Buttons and Grace

by Penelope Sky

  “You’re sure?”

  My brother sacrificed his business, the one thing that connected us to our father, so I could get out of there alive. Our relationship had always been about sacrifice, doing what we didn’t want to do for each other. That was how family worked. I enjoyed running the business as my own, having my own space, but being partners with my brother wasn’t the worst thing in the world. With the weapons business, we always got along…until he’d traded Adelina for weapons without my permission. “I’m sure. Just don’t trade shipments of wine for women.”

  He rolled his eyes. “There’s only one woman I would do that for, and I already have her.”

  “Then we won’t have any problems.” I extended my hand.

  He took it. “Partners again…”

  “And wine doesn’t taste like piss.”

  “Your wine does.”

  My eyes narrowed.

  “Kidding. I’ll get used to it. I’ll ask Pearl to give me a special wine tasting. I’ll just drink some scotch in between.”

  “Wine tastes better when it’s paired with food. I’ll show you what I mean.”

  “Alright.” He sat back in the chair and rested his arms on the armrests. “How long are you going to be like this?”

  “A few weeks…at the minimum.”

  “That sucks.”

  “I hate it. And Pearl doesn’t want me to lift a finger.”

  “That’s not so bad. Is there anything I can do? Pearl might be able to give me a rundown on the winery, and I can go take care of a few things.”

  “No, it’s okay. I can work from home…once she lets me.”

  “Alright. I’m here if you change your mind.”

  “I know.”

  He continued to sit there even though the conversation seemed to be over. “Got any names picked out?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “For the kid.”

  It hadn’t crossed my mind. “No. We’ve got nine months to figure it out.”

  “I can’t believe I’m gonna be an uncle. Never thought that would happen after Vanessa died.”

  “You think I’ll be an uncle someday?” I asked.

  Cane’s expression hardened again. “Unlikely. Adelina is the only woman I’ve ever cared about, and she doesn’t feel the same way. So…I doubt she wants to have my kid.”

  “So you want to have kids?”

  He shrugged. “Before her, not really. With her…doesn’t sound so bad.”

  I couldn’t believe my brother and I were engaging in a conversation about kids. We went from being the biggest arms dealers in the country to being two men who talked about their women. When did so much change?

  “Is Pearl giving you lots of blow jobs?”

  I narrowed my eyes on his face, threatening him with a single look. I didn’t talk about my wife in that context with anyone—especially not my brother. He’d wanted to fuck her once upon a time.

  He chuckled and rose to his feet. “I’ll let myself out.”

  Chapter 12

  Adelina

  Cane drove us back to his house a few miles away. He lived fairly close to his brother, no longer than a fifteen-minute drive. Their proximity was obviously not a coincidence. The men talked shit to each other constantly, but underneath those words were their true feelings. They didn’t like being farther apart than necessary, just far enough to have some privacy.

  I was glad Cane returned whole, not scarred and injured the way Crow was. But our relationship hadn’t been the same since that dinner we had. He was distant with me. He paid attention to me, kissed me when he wanted, and his eyes were on me most of the time. But now his thoughts were unknown.

  We didn’t talk the way we used to.

  He brushed off my silence and said it was okay that I didn’t feel the same way.

  But I think I hurt him.

  I’d never expected him to say those words to me. Cane didn’t seem like the kind of man capable of emotions like that. While he was good, sweet, and wonderful, he said he’d never had a serious woman in his life. All he cared about was money, power, and sex. We were close and shared experiences no one else could possibly understand, but I thought that was the extent of it.

  Besides, he was a criminal.

  He did business with bad men and lived outside the law. I thought that he possessed a small ounce of compassion for me because he knew I deserved better, that he saved me because he’d become a better man.

  I didn’t know it was because he loved me.

  We returned to the house and walked inside. Cane opened the fridge, grabbed a few things, and set them on the counter.

  “Can I help?” It was the first time we’d spoken to each other in several hours.

  He grabbed the cutting board and placed the carrots on top. “Sure. Wash and slice these.”

  “Okay.” I ran them under warm water while Cane prepared the beef and onions. He was making beef stew inside one of the big silver pots on his stove.

  “I’m hiring a butler this week. I offered Lars a ton of money, but he turned me down.”

  “I think it’s because he loves Pearl.” I patted the carrots dry then cut them into thin slices. “Can’t put a price on that.”

  His back was to me. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll find someone else. There’re a lot of talented chefs around here.” He placed everything inside then grabbed the carrots I prepared. He tossed those inside too then set the lid on top. “That’ll be ready in a few hours.” He exited the kitchen and entered the living room. “I’m gonna shower.” Before I could catch up to him again, he was gone.

  I didn’t like the wall between us.

  I didn’t like the way he pushed me away.

  We seemed to be going back in time, to when we hardly knew each other.

  But I knew him now.

  * * *

  We had dinner at the table, but Cane didn’t look at me. His eyes were focused on his food or the view outside the window. It was dark because the sun was gone so there wasn’t much to see, but he preferred to look at the landscape instead of me.

  There was no intimacy anymore.

