile. “Of course. Anything she needs.” She pulled her hand away and stepped back, moving behind Cane so it was just the two of us again.

  He stared at me, a different expression on his face.

  Pearl picked up on the tension and touched Adelina on the elbow. “Let’s give them some privacy.” The girls walked out and shut the door behind them.

  I adjusted myself on the bed and sat a little higher than last time.

  Cane looked at my nightstand, where a picture of Button sat in a small frame.

  “Pearl told me you traded the business for Constantine’s help.”

  He stared at the picture a moment longer then nodded. “Yeah…I did.” He turned back to me, the regret in his eyes. “I had to.”

  “I know that was hard for you.”

  “It was,” he said honestly. “But there was no other option. I didn’t have any more time. It was Pearl’s idea, actually. And it was a good idea.”

  “How is it going to work, then?”

  “They took everything. They took everything in the warehouses, the clients, and they hired all of our men to work for them. The second the job was done, they took the keys. You and I have no ownership over the place anymore.”

  It was so sudden. The transfer of power happened instantly. Constantine didn’t want to wait, even after going into battle. “I’m sorry. I know it meant a lot to you.”

  “Yeah, it did,” he said with a sigh. “But you mean a lot more.”

  Cane and I didn’t exchange thoughts and feelings like the girls did. We stuck to business and insults. But now the emotion built up in the room between us. I could feel it from him, and he could feel it from me. Anytime my brother needed anything, I was there. I didn’t do it out of obligation; I did it because he was one of the most important people to me. And he did the same for me. We had a bond that couldn’t be severed by bullets or knives. It was concrete—and permanent. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me,” he said quietly. “I would do it again in a heartbeat.”

  “I know. Just as I would have risked my life for the woman you loved again.”

  He shifted his gaze away, looking at a different spot on the wall. “I do love her. But she doesn’t love me.”

  I studied his face and saw the hurt etched into his expression. He wasn’t just hurt, but devastated. It was painful to say the words out loud, to admit the truth to me. He’d asked me to risk my life for a woman who would never be his wife.

  “I didn’t know that before I asked for your help…”

  “What happened?” When Pearl came into the picture, Cane pestered me about my feelings all the time. He insisted I loved her, that I couldn’t live without the woman. It was the first time we talked about romance. Now, exchanging feelings seemed to be the norm for us.

  “Nothing really,” he said with a sigh. “We were having dinner, and I told her. I looked her in the eye and said I loved her. She grew uncomfortable, got really quiet, and said nothing in response. I didn’t want to make the situation worse, so I told her it was fine. Not a big deal.” He still didn’t look at me, avoiding eye contact.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah…”

  “But I said the same thing to Pearl, and it was bullshit.”

  “We aren’t you,” he said.

  “That woman has been by your side for a few months. She enjoys being with you, enjoys spending time with Pearl. I wouldn’t give up on her, Cane. The poor girl was taken from her home and yanked down into hell. It would be hard to justify loving a man who ever did business with Tristan to begin with, one who took her as a loan for a business deal. She just needs some time to work through those details.”

  “I risked my life to save her. Some of my men died. I put your life on the line… I put Pearl’s on the line.” He shook his head as he clenched his jaw. “She knew I loved her. She had to. But she just used me…”

  I didn’t know what to say to that. It was probably true. “Even if that’s the case, she was just trying to survive. You can’t blame her for that. You can’t blame anyone for that. And if she really wanted to use you, she would have lied and said she loved you and asked you to keep her in the first place.”

  Cane crossed his arms over his chest. “Yeah…I guess that’s true.”

  “I wouldn’t give up on her just yet. You remember how long it took for me to admit I loved Pearl. I always knew I did, but I had to fight my own issues before I could allow myself to really feel it. Adelina has been through a lot, more than either of us could possibly understand.” I’d always been a predator, as had Cane. We didn’t know what it was like to be the subject of a cruel fantasy. No one ever wanted to use us for their own vile interests. With Pearl, I was the predator, and she was the prey. But our relationship worked because we both wanted it to be that way. She wanted me to be overbearing, protective, and obsessed.

  “I realize that. I have compassion.”

  “Then be patient a little longer. Not all hope is lost.”

  “Maybe,” he said noncommittally.

  I rested back against the headboard and felt the pain in my ribs. It went down little by little every single day, but I still had a long way to go. My mind wanted me to be back on my feet, running in the morning and heading to work. But my broken body was stationary, needing the patience to regain its strength. It was such a pain in the ass. “Let’s make wine together.”

  Cane grabbed a chair from the sitting area and pulled it up to my bedside. “Wine, huh?”

/>   “Yeah.”

  “I’m surprised you aren’t drinking scotch right now.” He sat back and rested his knees far apart.

  “I would if I could.” I nodded to the door. “Mrs. Barsetti won’t allow it.”

  “And we both know she runs the show,” he teased.

  I glared at him. “You want a job or not?”

  “Crow, I don’t know shit about wine. I don’t even drink the piss.”

  “You can learn to love it.”

  “Doubtful. Besides, it seems pretty quiet over there. Not much for me to do anyway. And if you think I’m gonna haul boxes or drive shipping trucks, you’re mistaken. Plus, I’m terrible with people, so I shouldn’t have any direct contact with your clients.”

  “What a great resume…”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m just being honest, Crow. I have more than enough wealth to retire with a happy lifestyle. But I’m too young to retire. I’ll go crazy sitting at home all day. Even with Adelina there, I need something more.”

  “I was thinking of expanding the business anyway. We could buy more land, and we could start up another winery. It could be private property so you wouldn’t have to deal with clients. You could just oversee the harvesting, packaging, and distribution. You’d work in an office like I do. You would have the independence of working on your own without having to deal with me every day, but we would also be partners.”

  “So I’d take half of the profits from this new place?”

  “You’d take half of everything, Cane.”

  He stared at me blankly. “What? You’d give me half of the winery you already built from the ground up?”

  “Yeah. We’re a team. It’s not any different from the weapons business.”

  “That’s a lot of dough, Crow.”

  I shrugged. “I have more than enough. I’ve been shoving money into different offshore accounts to hide it. I’ve invested in a lot of real estate because I don’t know where to put it. Money isn’t important to me anymore.”

  “Even with a kid on the way?”

  “My wife and child will have more than enough when I’m gone. I don’t need to worry about that.” I’d already set up everything for her when my life was in danger. She knew exactly how to access the funds and live an extremely comfortable life. She could start over somewhere new if she wished. Or she could stay in the beautiful house I left for her. She didn’t owe anyone anything, and she would be a very wealthy woman.