by Joey Bush
“Just throw it in the backseat of the SUV. It is a work in progress.”
As I packed up my books, I got a little weepy. My dream to make something out of my life was in those books. I goofed off like many freshman, but at least I had a purpose. I felt like a rudderless boat or a ship without a sail.
“I think we’re packed up, Jenna. You should turn your keys in to the RA and make a quick exit. This place is full of memories for you. It’s time to figure out what you’re doing tomorrow, next week, or next year. Make new tracks girl.”
“Are you going to be okay at this school without me?” I said.
“Oh, I’ll manage. It won’t be nearly as fun, but I’m hoping you will be back. Before you take off, I have a question.”
“What’s that?”
“Which putt-putt course did you visit?”
“The Seven Wonders which isn’t far from campus.”
“I thought so. I was curious when I saw Rozi from human sexuality class scribbling on a tablet from the Seven Wonders.”
“Is this going somewhere, Max?” I asked.
“Professor Flynn is boring. Can you imagine making human sexuality boring?”
“Get to the point, Max.”
By this time, I was curious.
“I asked if she had been there. Rozi appeared nervous when I inquired, and Valerie and Rosemary were also flustered. She said she had, so I asked when. She was smart enough to say she didn’t remember, but her partner Rosemary was quick to give up the date and approximate time. I put two and two together and bingo. It was the same night you were there with the professor.”
“That bitch with the ratty hair saw Ryder and I? She’s the one who made the report to the dean. It is good to have that information, but what the hell do I do with it? Thanks a million, Max. Right now I have something more important on my mind, but this certainly answers a lot of questions.”
“Are you going to pay me? I helped you move, and I did your detective work,” Max asked.
I laughed as I walked to my car and then called back to Max, “Keep in touch, Max. Thanks again.”
****
I went home and took a shower. I had decided to take control of the situation. Knowing that Roz was the tattletale was easy to disprove. She would be seen as a jealous young woman. Ryder and I had been careful other than that one time. A celebratory embrace wasn’t enough to fire Ryder. As far as my suspension went, I couldn’t give a rat’s ass about South Carolina as long as they cleared my record.
Chapter Seven
My college stuff was moved into my mom’s garage. I felt like throwing my fucking bicycle in the trash. It wobbled on the back of the SUV during the entire ride down I-26.
I had a terrible headache and it was nearly impossible to get Ryder off my mind as I was living next door to the man.
I thought that I had figured out where I needed to be. I went in the house to have a conversation with my mom
“Are you finally finished? Sorry I didn’t help more, but my feet are killing me after spending the day in those heels. What’s up, Jenna?”
“I have to ask your advice,” I said.
“Well that’s a first. I love to give advice, although no one ever takes it,” my mother said.
“I wonder why Mother.” I smiled. “Ryder has an appointment with the doctor today. He is finding out the status of his cancer after his rigorous course of chemo and he told me not to come. He wants to do this alone, which I happen to think is bullshit. I was talking to a woman at the golf tournament and she says that a couple proves their strength through times of adversity. I feel like this is pretty damn adverse and we’re ready to face it together.”
“What if his cancer has progressed? I know, and you do to, how sneaky cancer can be. Are you ready to stand by him as I did for your father? It takes every bit of energy one can muster. It’s a backbreaking, 24-hour commitment. You have hospital visits to coordinate, vomit to clean up, and you may have to shepherd him through death. Ryder appears to be a strong man, Jenna, but you have to prepare for the worst. Standing by your man is easy when the sun shines but it doesn’t always shine darling.”
“So, you’re throwing the decision back at me?”
“That’s what I’m doing. I do have one additional thing to tell you. In all the craziness that went on here when you shattered the window, I noticed one thing. Ryder looked at you in a way I rarely see. I have personally only had a man view me that way twice. The first time was with your father. Unbelievably, before he got sick he was a romantic. The second time was with Claude. I have been a mess for five years. You have raised me, Jenna. I’m back on my feet now and I give you permission to grow up. Go after Ryder, if that’s your choice.”
I gave my mom a big hug and ran up to change.
“Thanks, Mom. You have fun with Claude. I’m going to stand by my man, whether he likes it or not,” I said as I raced up the stairs.
I pulled on my skinny Jeans. Ryder’s favorite color was yellow so I grabbed a yellow cashmere sweater with a plunging neckline. I had high leather boots, which I rarely wore but they made me look long and lean. Ryder would love them.
I had read his pill bottles and I recognized the name of the doctor. He was in the same group as my father’s oncologist. I Googled the directions and jumped in my car. I drove like a racecar driver. I was determined to meet Ryder in time. I couldn’t believe I had hesitated to be with the man I loved. I was sure I was making the right decision.
I knew the brick building well from going to visits with my father. It didn’t hold the best memories, but I was determined to change that. I parked my car next to Ryder’s Lexus. I ran up the steel stairs, which were difficult to manage with my boots.
I noticed the woman at the reception desk.
“Hello, I recognize you.” The woman remembered who I was and knew my father had died. “Jenna Walsh—correct?”
“Yes, I’m not here about my father—obviously. I’m here regarding Ryder Curran. I believe he has an appointment with Dr. Borski.”
