Whatever Comes First

by M. K. Lee

  They stand there unmoving and unspeaking, breathing warm into each other's necks, and it's not until he feels Joel sigh and nuzzle against his shoulder that Matthew's sure he's beginning to relax. Joel glances up with a look of defeat, offering up what Matthew thinks is an apologetic smile.

  Immediately he sweeps his hands back and raises them to cup Joel's face and pull him in for an insistent kiss. Joel sighs into it and wraps his arms a little looser around him, taking an impossible step closer until they're pressed even tighter together.

  "Hi," Joel sighs eventually, pulling back again a moment later. Matthew shakes his head, presses his finger to Joel's lips to quiet him and replaces his finger with his lips. His tongue nudges between Joel's lips a tiny dip, humming when Joel sucks on it and takes it as invitation into his mouth, and they kiss for a few more minutes, before Matthew is slotting his fingers through Joel's and nudging him backwards, guiding him to sit on the couch.

  "Sit," he instructs with a kiss to Joel's forehead, coming back a moment later with a glass of red wine for him. He turns the TV off and instead puts on some music, then slumps down beside him. "Tell me."

  "It's nothing interesting. Just work stuff," Joel immediately says, though does take a grateful sip of his wine first.

  "Accountant, remember?" Matthew retorts, waving his hand and pleased that the gesture makes Joel smile. "I can out-bore you with work stories any day."

  Joel sighs hard and drops his head down on Matthew's shoulder for a long moment, then pulls back and absently snatches up his hand, playing with Matthew's fingers.

  "We've got an audit coming up," Joel says, grimacing. "A really big deal of one. And apparently, not that they bothered to tell me when they were interviewing me for the job, the last one we screwed up so, so bad, that we almost lost three major clients. Apparently the guy I replaced was 'encouraged to leave' because of it. I mean, I should be flattered that they essentially head-hunted me for this, thinking I could clean up their messes—and are paying me really well for it. But it's—I could've done with a heads up, you know?"

  "So you're not going into this thing blind," Matthew finishes for him, smiling in sympathy.

  "Exactly. So now I'm fighting outdated procedures, staff who, up until now, have been great, but now I'm asking them to sign off on a lot more work so we're ready for this audit, and it's like pulling teeth. Like they think I'm being deliberately difficult."

  "So, what happened today?" Matthew prompts when Joel stops speaking, squeezing his hand to get his attention.

  "I had a less than professional… discussion, with one of the head technicians," Joel groans to himself with a look full of contrition. "We've worked it out now, and apologised and everything, but I—I don't like it when I get like that. And I've still got so many things I've got to prepare, that I've lost half a day because we were arguing."

  "Will you catch up?"

  "Kind of have to," Joel replies, rolling his eyes. "In a roundabout way, my line manager said that it's my neck on the line if we mess up even a single thing. I mean I should probably have just stayed late again tonight and worked through some more of it, but, I was all out of fight."

  "Then I'm flattered you'd let me be the one to distract you," Matthew teases, his heart skipping when Joel smiles.

  "You're probably the only one who could distract me right now," Joel admits, and Matthew tries not to let himself get carried away with the implication of that. He nods for Joel to finish his wine, then plucks the glass from his fingers and pushes it on to the table, sitting back and slinging an arm around his shoulders.

  Matthew kisses him thoroughly, smiling as Joel sags in relief against him. Joel is pliant in that way that tells Matthew he can do whatever he wants to him. Still kissing him, Matthew belatedly wriggles out of his jacket, pulls back only enough to lift his sweater and shirt off together over his head, then slips his fingers under Joel's hem to do the same. After the first press of their chests together, he gives a pleased hum against Joel's lips and slides his hands greedily over his back before dragging them around to pinch Joel's nipples between his thumbs and fingers.

  Joel gives a little gasp at that. Matthew immediately ducks to tongue over each nipple in turn until they're little hard buds standing proud enough for him to feel when he runs his palms over them. When Matthew straightens up he slides his fingers through and lightly grips Joel's hair, noticing this time it's still wet from the shower. Matthew presses his nose in a hard nuzzle into his neck, breathing in deep.

