Whatever Comes First

by M. K. Lee

  Those warm hands slide down over his cheeks, then there's a press of firm thumbs either side of his hole. Matthew hears Joel mumble to himself, making out the single word of fuck, then feels him adjusting on his knees as he lines himself up.

  The blunt press of a cock head against him has Matthew's stomach ripple, and when it's nudged a little firmer and he feels it begin to dip into him, Matthew feels himself holding his breath. "Relax," he hears whispered behind him and tries to listen. There's a harder press against him that feels thick, and weighty, and continuous, and a sensation that he can only describe as a twitch followed by a spasm. Matthew's pretty sure that means Joel's head's inside him, and he has to grip his fists a little tighter at the realisation.

  That hard press gets deeper, feels wider, more solid. Familiar shoots of ache that flare up and inside him are more intense than he's used to because clearly a cock's a lot more substantial than the toys they've been using. He hears Joel's ragged breath behind him, knows he's trying to control himself to concentrate solely on him. Matthew feels so cared for yet so exposed, he doesn't know quite what to think, or feel, or much of anything at all.

  Another deeper ache and Matthew's tensing, whimpering pitifully and curling up. Joel runs soothing hands over his back muttering praise at him, enough to make Matthew want to force through the sharp sting he's now feeling. And as soon as the sting arrives it's gone again, leaving Matthew with that pleasured ache he's already got a little used to. He moans, because it hurts, but it feels good. Joel slides in a little deeper unable to stop himself from telling Matthew how good he's doing, how tight he feels, how hot he is.

  When Joel slides the final length of his cock inside him and Matthew feels his balls pressed up against his ass there's a delay of a second and then a filthy moan is ripping out of him. Joel curls over him, breathing in short blasts in evidence of the control he's exerting on himself. His forehead drops on to Matthew's shoulder with a heavy grunt.

  Joel's hands are back around his waist, fingers curling into him in warning. Matthew can't help moaning out at the drag of him withdrawing himself along his inner walls, nor the way he pushes straight back in and fills him whole. Full, Matthew thinks to himself, that's how Joel had described this, and there's no way he was wrong about that. Matthew counts another three withdrawals and another three firm steady thrusts back in and then he's really moaning, no traces of that pain at all, and in its place is nothing but pleasure that's very definitely pure sin.

  Joel's still trying hard to keep control of his thrusts; Matthew can feel it in the quiver of his hips when he's deep inside. "Grind into me," he gasps, because he wants to feel what that's like. When Joel does just that, Matthew grunts deep and low and attempts to push back.

  "Up on your knees for me," Joel says with urgency, carefully pulling out of him. He slides back in languidly with a long moan when he's got Matthew positioned how he wants him. He gives a deeper, firmer thrust, then another, and another. Then he's curling his fingers into Matthew's sides, mumbling at himself to keep still.

  "Push back on me," Joel tells him, voice tense with desperation. "I want you to control how I'm filling you for a bit, make sure it feels good, get you used to this," Matthew holds steady and swallows then begins to impale himself on Joel's cock, an arch and angle of his hips until he's pulling on and off of Joel's cock with repeated gasps, getting his fill of him.

  When Joel seems sure that he is okay, he whispers to Matthew to get ready, wraps his arms high around his waist and breathes out one long breath. And then he gives an experimental slam of his hips against Matthew, driving his cock into him. Matthew answers with a whine and a thrust back of his hips, urging him on.

  Joel slams into him a little harder, then a little harder still, encouraged by the breathy moans and the way Matthew angles his hips like he's trying to get even more of him inside. And soon they've found their rhythm, a rolling of hips punctuated with fucks and ohs and littered with groans.

  "You can go harder," Matthew says, breathless and desperate, the heat in his gut beginning to coil and build telling him how close he's getting. He's aching to grab his cock, to fist himself hard and spill all over the bed, but tells himself to calm, to at least wait another couple of minutes and see how close he can get to coming just by being filled whole. He gives a silent thanks to Joel for all the experimenting they've been doing with control, then groans hard as another wave of pleasure surges through him.

