Better vs. Worse

by Mary E Thompson

  Opposites Attract was busier than usual when I got there. I always showed up early to help, but being a guest was a different experience. Even though I’d been to more than a few weddings as a guest, I still went early.

  But I couldn’t take that chance when Ada was back and things were so tense between us.

  “Hey, Kapena,” the woman in question said breezily. “What are you doing here?”

  “Ada. Hey. Um, the groom invited me.”

  “Ah, cool. Good surf lesson, I guess, huh?”

  I nodded.

  “Awesome. They seem like a cute couple. I’m really excited to marry them. I’ll see you back there.”

  She floated away as quickly as she’d arrived, leaving me to stare after her and wonder what the hell happened.

  I shook it off the best I could and followed her from a distance. She veered off toward the beach, ready for the ceremony. I stopped by the reception and said hi to Alvin before sneaking into the back row of the ceremony.

  Ada said the words I’d practically memorized. Who hadn’t? If you’d been to one wedding, you’d been to them all. Of course, Ada’s melodic voice carried the words to me and always made me imagine her repeating them to me, her hands in mine.

  Thinking about Ada in that way was never a good idea. It only led to thoughts about things I couldn’t have. Things I’d never have.

  I wasn’t the sibling who deserved love. The one who had all their shit together. The one who believed love was possible. I saw all the shit between our parents. They loved each other, in their own ways, but their relationship wasn’t perfect. They were more like best friends instead of lovers by the time they died. I heard them talking about divorce, but both of them agreed not to do anything until Kiki was out of school.

  Then they got on that plane.

  I never told my sister our parents planned to divorce. She held on to the love they had. She believed their relationship was perfect. I was not going to be the one to destroy that faith. She had Sawyer, and telling her that our parents’ marriage was a farce could shred the fragile faith Kiki had in love. The guy she dated before Sawyer was seeing someone else, something Kiki only found out after the guy dumped her to work for her competition. He was a real piece of work.

  The ceremony ended with a passionate kiss George laid on his new wife, prompting a laugh and cheers from the crowd. Ada’s husky laugh reached my ears over the rest of the noise, dragging my eyes to her. She was watching the couple before her, a light in her eyes that speared through me. The sun was setting behind her, highlighting the curves hidden beneath her simple teal dress. She did her best to mask the sexy figure beneath, but I had her lusciousness memorized. From watching her for years to getting my hands on her far too briefly, I had an imagination that filled in the details I hadn’t seen.

  I had a very active imagination.

  I adjusted my hardening cock as everyone stood for George and Kerry to walk down the short aisle. I followed their friends and family to the small reception area, claiming a seat at a table far from the couple’s table so I wouldn’t be in the way of the people they’d brought to Hawaii from Indiana.

  The party jumped into high gear quickly. It always amazed me how fast people were ready to throw down when it wasn’t on their dime. A threesome asked if they could share my table, six drinks between them. I nodded and excused myself to head to the bar and blend in for a few minutes while Sawyer snapped pictures of the couple down at the beach.

  “You’re working tonight?” Alvin asked when I shook his hand and asked for a beer.

  “Nah. Had a surf lesson with the groom a few days ago. He wanted me to come.”

  Alvin nodded. “So you can drink tonight?”

  I nodded. “Yep. Hand it over.”

  Alvin poured a beer and slid it to me. “You doing okay?”

  Guys didn’t talk about our feelings. We didn’t get deep like Kiki and Ada did. I liked Alvin, but the deepest conversation we’d ever had was which side would win the Pro-Bowl. He had no idea how I felt about his sister, and it would stay that way forever.

  “Great. Nice to get a night to chill and a free dinner.”

  Alvin chuckled. “Yeah, and the scenery isn’t that bad either.”