  "You smell good," he tells him, always liking the sharp citrus of the shower gel he prefers using, licking out over Joel's pulse point then mouthing there, even sucking a little until the skin is red. He drops his hands to thread through and squeeze Joel's then nods his head in the direction of the bedroom. The moment they're in, Matthew's wrapping himself around Joel from behind, pressing kisses into his shoulder blade before resting his head there and leaving one hand warm and wide against his stomach as the other rises first to brush over his nipples again then lower to squeeze and pull at his length through his jeans.

  Joel groans quietly and lets his head fall back. Matthew straightens enough to let him rest it there against his shoulder as he deftly helps him out of his jeans, and holds him steady when Joel kicks his way out of them once they're at his ankles. Immediately reaching for him again, Matthew makes a loose fist around Joel's cock and strokes him over in a steady rhythm until he's straining against his palm and giving small rolls of his hips.

  Matthew leans his head to the side against Joel's then rests his hands on his hips, guiding him until he's sat at the foot of the bed. Then he's stepping out of his own jeans and boxers and pausing to let Joel stroke then bend to mouth him over, resting a hand on his shoulder to tell him to stop, and leaning to kiss him when he does. Under Joel's watchful gaze Matthew walks and retrieves the lube from the cupboard, and after checking it's okay he opens the wardrobe he knows Joel keeps the few toys he has in, coming back with the vibrator in his hand that he sees Joel's eyes fall to and narrow on.

  Dropping a firm kiss on his mouth, Matthew drops the vibrator and lube on to the bed then holds Joel's hips, insinuating until he knows to shuffle back a touch. Matthew presses his hands on his knees until they're open as wide as Joel can stretch them. He then has Joel laying back and raising his feet to rest on the bed, splayed open before him. Closing his eyes as his stomach flutters at what's presented right in front of him, Matthew drops to his knees on the floor, adjusts Joel how he wants him, then presses a kiss to just inside his left ankle, circling over the same place on his right with his thumb.

  Matthew kisses his way up Joel's thigh from the knee, tracing his fingers in the wake of his lips and pressing, seeing if there's a little more give. He breathes out, warm air brushing over Joel's cock and making it jolt. Pausing to mouth along it and hum over his head, Matthew looks up and grins. "Want to hold yourself open for me?" he asks, which Joel does immediately. Matthew rewards him by mouthing over his balls, softly holding them back and pressing a hard kiss to his perineum, smiling as his hips twitch.

  A quick kiss to Joel's thigh again and he's pressing his hands against his cheeks, pulling them apart and smiling at the pucker of his rim. He slides his thumbs inwards, presses down on either side of his hole and pulls. He rests his lips in a tight circle around Joel's hole then darts his tongue against it. Joel jolts and lets out a tiny gasp: Matthew gets comfortable and starts lapping at him, sometimes in a thick warm strip over his hole and others darting his tongue in a point, slowly loosening him up enough to dip it in.

  The first lick of tongue against the tiniest bit of Joel's inner walls, and he's whimpering. Matthew forces his tongue in with a hard point as deep as Joel's hole will let him then loosens it warm and wide, a thick wet messy lick all over him that leaves him stuttering. Covering his hole again with that tight seal of his lips, Matthew presses for a moment in a tease of what he's about to do, then gives a hard, long suck that has Joel wailing.

 
Matthew gives a couple more thrusts of his tongue into Joel then kisses his way up his length, running his lower lip over the ridge of his cock head before flicking his tongue up over his slit and lapping up the pre-cum there. He seals his lips around his head and gives another hard suck until his mouth is flooded with pre-cum, swallowing it down with a hum and then a grin when he slips off at the startled oh Joel punches out. Matthew laps over his head one more time before sliding his mouth down slowly over him in one continuous slide, right until his lips are wrapped firmly around his base before dragging their way back up.

