The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3

by Kristina Renee

  “That...doesn’t sound like Dean,” I said. I couldn’t picture my well adjusted, soft spoken, logical older brother as someone who would act like that.

  “No, it doesn’t,” Dad agreed. “But I talked to some of his old friends from Church that had enrolled at the same time he did. He didn’t hang out with them anymore, but some of them heard rumors that he’d been gambling away his money in backroom poker games. He would stay out all night and then miss his classes the next day. When I asked him about it, he just clammed up and accused me of invading his privacy.”

  “I didn’t even know he had a gambling problem...” I admitted.

  “No one did,” Mom said softly. She looked forlornly toward the bedroom door at the end of the hall where Dean used to sleep. She looked like she was about to cry.

  “Anyway, that’s a topic for another conversation,” Dad said as he slid an arm around Mom’s shoulders and gently directed her toward the hall. “I’m sure everyone’s exhausted.” He paused and looked back at me with a frown. “I’m sure it goes without saying but--”

  “I’ll sleep in my own room, don’t worry.” I waved my hand at him dismissively. His frown relaxed and he nodded gratefully before escorting my mother down the hall and out of sight.

  “Big night, huh?” Adam asked me once we were finally alone. He kicked his shoes off and dropped onto the sofa that my mom had made into a bed. “Lots of family drama being unraveled here tonight.”

  He held out his arms toward me. I hesitated for a moment before going to him.

  “This is going to take some getting used to,” I said with a sigh as I settled onto the sofa beside him. His arms curled around me and drew me against his chest. I took a deep breath and let myself relax as I listened to the steady rhythm of his heart.

  “I’m a little envious of you,” Adam admitted. “After seeing how worried they were, I had a feeling they weren’t going to meltdown the way my parents did but...actually seeing how they handled things was surreal. I’m happy for you though.”

  “Be happy for us,” I said, sitting up and looking him in the eye. “Because now, we have a place where we don’t have to hide.” I leaned forward and kissed him gently. He hesitantly returned the kiss, opening his mouth to me and letting me take over.

  The taste of his lips left me wanting more. The feeling of his tongue gliding against mine made my body quiver. I pressed the kiss further, hungrily pursuing him. His arms curled around me and pulled me closer. I threw one leg across his lap and straddled his thighs, one hand pressed against his chest and the other drifted up his neck to finger his hair.

  He pressed up against me, both his lips and his groin. His arousal pressed against the inside of my thigh. An electric charge ran through me and I could feel my body responding to him. It was like magic and I wanted more.

  I kissed him deeper as his hands slipped beneath my shirt and played across my skin. Those simple touches set me on fire.

  “Stop,” Adam breathed, pulling his lips away from mine. “We need to stop.”

  I groaned as he pulled his hands out from under my shirt. “Adam...” I tilted my head toward him and went in for another kiss.

  He didn’t resist me but offered up his lips once more.

  “We can’t do this right now,” Adam said, in between kisses. “We can’t risk doing anything that might upset your parents.”

  I pursed my lips as I reluctantly sat back.

  “I don’t want to stop, I really don’t, Bry, but...you’re right. We finally have a place where we don’t have to hide and I don’t want to jeopardize that.” He took one of my hands in his and kissed it gently.

  “I know you’re right,” I said as I climbed off his lap and flopped onto the sofa beside him.

  “Besides,” Adam whispered as he leaned in close to my ear, “I don’t want your first time to be on a sofa in your parents’ living room.”

  I shivered as he nipped at my ear.

  “Now, go to bed before we wind up doing something we both regret,” he finished as he leaned away.

  “Fine,” I relented. “You win.” I started to rise from the couch, but Adam pulled me in for last kiss before I could fully get away.

  “I love you, Bry,” he said softly when he finally let me go.

  “I love you too.”

  40

  I didn’t “break up” with Allie right away. We explained the situation and she agreed to continue helping us for now. I knew it was only temporary however. I’d seen how miserable she was recently. All her friends were pairing off, Liz and Logan, Kim and Austin, Adam and me. She was the only one consistently left without a date. She put on a good show and pretended not to be bothered by it, but there was no way she didn’t feel left out any time the group went anywhere together.

  Life didn’t really change that much for me. There were some rumors floating around the school that I might actually be gay, but I was pretty low on the social totem pole and I was usually surrounded by three guys who were a helluva lot bigger than me. Meaning everyone pretty much left me alone. Thankfully, the rumors didn’t include Adam in any way.

  Life for my parents, however, changed a lot.

  My dad was asked to step down as deacon. When he asked them why, no one would give him a straight answer. He finally asked if it was because of me and, again, there was no answer. For my dad, that was more than enough proof. He stepped down as deacon immediately and wrote a scathing letter to the leadership of the church siting his disappointment in how they chose to handle the situation.

  My mom’s experience was pretty much the same. The women’s ministry forced her out of her position. Many of her former friends were now talking about her behind her back. When she tried to confront any of them, they countered with personal attacks that left her in tears.

  It was really difficult for me to watch them go through that. They’d been going to that church since before I was born. Friendships that had been forged through the years, decades even, crumbled overnight. All because I was gay and they accepted me.