  Joel's obscenities are never-ending, continual dirty praise of how Matthew takes it so good, feels so tight inside, would look incredible with his come dripping out of him. Matthew hears every word, feels each one spurring him on even closer. He starts to whimper and stutter, rocking back all the more.

  Surprising them both, Matthew tenses up without warning, crying out brokenly and pushing back hard as his hips judder and his cock fires thick spurts out of him. Joel stills, still shallowly thrusting into him and moaning all over again. "Did you just... you just... fuck, Matt. Did you just..." But whatever Joel's trying to say is stolen from him when Matthew falls to his forearms exhausted and drops his head down with a broken grunt. Joel groans out filthily at the angle he's now put himself in, then grips him harder and chases that spot inside Matthew that's he's so keen to fill.

  A few thrusts later and Joel's cursing out and grinding hard against him. Matthew's convinced he can feel the condom filling inside him with how hard he thinks Joel's coming. He whimpers when Joel gives another stir of his hips then drapes himself over him, kissing thankful helpless kisses over his neck and shoulders before dropping his head down there with a tired sigh.

  He kneels back up when Joel has calmed and carefully pulls himself out of Matthew while keeping the reassuring weight of his hand on his back until Matthew can tell him he's doing okay. Then Joel's off the bed and freeing himself of the condom as Matthew rolls himself over with a groan. Joel mutters apologies at him and tugs the duvet from underneath while mumbling about washing it before he lays down beside Matthew and covers them both over with a blanket, wriggling close.

  Matthew is so spent, yet feels so thoroughly good; he angles his hips and gives a pleased hum at that aching stretch all the way up inside him. Joel's still peppering kisses all over his face that leave Matthew grinning, and the last thing he's aware of is being pulled against a warm chest into comforting arms as he falls asleep.

  *~*~*

  Warm hands running over his skin wake him. Matthew hums approval then stretches himself, feels the reminder of that deep ache inside and that hum becomes a moan. The moan deepens further still at the feel of warm lips nuzzling into his neck before Joel is nudging for him to turn over. His hands are all over Matthew, kneading, stroking, and squeezing without stopping.

  Joel pulls Matthew closer, rolls them over until Matthew is straddling him, runs gentle fingertips over his cheeks and hole, snorting with amusement at himself with the way his hips automatically flare up for where he's touching. "Apparently I can't keep my hands off you—or anything else off you," Joel grins up at him, this time with a very conscious roll of his hips.

  "See me complaining here?" Matthew tells him as he rolls his own hips and presses kisses into Joel's neck before dropping his head there and humming against his throat. Joel slides his fingers through Matthew's hair and leans to press their mouths together, a lazy slide of tongues and angling of mouths that takes a while, with neither one of them in any hurry for stopping.

  "How are you feeling?" Joel asks when they eventually do stop, those fingers back in a soft caress over Matthew's ass. Matthew stirs his hips, bites down on his lip at that ache he doesn't seem to get enough of checking for, then nuzzles against Joel and sighs.

  "Good. A little sore, but it's the good kind," Matthew tells him and follows it up with a sweet kiss that has Joel smiling.

  "You liked it?" Joel asks, his hands now wide and warm and running continuously over his back. Matthew grins, thrusts his tongue into his mouth and mumbles an mmhmm against him. "Think you h
ave a preference yet? For—"

  "Both. I want both, both feel unbelievable in different ways," Matthew tells him without hesitation. The thought of Joel filling him again, but also of sliding into him, and his cock's actually giving a tiny stir.

  "Same," Joel says unprompted, and the glint in his eyes tells Matthew he's felt that stir himself. He hums once more then rolls them again until they're on their sides, presses a firm kiss on Matthew's mouth then pulls back with a smile. "Maybe we can laze around a bit, make some lunch, and watch something? But I want you in my ass again before you leave. Think you're up for it?"

  Matthew laughs, sliding his hand to grip around Joel's waist. "I'm sure you can get me up for it even if I'm not ready right this minute," he tells him, but he knows there's not going to be any need for anything more than Joel's usual encouragement with the way his cock gives a violent jolt.

  "We have all day," Joel reasons, leaning in to kiss him, "all day to get our hands on each other. Our mouths... our tongues..." And at the mention of tongue, as Joel was probably intending, Matthew's hole clenches at the ghosts of images from last night. Joel's grin is triumphant, and Matthew is in no position to complain, instead offering a shrug before he stretches with a yawn.

