by Joey Bush
Ryder’s voice dominated but there was a quiet noisiness that pervaded the room. There were several conversations in progress. They were in hushed tones, which was frustrating because I couldn’t make out the words. If I had been able to hear what was being said, it would be priceless eavesdropping.
There were other sounds too. Many students were chewing gum and others were gnawing on their pens or their fingernails. Laptops were clicking away. Texting and all forms of social media were banned during class, but many were ignoring the rule. There had been nothing to take notes on yet so their fingers had to be typing something. I heard everything and saw everything in the room. My overactive nerves had made me hypersensitive to everything around me. A pin drop would’ve been as if a tree fell.
Choosing to sit near the front of class was a huge mistake. Max and I ended up in the second row. If I had only known. Thank goodness the girl in front of me had a great deal of hair. She had it in a messy ponytail/bun that must have taken hours to perfect. She had the Oh, I don’t care look about her that would only fool the amateur fashionista or a man. I began to mimic her head movements so Ryder would never see my face. I looked as if I had a nervous twitch.
I tried to block out Ryder’s voice, although it was nearly impossible. The cacophony wasn’t enough to cover up his voice.
“This is an exciting time in your lives. I expect your libidos are pretty excited too,” Ryder said. His comment was followed by nods of agreement from the students. “That is why this class is a freshman requirement. We want you to have the facts straight before we set you lose.”
A little late for me, genius. This was going to be an excruciatingly long 55 minutes. My neck was beginning to ache as I tried to keep my head moving in unison with the woman in front of me. I thought maybe that she was having some type of seizure. I was using the same neck muscles
“I don’t expect you to answer this question. Just think about it. Have you done something sexually in the past year that you regret?” Again, Ryder received nods.
Oh my fucking god. Things couldn’t get any worse. Sure, I had regrets—like that blowjob I gave him.
“There is nothing you’re left with but regrets. The good news is that I will teach you in this class how to take action to proceed safely in the future. It is like golf and I will teach you how to avoid the sand traps and water hazards. Maybe you won’t proceed at all, but I know that isn’t going to happen. I think you will be pleasantly surprised by this class.”
Ryder looked down at his notes.
I started to squirm in my chair.
“Psst. What the hell is wrong with you Jenna?” Max whispered loudly. I thought the music at The Spot had affected his hearing.
“Shut up Max.” I stared daggers at him. The last thing I needed was to draw attention.
Ryder looked in our direction, right past the girl with the messy hair.
“Is there something you wanted to add? If you have something to say to the woman beside you, please wait until after class. Maybe you and your friend can learn something that will come in handy later,” Ryder said and laughed.
He looked behind the woman in front of me and his laughter ceased. The color drained from his face as he realized I was Jenna Walsh. For a moment, our eyes met. The woman in front of me ripped out her nest like ponytail/bun and shook her head violently. She sprinkled me with white flakes from her dried hair product and our view was blocked. Max was confused, his mouth twisted as he thought about what was going on. His eyes widened.
“Walsh. Is that the older guy you nearly inhaled the other night? It all makes sense. Our professor is older, he mentioned golf, and he nearly fell to the floor when he saw you. Jenna, you’re fucking the professor.” Max was waiting for me to confirm his assumption.
“Later Max,” I said quickly and quietly.
Dear god. Let the floor open up and swallow me. Get me out of here.
Just then, the girl with the disheveled hair and her friend turned to look at Max and me. It was apparent that they had heard Max’s comments. I was unsure if they expected me to confirm Max’s suspicions. I mouthed “No way” and swatted my hand to make them turn around. Ryder glared at the two girls, as he seemed to recover from his shock.
Fifteen minutes remained in class. I did not want to draw any further attention to myself so I remained sitting. I didn’t even remember swallowing or blinking an eye. Max on the other hand was like a dog with a bone. He would not allow the topic to rest.
