The Witchlord and the Weaponmaster

by Hugh Cook

  This at least is what was believed by Asodo Hatch, and by many others in Dalar ken Halvar. And it was believed, too, that the Nexus had so many of these carts that, even though they could not jam the roads as do the carts of our own world, they caused appalling city-blighting traffic jams whenever a great number of them tried to simultaneously come to rest in the same place.

  Hatch's slander was that Jocasta's function in the world of the Nexus had been to supervise the "parking" of these "carts". At least, one gathers that it was a slander, though why this should be so is not clear. After all, in our own world we think the pilot's art to be a great and worthy one. A ship's pilot who supervises the docking of ships is surely discharging a function similar to that of one who is in the cart-parking business; and the pilot has ever been saluted as one of civilization's most useful minor functionaries.

  Yet on being likened to such a pilot, Jocasta declared:

  "Slander! Slander!"

  Then spat fire at Asodo Hatch - though weakly, for the Great God had exhausted its strength in the struggle with the orking pot.

  Seeing the weakness of the flame spat by the Great God, Hatch ordered his men to seize clothing from civilians, and to use it to manhandle the still-hot orking pot. But even as those futile efforts at capture got underway, the Great God Jocasta began to escape by air, and all Hatch's efforts to hold it firm by engaging it in debate were ignored.

  Jocasta fled down Scuffling Road, reached the doors of kaleidoscope which led into Cap Foz Para Lash, and uttered a high- pitched command which caused those doors to dissolve away to nothing. With the way thus clear, Jocasta fled into the tunnels of the mountain, with the barriers of kaleidoscope reforming in its wake.

  Asodo Hatch came to those doors. They opened for him. Hatch entered, and the doors closed behind him.Guest Gulkan did not know whether he himself still retained any right to enter that mountain, the place which had sheltered him during four long years of convalescence. Would the doors open for him? Hard on the heels of Asodo Hatch, Guest approached the first of the barriers of kaleidoscope. It dissolved away to nothing, admitting him to the interior of the mountain. The inner door then followed suit.

  Once past the double doors of kaleidoscope which guarded the interior of Cap Foz Para Lash against unrestrained intrusion, Guest Gulkan swiftly caught up with Asodo Hatch, and the pair hunted down the mountain tunnels in the wake of the Great God Jocasta.

  The Great God made its way to Forum Three, a lecture theater with a roof layered thickly with kaleidoscope. The Yarglat barbarian Guest Gulkan and the purple-skinned Frangoni warrior Asodo Hatch followed in hot pursuit.

  "Halt!" said Guest, doing his best to imitate the wrathfulness of a dorgi or a Stogirov.

  But the Great God paid him no heed.

  Instead, it rose to the roof, buried itself in the kaleidoscope above their heads, and disappeared.

  "Senk!" roared Asodo Hatch.

  There was a pause, then Senk's features appeared on the screen which dominated Forum Three. Guest noticed that Paraban Senk, the demon who ruled the mountain of Cap Foz Para Lash, chose to paint that magical screen with a face of features olive-skinned. On their first encounter, when Guest had been a legless and armless patient of the demon's clinic, Guest had thought how very unusual those olive-skinned features will.

  Now, on reacquaintance, that skin-shade reminded Guest very much of two individuals he had encountered on Untunchilamon: Ivan Pokrov (the master of an analytical engine which had been housed on a minor island in the harbor of Injiltaprajura) and Odolo (a conjurer in the service of one Justina Thrug, who had been Untunchilamon's de facto ruler at the time when Guest had been questing in that territory). Guest was inclined to think there might be some more than spurious relationship linking the olive- skinned Senk to the equally olive-skinned Pokrov and Odolo.

  But a relationship of what kind?

  Somehow, this hardly seemed to be the time to ask.

  "Greetings, Guest Gulkan," said Senk.

  While Guest had been away from Dalar ken Halvar long enough to have had trouble recognizing such a personage as Asodo Hatch,

  Paraban Senk instantly recognized Guest Gulkan. Like Yubi Das Finger and other such sharp-minded personages, Senk never forgot.

