The Outside Series - Complete Trilogy: Books 1-3

by Kristina Renee

  I shook my head without speaking. I wouldn’t have been surprised if it took a year or more for things to improve at home, but I wasn’t going to tell Adam that. I didn’t want crush any hope he had left.

  “Hey guys,” Allie called out to us as she climbed the bleachers. She was smiling from ear to ear.

  “Well someone looks happy,” Adam said as she sat down between us. “Care to share?”

  “Nope,” Allie shook her head and laughed. She’d been smiling a lot more lately, sneaking off for hours at a time, and refusing to tell anyone what was going on. I was pretty sure she had a secret boyfriend but Adam disagreed. We tried to get Liz or Kim to tell us, but their lips were sealed.

  “I suppose you two both want a ride home, huh?” said Adam. He stood and stretched before fishing his keys out of his pocket. His dad had surprised him with a car for his birthday. The deal was that Adam would pay off the down payment over time, and then take over payments on the car. It was a pre-owned car, but it was in good condition and didn’t have a ton of miles on it. From what Adam said, he was just grateful for the freedom that his own set of wheels gave him.

  The three of us headed down to the parking lot and loaded into the car. I sat in the back while Allie sat up front next to her brother.

  “I need to stop for gas before I take you home,” Adam announced as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  When Adam got out to pump the gas, Allie turned in her seat to face me.

  “I’ve got an amazing idea,” she said with a broad grin. “I know you two are absolutely miserable right now, but I think I know how to fix it. Something that doesn’t involve me guarding empty classrooms while you two make out.” She winked which seemed oddly out of place.

  “What’s this idea?” I asked. She’d piqued my curiosity, but I wasn’t going to hold my breath. Allie’s plans usually weren’t all that well thought out. I loved her like a sister, but she was a spontaneous, spur of the moment, kind of person. Not a planner.

  “I’ve been kind of talking to my mom a lot lately about...stuff…trying to get a feel for her thoughts on the whole ‘gay’ thing.”

  I quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything.

  “Anyway, she actually seems a lot more open to it than I thought. Maybe she’s softened up in the time sine Adam tried to come out, I dunno. All I know is that I’m pretty sure she’d be okay with the two of you dating.” Allie looked pleased with herself.

  “I don’t know...” My voice trailed off as Adam returned the gas nozzle to the pump and headed inside to pay. “Are you sure about this?”

  “Absolutely,” said Allie. “We can arrange to have dinner with mom, she loves it when I bring my ‘boyfriend’ over. We’ll have Adam there too and then...”

  “Allie, Allie, this sounds like a terrible idea,” I said, shaking my head in protest. “You want to out your brother, to your mom? And I know your mom, the first thing she’s going to do when she finds out is call your dad and demand to know if he knew about it. Which means you’re outing him to both of your parents. The same parents who launched world war three last time he mentioned it.”

  “Mom and Dad had been on the outs for a long time before that,” Allie said, shaking her head. “Adam blames himself but the truth is that they’d been looking for an excuse to split up for a long time. That argument was blown way out of proportion because of all the years of grievances they’d built up against each other. I promise this is going to work.”

  “No,” I said, folding my arms and furrowing my brow. “I’m not going to do it. I’m not gonna out him. Even if I had a one hundred percent guarantee that your mom wouldn’t flip out, I still wouldn’t do it. If Adam will come out of the closet when he’s ready and not a second sooner.”

  “But--”

  “No, Allie. I’m not going to talk about this anymore. I didn’t get to choose to come out and while it worked out in the end, it was still one of the most terrifying experiences of my entire life. Who knows, maybe I would’ve been just as scared if I’d been able to wait until I was ready, but I’ll never get the chance to find out. Adam deserves to do this on his own time.” I looked out the window and caught a glimpse of Adam as he made his way back toward the car.

  “What if he’s never ready?” she demanded.

  “Then that’s his choice.”

