Bad Actor

by Sarah Michelle Lynch

  “Tell me it’s true,” he pleads, “tell me this is real, what we have.”

  I bite my lip as he pushes further into me, filling me so full and so truly, I don’t know what words could ever explain or clarify just how real this is… because when he’s inside me, that’s the truth and that’s the only thing that matters.

  “It’s real,” I gasp, my face in his shoulder as he begins rocking slowly into me, my nerves on fire each time he does, my shaking legs even more rocked off their foundations. “I want you. Want your babies. Want you to be my husband. Want you forever,” I murmur.

  “You’ll take my cum in your mouth after I’ve made you come.”

  “Okay.”

  He pins me to the wall and I grasp his shoulders for stability, scared my dress will never recover from this. His sweat is covering everything and I have no control because my core is so full and I’m dying of desire, my hips thrown towards his every time he fills me full.

  He holds my bum tight in one hand and my leg open wide as he speeds up and renders me mute and defenceless, his body slapping mine, the smell of sex high in the air, my skin prickling with heat. The next thing I know is his hand is covering my mouth as I rip apart, my clit pounding so hard, my insides pummelling him as I come, the ecstasy flowing around me unbearable, unending… unreal.

  Once I’ve caught my breath a little, I open my eyes to find him staring at me, shocked at himself.

  “I couldn’t control myself, sorry. I came inside you.”

  I stroke his cheek and whisper, “It’s okay.”

  He wraps his arms around me and kisses me passionately, apologetically, reminding me how much he feels for me, how much he wants and needs me. I get lost in our kiss, doused in his love from head to toe, my lover… my best friend. I let him unleash all he’s been holding onto and take comfort from me.

  “It’s been horrible without you, Theo.” I push my face into his chest and try to hide my tears. “I hate being without you. The week seemed so long and I felt so sad.”

  “Me too, kitten. Me too.” He strokes my hair down my back as we embrace.

  “Now, I’m going to tell you where I was but you mustn’t get mad and you mustn’t ask questions. You must accept what I’m telling you and later, when we’re at home and it’s just us, I’ll tell you everything. Okay?”

  I pull my face out of his chest and he blinks fast.

  “Your mother invited me over for dinner and said not to tell you. She tried to draw me into something and at first, I believed her. But then I spoke to Adam and he set me straight and I’ll tell you everything later, I promise. But right now, all you need to know is I love you more than ever and I’m going nowhere. Okay?”

  He steps back, tucking himself into his trousers as I put my knickers back in place. He nods his head slowly and seems to accept what I’m telling him, though he also looks worried.

  “Okay,” he says, “I’m so sorry I doubted you. I’m really sorry. But I didn’t think… didn’t imagine…”

  “…she’d find out about us?”

  “Yes,” he admits, rubbing his face. “Listen, I need to shower and change but if you and Adam want to get some dinner, we’ll escape this place without all the bullshit. Okay?”

  “We’ll be waiting outside with a taxi.”

  “Perfect.”

  He comes towards me, helps make sure I’m decent again, kisses the end of my nose and holds my head as he tips my face up to him for a quick kiss on the mouth.

  “I love you so much,” he groans, staring into my eyes.

  Theo has the darkest brown-black eyes, nothing like Allegra’s green ones. I’ve never looked into Gustav’s long enough to notice the colour of his. But I know that Theo’s are the eyes of a Latin god, draped in chivalry, full of expression, passion and dark, deep desires.

  “I love you more, baby.”

  “Give me ten minutes,” he asks, stripping out of his clothes and climbing into the shower before I’ve left.

  I check my face in the mirror before I leave and aside from looking flustered, I don’t look too much like I just got fucked. It happened so quick… the only real evidence is the state of my panties.

  I take them off and fold them, leaving them in a neat pile on his dressing table for Theo to do as he pleases with. I use some of his tissue to clean myself up a bit, then take some deep breaths to hopefully calm my heart.

  I’m grateful of the cool corridors as I make my way out… and also that I have long hair to cover up Theo’s sweat stains around my upper body.

