Once a Lawman

by Lisa Childs

  His lips skimmed over her back, from shoulder blade to shoulder blade then followed the curve of her spine to the dip of her lower back. “You have dimples,” he murmured.

  Her skin heated beneath his lips, beneath his touch. “Chad…”

  He plucked the condom from her nerveless fingers. The sound of the foil tearing had her quivering in anticipation. She flipped onto her back and watched him sheathe his long, hard erection. “I know,” he said, “Hurry, hurry…”

  “You’d rather take it slow again?”

  “I’d rather take you.” He did, parting her legs and pushing gently inside her.

  Tessa’s body stretched and opened for him. “Oh, oh…”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I didn’t know you were so big…” And that she’d feel so much.

  He moved, slowly gliding in and out. Tessa shifted against the mattress as the pressure built inside her. She reached up, first clutching his back, then his butt—pulling him closer, deeper—when she’d thought she could take no more of him. He reached deeper inside her, touching where Tessa had never been touched.

  Her heart.

  “Hurry, hurry,” she demanded, bucking beneath him as the pressure intensified almost to the point of pain.

  He thrust faster—and harder.

  The pressure broke, pleasure crashing through her. She buried her face in his chest to hold back the scream burning her throat.

  Chad tensed, then uttered a low groan. “Tessa…”

  He’d said her name. Hers. Not his dead wife’s. Relief intensified her pleasure, and she came once again, squirming beneath him.

  “Tessa?”

  She closed her eyes, unwilling to meet his look—for fear of what he might see, of what she might reveal. “Mmm,” she murmured.

  His breath brushed her face as he leaned forward. Then his mouth touched hers, his kiss gentle. “Tessa…”

  Unable to resist him, she opened her eyes. His gaze touched her too, gently. He kissed her again deeply, his tongue delving between her lips, just as his body was still buried deep inside her. She worried that he would forever be a part of her.

  Suddenly he drew back—both emotionally and physically—and slipped down the short hall. Water ran.

  Tessa slid under the blankets, certain he’d return, retrieve his clothes and leave. She tried to remind herself that that was what she wanted. All she had time for in her busy life was a one-night stand.

  He walked back into the bedroom and leaned against the doorjamb, naked. Gloriously naked. She stared hungrily at his chest, his bulging biceps, his long, lean thighs. He was glorious.

  Tessa’s nipples hardened as passion reignited. She ran her gaze over him again, like a caress, and noticed that she wasn’t the only one turned on.

  “All you have to do is look at me,” he mused as he stalked the short couple of feet to the bed. He pulled back the covers, baring her. “And all I have to do is look at you to lose my head.”

  Just his head, not his heart. That belonged to another woman, Tessa reminded herself, so she would protect hers.

  He knelt on the edge of the mattress, and she shifted closer to him. “This time I’m going to keep my head,” he said as if making her a promise.

  “This time?”

  He nodded. “This time we’re going to take it slow.” He reached out, running just a fingertip from her lips, over her chin, throat, the hollow between her breasts to her navel. “This time is just for you…”

  He kissed her as if that was all he intended to do, taking his time, making love to her mouth. Then he made his way down her throat, to the curve of her shoulder.

  “Chad…” she murmured. “You don’t have to do this. What we just did…”

  “Wasn’t enough,” he said.

  “It wasn’t enough for you?” she asked. Of course she wasn’t enough for him; she wasn’t the woman he really wanted.

  “You were too much,” he said. “I lost control. You deserve more. You deserve someone who will take care of you.”

  “I take care of myself.”

  “Not tonight,” he said, pushing her back onto the tangled sheets.

  SOFT HAIR tickled Chad’s nose, awaking him from a deep sleep. Silky skin pressed against his chest, hip and thigh as Tessa curled against his side, lying naked in his arms.

  His body hardened as desire coursed through him again. He wanted her even more now, knowing how good it could be between them, but he was afraid he didn’t just want Tessa—he needed her. He couldn’t remember feeling this way about anyone—not even Luanne. Guilt doused his desire. How could he betray his wife, the woman he’d vowed to love forever?