Max grabbed a slip of paper from his messenger bag and started to scrawl. He passed me the paper. Now I was passing notes as if I was in 5th grade. Below his printed word was a crude drawing of a cock and a pair of lips, with an arrow connecting them. Max was excessively proud of himself.
I shot Max a glance and tore up the note. Max was trembling with laughter. He was like a volcano ready to erupt.
****
“I look forward to Wednesday. Be sure to read the chapters outlined on your syllabus. We are going to have a little human anatomy refresher.” Ryder hurried off the stage.
I knew all about Ryder’s anatomy.
Suddenly everyone wanted to talk to me. The chick with the ruined, messy hair was after me. She was asking me directions to the dining hall. I ignored her. Her friend asked me for a tampon. Really? Couldn’t she come up with a better excuse to talk to me? Max said something, which I completely ignored; I was racing to get out of Tobin Hall.
I made it to the door. I was considering that quite a people knew or would know shortly about my tryst with the sexuality professor. It was always the case. Max would confide in a few people who would tell more people and so on. Then there were the girls in class who overheard Max. God knows what they would do with my secret.
The ramifications could be great, if people started talking. I imagined that there was some type of ethical code that prohibited professors from sleeping with their students. I could be tossed out of school and Ryder could lose his job. Why the hell did I care about him losing his job? I was confused, pissed off, and scared. I continued down the corridor.
“Hey Jenna. Some choice of dates? You have to admit—it’s hysterical. You are going to be taught sex by the guy you spent the night with. You will get an “A” for sure. You have already proved to him that you know how to suck hard.” Max loved my embarrassment. I ignored him and kept walking but he continued. “Maybe you can volunteer to do a role play thing. He can drop his drawers and you can give him another blowjob. I will help you recreate his bedroom because I worked on sets in high school. We can make it authentic. I can do sound effects, like Potato barking from next-door. I wonder if I can get extra credit if I organize everything? I can see this being the start of a career in filmmaking. Perhaps I’m getting ahead of myself but I envision receiving an Oscar someday. I will film it, of course, unless you guys taped it the first time. Sex tapes are popular these days. I think it will be educational. What do you think?”
I walked faster and soon Max dropped back. I nearly blew it when I almost laughed at his preposterous proposal. I was already thinking about how I would approach getting into another school. “Hello, I’m Jenna Walsh. I’m hoping you will give me a second chance. I promise not to give any of the professors head this time.” I put my head down. I wasn’t going to cry. I was more astonished than upset. All I could do was shake my head in disbelief. I saw the exit a few yards away. I had made a clean getaway—almost.
“Jenna. Wait up. I want to talk to you,” Ryder called from behind me.
I shot back a confused glance. God was he as hot as ever. I picked up the pace.
“Jenna, Jenna Walsh. Stop. I’ll call you.” Ryder stopped trying to keep up with me.
Finally, I was out of Tobin Hall. I found an enormous live oak to sit beneath. I was out of breath. I collapsed and threw my head in my hands. I opened my bag where I had stashed some healthy snacks. Carrots and ranch dip were not going to cut it. Suddenly I didn’t care about the freshman 15. I wanted an ice cream sundae or
perhaps a wedge of apple pie. I peeled off my sweatshirt. Maybe I would not be recognized from class if I were wearing different clothes. I closed my eyes for a moment. My phone started vibrating.
Chapter Two
It was the beginning of long series of texts from Ryder. My butt was tingling as my phone vibrated every 5 minutes. Ryder had gone from crotch tingling to butt tingling. Apparently, he was covering his bases. Actually, he was covering my bases.
I arrived back at my room, which seemed smaller since the arrival of my roommate Kelly from Kansas. I had to begin referring to her as Kelly Womack, as she was a real person. For months, the only thing I knew about her was that she was from Kansas. I imagined some cardboard cutout of a girl standing next to a bale of hay. She was actually more cosmopolitan than I was. She was from Wichita and she did not live on a farm. Her parents were aeronautical engineers and she wasn’t a member of 4-H. That was a disappointing because I was looking forward to visiting her farm. I thought pigs were cute. She wasn’t what I envisioned but I was pleased with the job housing had done in putting us together. She did not think she was a llama and we were different enough that we could learn from each other.