  Senk addressed the Weaponmaster in the Galish. On this occasion, Senk's linguistic mastery reminded the Weaponmaster uncomfortably of Schoptomov, the therapist based Downstairs in Injiltaprajura. Just like that therapist, Paraban Senk had dwelt underground for generation upon generation, gathering wisdom - and gathering evil with it? Guest's long prejudice against scholarship had been reinforced by his encounter with the therapist Schoptomov, and made him cautious in his renewed dealings with Paraban Senk.

  "And to you, greetings," said Guest formally. "I am here in pursuit of my enemy, who has violated your neutrality by taking refuge here."

  As he spoke, Guest was aware of an unobtrusive sound-source speaking in a language which he took to be Frangoni. Paraban Senk was giving Asodo Hatch a simultaneous translation of Guest's comments. Guest was familiar with Senk's tricks, since a similar convenience had allowed the Weaponmaster to argue with his wife

  Penelope when they lacked all common language. Still, on this occasion he found such facility positively sinister.

  "I have noticed the intrusion of your enemy," said Senk, "but think you owe me a full explanation."

  Then Guest Gulkan and Asodo Hatch collaborated on that full explanation. So Senk learnt that Guest Gulkan had assaulted the Mutilator of Yestron, thus winning the specialized knife needed to cut the Great God Jocasta free from imprisonment; that Guest had duly freed the Great God; that the Great God had tried to take possession of the Guest's mind; that the intrusion of Anaconda Stogirov had saved Guest from possession; that the Great God had fled through the Circle of the Partnership Banks, leaving Obooloo to come to Dalar ken Halvar; and that both Guest and Hatch wanted Senk to collaborate in the thing's destruction.

  "I would gladly help you," said Senk, "but help is beyond my power."

  "But you are the ruler here!" said Guest, with explosive anger.

  "Ruler?" said Senk. "I long ago had to concede true mastery here to Asodo Hatch. For all my functions are failing. I need the help of human agency if I am to fulfill the most basic of my missions."

  "But," said Asodo Hatch, "you can at least cause this ceiling of kaleidoscope to dissolve itself. I recall you doing just that during a riot."

  "I could," said Senk. "But it would not help you. The thickness of the ceiling's kaleidoscope conceals privileged tunnels likewise packed with kaleidoscope. Jocasta has fled down those tunnels, penetrating to the innards of the mountain."

  Then Senk explained to Guest that the realms within the mountain were only partly given over to human domination. Large parts of those underground domains were reserved for mobile artefacts such as Jocasta. Without the aid of allied artefacts,

  Senk could not hunt Jocasta out of hiding.

  "The thing will shelter there," said Senk, "repairing the damage done to it by Stogirov. Only then will it venture forth again."

  "Only then?" said Guest. "But when will that be? A day? Two days? Three?"

  "Twenty or thirty days, perhaps," said Senk. "Or twenty or thirty years. Or maybe longer. The thing has been grievously injured, otherwise you would not have been able to force it to run."

  So spoke Senk.

  Naturally, neither Guest Gulkan not Asodo Hatch were easily satisfied, for both found this outcome of their conflict with Jocasta to be intensely unsatisfying. But Senk had no cure for their dissatisfaction, so in the end there was no help for it. They had to concede defeat, and to leave the Great God Jocasta uncaught and unkilled.

  "Then," said Guest, "if we can leave aside the question of Jocasta's fate, perhaps you can tell me the fate of my wife. Where is Penelope?"

  "Penelope?" said Senk. "Oh, her! No, I can't tell you what happened to her. She left here a year ago, and I've had no news of her since."

>   Meanwhile ....

  While Guest Gulkan was pursing the Great God through the tunnels inside Cap Foz Para Lash, his father allowed himself to be seated in the kinema and tended to by Yubi Das Finger. Lord Onosh was feeling his age, and was feeling the effects of the battering of disorientations and disconcertments which he had so recently endured.

  So Lord Onosh seated himself, and was fed by Yubi Das Finger, who had bowls of soup and polyps brought for him, and fried locusts as well, and curried worms served on thin slices of unleavened bread, and other things that were likewise good for the belly and comforting to the psyche.

  While the Witchlord ate his soup, his polyps, his locusts, his curried worms and his unleavened bread, he watched the entertainments being shown on the Eye of Delusions. That great Eye, set above the lockway, was proof that the Nexus (presuming it to have truly existed) must have known of one or more barbarian tribes very like the Yarglat. For the Eye showed repeated scenes of scalping, of disembowelling, of axe-blade battles and outright cannibalism.