  "Hungry?" Joel asks a moment later, fingertips resting lightly on Matthew's stomach. He is, he decides, and rolls to sit up. That used feeling hits him the second he does, and Matthew stirs his ass against the bed to feel more of it. "You really like feeling that, huh?" Joel asks, voice edged with something wicked and prideful.

  "I do," Matthew confirms, bending down to kiss him quickly and then standing with a longer stretch that he does purposely slowly because Joel's eyes are on him. "Gonna have me hard every time I sit down just thinking about it for a couple of days."

  "Couple of days?" Joel says as he stands, his voice loaded with fake disappointment. "Damn. Gonna have to fuck you that much harder next time if you can't still feel me after a week." Predictably, Matthew's cock is a traitor and shows exactly what he thinks of that idea. "Patience," Joel tells him with a soft kiss to his lips and fingers running teasingly up his length before stepping away and out of the room.

  Sunday disappears to a long, messy lunch, fajitas that leave salsa and sour cream spilling from their mouths and splattering on the table, which takes forever to clean up because they're laughing so hard at the mess they're making. It's followed by Joel taking Matthew on a virtual tour of his lab via his laptop, which in turn leads to Matthew acting out the frantic fire drill in their office the previous week, which leaves Joel howling with laughter again, as Matthew demonstrates exactly how gracelessly he'd tripped over a chair. And it's all interspersed with talking, so much talking that's so easy, Matthew didn't know he was capable of such a thing. He's not felt this comfortable with open honesty like this with anyone, he realises, except for Sarah. And with Sarah it's never been laced with the incessant need to touch or inability to keep her out of his mind. She's just the best friend he could ever ask for. Which leaves him wondering what that might say about his relationship with Joel.

  Joel doesn't let Matthew's mind wander for long, however. He's too busy getting his hands on him, his fingers in him, his mouth on his. Matthew is malleable to his touch and loving every second of it, giving just as much back as he can. By the time Joel's pleading with him to go back to bed, Matthew's worked his fingers inside him, that bottle of lube left on the table from yesterday proving very useful.

  "I want to be like this," Joel tells him the second they're in the bedroom. Matthew watches with his breath held as Joel kneels on the bed as close to the edge as is going to be comfortable then leans forward to settle himself down. He shifts his knees apart as wide as he can get them then rolls his hips back so his cheeks are stretched taut.

  "Will you be okay like this?" Matthew says, not knowing if he sounds more concerned or aroused for what he's seeing, because he is both. He watches as Joel shifts himself to show he's good with this position and even wriggles his ass in a tease.

  "Get yourself lubed up and in this and fuck me hard," he says, growling out the encouragement with another flare back of his hips that shows the slickness of his waiting hole. Matthew's hand is straight around his own cock, helpless but to give it at least one stroke over to appease the need he's feeling.He quickly gets ready, adding another handful of lube over the condom and pushing the remainder inside of Joel's hole, grinning as he moans and arches at that.

  "Hard," Joel says again with another inviting roll of his hips. "I need you to... hard, Matt. I wanna feel it in the morning, want you to grip your hands around me so tight you leave fingermarks on me and I get to admire them in the mirror tomorrow. I want that—all of it. The way you looked... felt earlier, I just... I need it..."

  Swallowing thickly, Matthew rests a hand on Joel's leg, unable to drag his eyes away from his hole. "I don't—I don't need to open you up a bit more?" he asks, forcing himself to breath steady. "We didn't... I didn't—"

  "I'm gonna be tight for you, Matt," Joel says, arching himself again and groaning to himself. "Tight, and fucking asking you to fill me. Please."

  It's the pleading that does Matthew in. He bends, roughly spreads Joel's cheeks and darts his tongue over his rim, grinning as he whimpers, then straightens back up and holds him open, angling himself and pressing in with one long, steady slide to fill him. Joel pushes back against him so he's quickly full. Joel moans, circles his hips, and rolls them once again.

