by Kimi Flores
When I had decided to go with the artificial insemination, I’d told her I wasn’t going to stay in the condo we once shared much longer. The building had changed a lot from when we’d first moved in. A property management company had swooped in, bought a bunch of the condos, and leased them out to local college students. Now I was surrounded with kids that partied till four a.m. on the weekends. The swimming pool was also filled at all hours, like it belonged to a frat house. On top of that, I was ready to settle into the home my child would grow up in.
After giving my best friend a hug and saying goodbye, I jumped into my truck and headed down the same road Zachary and I had walked under the stars. God, it still hurt to think about that night.
Less than a minute later, I pulled into the vineyard driveway, passed the tasting room, stopping in front of the main house.
Staring through my windshield, I gripped the steering wheel and looked up at the balcony attached to Zachary’s bedroom. My heart constricted at the memory of the last time I’d seen him standing there. “No Dani, you’ve come too far to go back there now,” I whispered the mental chant I’d repeated over and over every time I came back here.
Forcing myself to move forward, I grabbed my medical bag and got out of my truck. It was a strange thing to notice, but the pavement seemed to have a few more cracks than it had the first time I’d first stepped on it, years ago. Like Zachary and my relationship, there was no way to repair them. Sure they could be filled in and smoothed over, but those tiny crevasses would always remain in its foundation. We would just have to learn to accept and appreciate each fracture.
What a depressing thought.
It was time to focus on why I was here though so I headed up to the porch. The wind-chime hanging from a wooden beam above made a clinking sound as a light breeze floated between its natural turquoise stone strings. I’d never thought to ask before, but wondered why, what looked like a hand-crafted, Native-American wind-chime, had always hung in front of the Tuscan-styled home.
Shrugging off that thought, I turned to face the front door. It was still so odd to stand on this porch. At one time, I’d just walk right in like I belonged, but today I lifted my hand and knocked. When there was no answer, I frowned. I didn't want to ring the bell in case Joel was resting.
A loud whistle called my attention, and I turned around to see where it was coming from. Down the path by the tasting room, the vineyard manager was pointing toward the side of the house that led to the huge backyard. I waved to thank him as he tipped his hat at me.
Lifting my hand to block the setting sun, I headed toward the back where I spotted Zachary. He was on his knees as he picked herbs from the garden, lifting them to his nose.
I watched as he carefully inspected each plant with such adoration, and I knew it was because he'd grown them himself. There was nothing he was more passionate about than the crops he grew. I remembered that passion, the attention to detail he had showered me with that night. The one and only night before he ripped my heart to pieces.
I could fool myself all I wanted, but whenever he was around, I couldn’t help but still want him. My fingers itched to touch him and run my hands up his arms, chest, and back. I was familiar with every dip and contour of those muscles.
Surprised, he finally looked my way. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come back here.” He got up and came toward me with the herbs bundled in his hand. His eyes scanned my body just like they had that disastrous night.
I melted and cringed at the same time. It was so awkward when we saw each other. We used to greet with a hug and he’d always kiss me somewhere on my face. Now we just stood in front of each other like strangers.
“I didn’t want to just walk in.” I made sure it was clear that I was not looking for him so we could talk. I was here for Joel.
Lowering his head, he exhaled before looking at me again. “Dani, you know you can just walk in. You’re as welcome here as you’ve always been.”
I nodded once. “Thank you for that, but I’d prefer to keep things here professional. I think that’s what’s best for me.” I didn’t have to throw that dig in, but it felt good. Damn good. He needed to know I wasn’t that broken woman that had run out of his house.
He winced and a low groaning sound came from deep within his chest. “I hate this wall between us, you know. Are we ever going to talk about what happened?”
I swallowed but kept my tone neutral. “What’s done is done. Where’s your dad?”
Removing his ball cap, he held on to the bill and started slapping the crown hard on his thigh. His intent was probably to knock the dust off, but he was clearly releasing some frustration. “In his room.”
