Harder Than the Rest

by Shirleen Davies

“Amanda, are they back?” Tess had checked several times out the window.

  “They’re riding up now with the cattle.” Amanda’s smile underscored the relief she felt. Grant was in the lead, with Will and Jamie not far behind. They were safe. “I’m going out to meet them.”

  “I’ll be there in a minute,” Tess called after her, but Amanda was already out the door.

  Amanda walked out front just as her father and Jamie dismounted.

  “Where’s Will?” She looked around, but couldn’t see him.

  “He changed his mind about riding in with us. Said he needed some space and took off,” Jamie replied in a disgusted tone. “How’s Drew?”

  “Good. Tess just finished getting him to swallow some broth, so he’s awake.”

  “I’ll be right in as soon as I take care of Rebel.” He turned his horse toward the barn.

  “What happened?” It didn’t take Grant long to explain, including Gordon’s confession to shooting Drew.

  “Will took it hard. Felt the shot was meant for him. Seems that boy just goes from dealing with one tragedy to another.” Grant hugged his daughter and walked into the house.

  Amanda stood on the bottom step, worrying her bottom lip before making her decision. She didn’t look back but walked straight to the barn. A few minutes later she rode out to find Will.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  It was getting dark, but she kept riding, determined to find him. Will didn’t need to be alone just now, and neither did she. He’d mentioned a couple of times about the views along the eastern boundary, how peaceful it was, and how it reminded him of the mountains around Fire Mountain. Jamie talked about going back with Drew and she knew Will would go with them. They’d ride out as quickly as they’d arrived and never look back. Somehow, though, Amanda knew life would never be the same for her or Tess.

  A branch of the Grundy River ran along the property line. It was shallow enough to freeze most winters, but that was still a few months away. The sound of running water dancing over rocks was constant. It sounded the same as it had in her childhood, and when she had returned from her time in the East. Like life, the river just kept flowing.

  She turned Angel toward the sound and found Justice. She reined in next to Will’s horse and dropped to the ground. It was almost dark and she knew she should find Will and head home. That’s when she saw him. He sat on the ground by the stream, knees bent, his arms draped over them, head down, and his hat pitched forward.

  Amanda made her way across the fallen leaves and dried brush, trying not to disturb him. She was within a few feet when he looked up. His eyes were moist and Amanda realized she’d intruded at the worst possible time. She wanted to turn and run, but their eyes locked and after a moment he held out a hand to her.

  They sat inches apart without saying a word. Will continued to hold her hand, at times giving it a slight squeeze and other times almost letting go. She wanted to tell him it was all right—all right to feel sorrow and all right to hold her hand—but she remained silent, not wanting to break the silence. Without warning he pulled her closer and put his arm around her, hugging Amanda to him. She dropped her head to his shoulder and nestled into his side.

  Will had come here to mourn. Mourn his wife, the lost years, and most of all the vengeance that had paralyzed his brother. He knew about vengeance. Had thought it was a righteous feeling and had used it to justify his actions when tracking down his wife’s killers. But now he saw how vengeance had been used against the wrong man. He knew it should be him at the house with useless legs and an uncertain future, not Drew. Not his twin who’d always been the peacemaker, the one to bring people together, not tear them apart.

  And what would he do about his feelings for Amanda? Will had come to accept he’d fallen in love with this beautiful woman. But her life was here, on the family ranch, and his was in Fire Mountain. Both were from ranching families, and both had their history in separate lands. He looked down at her and kissed the top of her head. She sighed and snuggled closer.

  Amanda wondered if this was what love felt like. Strong arms, a comfortable silence, a feeling of peace. She didn’t want it to end and tried to hold the moment in her heart, memorize it.

  Tendrils of black hair had fallen across her face. Will reached around and tucked the strands behind her ear, then let his fingers trail down her cheek. When she looked up to him a tentative smile curved her lips. He cupped her cheek and brought his mouth down on hers for a whisper-soft kiss. It was meant to be short, just a brief touch, but once the bond was made neither seemed willing to break free.