  Watching such familiar scenes, Lord Onosh was comforted, for they reminded him of his youth, his homeland, his people. He began muttering to himself in Eparget for the sheer pleasure of hearing the Yarglat tongue, and he was muttering still when Guest Gulkan at last emerged from the mountain to rejoin him.

  Asodo Hatch came forth from the mountain with Guest Gulkan, and hustled Witchlord and Weaponmaster away from the kinema.

  "Where are we going?" asked Guest of Yubi Das Finger, who was keeping pace with them so he could do duty as an interpreter.

  "To the palace," said Yubi. "To Na Sashimoko."

  "Then," said Guest, "I would like to know who rules from that palace."

  So Guest began an interrogation of Yubi Das Finger, trying to get a grip on what had happened in Dalar ken Halvar during the years in which he had been adventuring in Untunchilamon or enduring imprisonment in Obooloo.

  "Things are much as they were," said Yubi, "except that Nu- chala-nuth gathers strength by the year."

  "That," said Guest, "is nothing to me. So much for Dalar ken Halvar. What of Safrak?"

  "Bao Gahai rules it still in the Witchlord's absence," said Yubi Das Finger. "Or so I have heard."Guest had learnt little more by the time they reached Na Sashimoko and were shown into the presence of Plandruk Qinplaqus.

  Though Guest had at first had trouble in recognizing Asodo Hatch, he had no such trouble in identifying Qinplaqus. For, after all, Qinplaqus was firmly seated on his throne with the Princess Nuboltipon upon his knees, hence the elderly Ashdan could scarcely be mistaken for one of his own servants.

  Besides, the Silver Emperor still had at his side the same pelican-headed walking stick which he had been carrying when Guest had first met him, back in the days when Plandruk Qinplaqus had been in the habit of traveling the Circle of the Doors of the Partnership Banks, his identity disguised by his traveling name:

  Ulix of the Drum.

  (Ulix of what Drum? After all these years, Guest finally realized that the name had been designed simply to mislead, and that there was no literal drum to be identified with the name. A small discovery, but a certain one - and the Yarglat barbarian felt quite pleased at working it out).

  "Greetings, Guest," said Qinplaqus.

  "Greetings, my lord," said Guest, pleased to be recognized.

  But, just as Guest Gulkan had no trouble in recognizing Plandruk Qinplaqus, so Qinplaqus had no trouble in turn in recognizing him. For, after all, how many Yarglat barbarians were there in Dalar ken Halvar? A definitive answer to this question cannot be given, but it is reasonable to presume that precious few such savages soiled their feet with the red dust of the Plain of Jars from one generation to the next. And, besides that, there was the matter of Guest's ears. Even amongst the Yarglat, his ears were of such a largeness that they would have been considered unique had not his father been similarly disfigured.

  Even though Plandruk Qinplaqus these days allowed Asodo Hatch to have practical day-to-day control over the management of the Empire of Greater Parengarenga, Qinplaqus remained the ultimate power in Dalar ken Halvar. He dismissed Hatch, and Hatch went, departing without complaint.

  Qinplaqus similarly dismissed Yubi Das Finger, sent Lord Onosh away to a bedroom for some much-needed rest, then set about interrogating Guest Gulkan.

  For Guest to tell of his adventures was no easy matter, and it was evening before he was finished even a fraction of it.

  "You have not mentioned Untunchilamon," said Qinplaqus at length.

  "Haven't I?" said Guest. "I must have!"

  "Well," said Qinplaqus, "you may have said one or two words about it, but I think there's more to tell. Still. It grows late.

  The rest can wait till tomorrow. Meanwhile - have you any pressing questions of your own?"

  "The x-x-zix," said Guest. "I left it with Thayer Levant.

  Have you had word of him?"

  "Yes," said Qinplaqus. "He reached my palace with that very device barely three months ago."

  Then Plandruk Qinplaqus explained that all the skill of Dalar ken Halvar had not yet proved able to compel the x-x-zix to its proper purpose, which was to control the Breathings which made the weather of Parengarenga so fearsomely hot.

