Fearing Regret

by Barbara Speak

  "What does it taste like? It can't be good."

  "The best way I can explain it would be to ask you, does my come taste good? They are both salty and warm but knowing you feel good when I do it is a turn on like I have never felt before. I don't have to ever do it again, but I'm going to finish you off the way I think you'll like. You tell me when I'm done if I'm right."

  He didn't give me a chance to respond for the second time. Without warning, he slammed himself into me again, this time hitting my back wall. The harder he hit, the louder I got. Over and over again he came at me, until I was seeing stars and even then he was relentless. I could tell he was about to lose it, when he clamped down out of nowhere onto my nipple and sucked with everything he had. The rhythm of his mouth and his thrusts sent me into hands down the most euphoric, life altering orgasm. He jerked in me as I rode out the blissful feeling, eventually coming to lay together panting.

  "Thanks Big Man, I needed that."

  "You're welcome. Thank you for giving me an experience, not only that I have never had, but would never want to have with anyone but you."

  "Tony, I think we need to leave the milk for the baby."

  "Yeah, me too." He smacked his mouth together a couple of times and then said, "The aftertaste isn't so good. You might want to ditch the idea all together and go with formula."

  I smacked him as we both laughed hard.

  Three hours later we had eaten breakfast and were on a small boat on our way out into the ocean to go snorkeling.

  "How cool is this? I'm normally a beach bum, I've never done anything like this."

  "I'm so glad we decided to take this trip. So many firsts are happening."

  I don't think he intended on making me blush but he did all the same. His face mirrored mine when he caught on to what I was thinking.

  "You know what I meant."

  The boat came to a stop and the guide walked us through where the coral reefs were and to avoid them. Other than that and how to clear our masks, it was up to us.

  One really cool thing that a random lady had told us over breakfast is to fill a empty water bottle with breadcrumbs.

  We both had ours in hand when we dove into the ocean. The water was so dense with salt, that it wasn't hard to float the surface at all. Tony and I dove down, swimming around until we came across a school of fish. They were every color you could think of, it was beautiful. Tony pointed to his bottle, took off the lid and squeezed it. Small pieces of bread floated in the water and at first nothing happened. We were just surrounded by bread crumbs. When all of the sudden, all of the fish were attacking it. Hundreds of fish were swimming all around us. It felt strange when one would brush up against me, but nothing has ever been that amazing in my life. When they finally broke apart and went away, Tony pointed to the water top. We both came up for air and to clear our masks. Ripping his off Tony said, "That was fucking incredible!"

  "I agree completely. We should have brought one of those underwater cameras."

  "You want one? I sell them for twenty pesos."

  Tony looked at the guide on the boat and said, "I will give you thirty if you throw me one right now."

  Within seconds, a camera was flying through the air, landing in Tony’s hand.

  "Thanks man." He looked at me, "You ready to do that again?"

  "You bet!"

  We swam around the fish, the coral and even saw an eel! I couldn't wait to develop those pictures. By the time we got back, I was wearing a perma-grin.

  "You had that much fun?"

  "I sure did. That is going to be my favorite part of this trip and we still have four more days to go."

  "Is the baby asleep, you haven't touched your belly once."

  "I do that out of habit. I was having too much fun to even remember I'm carrying the baby. I sound like a terrible mother right now, but it was nice to forget about all that is coming and live in the moment."

  It was something Ryan would always make me remember, whether he was here or not. My hand went to my belly and sure enough, the baby switched positions.

  "The baby is..."

  "Fine, I know. I saw. Sometimes I can't help but think it’s just weird having a baby in you. I mean, that looked crazy. The bigger it gets, the more obvious it is when it moves. It’s like an alien is just going to burst through and-"

  "Enough. You're freaking me out."

  "Now you know how I feel."

  After lunch I wanted a nap, this time in our room, in the shade. Tony said he was going to go check out the resort and I had no problem with that. Sleeping naked, with the doors open while the ocean breeze blew in was paradise.

  Several hours later I woke up alone. Wondering where he might be, I put my suit back on under my cover up and went to look for him. It didn't take long; he was the only Greek God playing sand volleyball. There were probably fifteen people playing and it looked like so much fun. Everyone was laughing and drinking alcohol. I didn't want one, but I knew I needed to make sure we came back after the baby, so I could do these things too.

  When the game ended, Tony ran straight for the ocean and dove in. Coming up, he shook his hair to get the water out and then walked back up the beach. The way each muscle constricted, along with the sun reflecting off all of the water beads, I had to wipe my drool.

  "Hey baby, how was your nap?"

  "Did you do that on purpose?"

  "What?"

  "Come out of the water like a Baywatch model."

  "Haha, did you just compare me to David Hasselhoff?"

  "No way! One of the other guys."

  "No babe, I rinsed off all of the sand that I was covered in. But I’m glad you liked it."

  "Oh, I liked it."

  He grabbed the beach chair next to me and pulled it closer.

  "I just thought of something. Promise me you won't freak out and you will at least consider it."

  "Oh no, what are you planning?"

  "Nothing. I want to ask you something."