“Hey Jenna. You look like you have seen a ghost. Was your first day that bad?” Kelly asked, welcoming me home.
“In a way I did see a ghost. And yes, my first day was horrendous.” I continued to give Kelly an abridged version of the story after she asked me more than a dozen questions. I did not get down to specifics, although I suspected she could have handled the details.
“I’m glad I’m not in your shoes. I think you’re paranoid regarding being thrown out of school. I don’t mean to belittle our University, but we’re not enrolled in Harvard. Plus, you’re not a child. You and Ryder are free to be with each other in the eyes of the law. They probably don’t encourage relationships between a professor and his or her students but I doubt it’s prohibited. I can’t be sure. I’m just talking out of my ass,” Kelly said.
“Well, at least you didn’t call me a slut. I appreciate that,” I said. I hardly knew Kelly and she could be plotting to have me thrown out of school. She would have the teeny space all to herself.
“Yeah, I’m not about to judge. You can’t be expected to trust me yet but you can.”
It was as though Kelly read my mind. I was being paranoid.
“Thanks for listening Kelly. I hope you’re not a vegetarian, vegan or some other special eater. I feel the need to indulge and I don’t want to do it alone,” I said as I started going through my wallet to see if I spare twenty dollars for junk food.
“I’m actually on a no-sugar, no carbs diet and I try to eat Kosher. I’m also a vegetarian,” Kelly said with a frown.
“Oh, so you’re Jewish,” I commented.
“Does it matter?”
“Nope, not at all.”
As I was thinking about how the hell I was going to survive with a picky eater, Kelly walked to a Rubbermaid container. I had wondered what she stored in the thing. In our small room I noticed everything.
“I brought some snacks from home that are safe for me to eat.”
Kelly opened the box. I expected an assortment of rice cakes. Kelly smiled and started to laugh. She revealed a cache of sweet treats. It looked as if Willy Wonka himself had paid us a visit. There were chocolate chip cookies, macaroons, and peanut butter sandwich cookies. There were peanut butter cups, an assortment of Dutch and German chocolates, gummy bears, and a couple cartons of cake frosting, too. That was just the first layer.
“I have died and gone to heaven.” I was in awe. Kelly had managed to get my mind off Ryder. It was a momentary escape but, at that point, it was just what I needed.
“I had you going there, Jenna. I’m a girl from the mid-west, so of course I eat meat. My Mother travels to Germany and the Netherlands quite a bit. They have excellent chocolate. She has a major guilt complex, so she always brings me some home. As far as the frosting goes, I eat it by the spoonful. I do love kosher pickles, but I’m not Jewish. In the end, it’s better than drugs or alcohol. I will run off the calories.”
“All this and you run too? I think we’re going to get along just fine.” I breathed a sigh of relief. She was on her way to being a good friend. In the back of my mind, I thought of Sayler. I had to check-in with my best bud.
“There is one thing that’s really bothering me,” Kelly said and I panicked because I thought she was going to start lecturing me about morality and shit.
“What?” I asked. The tone of my voice was defensive.
“Your damn phone won’t stop buzzing. In these small quarters, I won’t be able to sleep unless you shut the thing up. Aren’t you afraid it’s an emergency because someone is trying to get in touch with you?”
“I’m sure it’s Ryder, my professor. I’m just not ready to speak with him yet.”
“Um Jenna. Why don’t you simply turn your phone off or block him?”
“It is a little comforting knowing he’s there,” I said shyly. I wished I had a better excuse.
“At least look at what the guy has to say.” Kelly shoved a cookie in her mouth. I grabbed a container of double chocolate frosting and picked up my phone.
“Jenna. Can I grab you a spoon.”
“I prefer my fingers but thanks.”
I ran through the list of texts that I had received from Ryder.