  My argument with Allie left a bad taste in my mouth for the next few days. I debated back and forth about telling Adam about what she’d said. I thought I did a pretty good job relaying the gravity of what she wanted to do. If there was one thing I knew for certain, it was that Allie would never intentionally hurt her brother. So I decided to leave it be.

  It was a choice I’d come to regret.

  School let out for the summer and my opportunities to see Adam dwindled. I made time to hang out with my friends as often as I could, but everybody seemed to have jobs or hobbies, or other obligations that kept them busy. Adam still wasn’t ready for us to be seen in public, together without Allie around to use as cover.

  But Allie made herself scarce as soon as summer officially started. I occasionally saw her around town, but she never stopped to say hi. We’d been on a regular texting basis before that, but now she wouldn’t even send a laughing emoji when I sent her funny cat gifs.

  Life at home had actually improved a bit. Eric was involved with some sort of youth corps outdoor program thing. I don’t know the official name for it. All I know is they go out and work their asses off in the woods, clearing brush and trying to reduce the fire risk. He seemed to really enjoy having a physical outlet for all his pent-up anger.

  When we encountered each other in the hallway, he mostly just ignored me now. I’d take that over active hostility any day.

  A few weeks into summer vacation, Dean moved back home. He didn’t talk to me much either, but he seemed a lot more stable than he had been before. He was going to some sort of gambling addiction meetings a couple times a week. He also had mandatory community service that he had to fulfill, which meant he spent a couple afternoons a week picking up trash on the side of the road. I’d also noticed several job applications sitting on the table in the kitchen along with his resume. It seemed like he really was making an effort to try and turn his life around.

  For their part, Mom and Dad seemed to be more focused on Dean and Eric than ever. I was old enough that I knew they weren’t playing favorites, picking them over me, or anything like that. The two of them just needed a little more help than I did right now.

  Despite these improvements, I still didn’t feel great about bringing Adam over. Mom and Dad hadn’t thrown any get togethers since the night Dean was arrested, so clearly they didn’t feel great about having people over right then either. Things were in a delicate state. I was mature enough to understand that.

  All that maturity and understanding didn’t mean that I wasn’t more than a little pissed off though. I hadn’t been able to spend more than five minutes alone with my boyfriend since school ended. Which is why I didn’t question it when Allie called out of the blue to ask me to go bowling with her and Austin.

  It was the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday so the lanes were packed. I could barely see them through all the people. Adam was unmistakable though. I weaved my way through the crowd and reached their lane just as Adam picked up a spare.

  His eyes met mine and confusion flooded his face. “Bryant?”

  He looked toward Allie who was extremely absorbed with examining her bowling ball.

  “I wasn’t expecting to see you here,” Adam said, maintaining a larger than normal distance between us.

  I furrowed my brow and shot a glare at Allie. “Your sister called and invited me to come bowling with you guys, but I take it that’s not the case.”

  “Shit,” Adam wore under his breath. “No, it’s not. I’m sorry Bry, I just...I can’t today. Things are a little dicey right now. I’m trying to--”

  “Is that Bryant?”

  My blood froze in my veins as I he
ard Mrs. Fischer, Adam and Allie’s mom, approach from behind.

  “Did you drop in to see your girlfriend?” she asked me with a wink as I turned to face her. “I haven’t seen you around much lately. Allie says you’ve been so busy with your job that you two haven’t had much time for dates. You really need to make time for the women in your life, Bryant. You won’t regret it.”

  I felt like I’d just been plunged into the deep end of the pool with concrete shoes. It sounded like Allie had been telling some bold faced lies and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. In fact, Adam would’ve sworn up and down that his little sister had never told a lie in her life.

  Now, the conversation we’d had at the gas station was playing over in my head. I couldn’t react fast enough. My brain was too slow to form the words, my tongue to thick to speak them.

  “Actually mom,” Allie floated into the conversation like a butterfly on a battlefield. “Bryant is Adam’s boyfriend. I’ve just been a stand in to help them keep their secret.”

  I honestly believe that Allie meant well. I just wish she’d listened to me.