  Through it all, they never changed their attitude toward me. Never blamed me. They were indignant, angry, frustrated, but not at me. They were baffled, overwhelmed, and disappointed, but not by me.

  Three weeks after I told them I was gay, my parents officially skipped Church for the first time in my life, barring illness or injury that is. A week later, they started “church shopping” as my mom called it. She had a list of criteria that needed to be met and she wasn’t going to stop until she found it.

  The one really good thing to come out of all this drama was that my parents discovered who their true friends actually were.

  A month and a half after my coming out, my parents hosted another barbecue. Of the dozens of people that came for my dad’s birthday, there were only six that showed up that afternoon. Three couples.

  Of those couples, one of them had a son, Eli, who was a little younger than me. He had come out to them a year ago. They hadn’t actively kept it secret, but they hadn’t advertised it either. When they saw how the church leadership treated my parents, however, they decided right then and there that they weren’t staying another minute.

  The atmosphere in the backyard was relaxed. I was sitting with Adam and Eli talking about random stuff. Mostly what to expect when he hit high school. He’d be starting as a freshman in the fall and was a little worried about it.

  Mom and Dad were on the other side of the yard, sitting around a table with their friends. As much as my parents loved to entertain large groups of people, I’d never seen them laugh as much as they were then. I think the more intimate setting, with fewer people, let everyone relax a little bit more.

  Eric was off with Dean again. Ever since that day, they’d been hanging out more and more. I even caught a glimpse of Dean a few times when he came to pick up Eric. I almost didn’t recognize him. If we’d passed each other on the street I’m not sure I would’ve realized it was him. I know Mom was worried about the influence Dean was having on
Eric. She and Dad talked about it a lot when they thought they were alone.

  The fact was, however, that despite Dean’s erratic behavior Eric had actually improved somewhat. He was respecting my privacy at least and wasn’t arguing with Mom anymore. Whether or not his good behavior was a positive sign or cause or worry was yet to be determined.

  That is, until we heard a crash from inside the house. I stood bolt upright and glanced around the yard. Everyone who was supposed to be here was present and accounted for.

  “Should I call the cops?” I heard Mom ask. Her thoughts had clearly jumped to the worst possible scenario.

  Dad held up a hand for her to wait, and started walking toward the house.

  Before he was halfway across the yard, Eric appeared at the sliding glass door. He grinned lopsidedly and pulled the door open.

  “Sorry!” he shouted a little too loudly. “I just got home and I was hungry but I dropped a plate. Don’t worry.”

  His speech pattern sounded a little off to me, though I couldn’t immediately figure out why.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were coming home?” Dad asked, shaking his head as he headed back to his seat.

  “I just stopped by to get a few things,” Eric said with a shrug. “It’s the weekend, so I’m staying with Dean tonight.”

  “You promised you were going to stay home tonight,” Mom protested.

  “Well I changed my mind,” Eric announced as he turned around and attempted to slam the door shut. Instead, he missed the handle and nearly fell over.

  “He’s drunk,” I said, louder than I realized.

  “Am not! You’re drunk!” Eric protested.

  Dad sprinted across the yard faster than I’d ever seen him move. He caught Eric by the arm as he attempted to scrambled away and pulled him close.

  “I can smell it, Eric. Bry’s right, you are drunk.” He dragged Eric inside, presumably to chastise him about his life choices. Somehow I didn’t think locking him out of the WiFi was going to be enough of a punishment this time.

  He was barely gone for five minutes before shouting erupted from inside. Dad was arguing with someone and it clearly wasn’t Eric. There were several loud crashes from inside followed by more yelling.

  I darted toward the door without even thinking and rushed inside. Dean was standing in the middle of the living room. He had a massive backpack slung over one shoulder that was filled to capacity. Dad stood between Dean and the front door while Eric stood between Dean and Dad.

  Several chairs had been knocked over, some dishes were broken, and Mom’s china hutch looked like someone had ripped everything out and deposited into a heap on the floor. It had taken her years to collect that entire set. More than a few items hadn’t survived the rough treatment.

  “Oh look, it’s the choir boy,” Dean spat when he looked back and saw me. “Mom and Dad’s favorite child. I bet if you asked Dad for money he’d give it to you, no problem.” Dean’s speech slurred and he looked a little unsteady on his feet. He’d clearly been drinking too.

  “This isn’t about me, Dean,” I said, trying to stay calm. Right then what I really wished was that I hadn’t left my phone sitting on the bench outside.

  “Oh, it’s all about you, Bry.” Dean sneered at me. “But right now, I don’t really care. Get out of the way, Dad.” His tone was aggressive, desperate.

  “And what? Let you add theft and child endangerment to your growing list of crimes? I’m not going you let you do that, son.” Dad pressed himself against the door and shook his head emphatically. “And I’m not going to let you drag Eric down with you. What were you thinking, giving him beer?”

  For a moment, Dean looked a little apologetic, but it quickly passed. Dean picked up a dinner plate laying on the table nearby. From the looks of the broken shards he’d been throwing them at Dad before I came in.

  “Let me leave,” Dean growled. “I don’t want to hurt you, Dad, but you’re not giving me much choice.”