  "Tony, why do you look nervous all of the sudden?"

  "I want you to marry me. I want the rest of my life to be about you and that baby. I want to cherish you both for as long as I have to do it. What I don't want is to wait anymore. Marry me Kate? Make me the luckiest man alive."

  He was down on one knee in the sand, holding my hand. What was he doing? Why now?

  "You know I'm going to marry you, what are you doing?"

  "Marry me here! No planning, no stress, just be my wife."

  "Really?"

  "Really. I love you Firecracker, be mine forever."

  "Okay."

  "Don't say that yet. Think about it for a day or two. We have the rest of the week. The point was to not stress. I understand why you wanted to wait but we are in paradise. What better place could there be...."

  "Tony! I said yes!"

  His face read pure shock and then he was lifting me out of the chair, spinning me around in circles. We spun until we were dizzy and landed flat on our backs in the sand.

  He crawled over to me hovering, "You mean it? You will be my wife, finally?"

  "Yes, I mean it."

  His gorgeous lips came crashing down on mine. He jerked back, looked at me and said, "I can't believe you actually said yes."

  I have never seen him so happy.

  "What about all of our family? Do you think they will be upset they couldn't be here?"

  "It's always been just you and me. They will get over it."

  "Your family might, my mom is going to be pissed."

  "We don't have to do this Kate. We can wait until after the baby."

  "Not a chance. I'm coming home from this trip, Mrs. Katherine Harrison."

  "Kate Harrison, I love the sound of that."

  We spent the bulk of the next day talking to planners and staff. The resort had a time slot available for the following evening, a salon for my hair and even a boutique for my dress. No, they didn't carry maternity, but I found a white sundress that was extra large and would make i
t work. Tony already had a suit with him, so we shed the jacket and went for casual. Doing it all together was fun. Nothing seemed stressful or added any pressure to the situation. We were having a great time making the decisions. By the days end, we were exhausted and in bed by ten-thirty.

  CHAPTER 30

  "Good morning, soon to be Mrs. Harrison."

  A smile took over my face. It was really happening. Tony and I were getting married! The baby took that moment to flop over causing me to gasp for breath.

  "Are you okay?"

  "Yeah, I just think someone else is just as excited as we are."

  Tony placed both his hands on either side of my belly and kissed the top near my belly button.

  "I love your mama so much and today we are going to become a family. All of us together."

  The baby moved again. This time Tony looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

  "I've never been happier in my life."

  "Me either."

  We spent the better part of the morning in bed. Tony had breakfast brought to us, giving no reason to have to get up and function. By ten o'clock I demanded he let me shower. The ceremony wasn't until five thirty, just before sunset, but there were things I still needed to do.

  As I was blow drying my hair, the phone in our room rang. Tony was getting dressed but he was closer.

  "Hello."

  "Uh, that's not possible. We worked all of this out yesterday. How could you not have known there was another wedding booked?"

  Oh hell no! I have put this off forever and now that I'm ready, we can't?

  "Okay, I understand."

  He hung up the phone, sat on the bed and said, "I guess we wait after all."

  "Are you kidding me? You're a damn lawyer! Go argue with them. I want to marry you today and if you don't fight for us, I will."

  I slammed the hairbrush down on the counter and stormed out of the room, with Tony yelling behind me to wait up.

  No one was taking this moment away from us. We have been through too much for this to happen.

  "Babe, wait up!"

  He finally caught pace with me and grabbed my hand, pulling me to a stop.

  "We can't go up there demanding things. They don't have to do anything and they hold the power to kick us out. You have to calm down and let me handle this okay."

  I was fuming but I knew he was right.

  "Okay, but if you concede, I'm going in for the kill."

  "Deal."

  He squeezed my hand twice and then we continued to walk the halls leading to the front desk.

  "What are you going to say to them?"

  He looked at me with a strange look again as we rounded the corner to the lobby and heard, "SURPRISE!"

  I about had a heart attack. Standing in the lobby of our resort, in Mexico for God sakes, was my parents, Tony's parents, Ash, Sadie and the twins, Marissa, Heather, Jason, Mike, Kara, Chad and Chris. They were all here!

  I looked back at Tony with tear filled eyes and said, "How?"

  He just smiled as everyone rushed at us, hugging and kissing each of us.

  "Did you think we would miss your wedding day?"

  "I'm so glad you're here. I never imagined getting married without you by my side. You're my best friend. And look at you, you are even bigger than me now."

  "Shut up. It’s not my fault you don't look full term. I only have my last trimester to go."

  "What were you thinking planning on getting married without me here?"

  I knew that voice anywhere.

  "Mom, it wasn't planned. We just did it all yesterday."

  "Did you know without a license it wouldn't be legal?"

  I had no idea.

  "So you're saying this is pointless?"

  "No, what I'm saying is your father not only took care of that but also flew all of us here, to be here for you."

  I couldn't believe it. I searched the large crowd for my dad. When I finally found him, he was hugging Tony, and I overheard him say, "Thank you for calling me and letting us know."

  "I wanted your permission of course."

  I had to butt in.