  I followed his gaze into the crowd. There were definitely a lot of attractive women. It was clear they were enjoying their break from a midwest spring. Fresh tan-lines marred the skin visible around flimsy dresses and fancy hairdos. It was a feast with everything a man could want. Blondes, redheads, brunettes. Fair skin, olive skin, dark skin. Long legs, short legs, curvy women, skinny women. The small wedding offered it all.

  But the second Ada stepped into the large tent, every other woman disappeared for me. She was the only one I could see. Had been for a long time. I spent years ignoring how drawn to her I was, but it had gotten harder and harder to fight over the last few months.

  I couldn’t put my finger on what changed, but something shifted about six months ago. Something that made it harder for me to convince myself I could take another woman home and be okay with it. I’d tried over the last few months, successfully at times, but it wasn’t easy to force Ada from my head. She was there. Every time I closed my eyes, she was there.

  “You got one picked out?” Alvin asked, breaking the hold his sister had on my vision and my focus.

  “Huh? Oh, no.”

  “Not looking tonight?”

  “No. I’m good. It’s been a long week.” I couldn’t tell him that I only had a chance at sleeping with another woman if it had been a few days, not seconds, since I’d seen Ada. There was no way I’d be able to screw a woman I met at an event Ada also attended.

  I was flying solo.

  “Damn, really? There are a ton of beautiful women here tonight. I intend to take at least one of them home. Then again, being a bartender is a sweet job.”

  I smiled and eased away as another customer said hi to Alvin. She also leaned her ample breasts over the edge of the short bar top, giving him a clear signal she was ready and willing to meet up later, and telling me it was time to go.

  I said hello to guests as I worked my way back to my table and only realized Ada was sitting there when I got too close to turn around and pretend I was heading anywhere other than the table she was at.

  “Kapena,” she said brightly, turning her eyes up to mine. “Oh, good. I thought I might be alone at this table.”

  I eyed the threesome sitting across the small table from Ada, wondering why she wasn’t counting them. “Ah, nope. I was going to sit here, too.”

  “Good. Then join me. I saw you sneak in for the ceremony. Kiki really has an amazing place. It chokes me up every time I walk that path to the ocean and stand there asking couples to love, honor, and cherish each other forever. That’s my favorite part.”

  “I like seeing the look on the groom’s face,” I blurted.

  Ada grinned at me, her eyes going misty. “I like that, too.”

  A charged silence stretched between us before I broke the stare with a sip of my drink. I couldn’t let myself get lost in her. It wouldn’t go anywhere good.

  We sat together, not talking, but painfully aware of each other, for too long. She fidgeted with her napkin, and I sucked down my beer.

  Nothing had ever been awkward with Ada. We’d always had plenty to talk about, and more than enough in common to maintain conversations about absolutely nothing. That was another thing that had changed in the last few months. I constantly felt like I said the wrong thing around her. Like every word out of my mouth was wrong. So I learned to keep it shut. Which led to long, awkward silences.

  “I’m going to get a drink,” she finally said, standing in a rush all of a sudden. “Do you want anything?”

  I shook my head.

  She walked away, and I was finally able to draw a full breath. Her scent lingered and filled my lungs with the Ada-infused salty air surrounding us, making me feel more drunk than the beer did.

  George and Kerry walked up from the
beach and spotted me at the table. George dragged her over immediately, introducing us.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I told her. “You’ve got a great guy here.”

  She beamed up at him. “He’s been singing your praises since your surfing excursion. I almost worried he was going to switch me out for you at the last minute.”

  I laughed with them, warming to Kerry instantly. She was beautiful in her simple cream dress that flared at her waist and ended around her knees. A hot pink ribbon around her waist hinted to a flirtatiousness that I envied George for. Her rich, auburn hair reflected the last rays of sunshine, giving her a halo effect.

  It was her eyes that spoke to me, though. The way she looked at him, the love in her eyes, that told me she loved him.

  Yeah, it was crazy that I believed so completely in love for other people and not for myself. The reality for me was I didn’t know what love was. I was attracted to Ada, more than any woman I’d ever known, but I wasn’t enough for her so it was done. Nothing was going to happen between us. It was just that simple.