Talk?
Call me
Sorry. I had no idea
Miss u
Call me
Call me
Call me
I had no idea
Miss u. Call me
I counted 75 messages from Ryder. There were a couple from Max too.
“Kelly, I have a new favorite food. This frosting is freaking superb. Do you happen to have some in vanilla?”
“I have French vanilla.”
“Perfect.” I sucked the white stuff off my fingers and dirty thoughts popped into my mind. It reminded me of Ryder. Everything reminded me of him. I had to stop thinking about him…and stop having dirty thoughts.
I decided to nap for a couple of hours and then call Sayler. She would be able to provide some much-needed advice. I slept hugging a container of frosting. I kept my phone in my back pocket. In some way, it made me feel close to Ryder as it continued to buzz.
****
“Hey Jenna,” Sayler answered.
I was calling to find out what to do. I couldn’t call Max. He was busy preparing for his directorial debut.
“What is the crisis? Today was your first day of class. Have you been kicked out already?”
“Not exactly.” My voice was quivering.
“Are you okay? If someone hurt you, I will drive up there and kick his ass. He will wish he was never born,” Sayler snarled. She was beyond agitated.
“Calm down Sayler. I have a story to tell that you’re not going to believe. Do you have a minute—or ninety?” I asked.
It was great to hear my friend’s voice. Kelly had gone out for a few hours, which gave me time to chat. I propped my phone up and put it on speaker. With my frosting in hand, I was ready for girl talk. I filled Sayler in. I started with the moment I realized Ryder was my human sexuality professor and continued until I reached the present. Sixty minutes later. My throat was parched.
“I thought it was a good story before. Now it’s outrageous. Who knows, maybe you will have some foreplay with Ryder in the future.” Sayler started laughing uncontrollably. “I can’t believe it has taken me so long to say that. Get it Jenna – F-O-R-E play.”
An uncomfortable laugh came from my mouth.
“I get it Sayler. It all makes sense now. The books in his house were not boxes misplaced by the movers. Sex is his business. Safe sex is his business, which makes it a bit odd. Do you agree?” I asked.
“Well Jenna, this whole thing is bizarre. First, he ends up living next-door to your mother. Next, you find out he’s thirty-three when you figure he’s closer to twenty-five. Now he’s your profess
or. Didn’t you discuss what he did for a living?”
“I was...I don’t know. I guess it didn’t matter to me at the time. I had my head in the clouds and then I was embarrassed that he wanted nothing to do with me. I still don’t know what that’s about. I thought he inherited his wealth—or rather, I didn’t care.”
“I have to ask this Jenna.” Sayler was quiet for a moment.
“What?” I wondered what the hell she was thinking.
“Do you think Ryder is a woman?”
“Oh god! I would know if I blew a chick. I studied his anatomy very carefully. I would have known if he’d been altered or one of those strap-on things.”
“Speaking of those strap-on things, my Aunt Jean has one that she uses with her wife. It is how Uncle Jim knew his wife was having an affair with a woman. Now she’s happily out of the closet. Turns out, he’s gay, too. He’s with a guy who’s transitioning into a woman so I guess he’s a gay man in transition to being a straight man. Jim and Jean have two kids who are still deciding what they are.” Sayler stopped to take a sip of water.
“Shut up Sayler. This is about Ryder. I will listen to your tales of your twisted family tree another time. He has very detailed books, although he teaches abstinence. He is like the campus sex police. All freshmen are required to hear him preach about the possible dangers of sex. All the time he’s getting a blowjob from an underclassman. It presents quite the conundrum.”
“Come on Jenna. Don’t use words like condomdrum. One day of college and I have to pull out my Webster’s Dictionary to understand you.”
“You don’t own a dictionary. And it’s not condomdrum, but it should be a word. I like it.”
We were both laughing which is just what I needed. While I was on the phone, the texts kept coming, although I ignored them. I was flattered by the consistency and increased urgency of his messages.