  "You did this?" I said to Tony and then looked at my father, "Daddy, this is the best gift you could have ever given me."

  "I'm not sure about that. Your mom has your dress."

  "What?"

  I turned back to my mother and saw her smiling from ear to ear.

  "She said it was the one you picked out when you went shopping for Sadie or something. I don't know the details."

  "I do!"

  I turned again and Sadie was standing next to me.

  "Maria and I went there last night and grabbed it. You are going to look so beautiful, especially after I do your hair and makeup."

  "You would do that?"

  "I wouldn't let anyone else."

  "Except me because I'm better at makeup than she is."

  Heather had come over making me laugh at the two of them. I couldn't believe this was real.

  "Don't think I'm letting you guys have all of the fun. I want to help too."

  "I wouldn't let them touch me without your approval, Kara. You are the matron of honor."

  "No way! I don't have a dress for that."

  "We will find you one."

  I couldn't believe it. They were all here.

  I walked away from the girls and headed over to Nathan and Janet.

  "I'm so glad you guys could come!"

  "We wouldn't have missed this moment for the world. Well, we would have if Michael hadn't offered the flight. Truthfully, I would have hurt you both very badly if you got married without us. We are family. This is what will make it official. It wouldn't be right not being here to witness it."

  Janet was right. I would have felt so guilty coming back and dropping it on all of them. If my child did that to me, I'm sure I will feel just as hurt.

  "I'm sorry Janet. We were being selfish. I'm just glad it's not too late to right our wrong. We are all here now."

  "Yes we are my dear, making it the most glorious day ever."

  "May I?"

  Nathan was one of the only people to still ask, every time he wanted to feel the baby move. I loved both of these individuals and was so grateful to be able to call them family.

  "This child is a miracle given from God."

  "Yes it is and it's blessed by all that are here."

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Chris.

  "Excuse me for a second, Nathan."

  He was standing back, letting the chaos unfold without him.

  "Hey, stud!"

  "Well hello there beauty queen. So what's this I hear about it being your wedding day?"

  "You heard right. By the end of it, I will be Mrs. Harrison."

  "I'm so happy for you, Kate. It all worked out."

  "Come here."

  I hugged him as tight as I could, letting him know how much his being here meant to me.

  "Have you ever met Mike and Jason, Tony's brothers."

  "Not officially."

  "Come with me. You know Mike is THE Mike Harrison?"

  "I do. I also heard he lost his medic."

  "I know nothing about that. Why? Are you considering leaving the practice?"

  "So much has changed lately. I guess I'm just keeping my eyes open for possibilities."

  "Well, let me introduce you guys."

  We walked over to the boys and I grabbed Mike's arm, spinning him around.

  "There's the most beautiful bride of the day ever!"

  "Your charm needs work.” We both laughed and then I pulled Chris over. “ Mike, this is Chris, he's one of my best friends and also specializes in sports rehab and Chiropractic medicine."

  "Well hi Chris, I specialize in fighting and kicking ass so I can stay on top, it’s nice to meet you."

  "I guess I deserved that. Anyway, I just wanted to formally introduce you two."

  I ran as fast as I could away from that one.

  Heather, Jason, Kara, Chad, Sadie and Ash a
ll seemed to get along great which never would surprise me. Each one of them were either special to Ash or myself, so of course they would get along.

  Tony and my parents were laughing and joking, while Mike and Chris continued to talk about something. Guess I wasn't too bad at introductions after all. The only person I saw kind of standing in the shadows was Marissa. I walked over and watched her with the twins. She was natural with them and they loved her.

  "Having fun?"

  "Absolutely! I'm in Cabo, who would complain?"

  "I know we don't know each other very well, but I hope that changes."

  "Thank you, me too."

  "Sooo, how's school?"

  "It’s a lot different than I thought it would be. Bryan always told me all the stories about him and his friends and how they had so much fun here. I don't know, maybe I just need to give it a little more time."

  "I'm sure your brother didn't have that much fun as a freshman either. Listen, I know that you are helping my brother and Sadie huge, just promise me one thing. When these babies are a little older and it gets easier on Sadie, leave. Don't live out your whole college experience as a nanny. Get into a sorority or something, but have fun. College goes by in a blink of an eye, but you will meet your best friends for life there. I know I did."

  The memories of Ryan flashed in waves. All of the fun we had and trouble we caused. For the first time instead of tears, I smiled.

  "I can do that."

  She was looking over my shoulder and I knew exactly at who.

  "Who?"

  "My soon to be brother-in-law."

  "I don’t know what you're talking....."

  "Yes, you do, and I have one more piece of advice. Don't chase him, let him chase you. It's the only way he will ever respect you."

  I didn't force her to respond. I simply winked at her and walked away.

  Tony was talking to Chris, Chad, Mike and Jason when I walked over to them.

  "What's the plan?"

  "Well, I have a problem. I can't have three best men."

  "Why not? You can do whatever you want to do; it's your wedding day."

  "Are you sure?"

  "Who's going to tell us we can't."

  Tony picked me up and spun me around again.

  "This is the best day of my life."