Forever Is True

by Novoneel Chakraborty

  ‘I don’t give a damn about your stuff! And I don’t need your perfume.’ Diggy dashed out of the room.

  ‘Who is giving you my perfume anyway?’ Gauri yelled after him.

  Diggy ran out of the house and banged the main door shut. Prisha put Saveer on hold to find out what had caused the commotion.

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘That woman is eating the BC’s head. I’ve never seen him behaving like this before.’

  ‘But where did he go?’ Prisha asked.

  ‘To hell!’ Gauri yelled. She didn’t know yet that she was right.

  15

  Hi!

  Hey, not studying? It was Saveer’s response to Prisha’s WhatsApp message.

  Nope, you free? Video call? She had a sudden urge to see him.

  All right.

  Prisha’s face lit up. She called up Saveer immediately. Her smile only grew wider when she saw him. He had placed the phone on top of the pillows in front of him and was sitting with his back against the head of the bed. Prisha was lying on her bed holding the phone at a little distance from her.

  ‘How come you are free? You said you were going to study?’ Saveer said.

  Prisha loved it when he showed concern for her academics. A man’s concern towards a girl’s future is immensely sexy. Especially of someone she was incorrigibly in love with.

  ‘Gauri and Diggy had a fight. He went out,’ she said.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘He has a date probably. That’s what Gauri guessed. I think so too.’

  ‘Diggy is dating? That’s nice.’

  ‘Yeah. Anyway, what’s up with you? Had dinner?’

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘And you aren’t feeling sleepy-sleepy?’

  ‘Thankfully, no. I know why you are asking though,’ Saveer said.

  ‘I was wondering if only you and I know about the CCTVs in your house. He wouldn’t know anything about it unless he came to your house, right? And if he hasn’t, then does he know about it already? But how?’ Prisha thought aloud. She knew there were too many questions. And perhaps Saveer didn’t have answers to all of them.

  ‘I was thinking about the same. My food hasn’t been spiked since our little road trip. And there’s nothing much we can do till he decides to come here. It’s only if and when he does that, can we involve the police as we would have some evidence.’

  ‘Exactly!’ Prisha said. There were a few seconds of silence as both were lost in their thoughts.

  ‘Anyway,’ Prisha said, ‘What else? I don’t like the fact that we talk so much about him. I mean we don’t even know the person.’

  ‘I know. Chuck it for the time being. You know I stumbled upon some old family photo albums. I was checking those photos before you pinged.’

  ‘Really? I want to see them too. How did my monster look like when he was a kid?’

  Saveer held up a few old photographs in front of the camera for Prisha to see.

  ‘You have your dad’s eyes and your mother’s smile,’ Prisha said.

  ‘I know. The best of both,’ Saveer said and smiled.

  ‘What are our best features?’ Prisha asked.

  ‘Does that in any which way mean that you will be breeding soon?’ Saveer had a naughty smile.

  ‘Depends on you,’ Prisha winked.

  ‘Oh, come on! I don’t want to breed a girl who isn’t even twenty-one.’

  ‘I’m twenty now! One year is nothing!’

  ‘Ahem! We are not discussing this right now,’ Saveer said, feeling a little conscious.

  ‘I so like it when you are conscious. It’s so opposite to your usual confident self,’ Prisha blew him a kiss. Saveer blushed a bit: a first.

  ‘OMG! Someone’s blushing!’

  ‘Come on! Give me a break, will you?’

  Prisha laughed and said, ‘Remember what I had told you once when I was drunk? I can give you a kid if . . .’

  ‘Stop it! I remember very clearly.’

  Prisha giggled and said, ‘Okay, tell me one thing.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘If we have babies together then what should be the permutation-combination of their features?’

  ‘If?’ Saveer said teasingly.

  ‘When we have babies . . .’

  Saveer laughed.

  ‘You tell me . . .’ he said.

  ‘Okay, if it’s a girl then I want her to be entirely like you.’

  ‘Entirely? Why?’

  ‘Then she would have the good sense of choosing someone as amazing as me.’