  Until tonight, despite his physical attraction to Tessa’s beauty, he hadn’t thought he’d even really liked Tessa. He’d thought, because of her flirting and her practiced sales pitch and constant cell calls, that she was shallow and self-involved. He couldn’t have been more wrong about her.

  Now he had gotten to know her, more than physically. By meeting her family and getting a glimpse into her upbringing, he’d gotten to know her more intimately than he had when making love with her.

  And he more than liked what he’d learned. He loved. Tessa Howard was an incredible woman: smart, strong and supportive of her family. Because of her family, though, she didn’t have time for a relationship. He reminded himself that she didn’t want Mr. Right Forever. Chad was only supposed to be Mr. Right Now.

  She probably didn’t want to get hurt if tonight was all they had, but Chad would, especially if they had more than tonight. He might start believing again that happily-ever-after was possible, even though he knew better. Even though he knew he’d already had his one shot at it.

  Maybe from all his years with the department, or maybe from suffering the loss he had, he was too cynical to believe a person got more than one shot.

  Carefully, so as not to wake her, he rolled Tessa away from him. Then, because he couldn’t help himself, he kissed her bare shoulder.

  “Chad,” she murmured as she shifted restlessly on the mattress.

  His arms ached to hold her again, but he tucked the blankets around her—to keep her warm without him. A sigh slipped through her lips as she nestled back into her pillow.

  She was so incredibly beautiful…outside and in. His heart clenched as he crept from her bed and pulled on his clothes. He hated leaving her. Despite what she’d claimed, he had his doubts that she’d spoken the truth.

  Had she really only wanted him for now or had she hoped to find that one guy who would stick around like her father and stepfathers hadn’t? He couldn’t be that guy.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered. She deserved a man who could love her completely—who would be the man she needed. Chad couldn’t be that man because he had nothing left.

  He had given it all to Luanne and he’d lost it all with her. He’d lost himself—the part of him that had believed in happy endings. In love and marriage.

  And he was glad that part of him was gone, he told himself. He was glad because he would never again feel the kind of pain he’d endured once. As he stared down at Tessa’s beautiful face one last time, he ignored the twinge in his chest.

  He was glad…

  TESSA SHIVERED, cold despite the blanket drawn to her chin. The soft click of a door being quietly shut drew her fully awake. She blinked open her eyes to the encompassing darkness. Then she reached across the bed, to sheets still warm from his body.

  So Chad had left in the middle of the night.

  Well, at least she could honestly tell Christopher that the policeman hadn’t spent the night. Even though she shouldn’t have been surprised that he had sneaked out, tears stung her eyes. The tender way he had made love to her, then held her while she’d drifted off to sleep, had fooled her into thinking that a future between them might be possible.

  Chad, with his sense of duty and honor, understood her responsibility to her family as no other man she had ever dated. But she and Chad weren’t dating. He had
never asked her out; she’d really been the one to pursue him. She wasn’t the only one.

  She wasn’t worried about Amy, though. The college girl was no rival for Chad’s heart. No living woman was because his heart already belonged to his wife. Despite her competitive nature, Tessa couldn’t compete with a ghost, and she knew better than to accept a challenge she couldn’t win.

  Frustration knotted her stomach. She knew better. But still…

  She had kept warning herself that Chad Michalski could only love his dead wife, but she had fallen for him anyway. She loved him even though she knew nothing could come of her feelings for him. She loved him…

  The tears fell now, sliding down her face to soak into her pillow. She rubbed the moisture from her face, disgusted with herself for succumbing to such weakness. She hadn’t wept over a man in years.

  These were the last tears she would shed over Chad Michalski. She didn’t have time to wallow in self-pity. She had too many responsibilities and too much self-respect to chase after a man who didn’t really want her. Not for more than one night. Not for keeps.