I followed him to the side door that led into the kitchen and may have snuck a peek at his ass while he was putting the cap on a hook just inside. My stomach growled and my mouth began to salivate when the aroma of fresh baked bread hit me. Zachary had gone to culinary school and was an amazing chef.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled. “That smells divine.”
I heard his deep chuckle as he scanned me up and down again. “Looks like you probably already have plans, but you’re welcome to stay for dinner. I’ve got spinach and orzo soup on the stove and a French loaf in the oven.” Although there was a guarded look on his face, his eyes clearly said that my outfit had affected him.
Relishing in the memories of hot bread and butter, I placed my hand against my rumbling stomach and reminded myself what I would look like as a healthy pregnant woman. I needed to stay focused on the goal, not succumb to a hot piece of—bread. “I wish I could, but I’m already running a little late for my da—” I caught myself before I said ‘date’, though I was sure my face looked guilty.
He blinked a few times, seemingly disappointed, then turned to place the herbs on his counter, speaking over his shoulder. “Oh, okay. Maybe next time.”
Pausing a moment, I contemplated staying before I remembered my resolve to spend as little alone time with him as possible. It hurt too much being around him, knowing I couldn’t have him.
When I heard Joel coughing from his bedroom, I left Zachary behind in the kitchen and headed through the living room. The smell of menthol hit me as I walked through his bedroom doorway. His chest was probably slathered with that gooey vapor rub. “Hey, Fred, have you been out partying the night away again?” I chuckled at him.
A few Thanksgivings ago, I’d nicknamed him ‘Fred’ after discovering his serious dancing skills. With moves like that, I’d often wondered why a woman hadn’t snagged him in his younger years.
His eyes lit up as he coughed between his words. “There’s my favorite girl. And she got all dolled up just for me. Too bad I have to get sick for you to come visit me,” he teased with a playful smirk on his face.
Even though he wasn’t technically on my books, I’d drop everything to come check on Joel. We’d grown close over the years, and he meant much more to me than just being my patient.
I winked at him. “Well, you don’t have to catch pneumonia to get me to come over and visit, you know,” I joked as I set my bag down on the nightstand and pulled out my stethoscope.
I gave him a short exam, taking his pulse then listening to his heart and lungs between his deep coughs. He always looked at me with complete faith and trust whenever I checked on him, and it made me remember why I loved my job so much.
Patting his shoulder so he wouldn’t try to talk, I walked to his bathroom, filled up a small mason jar of water, and retrieved the cough medicine I’d brought the last time he was sick.
Without a complaint, he downed the medicine I handed him then licked the small measuring cup. He seemed grateful, knowing his coughing fits would be subdued soon. He was always leery about taking prescription medicine if I hadn’t first given the go ahead, even if it was something he’d taken in the past.
After he drank a full glass of water, I placed the mason jar on the nightstand and turned back to examine his face. The skin around his eyes wrinkled when he off
ered me a small smile before having to sit up in bed and cough, using every ounce of energy he had. It had only been a week since I’d last seen him, but he looked exhausted. I could only imagine how drained his aging body must’ve felt.
Once he laid back and cleared his throat, I placed my hand on the side of his face, assuring him, “That medicine should kick in soon.”
Even though he was obviously beat, his eyes never ceased to reflect his love and kindness. “You gave me the good stuff, right? The one with the codeine?” He cracked another small smile.
Snickering, I thought about a time not too long ago when he’d refused to take any medicine at all. “Yes, it’s the good stuff.” I pulled the blanket up further, making sure he was settled and comfortable. “Now try to get some sleep.” I picked up my bag and patted his shin when I got to the end of the bed.
When I was at his door, he said, “I will, but as soon as I’m better, you owe me a dance.” His voice had become weaker since I’d last seen him, but that was normal since the coughing had obviously worn him out.
“Sounds good.” I gave him my best Marilyn Monroe smile and hip wiggle as he settled in and closed his eyes.