  "Hard, sharp fucks, Matt. Wanna feel like you're trying to split me open," Matthew groans, presses a solitary kiss into Joel's back as he slides and grips his fingers tight around his waist, then draws his hips back, slapping forward sharply and going still at the way Joel howls in answer. "More," Joel tells him in a broken plea. Once Matthew's sure he's not hurting him, or at least not in any way he isn't asking him to, he slides himself out again, pausing just enough to lean back to look at them joined and then gripping tighter, using that leverage to fuck up inside him a fraction harder.

  Matthew repeatedly pounds into him, gripping and pulling on his hips to keep him still and fill him even deeper, taking in every single wail of encouragement and allowing it to spur him on. He's building so quickly he knows this isn't going to last very long, but the noises Joel's making tell him he's feeling just the same. The thought makes him fuck a little harder still.

  When they're close Joel jostles and shoves a hand down between his legs, moaning muffled into the bed. The thought of Joel fisting himself to finish with each punch of his cock inside him has Matthew crying out and arching violently against him as he comes. Seconds later Joel's whimpering beneath him, his shoulders sagging boneless as he lets out a final groan.

  Matthew leans forward against the end of the bed for support, hands loosening their grip but still remaining around Joel's hips. He pulls out when Joel shifts and quickly gets rid of the condom before he presses a kiss right over his hole, making Joel whimper all over again.

  "Maybe a shower?" Matthew suggests. They're both sweaty and exhausted, bone weary but in the best kinds of ways.

  "I don't think I can even move," Joel tells him thickly, seeming to cave in on himself. Matthew grins at him, helps him over on to his back and presses a kiss to his softened cock. A quick rummage in a cupboard and Matthew's found a towel which he quickly soaks and uses to gently wipe Joel clean. At Joel's broken request for water he goes to retrieve a glass for them both, watching Joel swallow his down greedily and then lays down beside him.

  The moment Matthew's on his back, legs splayed to cool himself down, Joel's blasting out a groan that's laced with pleasure and rolling into him, kissing him frantically then rolling back over and mimicking Matthew's position. Matthew hears Joel's announcement of fuck and turns his head on his pillow to see Joel looking at him in what he's decided is awe.

  They're sleepy, sated, even dozing a little, and they roll towards one another, Matthew feeling brave and curling his hand through Joel's. Joel brings up their joint hands betw
een them and kisses the back of Matthew's, smiling at him though his eyes are still closed. Matthew watches him on and off, daring himself not to get caught doing so, a smile on his own face the entire time.

  And as long as he's been at Joel's, as much as they have thoroughly exhausted each other, Matthew is still left wanting more when he eventually leaves. As he walks home he checks himself over mentally for the pleasant soreness of overused muscles and that still thrilling ache all the way up inside him. He argues with himself over the selfishness of wanting to spend the night again. Of wanting more than Joel's willing to give.

  The thoughts taunt him even as he lets himself into his apartment, even as he purposely avoids looking at his phone and gets his things ready for the morning, suddenly remembering something he'd meant to look up for an assignment that's now going to have to be done tomorrow at lunchtime. And when he tumbles into bed a lot later than he intended, he finally lets himself check his phone. There's a message waiting for him from Joel that says, "You've broken me. You should have stayed to put me back together again in the morning," and Matthew's helpless but to smile, sending back a, "Goodnight," with several kisses that are returned seconds later.

  Chapter Ten

  One look at Joel's face when Matthew arrives in a rush at his apartment in the evening mid-week, and Matthew knows he wasn't exaggerating. When Joel had said he was having a hellish week and that his day was beyond awful, Matthew had sympathised and offered compensatory blow jobs that he hoped had raised at least a smile in him. But the worn look on his face, the darkness beneath his eyes that speaks of late nights working, and Matthew's instincts switch from wanting to offer relief to wanting to shower Joel in affection. Not that that particular instinct is ever far from him lately anyway.

  Joel's smile for him is still there, however, though the smallness of it has Matthew ache for him. Without invitation or an indication he is doing it, Matthew steps forward and wraps his arms around him in a warm hug, pressing a hand on the back of Joel's head until his forehead is resting on his shoulder. Joel is stiff for all of a second then lets out the softest of moans and melts into him, wrapping his arms around his waist equally tight.