  In the bar, I quickly find Adam who’s standing among the crowd holding a pint and a glass of wine. I take several glugs of wine and he asks, “That bad, eh?”

  “We’ll get it sorted out later.”

  Gustav appears by my side within moments.

  “Beautiful Lily, didn’t know you were coming tonight, too?” We air kiss as is the ritual.

  “Oh, well, this is our dear friend Adam, who came to see the show tonight. He would’ve been on his own otherwise.”

  “Oh, hey, a friend of Theo’s?”

  “Yes, very old friend. Very old, old friend,” Adam assures the man, who’s looking down at Adam’s wedding finger suspiciously.

  “Anyone know why he’s been such an ass this week?” Gustav asks.

  Adam and I look at one another.

  “No idea,” I try to lie. “He seemed a little more erratic tonight, but playing a madman, I would have thought that helps?”

  Gustav looks around the room and grunts, taking out some gum to chew on. I have noticed he doesn’t drink, but there are so many teetotallers in the entertainment business, that’s nothing new, right?

  I drink back a lot more wine, mainly because I know we’re going soon, but also because Gustav makes me feel uncomfortable.

  “Well, if you find out his problem, let me know?”

  He’s about to walk off when I stop him. “Do you know Theo’s mother, Allegra?”

  He turns and regards me closely. “Allegra Richards?”

  “Yes.” Adam and I share a look. I wonder if he’s figured out yet that this is the director.

  “Only from magazines and whatever. Wasn’t she someone’s muse? Some Italian painter.”

  “So… you’ve never met her?” He shakes his head. “Never…?”

  “Well, Theo told me about her and I already had a vague idea she must be his mother, being that they share the same magnificent bones, but no. Never met her.”

  “And she didn’t ask you to help Theo land this role?”

  He laughs, throwing his head back. Then he leans in and confesses, “If you really want to know, well, I was in that French theatre on a Saturday night with a woman who enjoyed public places. What can I say? It just happened to turn out that Theo’s great big presence stole my attention, if you know what I mean?”

  “Umm, no.”

  “I’m bi,” he explains, “but alas, Theo told me from the off he’s straight and has been in love with someone for a while. So there we go. But all worked out well.”

  He turns on his heel and the moment he does, I see Theo making his way through the crowds from the opposite direction.

  “What was that about?” Adam asks.

  “Oh, you don’t want to know, mate.”

  I watch Theo accept a few compliments as he walks towards us and gets waylaid a couple of times by fans asking for their programmes signed and whatever.

  “Let’s get the fuck out of here,” he demands once he reaches us.

  “Alright mate?” Adam asks as we climb into a taxi.

  “I am now.”

  “Fucking brilliant performance, Theo. Fucking sensational. The amount of spit flying from your mouth… thought we’d be swimming in it by the end.”

  We all look at one another and end up in fits of giggles, like it’s surreal we’re all here together and it’s crazy, really.

  “The Ivy, mate,” Theo shouts at the cabbie.

  “Sure you can get a table, son?”<
br />
  “Sure.”

  That’s all Theo says.

  He’s sure.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “We’ve got a booking under Richards, Theo Richards.” I look down into the waiter’s eyes and he seems to remember the significance of the name. I loom imposingly over the little fellow and gesture over my shoulder at the gorgeous brunette he should be happy to serve in his unworthy restaurant.

  “Yes. Good. Yes.” He looks down at his book and scrambles for a table. “Here, yes, here we are.”

  These places always keep a special few tables open, just in case people like my mother or me turn up. My mother’s name is as good here as it always has been and they might even remember me from when I was last here… with an American casting agent just a few days ago. It was an impromptu lunch and I didn’t tell Lily I was meeting someone to discuss my future. I still don’t know how I feel about everything, let alone what I’m going to tell her.

  We get seated in a cosy little nook, the three of us, and wine is brought out before we’ve even ordered.

  “Who do we have to thank?” I ask, as the sommelier uncorks the bottle.