A few steps into the hall, I got an incoming text.
Eric: I’m here, where are you?
I quickly text back, letting him know that I would be on my way in a few minutes.
Eric: Meet me at the bar
No surprise there. He definitely enjoyed drinking. Good thing he’d gotten a ride to the casino and I’d be driving us back to my condo tonight.
Stepping into the living room, I phoned in the prescription then ended the call as Zachary joined me in the living room.
“So what do you think?” Dark circles I hadn't noticed earlier curved the underside of his tired eyes, telling me that he’d probably been up all night, too.
“I didn’t hear any fluid in his lungs, but it sounds like it’s turning into bronchitis. I hate ordering antibiotics so soon, but I think it’s better to be safe than sorry.” I leaned against the wall beside him.
He reached toward my face, removing a strand of hair that had stuck to my lipstick. “Thanks for coming on such short notice. You know how dad feels about doctors and that cough sounded worse than yesterday.”
“Of course. I’m happy to help.” I loved that old man, but he was so stubborn and refused to go to a doctor no matter how crappy he felt. Thankfully, as long as I made chit chat along the way, he allowed me to examine him.
“The antibiotic will be ready in about an hour.” I looked down at my bag. Anything was safer than Zachary’s tired and pained eyes.
He got closer and gave a genuine smile. “Thanks again, Dani.” Surprising me, he ran his hands up and down my bare arms before leaning in to kiss my cheek, sending shivers down my spine. It was the closest we’d been physically in months and I was still weak to his touch, which kind of pissed me off.
I gripped my bag firmer, keeping my tone purely business. “You should see some improvement in forty-eight hours after the antibiotics are started.”
He was so close to my face, making it difficult to keep him at arm's length. I was tempted to lean in and see if he’d kiss my lips next, but there was no need to embarrass myself. Instead, I spun around and headed toward the door. I heard him following behind me, but didn’t look back.
Once outside, I turned and waved. “Give me a call if he gets worse. I’ll be out late. As long as he’s alright, I’ll come and check on him in a few days.”
With a simple gesture of his head he let me know he understood. His face showed the isolation he must be feeling as his father’s sole caregiver, but I couldn’t risk feeling any sympathy for him. It was his choice to be alone. I would’ve been thrilled to be here with him and Joel, but he had refused. Now I had to move on with my life, just as I had suggested for him to do.
I may have put a little extra swing in my strut as I walked toward my truck. If he wasn’t going to make this any easier on me, then there was no reason for me not to throw what he was missing out on in his face.
I forced myself to keep my eyes focused ahead of me as I climbed into the cab of my truck and started the engine. Pulling the visor down to check my lipstick in the mirror, I saw him still standing in his doorway, staring at me with the saddest expression on his face. He looked lost, almost broken. If only he would’ve let me in, we’d be dealing with this together.
Instead, he had a past he wouldn’t talk about, his present was consumed with keeping the vineyard going and being a caregiver to his ill father, and by the look on his face, the girl he wanted was on her way to meet another guy for the night.
I still didn’t understand why he chose to be alone and was more confused than when I’d first arrived, but one thing was sure—Bri had been right. Showing up at Zachary’s house, ready for my date, had definitely been a bad idea.
Chapter Two
Zachary
With a light tug, I opened the large wooden doors that led to the winery’s tasting room. I sighed, anticipating another busy Sunday.
“Morning, Zachary. How’s it going?”
I turned to find the vineyard manager, Samuel, walking up the stone stairs toward the entrance. He’d worked at the winery since he’d graduated from high school, nearly thirty years ago. Samuel was never short on smiles, especially on days like today when I needed them the most.
Clapping him on the back, I reluctantly admitted, “I may drag a little today. Dad had another rough night.” We made our way behind the long refurbished wooden bar that matched the flooring. Squatting down, I checked all of the supplies we would need for the day.