  Chapter Eleven

  Chad pulled open the door to the pizza parlor. He wasn’t sure why he had ordered food when he hadn’t felt like eating in the three weeks since he had sneaked out of Tessa’s bed. Starving himself hadn’t worked when Luanne died; it wouldn’t help him get over Tessa, either.

  He also couldn’t go to the Lighthouse because of the risk of running into her there. If he had to hear her sing again, or see her smile…he’d be totally lost, and he couldn’t risk that again. He had barely survived Luanne’s death and the loss of their baby. If he fell completely in love with Tessa and something happened to her…

  Despite the deliciously tempting scents of pepperoni and garlic tomato sauce, his stomach turned. Maybe he would cancel his order after all. He tapped the service bell on the front counter. At the sound of the metallic tinkle, a familiar blond head popped up over the high counter that separated the wood ovens of the kitchen from the cash register area.

  “Kevin,” he greeted the teen with forced cheerfulness. Seeing the kid again reminded him of that night, of making love with Tessa. His face grew hot, which he wished he could blame on the heat emanating from the wood ovens.

  “Oh, it’s you,” Tessa’s younger brother replied with a lot less enthusiasm.

  “Yeah, Chad Michalski.”

  “Pepperoni, sausage and green pepper stromboli,” Kevin recited Chad’s usual order.

  “I knew I recognized you from somewhere,” Chad said with a sigh of relief. “Why didn’t you say anything when your sister introduced us?”

  The boy’s thin shoulders moved in a slight shrug. “I don’t want Tess to know I’m working here.”

  “Why not? It’s better than her thinking you’re getting into trouble with all your late nights. Unless you’re spending part of your time somewhere other than here?”

  Kevin shook his head, then glanced toward the back where Giancarlo, the owner, sang in Italian and flipped pizza dough high above his bald head. “I’m working a few more hours than I’m supposed to…with school and all.” Kevin leaned over the counter and whispered, “You’re not going to rat me out, are you?”

  Giancarlo turned, caught sight of Chad and waved. When Luanne had been pregnant, the pizzeria owner had been happy to satisfy her every weird craving at whatever hour. Luanne had treated pregnancy like she had every other aspect of life—as an adventure. She had dared to indulge her every craving, no matter how outrageous and unappetizing, and Giancarlo had always obliged her. Despite his boys being grown, the older man had assured Chad that he remembered what it was like having a pregnant wife.

  “I can’t get Giancarlo in trouble,” Chad said.

  Kevin glanced toward his boss and smiled with real affection. “I know. Everybody loves Carlo. My brother, James, worked here before he went off to college. Carlo even gave him some money for school.” He turned back to Chad and quickly added, “But it was a scholarship, not charity.”

  The boy had his sister’s pride and independence. “Giancarlo’s a great guy.”

  “He’s the greatest.”

  “Yeah, he is.”

  “But I meant me,” Kevin clarified. “You’re not going to rat me out to Tess, are you?”

  Regret settling like a rock on his chest, Chad admitted, “I haven’t seen Tessa in a while.” If he were smart, he would keep avoiding her, but her ride-along was coming up in a few weeks, and he hadn’t been able to talk Paddy into changing her assigned officer. Yet.

  “So she was telling the truth,” Kevin said, his face falling with disappointment. “You’re really not dating.”

  He hadn’t thought the kid even liked him, and he couldn’t imagine why Kevin was as disappointed as Chad was.

  “No, we’re not.” They weren’t anything. Tessa’s life was complicated enough. She didn’t need a guy with his hang-ups, who would worry every time she left the house that she might not come back to him.

  Kevin shook his head. “That’s why I have to do this, you see.”

  “Do what?” Chad asked, unable to follow the boy’s reasoning. “I don’t understand.”

  “Tessa’s so busy trying to take care of us that she never does anything for herself,” he explained, probably not realizing how well Chad knew Tessa.

  Ever since Chad had met her family, he had understood what her life was like and why she was always in a hurry.

  “Except for the class,” Kevin added, “all she ever does is work and watch us.”

  “She doesn’t think she’s doing a very good job of that with you. I think she’d feel a lot better if you told her what you’re really doing,” he persisted.