“Are you related to him?”
Think fast.
“I’m his wife.”
“Well, congratulations! Yes, Ryder has already checked in. He is waiting in Suite 208. One floor up.”
“Thanks.”
I didn’t take the elevator. I bounded up the steps two at a time and nearly broke my neck. I entered the office to find Ryder sitting among six other patients. Who knew what type of cancer each of them had, but they all looked afraid. Ryder was stunned to see me. I received looks from all the others.
“Ryder.”
“Jenna, what are you doing here?”
Ryder acted calm. What he wanted to scream out in a raised voice was probably—Jenna, what the fuck are you doing here?
Ryder stood up and approached me. All eyes were upon us and he spoke in hushed tones.
“I told you I would tell you the results after my appointment.”
“We can face this together, Ryder. I will find out eventually.”
“This isn’t an appropriate place to have this argument.” He looked uncomfortable.
“Too bad, and I don’t care if all of these people are beginning to wonder what we’re doing whispering in the middle of the doctor’s office,” I said.
“Ryder, you can go into see Dr. Borski now,” a nurse’s assistant said, standing at the door.
“I’m going to make a scene if I don’t get my way,” I lied and then smirked.
“Fine, let’s go.”
****
We sat together in Dr. Borski’s office. It wasn’t an exam room and it wasn’t sterile, but clubby in atmosphere. I expected the doctor to offer Ryder a cigar. Dr. Borski was about sixty-five and he was very distinguished. I thought he was going to be a stuffy doctor who didn’t mind giving folks bad news. He proved me wrong immediately.
“How’s it going, Ryder? I have to apologize for passing your case over to my colleagues for the past couple of months. Mercy Corp called and I
went running,” Dr. Borski said.
“I was handled just fine, Rick. This is my very good friend, Jenna.”
It was a surprise to be introduced as anything but his golf student.
“It’s great to meet you, Jenna. The only person I have ever met is little Sammy. That kid is a firecracker. He insisted on being here for Ryder’s first chemo. By the time he left, he knew more than some residents and nurses. I’m glad Ryder brought in his very good friend to this appointment. It is the type of news one wants to share.”
Ryder put his face in his hands and sighed. I moved my chair closer to his and placed my arm around his back.
“Ryder, there is no evidence of cancer in your body. Your blood counts are normal and your scan is clear. You are cancer free, Ryder.” Dr. Borski smiled.
Ryder stood up and put his hands in the air. He lifted me off my feet and squeezed me like a python. Then he kissed me hard.
“Did you hear that baby? We are going to celebrate like never before. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you...”
Ryder whipped his iPhone from his pocket. It was his cancer phone. He threw it on the plush office carpet.
“Would you like the pleasure?” I looked at Ryder. “Go for it. You’re wearing the boots for it,” Ryder said and Dr. Borski nodded in agreement.
I jumped up and down, destroying Ryder’s stupid, second phone. After a few moments of celebration, Ryder and I sat down again.
“I don’t remember having so much fun telling a patient he or she was cancer free. It has been a long road and you deserve every fortune that comes your way. Check with Irene on your way out. She’ll make an appointment for you in about six months.”
“Thank you, Rick. I couldn’t have done it without you and your team.”
“And thank you for helping the kids with cancer already. They look forward to the free golf clinic you and your buddies put on every year.” Dr. Borski opened the door for us to leave.
We made it to the parking lot. It was my turn to push Ryder against the car. I pushed my body close to his and he never felt more virile. I tossed off his golf cap.
“You won’t need that anymore. You have plenty of years ahead to collect a million caps.”
“You’re right… You know, when I saw you walk into that office, I didn’t know whether to hug you or strangle you. But now, I just want to put my cancer free head between those thighs and linger a very long time.”
“Easy there…”
He grinned. “Pop the lock Jenna...your backseat is waiting.”
“Mm. It is tempting, Ryder, but I have other plans for you tonight.”
“Really…Well, I’m going to surprise Sammy tonight. He has been so worried, the poor kid. I’m going to drive out to his mother’s house, which will take some time because I’ll hit rush-hour traffic. I’m gonna take him for ice cream and I won’t be home until late. As much as I hate to delay our celebration, I must.”
“I would hate to stand in the way of a dedicated father.”
“Would you rather I wasn’t one?” Ryder asked.
“Of course not.”
“Good. I will be home late so I will call you in the morning.”
“You know where I’ll be.”
“I will be thinking of you as you lay all snuggled in your bed.”
“I’ll be dreaming of us.”
Before getting in my car, Ryder gave me an explosive kiss. He pulled my head back and jammed his tongue hard in my mouth and I quickly pulled away.
“Ryder, we don’t want anyone to see.”
“Fuck it, Jenna. It’s a little late.”
I hopped in my car and headed home. On the way, I stopped at the mall.
****
I walked past the concrete archway. I detested the mall so much that it made me itch. Clothes were cool, and I loved them, but I think I had a mall allergy. Sayler stopped shopping with me years ago when she could no longer deal with my anxiety. There was nothing pleasurable about the process. The lighting sucked and, when combined with the boxes with mirrors they called dressing rooms, it only made it worse.