  Amanda’s hand trailed up his arm to rest on his shoulder. She pulled him closer as he tightened his hold around her. The kiss continued, deepened, until her lips parted. Will knew they should stop, but he couldn’t seem to pull away. It had been so long since he’d felt anything for another woman. He wasn’t ready to let this feeling go, at least not yet. Reason warred with passion. If she made any attempt to stop, Will knew he would, but she seemed as lost in their shared hunger as he.

  One hand moved up until it cupped her breast. He could feel her taut nipples through the fabric of her dress and thin chemise.

  “I want you, Amanda, but we can’t do this. I can’t be your first, then leave for home. I’d never do that to you,” he whispered as his lips hovered inches away.

  The loss of his touch was almost painful, but she pulled back and looked up to see passion in his eyes, and something else. Could he have the same feelings for her that she had for him? “It’s all right, Will. I…” but she couldn’t finish—couldn’t get the words out. Amanda took a deep, ragged breath, and tried to continue. “I’m not…” again words failed her.

  The grief in her eyes tore at Will until what she kept trying to say made sense. She’d been with another man. This was not her first time.

  “Tell me, Amanda,” was all he said and pulled her closer. Minutes passed before she began to talk of her past. Her words were tentative at first, then began to flow. The pain and guilt came through in her halting speech and uneven voice. The fiancé she had met during school in the East. She’d thought she loved him. They were to marry in a few months, he’d told her. They didn’t need to wait for the vows to consummate their love. She’d consented. Two weeks later he’d broken the engagement and within weeks married another young woman whom he said was more socially acceptable then a girl from the West. Amanda had been devastated. She’d never told her parents and had only confided in one other person—Tessa.

  The fury Will felt surprised him. He wanted to jump on Justice, ride cross-country, find the bastard, and … and do what? Create another set of events he’d have to live with? No. What he wanted was right here in his arms. That was the reality he needed to face.

  Amanda sat in silence and considered her next words. She looked up to stare into beautiful hazel eyes. “I want you to make love to me, Will. There’ll be no promises, as I know you’d not be able to keep them. My life is here and yours is in Arizona. But we’ll always have this to remember.” She leaned up and kissed him lightly, letting her lips brush over his. Will’s protest died. He stood and walked over to Justice, pulled the blanket roll from his saddle and carried it to a grassy area by the creek. He spread it out, then walked back to Amanda and held out his hand. There was no hesitancy in her grasp.

  When they reached the blanket he turned her facing away from him and with slow movements unbuttoned her dress and let it fall to the ground. He drew her close and undid the pins in her hair, letting it fall down her back. Her black tresses were longer than he’d imagined, reaching to her waist. He draped them over her shoulder to place kisses along her neck as he gently lowered her chemise to her waist. His hand moved up to caress a breast, then moved to the other one. She turned in his arms and pulled his head down for another long, languid kiss. They dropped as one to the blanket and Amanda worked to release the buttons of his shirt, then shoved it off both shoulders to admire his solid, muscled chest.

  Inch
by inch he lowered her to the ground and his mouth claimed her breasts, first one, then the other. His hand moved up her legs, higher and higher, then stopped. Will took a deep, steadying breath and looked into Amanda’s eyes for one final confirmation.

  “Yes,” was all she said before he continued and they gave each other what they both wanted.

  ******

  They stayed by the creek long into the night as they made love twice more. Each time she began to pull away he reached for her. He didn’t think he’d ever get enough of Amanda.

  It was past midnight when they rode into the barn. The house was still lit but there was no sound coming through the boarded windows. Although the glass and destruction had been cleaned, it would take time for new windows to arrive and a new front door to be built.

  Will helped Amanda down and drew her to him. He didn’t want to let her go, not tonight, not ever. He had to find a way to work this out, convince her to come with him to Fire Mountain. Will dipped his head as she wrapped her arms around his neck for one last kiss before they left the privacy of the barn.

  Will grabbed Angel’s reins from Amanda. “I’ll get the horses. You go ahead into the house. It’s been a long day. We’ll talk in the morning.”