  ‘Yeah, sure!’

  Prisha stopped laughing and said, ‘I saw almost everyone from your family but how did your brother look? Don’t tell me he was more handsome than you? I might just fantasize about him then!’

  Saveer showed her his middle finger. Prisha laughed.

  ‘I don’t have a single picture of him, actually,’ Saveer said. Prisha could see him flipping through the album.

  ‘Not a single one? I wish you did. In fact, I so wish he was alive. I would have made you jealous for sure,’ she said.

  ‘On a serious note, I too wish he was there by my side. Sibling love, I guess, is incomparable. He left with my uncle too early, I think. And then he . . .’ his voice trailed off. He looked thoughtful.

  ‘I know. Like my sister and I have had a lot of fights but she will always be extremely special to me. I’m waiting for her to complete her boards and join me here.’

  ‘That would be great. It will give me a chance to make you jealous, no?’

  It was Prisha’s time to show him the middle finger. Saveer cracked up.

  ‘I know this may not be the right time but how did your parents die exactly? I know it must have been on one of your birthdays.’

  Saveer nodded and said, ‘Not on my birthday but . . .’

  * * *

  From Saveer’s memory

  His father and mother

  2002 and 2005

  Technically, my mother was with me longer than my father was. He died before her.

  My father, Lekh Rathod, had played a crucial role in my upbringing. He taught me swimming and cycling, and cricket. He also taught me how to drive a car before I turned fifteen, and the tabla. He said he wanted me to learn everything under the sun. I always thought that he was a little too obsessed with me. Maybe after the premature death of my brother, all his hopes, aspirations and fears had started revolving around me. Not that his obsessive behaviour interfered with his parenting, except maybe on a few occasions. I remember he never allowed me to go for any outstation excursions with my classmates. I would go for outstation trips with my parents but I wasn’t allowed to travel alone. I remember getting annoyed with him on such occasions. I didn’t understand his paranoia; I felt angry because my friends’ fathers had no problems letting their sons go on such trips.

  But then, I remember sitting beside his bed in the hospital when he was struck with dengue. He looked shrivelled and fragile. He couldn’t even lift his head without someone’s support. I had never seen him like that. He gestured me to lean in close to him. In a cracked, rasping voice, he told me to gather as much knowledge as possible, especially before making any decision. He said certain decisions can change a person’s life, can alter the course of history, can leave a lasting impact whose reverberations can be felt across time and space. Certain decisions, like a recurring nightmare, haunt the ones who make them. They cannot be dispelled, like a sin committed willingly or unwillingly. He stopped to wheeze and then added that sins catch up with the sinner sooner or later. He said guilt is the worst human emotion while repentance is the worst experience, especially for something about which nothing can be done any more. Those were his last words. He died the following morning, a week after my eighteenth birthday.

  I have often wondered about the things he told me that day. But I haven’t been able unravel the hidden meaning or the intention behind those words. Maybe, they were just life lessons, meant to be passed on from one generation to anot
her. But could it be that he was guilty of something? I don’t know. I would never know.

  My mother, Padma Rathod, on the other hand, was less intense and more easy-going than my father. She wanted me to live my life and make my own choices, wrong or right, make mistakes and learn from them. But father didn’t share her views. I often overheard them fighting over this. For the life of me, I never understood why my father was so protective of me. Maybe, they were just two very different people. In that sense, I probably had a balanced childhood. I have come across people who ask: who do you love more—mom or dad? I don’t have an answer to that. How can you love one more than the other? How can you even quantify your love towards your parents? Sure, I was more comfortable with my mother, but that doesn’t mean that I loved my father any less. Love is love. My mother died of cardiac arrest two years after my father’s death.

  I remember I had wanted to take her out that day as it was my birthday. We had planned a quiet celebration. I had gone out to fetch something. When I came back, she was standing at the doorstep, her face white as a sheet as if she had seen a ghost.