  “Oh, it’s on the house. You are the actor Theo Richards, yes?” the lady asks, and Lily bristles at the way the server is flirting with me.

  “Yes, I suppose.” I wonder… who’s trying to butter me up?

  Once we’re together and it’s just us, Adam raises his glass, not only to propose a toast but also to marvel at the colour of the red we’ve been offered up for free.

  “To Theo, who will apparently eat and drink for free forever more. Theo.”

  “Theo,” Lily adds, chuckling and also rolling her eyes as the sommelier passes our table with eyes only for me, it would seem.

  “Tell me about your weeks,” I ask, ruffling my hair. “Anything to help me relax. Two shows in one day. I’m absolutely fucking bushwhacked.”

  Adam and Lily look at one another, not knowing where to start.

  I think Adam pities Lily because he says, “Okay, I’ll go. Basically, my balls don’t work and Susan wants me to let her father pay for my shortcomings to be fixed… adjusted.”

  I look at Lily who’s looking down at her lap. She reaches for my leg under the table and squeezes. I think she’s trying to say that Adam’s being a good friend and telling me stuff just so Lily doesn’t have to divulge her week.

  I grab the back of his neck and squeeze, shaking him reassuringly. “Listen mate, there’s nothing wrong with your balls. There must be a mistake.”

  “Well, they’re not as potent as they should be.”

  Adam tips back some more wine and Lily looks at me, nodding slowly, warning me to be sensitive.

  Our waiter for the evening arrives with an amuse-bouche for each of us and lets us know, “My name’s Jacinta. Please, let me know if you have any dietary requirements. I’ll be back in a moment to take your order, but the sole is particularly popular today.”

  Adam rubs his eyes. “I wasn’t even going to say anything to you but I’ve been thinking about it today and how can she even ask me to do that?”

  Adam’s in turmoil, probably more than my own, and so I have to turn my back on my own problems right now and think of him instead.

  “When you say money, you mean to pay for treatment?”

  Adam looks at me, forlorn. “IVF, mate.”

  “Yeah, but you’re young. Maybe it’ll just, happen? Yeah?”

  “I said that, too,” he groans. “But, she wants it done. No question. And it might not even work. She’ll have to have these invasive procedures and get pumped full of stuff. The danger to her is real. It’s a risk. She’d be putting her body through a lot and—” Adam checks himself, like he’s suddenly remembered we’re in a restaurant full of boozy people, some even well-known. “It’s bad enough she let him pay for the house and all that bollocks. This, too? It’s… she doesn’t get why, Theo. She doesn’t get it.”

  I haven’t wanted to say it to him all this time, but it sticks out like a sore thumb.

  “He spoiled her after her mum died?” I blurt, so it’s out there… it’s done.

  Adam sighs and covers his eyes. “Yep.”

  The waiter’s back and Lily has been the only one looking down at her menu this whole time.

  “Ready to order?”

  Lily purses her lips. “We’ll each have the steak and all the works. Do you have like a little tasting thing for a starter we can share?”

  “Sure thing, ma’am. That’ll be all?”

  “Some water,” Lily says, “Theo was on stage tonight and spitting everywhere. He’ll be dehydrated as anything if we’re not careful.”

  The waiter’s eyes flash wide. “Right. I see.” She suppresses a laugh and walks off.

  “Nice,” I chuckle, and Adam looks at Lily and says, “Now that’s how you handle yourself. No need for a man, just gets right in there and orders meat and whatever takes her fancy.”

  “Cheers,” she says, proposing another toast.

  We all toast to that.

  “Excuse me for a moment,” says Lily, heading for the loos.

  If we were alone, I’d have half a mind to order her to go and touch herself in the bathroom, then come back here and let me lick it.

  Dirty woman left her panties in my dressing room. I’ve hidden them in the back of one of my drawers; they’ll keep me going the nights where I feel overwhelmed and crazy. Just one whiff of our sex and I’ll feel reminded… soothed.