  “He doesn’t look at me the way he looks at you,” I teased Kerry. “He adores you.”

  Kerry smiled at George again, unintentionally making me feel like a third wheel.

  “The feeling is mutual,” Kerry finally said.

  I nodded and forced a grin, waiting for them to acknowledge me again. When they finally looked up, I said, “Well, I won’t keep you from your guests or dinner. Grab a drink.”

  George shook my hand before his new wife pulled him toward the bar. I watched them for a second, until Ada snaked my gaze.

  She stopped to talk to another table. My eyes slid down her figure, caressing her in a way I couldn’t with my hands. She tipped her head back and laughed at something someone said, then flipped her eyes toward me and caught me staring at her.

  I cleared my throat and broke the connection, settling in my seat with my back to her. I felt her eyes boring into my back, but I refused to look at her again.

  I would eat, smile, and get the hell out of there. Sitting at a wedding with Ada felt way too much like a date for my sanity.

  The women across the table drew me into their conversation asking for advice on places to hang out the next few days. Ada joined us just as they asked me about surfing.

  “Kapena’s a surf instructor. He could give you lessons,” Ada supplied.

  Three pairs of flirtatious eyes turned my way. “Really? You would give us lessons?”

  “He definitely would. He gave George lessons a few days ago. He’s one of the best on the island. How’s tomorrow?” Ada asked them sweetly.

  I didn’t know what her game was. There was something going on that had me feeling off-kilter, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was.

  “Tomorrow would be great,” the one in the middle said, tossing her dark brown hair over her shoulder to smile at me again. “We can be there any time. As long as you can handle all of us at once.”

  The innuendo in her voice was neither subtle nor desired. All of a sudden, I felt like a hunk of meat that they were going to fight over.

  “I usually have one student at a time. Do any of you have any experience?”

  “Tons,” the blonde said.

  “He means surfing,” giggled the one on the right with the light brown hair.

  They all laughed like it was the best joke they’d ever heard.

  “Oh, then no. We’ve never surfed.”

  I groaned inwardly and cursed Ada for getting me into the middle of them. I could have easily sent them in the direction of the resort they were likely staying at. Something low-key, and away from me.

  Instead, I was stuck either telling them I couldn’t do it, and Ada likely pressing for why, or dealing with them.

  The truth was, I could use the money to buy supplies to make my new board.

  “It’ll be fine. I’ll ask a friend of mine to help out.”

  “Is he as hot as you are?” asked the first one, letting her gaze run down my chest.

  I thanked God I was seated and she couldn’t ogle my crotch and shook my head. “She’s a beautiful woman.”

  Three scowls met my forced grin.

  “Is she your girlfriend?”

  Ada laughed. “Kapena doesn’t do girlfriends. He’s more of a hot fling kind of guy.”

  Damn her. What the hell was her game?

  “Excuse us for a second, please, ladies,” I said, grabbing Ada’s arm and dragging her away from the table.

  She squeaked just enough to tell me she wasn’t thrilled about being directed. That made two of us.

  When we were outside the tent and as alone as we were going to get, I spun on her. “What the hell are you doing?”

  She shrugged, dislodging my hand from her arm. “Trying to help you out. They were talking about how hot you were when I first sat down. I figured you might be interested in the fun that comes along with three women who all seemed willing to share.”

  “I don’t want them. I don’t want to share. I don’t want any of this.”

  Her eyes narrowed as she stepped forward, a breath away from me. Her eyes blazed up at me, begging me to say something, but what, I didn’t know.

  We stood there, electricity sparking between us, for what felt like forever. It couldn’t have been more than a couple seconds, but it was long enough to lift my cock and harden it to steel. All she had to do was shuffle forward a half step and she’d feel just how much I wanted her instead of those other women.