  In those two years after my father’s death, she had transformed into a different person. Most of the time, she seemed lost. She talked less. I don’t know why. I thought she was grieving, that losing my father had snuffed out the light in her. Sometimes, she would look at me as if she had a lot to say but would never say anything. Once, however, she mentioned that certain truths are so dark that no matter how hard one tried, they could not be shared with anyone. Not even with one’s family members. When I asked her to tell me clearly what she was talking about, she grew silent again, and I couldn’t interpret her words.

  Incidentally, neither of my parents had died on my birthday. But later, when I thought about it, I realized both were admitted to the hospital on my birthday.

  16

  Prisha cleared her throat. Saveer had gone into a trance while narrating the story. He gave her a forced smile.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she said, blowing him a kiss.

  ‘For?’

  ‘For having taken you where you didn’t want to go. I maybe young but I know what memories can do, especially the painful ones.’

  ‘And let me tell you that the painful ones have the longest shelf life. Happy memories fade with time. You forget the details. But you remember every detail of the painful ones. I think the only thing that can really challenge time is pain.’

  ‘I wish I was there with you right now. We would have cuddled and I’d have listened to you all night long. And then when you would’ve fallen asleep, I would’ve analysed everything you’d said. That too is a kind of love making, isn’t it? ’

  ‘Sometimes you surprise me. I never imagined that your generation could be so deep.’

  ‘There are always exceptions, sweetheart.’

  ‘Now I know. And I’m glad that I know.’ Saveer blew her a kiss over the phone.

  ‘Oh! someone’s catching up,’ Prisha said. She knew how uncomfortable and awkward Saveer was with cyber display of affection.

  ‘Talking of learning, I think you should call it a night now. And study in the morning?’

  ‘Yeah, I’ll have to.’

  After ending the call, Prisha went to the kitchen, drank some water and went to the living room to check on Gauri. She had told her that she would join her in a minute. And that minute had turned into an hour with an unplanned video call with Saveer.

  ‘Gauri?’ she said softly as the lights in the living room were out. There was no response. As her eyes adjusted to the darkness, she noticed Gauri sitting in a corner, near the window, leaning against the wall.

  ‘Gauri?’ No response. Prisha switched on the lights. She went close to Gauri and realized that she had dozed off. Prisha was about to go back to her room when she noticed Gauri’s phone lying beside her. She picked it up. The screen showed that a call was still on. It was Karthik.

  ‘Okay, I am not asleep,’ Gauri said. Prisha was taken aback. Before she could react, Gauri snatched the phone away from her.

  ‘We’ll talk tomorrow. Goodnight,’ she told Karthik and cut the call, and went to her room.

  ‘What the hell just happened? Why were you trying to hide the fact that you were talking to Karthik?’ Prisha followed her to her room and stood next to the door, her hands on her waist.

  ‘I didn’t want you to know,’ Gauri said softly.

  ‘Know what?’

  ‘That we have been talking at nights.’

  ‘But why would it bother me?’

  ‘I thought if you had got wind of it, then you’d try to convince me that it’s love,’ Gauri said as she got into bed. She switched on the AC and covered herself with a blanket.

  ‘That I’ll do anyway,’ Prisha said, switching off the room’s light and joining Gauri on the bed. She turned towards her and continued, ‘But that’s for later. Right now there’s only one thing I want to know.’

  ‘You scared me the way you said it.’ Gauri said.

  ‘Come on! Bros don’t scare each other. What I want to know is simple—do you love Karthik?’

  ‘I knew that was coming.’

  ‘So, don’t keep your bro waiting,’ Prisha said, looking at Gauri intently.

  ‘The answer is simple. I don’t know.’

  ‘Okay. I didn’t hear that. I want a proper answer.’

  ‘Aargh! Why are you doing this to me?’ Gauri said, turning her back to Prisha and trying to sleep.

  Prisha held her tight. ‘Why are you doing this to yourself, Gauri? Like, why? If you like the guy, go ahead and date him. He too likes you. See how and where it goes. We don’t need to take all the decisions on the first day itself.’

  ‘I know all that but I feel the easier it is to get into a relationship, the difficult it is to come out of it.’ Prisha let go of her.