  “Listen, are you alright, mate?” I ask Adam. “Lily won’t mind if you need to stay with us tonight. If that’s what you need? A night of drinking and getting it off your chest.”

  “Nah, I’m staying in Mayfair with an old mate from uni who’s a stockbroker now. He has a million rooms, I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure. I’m not getting between you two. It’s like watching fucking smoke rising when you look at each other.”

  I chuckle but I’m glad he can see it. “She’s amazing. I’ve got to admit, I’ve wanted this a long, long time, but with the whole Paul thing… she needed to get him out of her system. I didn’t like it, but she needed that.”

  “I know,” he whispers, as though he knew it all… my crush on Lily… Paul… all of it.

  “You’re going to have to be firm, Ads. If she doesn’t listen, then maybe she doesn’t love you enough. You have to stick with your gut feeling when it comes to this. It’s none of her father’s business. It’s your body. It’s your life. You don’t have to give up everything to make someone happy. In fact, you shouldn’t have to give up anything, your worlds should somehow align.”

  He looks at me, tortured. “I’ve put up with a lot, mate. Not gonna lie. I’ve put up with a shitload. But I’ve always thought, ‘Her mum died, they’re tight, so I’ll let it slide.’ But not this. This I can’t abide. She’s made me feel like my thing is another purchase on her shopping list. That’s how it feels.”

  I put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze. “Me and Lily will always be here for you. You know that. Through thick and thin. Not gonna lie, I want kids with Lily one day, but if she couldn’t have them, I’d be okay with that. Or we’d find a way to be okay. There’s adoption. We could get dogs or cats. It wouldn’t matter. As long as I had her.”

  “It’s different for women, though. You know that.” He half-grins.

  “I know.”

  He turns and searches my face. “When did you get so fucking handsome? It’s repulsive. And you’re a good actor? It’s sickening.”

  I laugh loudly. “Clearly you’re not yourself so we’d better get some more drinks. How about some shots?”

  Lily returns, asking, “What did I miss?”

  “We’re getting shots,” Adam says, and she pitches in, “Okay, girls. Let’s get shots.”

  The night has finally begun.

  My head’s banging when I open my eyes, the light too much. I crawl around fully dressed, fiddling with the blinds abo
ve the bed. It’s no use. All the blinds need shutting. All the blinds.

  I stumble around the room until they’re all down.

  “What time is it?” Lily groans.

  “Ugh, let me find my phone.”

  “There’s a feck-off clock on the wall.”

  “Oh, yeah.” I stare until the clock becomes clearer. “Almost midday.”

  “We were trashed,” she groans. “Trashed.”

  I splash my face with cold water in the bathroom and sit on the toilet for ten minutes, hoping that’ll make me feel better. It doesn’t.

  I peel off my clothes and crawl into bed, tugging the covers from underneath her.

  “Get your clothes off, woman.”

  She complains with a few mumbles of incoherent words, then unzips her dress and grabs the hem, getting it off over her head. In no time she’s under the covers with me, her head tucked into my side, her legs tangled with mine. All she’s left with is her bra.

  “Don’t you have to get home?” I whine.

  “I’ve got tomorrow off and my car’s in Watford. I can stay. We have the whole day tomorrow.”

  “You didn’t say.”

  “Wanted it to be a surprise.”

  I kiss her temple and wrap her in my arms. “I’m so glad.”

  “Me too. I wonder if Adam’s feeling as bad as us.”

  “Worse, probably. Much worse. At least the butler would’ve got him to bed safely, though.”

  We laugh in each other’s ears.

  “He seems to attract these posh people with their weird… demands,” she says, catching herself lest she say too much.

  “You can say it, Lily.”

  “That she’s a spoiled brat?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Kinda just said it didn’t I.”

  “Yeah. It’s unfair for Adam. He must be feeling so shit about it and she’s made it all worse.”

  “I really wasn’t sure he’d tell you. He was telling me in the car yesterday and he was really embarrassed and upset. He asked me to tell you they were fighting about money.”

  “And were you still going to tell me?”

  “Of course, I was.”