  Matthew has got really good at this, knowing that mouthing his way up the underside of Joel's shaft just that little bit harder than he'd like himself has Joel humming in approval. That if he makes a tight ring of his finger just beneath the head then licks and sucks and laves over his head repeatedly, even pressing his tongue into the slit, Joel will groan and look up at him in incredulity at how good it feels to him. And that when he slides his lips all the way down his cock until they're pressed into Joel's pubes and Joel's cock head is down his throat, his stomach will tremble with anticipation. That when he swallows around him, Joel will let out the filthiest groans that go straight to his own cock, each and every time.

  So this is what he does, repeatedly, until Joel is a babbling, writhing mess. Matthew presses one final kiss to his tip then stands and shuffles between Joel's legs at the foot of the bed, takes his time opening Joel up, the entire time pressing kisses into his thigh. Joel punches out a groan at the firm press of the lubed-up vibrator straight into him, rocking forward with force and losing his grip on his legs. He immediately presses his feet to the bed and angles himself wide open as he moves again. Matthew begins a continual slide of the vibrator in and out of him that Joel bears down on, smiling and having to press hard on the base of his own cock for every sound Joel makes.

  Joel's eyes fall to Matthew's hand, immediately licking his lips. Matthew adjusts how he's kneeling between Joel's legs and grips himself, swiping up pre-cum and giving himself a slow stroke, moaning and letting his head fall back for a second then running his fist over his cock in time with every thrust of the vibrator into Joel's hole. He twitches hard in his hand when he turns on the very first setting and presses it hard in, watching Joel writhe on it and repeatedly cry out.

  Matthew shifts a little more, starts stripping his cock faster, arousal building in his gut with every response Joel gives. He switches up a setting and grins as Joel's head falls back then drops his hand from himself, bracing it against the bed just above Joel's hip. Matthew twists his hand around so that the base of the vibrator's jutting out of Joel against his palm, then presses it in and keeps it steady like that for Joel to writhe against, his breath catching at the grunt blasting out of Joel's mouth.

  With a final few seconds of just watching, Matthew gets himself comfortable once again then bends down slowly, eyes on Joel with full intent, sliding his lips over his head and all the way down. Joel's hips are thrusting up uncontrollably and Matthew doesn't have a free hand to pin him down, but with the wreck Joel's in it doesn't take long before he's coming straight down his throat, arching up off the bed with a choked out sob before falling straight back down.

  Triumphant, Matthew pulls off of him, hand straight around his own cock and stripping it furiously as he watches Joel's muscles push the vibrator back out of his hole, dragging it the remaining inches out with the tips of his fingers. He grips his free hand tight around Joel's thigh, leans down over him so he's flush between his legs and works himself so hard there's nothing but the slapping sound of skin on skin until he's stuttering forward and coming all over Joel's stomach.

  Joel's groan falls from his mouth when he looks down at the mess, echoing his exhaustion. Matthew grinds against him a little then presses a placating kiss to his knee as he backs off the bed, making his way through Joel's apartment with ease to bring back something to wipe him down with, then sighs and falls down next to him with a smirk.

  "You okay there? You haven't said a word to me in ages," he says, voice full of mischief. Joel raises one tired, incredulous eyebrow and his mouth falls open for a second as though he's about to protest, then he's rolling fast, pinning Matthew to the bed and kissing him with all he's got. And Matthew knows without even needing to wait for the invitation that he'll be staying the night.

  *~*~*

  "You've been neglecting me."

  Matthew stares at Sarah across the table in a favourite Chinese restaurant they've been coming to since university and debates how to answer. He wants to be indignant at Sarah's accusation, but part of him has to first check how much truth there is to it before he allows himself to scowl. "Uh, how? I meet you for lunch twice a week every week—unless you cancel. You've had dinner at my place every Monday for the past month, and yesterday we spent two hours in that coffee shop with you making eyes at the barista whilst I attempted to have a conversation with you. And," he adds, when Sarah opens her smiling mouth to object, "where was I Saturday night? Tell me, where was I?"

  Sarah grins, shakes her head. "With me," she admits, relenting, "we went to the cinema after pizza and you walked me home like a proper gentleman," and to back it up, she reaches and squeezes his hand in affection.