  We hadn’t had sex since I returned from Tristan’s because I needed more time. Now I was properly healed. The scars over my heart and behind my eyelids would be there forever, but I didn’t think about them when Cane was with me. I didn’t feel like a victim at all—only a survivor. Maybe if we were together again, we could have that connection I missed. Or maybe he would stay distant anyway. “I feel so bad for Crow. He looks terrible.”

  “You should have seen him a few days ago.” Cane opened a bottle of wine and poured a glass. After taking a sniff, he took a drink. His jaw tensed, and his eyes narrowed in repulsion before he set it down again.

  “You don’t like red wine?”

  “I don’t like wine—period.”

  “Then why are you drinking it?”

  “Crow and I are going to be partners in his wine business, so I’m going to have to force myself to like it.”

  “That’s exciting. When is that going to start?”

  “When he’s back on his feet. He’ll need at least a few weeks.”

  “Pearl seems like she’s doing well.”

  “She’s just happy he’s home and alive. I know he looks bad, but that’s nothing he can’t get over. If she’d let him, he’d probably be moving around the house and going to work.”

  “Doesn’t like to sit still?”

  “No. Neither of us does.”

  “I picked up on that.” I grabbed the bottle and poured myself a glass. I swirled it around before I took a sip. I was expecting something dry and bland based on his reaction, but it was sultry and smooth. “This is good.”

  “You have better taste than I do.”

  “Wine is an acquired taste. It can be bold and delicious. It’ll take some time to get used to. I know you prefer strong liquor.”

  “Crow does too, but he seems to like it.”

  “Give it time.”


  Cane still hadn’t looked at me. I knew it wasn’t because of my captivity with Tristan. It was because of the divider he placed between us, the barrier that was present day and night.

  I didn’t like this. “Cane?”

  “Hmm?” He took another bite of food, his eyes down.

  I lost my appetite even though I hadn’t eaten much that day. “We need to talk about this…”

  “Talk about what?” He raised his head and looked me in the eye—for the first time that evening. His eyes were devoid of emotion, and he seemed indifferent, as if he was really over that awkward conversation we had.

  “You know what I’m talking about.”

  “You’ll need to spell it out for me, sweetheart. I can’t read your mind…as I learned the hard way.”

  Sweetheart? Can’t read my mind? “I know things have been different between us because of that dinner we had.” I didn’t need to specify further than that. I was certain we were both on the same page. “I don’t want it to be this way.”

  “That makes no sense.” He dropped his fork onto the plate. “Because this is exactly how you want it to be. You don’t love me, and that’s fine. This is how two people act when they don’t love each other. You expect me to kiss the ground you walk on? I already risked my life and my brother’s life to save you. I’ve given you enough, and I’m not giving you any more.” He left the table and abandoned his food. “You can’t have it both ways, Adelina. I’m not some idiot stuck under your thumb.” He stormed out of the kitchen, his rage filling every inch of the room.

  “Cane.”

  He didn’t stop.

  I went after him and caught up to him in the living room. “It’s not like that, Cane.”

  “You used me.” He turned around, his thick arms shaking by his sides. “You used me, and you know it.”

  “No, I didn’t. You know I would never do something like that.”

  He shook his head, his eyes fierce.

  “I really care about you—”

  “Shut up.”

  My eyes widened at the slap he’d just landed with his words.

  “I don’t want to hear how much you care about me. I don’t want to hear you call me your friend. It’s insulting. Anything you say that doesn’t match what I say is just annoying. So just don’t say anything at all.” He looked at me with the same glare he showed Tristan. It seemed like he wanted to wrap his large hands around my neck and strangle me until I was no longer on this earth.

  “I don’t want it to be this way.”

  “Then don’t talk about it. Problem solved.”

  “We need to talk about it. It obviously bothers you—”

  “I’m fine, Adelina. You meant nothing to me once upon a time. You’ll mean nothing to me again.”

  * * *

  Cane ignored me for the next few days.

  We slept in the same bed the way we did before, but that was because I refused to sleep anywhere else. I’d be lying if I said I was completely okay after what happened, and sleeping next to Cane made me feel safe. Tristan was dead, and there was no one out there to get me, but listening to him breathe as I fell asleep was the most comforting thing in the world.

  I spent my time watching TV and reading. He spent his time working out, running errands, and maintaining the yard outside. He interviewed a few people for the butler position—all men.

  One afternoon, he grabbed his wallet and keys and prepared to leave.

  “Where are you going?”

  He gave me a dark look that told me I shouldn’t have asked.

  “If you’re going to see Crow, I’d like to come.”

  After a long pause, he nodded. “Then let’s go.”

  We got into the car together and drove across the fields to his brother’s house. Instead of letting the silence linger in the car, Cane turned on the radio and had it at a volume louder than necessary, just to make sure I understood he had no interest in speaking to me.

  Message received.

  We arrived at the house, and Lars greeted us. He wasn’t as friendly to Cane as he was to Pearl and me. I wasn’t sure what caused the slight tension between them, but I knew Cane wouldn’t tell me if I asked—not anymore.