  “Dean, please, think about what you’re doing.” Dad pleaded with him.

  “No, you think about it,” Dean shot back. “Everything that’s happening right now is your fault, old man. And yours, actually, come to think of it.” Dean’s head swiveled toward me and he hitched back his arm to throw the plate, but he never let it fly.

  I felt Adam lay a hand on my shoulder. He was younger than Dean by a few years but Adam was way ahead in terms of strength and physical fitness. There was no doubt in my mind who would win that fight.

  “Look, Dad, just let me go,” Dean said, relaxing his stance and setting the plate down. “I’ll pay you back after tonight. I’ve got a line on a game that’s going to be easy pickings. I just need to sell some stuff so I can make the buy in. After that everything’ll be fine again, I swear.”

  Dad looked more defeated than I’d ever seen him before. “Fine, Dean, you can go,” he said at last, moving away from the door, “but I can’t let you take Eric with you.”

  “What!?” Eric shouted, “If Dean’s going then so am I.”

  Dean stopped in his tracks halfway to the door. He looked between Dad and Eric somewhat uncertainly for a moment. He was so close to freedom that I could see him weighing things in his mind.

  “Dean? Tell him I’m going with you. He can’t tell us what to do, right? That’s what you said, isn’t it?” Eric was slowly becoming incensed. Every word out of his mouth was a little louder, his fists squeezed a little tighter.

  “Fine,” Dean said, meeting Dad’s gaze with a nod. “Just...take better care of him than you did me.” With that he yanked the door open and dashed outside.

  Dad barely managed to catch hold of Eric as he tried to chase after Dean.

  “Why’d you let him go?” I asked as I moved to peak out the front window. Dean had tossed the backpack in his car and was already climbing in.

  “He’s not going to get far,” Dad replied as the sound of police sirens grew steadily louder outside.

  “You called the cops on him?” Eric thrashed in Dad’s arms. “I hate you!”

  “Go to your room and calm down,” Dad instructed. “When you can talk without screaming then you can come out.”

  “You’re everything Dean said you were! A mean, stuck up old bastard who plays favorites.” Eric stormed down the hallway toward his bedroom and locked himself inside.

  “He’s not going to climb out the window, is he?” Adam whispered in my ear.

  “Not unless he wants to land in Mom’s roses...again...” I said, trying to laugh. The sound was hollow. I felt numb. My brothers were falling apart and they both blamed me. Dean had called me the favorite, Eric had parroted him and accused Dad of playing favorites. Just because I’d spent so long playing by the rules and trying not to attract attention so my parents wouldn’t find out my secret.

  Dean clearly had a very serious gambling problem if he was willing to resort to stealing from his own family to fund his habit. I think Eric felt like he was being picked on because he was the only one who got punished for anything anymore. Somehow, all that had gotten twisted up to the point where they were both acting irrationally.

  Needless to say, the barbecue ended abruptly. The guests all went home and Adam and I helped Mom try to restore order to the house.

  A few hours passed, and finally a phone call came through. Dean had been arrested and was waiting in the county jail.

  I think my mom nearly collapsed when she heard the news. Despite everything he’d done that day, Dean was still her son and I imagine that jail was probably one of the worst things she could think of for him.

  Life as I knew it was changing, drastically.

  41

  “How’s your family holding up?” Adam asked me as we sat out on the bleachers by the football field after school. It had been a month since Dean’s arrest. Summer was just around the corner and with it came a whole new slew of problems.

  “Okay, I guess...” I shrugged and refused to look at him. My eyes were fixed on the track and fi
eld team as they practiced relays. “Mom and Dad are going to family counseling once a week with Eric. Then they’ve got meetings once a week with Dean to make sure that he’s coping. I don’t know how they managed to afford to get him into that recovery clinic, but they did.”

  I sighed and buried my face in my hands. I think my parents felt a little guilty for what had happened with Dean. Even if there was nothing more they could’ve done to prevent what happened, they were still going to blame themselves.

  The situation with Eric made things even worse. With all the craziness of their church life falling apart, they’d been letting him spend more time with Dean than they probably should have. Of course, Dean only exacerbated the problem. Eric’s underlying issues would’ve been there regardless.

  Still, therapy seemed to be helping him. He was less abrasive toward Mom and Dad and he admitted that he knew Dean was a bad influence. But, he still hated me. I was still the golden child in his eyes and he absolutely loathed me for it.

  Which was why I hadn’t had Adam over lately. With how volatile the situation was, I didn’t want to start something. As far as I was aware, Eric still didn’t know I was gay and given how much he hated me right now, I didn’t want to give him more ammunition against me.

  “I miss you,” Adam whispered. There was no one around to hear us, but he was still cautious whenever we were out in public, especially when Allie wasn’t around.

  “I miss you too,” I said, finally looking over at him. I wanted to kiss him so badly that my mouth was watering. It had been weeks since I’d tasted his lips and I could barely remember what it was like. “It’s only going to get worse though. Once school lets out we won’t have a built in excuse to see each other anymore.”

  “I’m assuming your situation at home isn’t going to change any time soon, is it?” Adam asked somewhat mournfully.