  “That’s an awful joke, Allie,” Mrs. Fischer sniffed and shook her head. “You shouldn’t say things like that about your boyfriend.”

  “Mom--”

  “Allie don’t,” Adam warned her. “Mom said to leave it be.”

  “It’s not a joke,” Allie charged on ahead. “Adam is gay and Bryant is his boyfriend.”

  Mrs. Fischer’s eyes slid toward Adam and then me as if she could judge the truth of her daughter’s words from our appearance alone.

  “So...you weren’t writing a paper after all, were you?” she asked, directing her attention to her son. “You really were serious about your choice to practice this...vile, debased...sinful lifestyle.”

  “It’s not a choice, Mom,” Adam said softly. “And there’s nothing vile about it.”

  “Who made you God?” Mrs. Fischer’s nostrils flared and her eyes flashed with anger. “Leviticus 18:22, ‘You shall not lie with a man as with a woman, it is an abomination.’ You can either repent your sins and beg for forgiveness or you doom yourself to eternal damnation.”

  With every passing word I could hear her fury growing a little stronger. People all around us were starting to stare. Clearly, she was aware of this as well.

  “I’m not going to let you cause a scene,” she said, lowering her voice a little and glowering at her son. She quickly retrieved her purse and coat from a nearby chair.

  “Mom, you should at least talk to him,” Allie said, trying to intervene.

  “As far as I’m concerned, you’re just as bad,” Mrs. Fischer snapped at Allie. “You actually helped your brother to sin. According to the Bible, causing your brother to stumble is just as bad as sinning yourself. I can’t...you think I’m being mean, cruel, but I’m afraid for your eternal souls. You’re damning yourselves. Either beg God for forgiveness or stay away from me. I will not watch you destroy yourselves.” With one last angry huff, Mrs. Fischer made her exit.

  42

  “D-did that really just happen?” Allie looked like she’d been slapped across the face as she stared after her rapidly departing mother. “I don’t...I don’t understand, why?”

  Her eyes shifted to me and then to Adam, searching for an answer to her question.

  “I’ll tell you why,” Adam snapped as he stepped toward his sister, “you shattered her bubble. Her perfect little reality where I’m not gay is gone. You wanna know why I chose to live with Dad instead of Mom? Because when they were fighting that night, Mom was the one flinging the worst barbs.” He angrily began kicking off his bowling shoes. “You had no right to do that, Allie. Absolutely no fucking right.”

  “I didn’t think she’d...” Allie’s voice trailed off and she looked to me for help. To be perfectly honest, I was just as pissed at her as Adam was, but the crowd that Mrs. Fischer had drawn was still staring. This definitely wasn’t a conversation to have in a crowded public venue.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I suggested, glancing around for the lane number. “I’ll settle the tab, you guys head outside.”

  Adam and Allie both nodded numbly in response. I didn’t want to leave them alone right now, especially not Adam, but someone needed to make sure there weren’t any loose ends to tie up. It only took me a few minutes to get everything squared away and it was one less headache that they’d have to deal with later on.

  When I got outside, Adam and Allie were in the middle of a screaming match on the other side of the parking lot by his car. People walking by on the sidewalk were pausing to take note of their heated exchange. My entire intention had been to keep them from becoming a spectacle while they hashed out their issues with each other. Clearly I had failed.

  “You’ve been miserable!” Allie was yelling. “You haven’t seen Bry in weeks, I was trying to help you.”

  “No one asked for your help, Allie! And of all the people you decided that Mom was the right person to bring into this? Are you completely insane?” At first glance, Adam looked angry. That’s probably all the passersby on the street saw anyway. But they didn’t know him the way I did. Anger was only part of it. He was hurt. Betrayed by someone he thought he could trust. Abandoned by his mother. Probably reliving the worst night of his life all over again. If he’d been alone where no one else could see, he probably would’ve been sobbing.