  Pearl came downstairs and greeted us in the entryway. “Here to check on your brother?” Pearl hugged Cane hard before she stepped back.

  “Yeah,” Cane answered. “How’s he doing?”

  “He’s getting better every single day.” She hugged me next. “He’s been moody staying in bed constantly, and his sourness is aggravating sometimes.”

  “Maybe a blow job wouldn’t hurt,” Cane advised with a smile.

  “I’m not gonna tell Crow you said that because he’d come down here and kick your ass.” She placed her hands on her hips but spoke with a smile. “But he’s been getting plenty of those, not that it’s any of your business.”

  “Then you must be doing it wrong because he wouldn’t be so pissed if you were doing it right,” Cane teased.

  Pearl smacked him on the arm. “Maybe I will tell him.”

  “He’s looking for an excuse to punch me anyway.” Cane made his way to the stairs and went up to the third floor where Crow’s bedroom was located.

  Pearl turned back to me, wearing dark jeans and a black t-shirt. She didn’t seem pregnant at all, but in a few months, her belly would finally start to show. “You’re welcome to go up and say hi as well. But I’m sure the men want to speak alone for a bit. They tend to do that…be secretive.”

  “Yeah, I picked up on that.”

  “You want to come outside with me and help me with the garden? The flowers that were destroyed had to be replaced because they couldn’t recover from the tires and glass.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  We went outside together, pulled on some gloves, and dug into the earth.

  “Crow is doing well?” I asked.

  “Yeah. The doctor came by to check on him, and he said Crow’s in great shape. He just needs to be more patient and let everything heal. His leg seems to be better, but I want him to rest in bed a little longer.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “I need him to heal correctly, because when I’m seven months into my pregnancy, I’m gonna need a strong man to help me out.” When she talked about the baby, she possessed an undeniable glow. Her smile was infectious, and joy twinkled in her eyes like Christmas lights.

  “You’re excited, huh?”

  “I wasn’t ready to have a baby immediately, but now that it’s coming, it feels right.”

  “How many do you want to have?”

  “Crow thinks we’re going to have two, but we’re going to have four.”

  I chuckled. “He’s in for a surprise.”

  “Once the first two arrive, he’ll realize we need more.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  She dug the dirt out of the hole in the earth and set it into the pail at our side. “How are you doing, Adelina? Everything alright?”

  “I know the trauma is supposed to hit me now that it’s over, but I’m just so relieved to be free. Right now, I feel good. I feel lucky. The only thing that really hurts is Lizzie. I wish she were here with me now…”

  “I’m sorry, Adelina. I wish we could have saved your friend.”

  “Me too. But Cane told me she would be happy that I escaped. I know he’s right…”

  “He is right. When I was free from Bones and in Crow’s captivity, I never had a breakdown. I never had that moment where everything came crashing down. I think being with Crow was therapy for me. He told me I wasn’t a victim, but a survivor. He said he never saw me as a woman who was raped. He never thought about any man before him because he erased them. I guess he gave me a clean start…wouldn’t let me feel sorry for myself.”

  Cane did the same thing to me.

  “I know they’ve both been through a lot, and that’s made them into the strong men they are today. I guess they expect us to be the same way.”

  “Not a
bad way to live.” I could sit around and feel sorry for myself, or I could be grateful I got to feel the sunlight on my face again.

  Pearl grabbed the small rosebush and placed it in the ground where the dead plant had been before. She used her hands to compact the dirt into place, not pushing down too hard so water could still drip through. “Cane mentioned your conversation…”

  I was surprised he’d told her. It seemed like something he might mention to his brother, but not to anyone else.

  She smoothed out the surface then turned to me. “He wouldn’t want me to tell you this, but he was pretty hurt by it.”

  “I know.”

  “I guess he was expecting a different response from you.” She sat back on her knees and looked at me. There wasn’t disappointment or accusation in the look. She wasn’t judgmental like someone else might be. “You had nothing but good things to say about him, so I guess I’m surprised too.”

  “Because I think he’s a good man. Of course I have nothing but nice things to say about him.”

  “It seemed like more than that.”

  “It is more than that,” I whispered. “Cane is important to me. When he went to save Crow, I was worried about him the entire time. He’s the reason I haven’t lost my sanity. Ever since I came into his home, he’s made me feel like a person and not a piece of property. I don’t see him as just a friend because I like being with him. But, love…? I don’t know about that. I’ve never loved a man before, but I imagined it would be very different from this.”

  She got comfortable on the blanket and pulled off her gardening gloves. “How so?”

  “I didn’t have any experience before Tristan took me. I’d always been waiting for the right guy. I’d seen all my friends date jerks and get their hearts broken. I didn’t want to deal with all of that. I wanted to find the one and just be happy. So I figured I would meet him at work or in a coffee shop…he’d ask me on a date to the movies or something. It would be simple but spectacular. With Cane…it’s been nothing like that. He accepted me as a loan from another criminal he was doing business with. If I didn’t sleep with him, he was going to return me to Tristan. It’s not how I imagined falling in love.”