  "And the Saturday before that?" Matthew pushes, echoing her grin. Sarah's shoulders slump, then shake with mirth, and after a careful glance towards the kitchen to make sure no one's looking, since there's a waiter here that hates anyone moving anything, drags her chair around the table and sits by his side, helping herself to the noodles still on Matthew's plate and grinning at him around her chopsticks.

  "Helping me choose something to wear for a house party that you came with me to?"

  "Where you met someone," Matthew points out and follows up with a wink, nudging against her arm.

  "Hey," Sarah objects with a rapid flare of blush, pointing a finger in his face then prodding him hard in the chest, "don't turn this around to—"

  "Point is," Matthew waves away her words, and her finger, interrupting with, "you were about to accuse me of letting something slip between us. When I counted no more than four—four messages from you yesterday when you usually send me at least fifteen."

  "We saw each other—"

  "That never stops you normally though, does it?" Matthew fires instantly back, triumphant.

  Sarah's so obviously trying to hold in a laugh when she answers with, "You like cat videos."

  "No," Matthew denies with a firm shake of his head, although he admits to himself that it never stops him from showing those videos around to the rest of the office when he's there. "You like sending me cat videos."

  "So what are you complaining about?"

  "I'm not. I'm defending myself against your slanderous accusation—"

  "How many messages did you get from Joel yesterday, hmm?"

  Matthew opens and closes his mouth fish-like at the knowing smirk Sarah gives him then clears his throat with an awkward click. "Not keeping count—"

  "Sure you're not—"

  "I'm not," Matthew insists, though guesses it's something around the seven or eight mark. Maybe closer to ten on some days, depending on how much time they both have and what they're doing. And obviously when it's that kind of night when they're apart it's nothing but a string of messages or at least one long phone call. And even more obviously they don't waste time messaging when they're together, which is currently at least once a week, twice if they can, three times if they're really lucky-

  "Uh huh," Sarah interrupts his spiralling thought process, "but I'm betting you it's more than you hear from me, right?" And Sarah grins then as though she's won something, her eyes glinting wicked over the top of her glass.

  "That was kind of my point: I barely hear from you at the moment," Matthew protests, which only seems to amuse Sarah further. He concentrates on wiping up the sauce on the side of his plate that's in danger of spilling, though knows she's watching him with a smirk without even having to look.

/>   "And how many of those pictures involved cocks, huh? Or at least... smutty promises of what's intended with those cocks?"

  "Sarah."

  "How many are you sending back?"

  "I swear—"

  But whatever protest Matthew's about to make is cut off by Sarah howling with laughter, and her head falls forward heavily on to his shoulder a second later, making him jolt. "You are too easy to wind up when it comes to your love life," she tells him when she sits back up, still grinning hard.

  "It's not love life," Matthew immediately fires back, needlessly defensive, noting the way Sarah's face morphs with the things she's thinking but not saying out loud, and tells himself to keep quiet, taking a large bite out of a spring roll so he doesn't have to talk.

  "Fine," she amends, rolling her eyes though Matthew assumes it's meant with affection. "Your fuck buddy thing."

  "I—"

  "It's good though," she's insisting, wrapping her hand around his arm and squeezing. "It's... whatever this thing is between you? I've not seen you this happy since, well... maybe never, actually." Matthew holds still, because now Sarah's surveying him, sweeping a critical eye over his face slow and considering. "I like you like this. Even when you are neglecting me—"

  "I'm not neglecting you—"

  "But you're not giving me details," she insists with glee, squeezing his arm again and taking another sip of her drink before turning to him with expectation written all over her face. Matthew wants to protest about that as well but finds he can't because actually, this accusation is true. Sure, perhaps how he and Joel started doing this thing was because of a drunken suggestion from Sarah so she feels like she's owed a few details. And obviously he and Joel might not have done a single thing were they not both a little drunk themselves at the time of that first meeting. But still, this thing between them is private, far too good to jinx by sharing details of it. And besides, if he shares too much it means it's real. He can't tell Sarah about the feelings he's been trying to ram a lid down on, and there's no way he can tell her much of anything without letting that particular secret out.