  “I told Mom.”

  “She didn’t think to tell your sister?” He really didn’t get Sandy Howard. Tessa was obviously the most responsible adult in that house—and now Kevin.

  “I told Mom not to, that I needed to do this. If Tess knew, she wouldn’t let me work. She’d be like she was with James, making him focus on school and homework,” he said as if those things disgusted him.

  “That wasn’t all she let James do,” Chad pointed out, “since he worked here, too.”

  “She thought he was with his study group and that his extra money came from tutoring.”

  “Why haven’t you told her that you’re doing what James did instead of worrying her unnecessarily?” he asked, unable to hide his disapproval. Poor Tessa—she really had too much to deal with alone. He had foisted the class on her, too. She’d been telling the truth when she had said she didn’t have time for it.

  Kevin’s face flushed, and he shrugged again. “She wouldn’t buy it—not with my grades.”

  “Then maybe she’s right, that you need to focus on your schoolwork.”

  “No matter how much I study I’m never gonna be as smart as Tess and James. But I am passing my classes,” Kevin assured him. “Tess needs to lighten up. She worries too much.”

  That sounded familiar—something she’d accused him of. Apparently he wasn’t the only hypocrite. When he’d first met her, Chad never would have thought he and Tessa Howard had anything in common. Now he knew her better—too well, in fact. He knew how sweet she tasted and how soft and silky her skin was. He wanted to bury himself deep inside her, so deep that they became one…

  “It’s time I was the man of the house,” Kevin said, pitching his voice several octaves lower than his normal tone. “Instead of Tess.”

  “She worries because she loves all of you,” Chad said, awed by the woman’s capacity for love and selflessness. Her brother was right—she deserved so much more. Far more than Chad could give her.

  “She needs to move out,” Kevin said, “and get a life of her own.”

  So not even her brother knew that she really owned the house in which they lived. Still, he obviously idolized his big sister.

  “Once I start making more money, I can help Mom with the bills instead of Tessa,” Kevin continued. �
�I need my license first. Then I can deliver the pizzas. I’ll make a lot more money then. Tips, you know.” His face flushed with color, as he must have remembered Chad giving him tips every time he picked up his order. “Well, more tips…”

  “You just have your permit now?” Chad asked, remembering that it had been Kevin driving when Tessa had been pulled over last.

  “Yeah, and if Tess has her way, that’s all I’ll ever have. Mom’s busy with her new job at the Lighthouse and the smaller kids. She doesn’t have enough time to help me get in my hours, and Tess won’t help.”

  Chad bit the inside of his cheek, refraining from telling the boy that he had just said he didn’t want his sister so involved in his life. No sense in pointing out the teenager’s faulty logic. Instead he sighed. “Tessa probably shouldn’t help you.”

  “What?” the kid squeaked, abandoning his “deep” voice. “You don’t think I should get my license, either?”

  “No, I don’t think Tessa would be the best role model for driving.” Even though Chad understood her reasons, he still didn’t approve of her speeding.

  “I know,” Kevin agreed. “She really needs to slow down. She’s always in a hurry.”

  Not always. Images of the two of them making love, slowly and sensually, flashed through his mind. He held back a groan as he tried to suppress the memory. “Tell you what. I’ll help you with the driving.”

  “What?” Kevin squeaked again, in surprise.

  “I’d rather teach you myself,” he explained. “It’ll be better than your learning from Tessa.” It would also save her from having to work in one more responsibility in her already overloaded schedule.

  “I know she speeds sometimes, but she’s never been in an accident—well, except for hitting a mailbox,” Kevin observed. “The roads were pure ice—everyone was going off in the ditch that day. She’s really a good driver.”

  “She’s a lucky driver,” Chad said. Lucky that she hadn’t been in a more serious accident yet.

  “She’s smart and not just about driving,” Kevin continued his impassioned defense. “She was really good in school. She had scholarships. She could have gone away to college like James did, but she wouldn’t leave us.”