  “What do you want, Kapena?” she whispered, the words a breath on the air.

  “Don’t,” I growled.

  My pulse raced and my breath heaved from my chest in abbreviated pants. My cock reached for her, every second I breathed her in sending a pulse to my favorite leg, telling him it was time to have some fun.

  How Ada thought I could ever want a woman, or three, who propositioned me the way they did baffled me. Sitting with those other women left me feeling twitchy and ready to run. Standing chest to chest with Ada had me feeling like I could do anything. If she asked, I would do anything.

  “Don’t what?” she asked, her eyes softening just enough that I could see the pain behind them. The pain I caused.

  “Why did you leave? Why did you run after that night?” I didn’t have to explain which night. She knew exactly what I was asking.

  Her eyes shuttered a split second after the vulnerability my question caused slid into her gaze. She took a step back, breaking the tentative connection that held us in place.

  She pulled in a deep breath, tossed a glare at me, and stormed back to the reception.

  When I got back to our table, she wasn’t there, and neither were the three women. I found Kiki to tell her I was heading out and said goodbye to George and Kerry, then booked it out of there.

  I should have known better than to go to the wedding.

  Chapter Four

  Ginny called me a few days later and asked me to go to lunch. She was trying to get away from her dad and needed an excuse, so she used me.

  “I bet he loved hearing you were going out with me,” I told her when we sat down. I grabbed the menu on the table at Cafe Cafe, looking over the options that all contained coffee in some form.

  Ginny snorted. “Yeah, not so much. He asked what I was thinking spending time with you.”

  We both laughed. When I worked for Mr. Kelley, he eased up a little, but he still hated when Ginny and I hung out together. Since I quit and went back to surfing, he made sure to take every opportunity he had to tell both Ginny and me how I was screwing up my life.

  Get in line.

  “He doesn’t get either of us. He thinks everyone should want to work at a plantation, or do something with their hands at the very least.”

  “Maybe I should tell him I’m making my own board,” I joked. “If he found out, he might lay off.”

  Ginny smiled at me. “He probably would. And then he’d say we could get married because you were doing something othe
r than teaching others to do what you weren’t good enough to do yourself.”

  “What?” I blurted too loudly for the small cafe.

  Ginny’s cheeks flushed scarlet, and she ducked her head, hiding behind her paper menu.

  “Don’t hide from me, Gin. What are you talking about?”

  “He’s a miserable old man, K. He doesn’t mean it.”

  “Like hell he doesn’t mean it,” I ground out. He was one of many who thought I’d never amount to anything. Instead of proving him, and my own father, wrong by teaching others to surf, I was proving them right.

  My dad always got on my case about not doing something more worthwhile than surfing. When he died, my dreams went down with the plane just like he and my mother did. I followed in his footsteps, right to the plantation, so I could support Kiki.

  Leaving was one of the hardest choices I made. I was making good money, but it killed me to go there every day. Kiki was in a good place, but I was slowly dying inside. I needed to get back to the water.

  Jumping onto the circuit was even more terrifying than the first time I thought about it. The pro surfers at that point were all years younger than me. They had skills I’d never seen, let alone mastered. I wanted to believe surfing was surfing, but it wasn’t. I’d become obsolete.

  Teaching others how to surf was a way for me to be in the water and not fight for every inch. It let me share what I loved with the people I worked with, and it gave me the freedom to make my own schedule and work with the people I wanted to work with.

  I loved it.

  And Mr. Kelley thought it was a cop-out.

  “Tell me exactly what he said,” I growled at my oldest friend.

  Ginny’s rich brown eyes went wide. “Why? What is it going to change? You know how he feels about surfing. He thinks it’s a waste. It’s never bothered you before. Why would you let it now?”

  “It’s always bothered me,” I confessed. “Your father was the closest thing I had to a father when mine died. I can laugh off him not liking me for you because I know we’re not right together. But him saying I’m not good enough…”