  “Will, I…”

  “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  She trudged to the house, up the steps, and closed the damaged front door—a reminder of all that had happened over the last two days. Light shown under Drew’s door and she wondered if Tess might still be up, keeping him company. She turned the knob and peered in to see her sister rocking in a chair near the bed, eyes fixed on their injured friend.

  “Tess?”

  “Oh, Amanda. You’re back. I wondered if you’d come home and already gone to bed.” A weary yawn escaped Tess as she pushed herself from the chair. “He’s resting again, which is good. When Drew’s awake he’s ornery, and when he sleeps he moans or sometimes calls out. I don’t know if it’s the laudanum or dreams, but it wakes him up most times. Doc is supposed be here in the morning to check on him.”

  “How does he seem?” Will’s deep voice interrupted their whispered conversation. He walked to the bed and peered down at his identical twin who laid on his side, an arm outside of the covers. Drew had a birthmark on his right arm. It was one of the few ways to tell them apart.

  “Angry, refuses to accept his legs won’t work. Talks as if he’ll be back on a horse in a few days,” Tess replied. “Grant sent word to Louis Dunnigan about the shooting. Told him not to expect Drew anytime soon.”

  “What about pain?” Will asked.

  “What the hell do you think? Hurts like hell,” was Drew’s response. He’d woken up to the sound of voices and tried with little success to roll to his back.

  “You may not want to do that, Drew. The bullet wound…” Tess began but was interrupted.

  “I know about the hole in my back, Tess. Can’t feel the damn thing anyway,” he grumbled and settled onto his left side.

  “You need anything?” Will asked.

  “Yea, to get out of this bed—on my own. That’s all I need.” Drew closed his eyes as the full impact of the injury hit him again. It was the same each time he woke up—curiosity as to why he was in bed and then recognition that he was injured, paralyzed. He might not accept that his legs may never work again, but at least he was beyond denying his current, sorry state. The despair he felt was overwhelming.

  Will walked to the far side of the bed so he could get a better look at Drew’s face. “Not going to happen tonight, but I know you and our family. If there’s any chance at all for you to use those ugly legs of yours, we’ll all be on your tail until you’re sick of us or chase us away. On those two legs. Tomorrow we’ll get you shaved. Uh, you need help with anything before I get comfortable?” Will glanced at the women but knew they grasped his meaning.

  “No, got that covered. Grant helped me a few hours ago and I’m fine now.”

  “Well, I’m not going anywhere. Just going to sleep in the rocking chair there, so let me know if you need anything.”

  Drew didn’t respond. He’d already drifted back to sleep.

  “I’ll stay here tonight, Tess. Get some rest. You’ve earned it,” Will lowered himself into the chair.

  “He’s no bother, Will. I want to help him any way I can. Call me if you need anything.” Tess took one more look at the man in the bed. She’d never been close to another man besides her father, Grant, and Jake. She’d never had a beau or been courted. Her shy nature and indifference kept most men away, but Drew was different. She wanted to be around him, get to know him, just not under these circumstances.

  “Goodnight, Will. Try to get some rest,” Amanda’s eyes locked with Will’s as she closed the door behind Tess and her.

  Now it’s you and me, brother, Will thought as he pushed back into the chair and began a slow, steady rocking motion. They’d been inseparable for years. Then they had allowed Cord McAllister to enter their group and the three had formed a bond that still remained. Will closed his eyes and wondered if Cord had quit his sheriff job in New Mexico and moved to Fire Mountain. He needed to get a message to him and the family. Let them all know what had happened. Those were his last thoughts before he drifted off to sleep.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Three days passed. The doctor came and left twice, the last time telling them no more laudanum. Drew couldn’t feel the pain anyway and it just made talking with him more difficult.

  It frustrated Will and Jamie to watch Drew lay there, day after day, trying to accept the situation and the possible long-term implications. The three had talked at length, twice. Each time Drew had adamantly refused to return to the ranch. Said he’d be no use to them if he couldn’t walk or ride a horse. No, he’d insisted, he was not returning to Fire Mountain until he could ranch again.