  ‘But why are you thinking about the end already?’

  ‘Maybe because it’s easier to think about the end before starting anything so as to not wonder why and how things happened.’

  ‘But that means you’re obsessed with the ending! That’s not the right way of getting into a relationship.’

  ‘I don’t want this, but if you break up with Saveer then tell me honestly, would you tell this to yourself?’

  Prisha was quiet. For the first time, she understood the fear that Gauri was running away from, even as a part of her wanted to get closer to Karthik.

  ‘Your silence is my answer,’ Gauri said.

  Prisha lay back, staring at the ceiling. ‘Between Utkarsh and Saveer, I’ve learnt that while some relationships seem like they’ll make you, they actually end up breaking you. And some that seem to destroy you, actually end up giving you a new lease of life. I don’t think anyone can know what will happen until they choose to be in a relationship.’

  ‘I agree. And that’s why I am taking baby steps towards it and not a leap or even a jump,’ Gauri said.

  ‘Hmm. I get it now. As long as it is a journey towards something you feel connected to, I guess it’s fine.’

  ‘How slow is slow and how fast is fast is the question.’

  ‘Let the connection decide that.’

  ‘Yeah, you are right.’

  They lay silent for a while.

  ‘By the way, any news of Diggy? He has never been out this late. Not alone, I mean,’ Prisha said.

  ‘He has never fallen for a “lady” before!’ Gauri rolled her eyes. The girls laughed. Prisha nudged her, saying, ‘Don’t be mean.’

  She called Diggy. He didn’t pick up.

  ‘Do you think the woman is fucking him?’ Gauri asked.

  ‘Stop it, will you? Your sudden weird questions bring up stupid visuals in my head,’ Prisha said and messaged him: call back, moron. She kept the phone beside her pillow and went to sleep.

  When she opened her eyes, she thought her alarm had woken her up. Then she realized it was the shrill ringtone of her phone. Someone was calling her. She picked it up with half-closed eyes. It was Sa
veer. She took the call, but before she could say anything, Saveer said something in one breath. She sat upright in bed, wide awake.

  17

  Prisha disconnected the call and woke up Gauri, shivering.

  ‘What happened? I’ll get up a little later,’ Gauri said groggily and turned over.

  ‘Something has happened to Diggy,’ Prisha said. Her voice was shaking.

  ‘What?’ Gauri rubbed her eyes.

  ‘Something bad has happened to Diggy,’ Prisha repeated. ‘We need to rush.’

  The girls wasted no time in getting ready. They took a cab straight to Saveer’s place but he called Prisha midway.

  ‘Have you seen the nursing home near my place? The one on the right when you take a left for my lane?’

  Prisha remembered.

  ‘Yes.’ She was finding it difficult to speak. Her mind was racing

  ‘I’ll meet you there,’ he said.

  Prisha spotted Saveer right outside the nursing home gate. He was standing next to a police van and a jeep.

  ‘Where’s Diggy?’ Gauri asked the moment she got out the cab.

  ‘He is in the ICU.’

  Gauri dashed inside. Prisha was about to follow suit when Saveer held her hand.

  ‘He is no more,’ Saveer said softly. Prisha stopped dead in her tracks. Saveer released her hand but she nearly collapsed.

  ‘What . . . What do you mean?’

  ‘I didn’t tell you over the phone. Diggy was raped and thrown outside my house. Dead.’

  ‘He was what?’ Prisha couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

  ‘Raped.’

  Prisha was about to say something when an emotionally dishevelled Gauri stumbled out of the nursing home. She came straight towards Prisha and held her tight, sobbing uncontrollably.

  ‘Diggy isn’t saying anything, Prisha. That moron is quiet like a log. What the fuck is wrong with him?’ Gauri hid her face in Prisha’s bosom and sobbed loudly. Fat tears rolled down Prisha’s cheeks as well as she tried to console Gauri.

  ‘Take care of her. I will need Diggy’s parents’ phone number. We need to inform them. The police are inside,’ Saveer said.