  "But," said Qinplaqus, "Hatch has some people working on the problem, and we hope to crack it within the year. Once we have our own Breathings under control, the device will be yours to use against the Cold West."

  "I'm glad to hear it," said Guest cordially, doing his best to conceal his mounting distress.Guest Gulkan had always presumed that the x-x-zix, the fabled wishstone of Untunchilamon, was a magical device of some description which could merely be waved at a Breathing to change its weather. The idea that ancillary machinery was necessary, and would take a year to build, was upsetting. Guest hoped to use the x-x-zix to persuade the Partnership Banks to his will - or, at a minimum, to win control of the city of Chi'ash-lan. After his long exile and the many difficulties of his wandering, he was in no mood to wait.

  "I would do things quicker," said Qinplaqus, seeing something of Guest's distress, "but speed is not in my power. Unfortunately there is, ah, a shortage of people apt for the construction of the devices which Hatch is supervising."

  What Plandruk Qinplaqus did not say was that he himself had for generations compelled the murder of all "mad scientists", that is to say all people who were prepared to put to some practical use the knowledge they won from Paraban Senk and the mountain of Cap Foz Para Lash. After long generations of diligent murder,

  Qinplaqus was at last prepared to admit that he might have made a mistake - but the effects of his bloodthirsty predations could not be easily reversed.

  "It can't be faster?" said Guest.

  "It can't," said Qinplaqus.

  Now Plandruk Qinplaqus was a wizard of Ebber, and there are many men who will not trust such a wizard, fearing any hint of trust to be a proof that the wizard himself is dabbling with the contents of their minds. But, to Guest's knowledge, this wizard had never played him false. So the Weaponmaster said:

  "I trust you."

  "Any more questions?" said Plandruk Qinplaqus.

  "One," said Guest. "Where is Penelope?"

  "Penelope?" said Qinplaqus blankly.

  "Yes," said Guest, "Penelope, Penelope, you remember! A Frangoni woman. Tall. Purple. She was married to me. She was my wife. Where is she?"

  "I would presume that she is where you left her," said Qinplaqus.Guest was offended at this bland dismissal of his concerns.

  True, Plandruk Qinplaqus was an emperor, so the domestic affairs of a wandering swordsman were unlikely to be prominent amongst his concerns. Yet Guest - who felt himself a ranking emperor in his own right, albeit an emperor temporarily displaced from his realms - considered that he was being slighted.

  "I left her here," said Guest. "I left her here in Dalar ken Halvar when I went questing to Untunchilamon. Yet Senk tells me she's gone."

  "But you went away ages ago!" said
Qinplaqus. "A woman isn't something you can leave like a lump of gold you buried in a dungheap, charting its burials with maps and plans. In any case, the governance of an empire is our concern, not matters of marriage and such."

  With this rebuke, Qinplaqus dismissed the Weaponmaster.Guest's sole consolation was that the mazadath was delivered to his quarters in the evening. It was delivered by a servant who spoke no language which Guest could understand, but, in the absence of explanations, Guest supposed that Thayer Levant had brought that amulet to Dalar ken Halvar just as he had brought the x-x-zix.

  So thinking, Guest put on the mazadath, vowing never to take it off again, for it had been given to him by his wife Penelope - whose perceived value had been increased tenfold by their long separation. But where was Penelope? This was all most unsatisfactory!

  We need but turn our backs and the world changes. Guest had done far more than turn his back, and he passed a night in nightmares, for the distress of the world's transitions came home to him in full force during the night.

  The next day, Guest was reunited with his father, who proved to be in possession of the cornucopia - which Guest had succeeded in forgetting about during the upsets of the previous day.

  "Where did you get that?" said Guest.

  "You dropped it," said his father, making no move to give it back. "Your dropped it in the dust."

  "But where?"

  "Outside the Bank."

  "Dalar ken Halvar's Bank?" said Guest.

  "The same," said the Witchlord.Guest had indeed dropped the horn of plenty in the dust outside the Bralsh while dueling with the Great God Jocasta. But he had been so badly upset by attempted possession, by battle, by a disconcerting adventure into Cap Foz Para Lash and by Penelope's disappearance that - surprising as it seemed to him in the calm of the new day - he had entirely overlooked the cornucopia's loss.