  “I’ve spent months protecting you guys, keeping your secret, covering for your between class make out sessions, doing everything I could to make sure you were happy. Did you ever stop to think that maybe I don’t want to do that for the rest of my life?” Allie snapped at him. “You weren’t planning to come out until graduation? Did you really expect me to spend the majority of my time in high school pretending to be a gay guy’s girlfriend so he can date my brother in secret?”

  “You could’ve stopped any time. No one was forcing you,” Adam said, shaking his head dismissively. The shouting had died down at last, but their argument continued.

  “Right, like I could just abandon you when you needed me. News flash, Adam, you’re not supposed to abandon family in their time of need.” Allie folded her arms and looked away.

  “So, you really do think I abandoned you when I went to live with Dad. I guess you were lying when you said it was all just water under the bridge. Just like you lied about how busy Bryant’s been with his new job. Or how you’ve been lying about where you’re going all the time. What happened, Allie? You never lied before.” Adam looked at his sister with confusion shining in his eyes. “And this, with Mom, you never would’ve betrayed my trust like this before. Even if you thought you were helping me.”

  Allie had been absently tapping at her phone while he spoke. She only briefly looked up at him when he stopped talking. “What does it matter anymore?” she asked with a shrug. “Mom knows the truth, she’s probably off wailing to Dad about it now. She pretty much kicked me out unless I’m willing to ‘repent my sins.’ Dad’s probably going to kick you out. So we’re both out on the street now.” She looked up at him. “I wish I could make you understand...I honestly thought she was going to accept you. We’d been talking a lot lately and I thought...”

  “It doesn’t matter what you thought,” Adam’s shoulders slumped as he leaned against his car, “you were wrong. Not only that, but even if you were right, you betrayed me, Allie. You hurt me worse than Mom ever could because I trusted you.”

  Allie frowned and looked for all the world like she was trying not to cry. A car with an Uber sticker on the windshield pulled into the parking lot and up to the curb near the door of the bowling alley.

  “Looks like my ride is here,” she said as she held up her phone and grinned through her pain.

  “Where are you going?” Adam demanded as she strode across the parking lot toward the waiting car.

  “Wherever the hell I want,” Allie retorted. “What do you care?” She flipped him off and then hopped in the car without another word. A few s
econds later, she was gone.

  Adam shoved his hand in his pocket and dug out his phone. As soon as it was free of his jeans it slipped through his fingers and smashed against the pavement. The screen fractured and spiderwebbed on impact.

  “Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Adam sounded like he was on the verge of a breakdown.

  “Woah hey, babe, I got you. I’m here,” I said as I moved in and picked up his phone for him. “Who did you need to call? Let me help.”

  Adam gasped for breath and swallowed hard. All signs of someone trying their best to keep it together.

  “Why don’t we sit in the car and you can talk to me?” I offered.

  Adam nodded slowly and pulled his door open. I circled around the other side and joined him.

  “I need to call Liz,” Adam said as I handed him his phone. “Allie will listen to her. She idolizes Liz.” He flicked his finger across the screen, but the damage made it impossible to operate.

  “Here, use mine.”

  He snatched it from my hands and quickly pulled up Liz’s number. A second later the phone was ringing.

  “Hey Liz, yeah it’s Adam...phone screen busted so borrowing Bryant’s...yeah, yeah. Um, I need you to get in touch with Allie for me, please...Yeah, she’s fine. At least she was wen she left. I just...No, we just got into a really big fight and she called an Uber and took off. I have no idea where she’s going...er...no, she’s not going home. That’s kind of what the fight was about. My mom kicked her out. It’s a long story, Liz, and I promise to tell you the whole thing but first I need you try and track down Allie and make sure she’s okay...I guess just text me, or Bry probably would be better. No...that’s, I don’t honestly know what my housing situation is like right now either. She outed me, Liz. To my mom in the middle of a bowling alley. I saw a few people recording my mom’s meltdown. I’m sure half of California knows I’m gay by this point...Liz, please...thank you. No, I’m not alone. Bry’s here. I’ll be fine...yeah, talk later.” Adam’s expression was unreadable as he ended the call and handed the phone back to me.