Unable to hide the concern on his face, Samuel rubbed the greying stubble on his chin. “Oh man, sorry to hear that. Anything I can do to help out?” He seemed to want to say something else but held back, and I was too tired to dig.
I stood up, bracing my hands against the bar. “Nah, it’s just a stage. It took a week, but he’s finally getting over that bronchitis. I guess this is just part of living with diabetes and getting older. I’m sure he’s just taking in too much sugar before bed. I’ll have to keep a better eye on his diet, that’s all.”
The hallucinations he’d had last night were freaky as hell. Worst ones so far. I’d thought I was dreaming when I’d heard loud shouting in the living room. When I bolted down the stairs, I’d found him crazed and yelling incoherently until something seemed to snap him out of his trance. It had taken an hour but he’d finally gone back to sleep.
“Okay, boss, I’m heading out to make sure everything’s set up for today’s wedding and the tour scheduled for brunch. I’ll be back to check in with you in a few hours.”
It still felt weird that he called me ‘boss’, even though he’d been around a hell of a lot longer than I had. Samuel had seen all the shit I’d gone through ever since the day Dad had taken me in.
“Did you still want to set up the barbecue yourself, or can I help?” he asked.
My cousin, Josh and his pack of motocross friends were coming over for dinner after they were done dirt biking. I was looking forward to seeing them, but I’d been wanting to talk to my cousin about the tough time I was having with Dad. Sadly, it would have to wait since he wasn't coming alone.
I shook my head. “Nah, you know I like to make those guys work for their meals. They can help set up.”
“Okay, I’ll catch you later then.” He held up his phone. “Call if you need me before that.”
I lifted my chin, and raised an arm in a farewell gesture as he left the tasting room. “Sounds good, see ya later.”
I swear, that guy was on top of everything and got more accomplished in one day than anyone else I knew. Not only did he manage all of the goings on at the vineyard, but he was also in charge of the apartments where most of our employees lived.
Shortly after I had taken over, we invested in a few buildings for the sole purpose of offering our employees year-long, affordable housing. I knew firsthand what it was like to be te
mporarily homeless and never wanted our employees to struggle, wondering where they’d live during our off season. All the rent we collected went right back into the properties, and Samuel had jumped at the chance to help out.
Occasionally, arguments broke out and he would have to step in to make sure that didn’t carry over into the fields. His wife, Isla, ran the housekeeping services here as well. I didn’t want to even think about running the place without them.
As I pulled out the selections of white, rosé, red, port, and sparkling wines we were going to offer as samples today, my mind wandered back to when I’d first started coming around the winery.
It was hard to believe that only twenty years ago, my adoptive father had accepted me into his home. Back then, I was just a punk ass kid, hanging out with the wrong crowd. That wasn’t difficult to do, since, at the time, my mother’s boyfriend, Edwin, had been the biggest pot dealer in Santa Ynez. All the troublemakers in school wanted to hang out with me, hoping they’d score some free weed. And I’d fooled myself into thinking they actually wanted to be my friends.
I shook my head at the memory. It seemed like a lifetime ago.
During harvest season, just after my thirteenth birthday, my mother had suddenly taken interest in me after breaking up with Edwin, and she’d started bringing me with her to work on the vineyard every day after school. I guess she’d realized how she’d messed up and wanted to make some kind of amends. Maybe she’d been hoping to keep me from making the same mistakes she had.
Either way, the second I’d stepped foot in the fields, breathed in the intoxicating earthy aroma, and touched the rough, callused texture of the vines, I knew there was something magical about this place. The smell of the soil, the sap from the vines, and the grapes called out to me. Samuel had taken note of my interest and pulled me aside to meet Joel, the owner, who was now my father.
Once Edwin had weaseled his way back into our apartment, things got even rougher than before and it had been so easy to be down on myself. Mom had stopped working and began wasting her days getting high. There was hardly any food in the house, but they’d always had enough money for dope.