  Will and Amanda had only been able to find limited time together since their interlude at the stream. A few minutes in the kitchen before the day started, late in the barn when everyone else had turned in—but these had been only minutes, not enough for either of them. Will knew they had to talk.

  Jamie decided to leave for home the next day. His and Torie’s baby was due anytime, and he wanted to be there for her. He’d be back to help bring Drew home when his brother came to his senses. That meant Will’s time in Cold Creek was short and he wanted to get his feelings out, convince Amanda that she was needed, beside him, in Fire Mountain.

  Will had ridden out with Jake and several of the boys that morning to check the herd, make sure there weren’t any more missing. Both knew the problem had been taken care of, but it felt good to be back on a horse after three days of sitting by Drew’s bed, watching his labored breathing. He’d pull Amanda aside when he got back. They had to have that talk.

  It was late afternoon when the group rode back to the ranch. Will unsaddled Justice, put away the tack, and finished grooming his horse. He’d just walked up the front steps when the door opened and a man he’d never seen before walked out.

  The man took one look at him and stopped. His assessment was complete in five seconds. “Well, you must be Drew’s twin brother. Will, correct?” He extended his hand, which Will accepted.

  “Yes, sir. Will MacLaren. And you are?”

  “Louis Dunnigan. I own the company where Drew works. Got word of the shooting and decided it best to come out here and let your brother know it makes no difference to me if he walks or not. His job is secure and I want him back in Denver.” Dunnigan turned to glance back into the house as he talked. The man knew what he wanted, and right now that was Drew, back in Denver.

  “Goodbye, Mrs. Taylor, Mr. Taylor. Thank you so much for taking such good care of Drew for us,” a woman’s voice came from inside the home. “I’ll speak with Father, but I’m confident Drew will be going back to Denver with us when we leave tomorrow.” The voice walked out of the house and Will saw it was attached to a young woman about Amanda’s age. She wore what he could only describe as the most expe
nsive day dress he’d ever seen. Her brown hair was hidden under a small-brimmed hat that was a good eight inches high and adorned with feathers. In one hand she carried a parasol and in the other a small, leather purse.

  “Ah, Patricia. I’d like you to meet Drew’s brother, Will MacLaren. Will, my daughter, Patricia. She insisted on coming along to check on her fiancé.” Dunnigan completed the introductions and turned to answer a question from Grant.

  “Fiancé?” Will’s puzzled expression wasn’t lost on Patricia.

  “Why, yes, Mr. MacLaren. Did he not tell you we are betrothed?” Patricia batted her eyes so fast Will wondered if she might have some type of affliction.

  “It’s Will, and no ma’am, Drew never mentioned anything about a fiancée.”

  “Oh, well, you know how men are about such things.”

  “No, ma’am, I don’t, but I aim to find out. Excuse me, Miss Dunnigan. I need to speak with my brother. It’s been, um, a pleasure.” Will made a slight bow and walked past Patricia to head straight for Drew’s room. Jamie was already there when Will pushed through the door.

  “What’s going on? There’s a lady out front saying she’s your fiancée, and Louis Dunnigan is saying he’s taking you back to Denver. That right, Drew?” Will’s voice was hard, almost angry at the way things were going.

  “Yea, well, Patricia is a little pushy on the matter. She’s been telling people we’re getting married for months. Fact is, I haven’t asked the lady and hadn’t planned to, but now, well, it may be for the best.” Jamie took one side. Will took the other, and they lifted Drew to a sitting position. Laying on his side was easy but made breathing hard.

  “For the best? What’s that supposed to mean?” Will didn’t like the direction of this conversation.

  “Mr. Dunnigan wants me back in Denver. He’s already bought a house in town and has men setting it up so I can get around in a wheelchair. Got a chair already ordered.” Drew grabbed a glass of water by the bed and took a long, slow swallow. “It’s for the best, Will. I can work there, be useful. He wants me to marry his daughter, and well, maybe I’ll just do that, too.” He sounded defensive, resigned.