I had a view of the other shopper’s feet, which was weird. It made me envision them naked as they put on a pair of jeans that were too tight. If I heard another person sneeze, I would picture boogers flowing out of their noses. They would wipe the snot on the clothes that I might try on. The place was like a petri dish in a lab—full of germs.
I was in the habit of spending too much money that I didn’t have. Bring on the plastic. My panicked state caused me to buy a whole lot of shit that I didn’t need and rarely wore. I would have to avoid the changing rooms and eyeball stuff. If it looked cute, I would buy it.
All that made online shopping my refuge. My computer shopping carts were loaded.
I loved it.
That day I was shopping for Ryder. It would be worth it. In fact, I wasn’t itchy and I felt serene.
I headed to the sports outlet first. I got him an engraved divot tool. I didn’t know if the one he gave me brought me luck, but it was a comfort. This one was engraved with his new birthday: the day he was born into a healthy life.
My next stop was the lingerie store. I felt the panic coming on. Trying on undergarments was out of the question.
“Hello. Can I get a room started for you?” A woman excessively made up with a measuring tape around her neck asked and approached me.
“I was wondering if you have some things in back, which haven’t made it to the floor yet. I’m looking for something in a petite. I just want to look over some things to purchase. I won’t be trying anything on.” I gave the woman clear instructions.
“I can measure you in back so we will have your exact size.”
“I don’t need to be measured. I know my size,” I said.
“We hear that all of the time but a woman’s body changes according to her monthly cycle, age, and life in general. It is a good idea, if you aim to look and feel your best,” she said.
“Very true.” I relented and made it through the ordeal as quickly as possible.
I walked out of the mall with my packages. I repeated to myself the words cancer free, cancer free. Even a trip to the mall was unable to dampen my spirits.
Chapter Eight
I bounded in the door to find Claude and my mom relaxing at the kitchen table. I had disrupted the mood once again.
“Hey guys, excellent news! Ryder is cancer free, according to his recent tests. I’m going straight to bed because my honey and I will be celebrating tomorrow!”
“I’m so relieved…I was unable to celebrate that type of cancer news with your father. It must feel amazing. Congratulations to you both, and we will throw him a party after you and him get this school thing figured out.”
“Sounds great…God, I’m so happy. I’m either going to sleep like a baby or be too excited to relax,” I said and ran upstairs.
****
It was approaching midnight and I had not slept. I had cycled through all of the mixes from my nephew. I had moved on to audio books as I was becoming desperate. I was listening to anything that would put me to sleep. I considered calling Sayler or Max, but it was late. I also felt that I was becoming narcissistic. They had lives, too; it wasn’t all about Ryder and me, which I often forgot.
I went to the bathroom a couple of times. The window was boarded up, but I managed to peer out an exposed corner. There was no sign of Ryder. I knew he was having a good time with his son and I was a little jealous that it wasn’t me, but I understood. Sammy was only nine years old and he suffered along with Ryder throughout his illness.
I went down to the kitchen to grab a snack. I had always heard that warm milk could help one be soothed to sleep. I figured a chocolate chip cookie would have the same effect and it would taste better.
“Oops—my bad. I didn’t think anyone was down here. What are you doing up, Claude?”
“Your mother’s geriatric dog was scratching at the bedroom door. He has started waking me u
p for a late night walk. He can sense when I’m here and he must know that I a softie. We have a cookie together before I go back to bed, but don’t tell your mom.”
“Great minds think alike, Claude. My great wisdom has led me to believe that a cookie might put me to sleep.”
“Let me know how it works for ya? I hope my presence in this house doesn’t make you uncomfortable, Jenna. I know this is your home, and it was you father’s home, too. I have had my eye on your lovely mom for a long time, but I waited until it seemed appropriate to ask her out. Taking up jogging was my last ditch effort to attract her attention.”
“I feel the opposite, Claude. It is about time my mom had a glimmer of light in her life. You shake things up around here. I’m hoping everyone enjoys a little stability in their lives next year. Now that Ryder’s cancer has gone into remission, I won’t be so crazy. The suspension matter feels less important now.”
“Cheers to that.”
Claude and I clinked milk glasses. From next door, I heard Ryder’s garage door opening, making me tense.
“Did you hear that, Claude? It was Ryder’s garage door. He’s home…This morning, I put my mother on the hot seat by asking her advice so…now it’s your turn…if you want to.”
I noticed poor Claude start to panic.
“I don’t have any daughters, but I’ll give this Dear Abby thing a try. What is the question?” Claude asked.
“If you were Ryder, would you prefer to be left alone or have a surprise visitor?”
“Good news is always something you want to share. I can’t imagine Ryder feels much like sleeping either. What do you have to lose? It beats shattering another window to draw his attention. Go say hello, and take him a cookie.”
“Thanks, Claude,” I said.
I quickly changed into my new bra and panties and threw worn jeans and a t-shirt on top. I was ready.
****
I knocked on Ryder’s front door. At first, he did not answer. I considered knocking on his bedroom window, but I thought I had incurred enough property damage already. I saw the lights turn on as he made his way to the front door.
