Harder Than the Rest

by Shirleen Davies

  “That’s bull, Drew, and you know it. You don’t want to live in Denver any more than I do. Your life is with us, on the ranch.” Will ran a hand through his auburn colored hair. “You were going to quit anyway, if I remember right.”

  Drew took a deep breath. No, he didn’t want to return to the city and his old job, but what choice did he have? For a few brief moments, before the shooting, he’d imagined what life would be like with Tess. They were much alike. She loved books and quiet time, was soft-spoken, and dreamed of breeding the best horses in Colorado, the same as Drew and Will. That’s a woman he could fall for, live the rest of his life with. But he had nothing to offer her now. Hell, he didn’t know if he could even have children. Patricia wasn’t interested in that, and truth be told, he couldn’t imagine having them with her. At least he knew he could make a good living in Denver doing legal work. Dunnigan wanted to make him a partner. That meant that one day he’d be a very wealthy man.

  “Well, things change, Will, and that means I need to rethink my future. I’ve made up my mind. I’ll go back with them tomorrow and learn to live with these useless legs. Right now it’s the best I can do.” His voice was firm, heart-breaking in its finality.

  “But the doctor said it could be temporary. What if it is? What if the feeling returns and you walk again? You gonna be satisfied in Denver then?” Jamie had stayed quiet, listening to the twins hash out Drew’s future. He wanted to slam a fist into the wall, tell Drew it was crap that he wouldn’t return to the ranch and surround himself with people who loved him and would always be there for him. But who was he to bring it up? He’d done much the same thing years before. In time, it had all worked out for Jamie. Maybe it would for Drew, also.

  “If feeling returns and I can walk again? I guess we’ll have to wait and see, but in the meantime, I plan to be useful and not lay in a damn bed all day wishing things were different.”

  “And Miss Dunnigan? You plan to jump into a marriage of convenience with someone you don’t love?” Will still couldn’t believe Drew’s future was playing out this way.

  “Not right away. I’ll give it time, decide if she’s who I want.” But he already knew Patricia would never be the woman he wanted. Tess’s face flashed in his mind, but he shook it off. There was no need to dwell on what was no longer possible. “Dunnigan made it clear my job doesn’t ride on me marrying his daughter, but he’d like for that to happen. Right now I need to concentrate on walking again and doing work I feel good about.”

  “You’re sure about this?” Jamie asked.

  “Sure as anything,” Drew’s voice was flat, reconciled to an uncertain future.

  “Will, I’m going to wait for Dunnigan to come for Drew tomorrow, then I’ll ride for home. You coming with me?” Jamie wanted his brother home—all the family did.

  “Yea, I’ll be ready when you are.” There was no joy in Will’s voice. Drew was going back to Denver and he knew he’d have a heck of a battle getting Amanda to follow him to Fire Mountain. He needed to talk with her and see if they had any chance of a future together.

  ******

  Dinner was somber. Eleanor prepared a grand meal, knowing this might be the last time they’d have Jamie, Will, and Drew at their table. She felt like they were losing family, not men they’d only known a brief time. The brothers carried Drew out and set him up in a tall chair, a pillow on each side for support.

  Drew had his first normal meal since the shooting, and it tasted good—steak, mashed potatoes, corn, biscuits, and berry pie. He ate a small amount of everything, then pushed back from the table to stand before his brain kicked in to remind him that standing wasn’t possible, at least tonight.

  “Dunnigan said he and his daughter would be here early in the morning to get you, Drew. They’ve got a special carriage for the ride to the train station in Great Valley. Looks like you’ll be in Denver tomorrow night,” Grant said. He’d never be able to repay the MacLaren’s for their help. If only things could’ve turned out different for Drew.

  “Thanks, Mr. Taylor. I appreciate everything you and your family have done for me.” Drew’s voice was strained.

  “No need to thank us. It’s us who are grateful to you and your brothers.”

  “I’ll help clear the table, Mother,” Amanda started to push away from the table.

  Will spoke up. “Amanda, I wondered if maybe you’d be free to take a walk?” Heads snapped in his direction but he ignored them and focused his gaze on the beautiful woman sitting next to him.

  “Well, yes, Will. I’d like that, if it’s okay with Mother.”

  “Of course, Amanda, you go with Will. Tess can help me.”

  The pair made their way into the cool night air. It was fall. It wouldn’t be long before they got their first snow. Chores would take longer but everyone was used to the change in seasons. They walked around the barn toward the back corrals and he grabbed her hand in his. She wondered if she’d ever see Will again after tomorrow. Her chest tightened at the thought that the answer could be no.

  When the house was out of sight, Will pulled her to him and captured her lips with his. Her arms circled his neck to draw his face down. He moved his lips over her face to her eyes, then let them trail down her neck to the top of her blouse, before taking her lips again. He wanted more, much more, but now wasn’t the time. They needed to talk. Decide if they had a future.

  Will pulled back to look into her deep blue eyes. They were damp, but no tears fell. “I love you, Amanda. Marry me. Come home to Fire Mountain and build a life with me,” Will said before he lost his nerve.

  She heard the words, but her mind took a moment to process their meaning. He loved her and wanted to marry her. He was offering everything she wanted—him—but in Arizona, not Colorado. She had a life here, a ranch to help run, and her family. It would mean giving up everything for a man she’d known for only a few weeks.

  Will watched her eyes widen at his declaration, but she remained silent. He had no idea as to what she was thinking. Maybe she didn’t love him. Perhaps he’d misjudged her feelings towards him. “Amanda, did you hear me?” he asked when he could no longer stand the uncertainty.

  “Yes, Will, I heard you. I just, well, don’t know what to say.”

  “How about you love me. That would be a good start.”

  She smiled as she looked into his eyes. “I do love you, Will. More than you know. And I’d marry you, tonight if we could,” she began.

  “That’s good for me. I’ll ride to town now and get the preacher,” he said before she could utter the “but” he knew for certain was coming.

  “Except, how do I leave the ranch, the family, everything, for a life in a land I know nothing about?” She prayed he would have an answer that would sweep away her misgivings.

  “You’d leave because we love each other and want to build a life, raise a family together.”

  “But I have responsibilities here. Father expects me to take over the ranch someday. He and Mother count on me for so much more than you’ve seen. I can’t just walk away, don’t you see?” She wanted to go with him. She loved him. But she didn’t see how it was possible.

  “You wouldn’t be leaving them alone, Amanda. They have Tessa and Joey, plus Jake and everyone else. Grant isn’t old. He has a lot of years of ranching left.”

  “Oh, Will, I want to go with you. I love you. But I can’t leave, not right now. Maybe sometime in the future.” She paused to gather her thoughts. “I can’t go with you, but you can stay. We could build a life here,” she pleaded. The thought of Will leaving caused a crushing pain in her chest, but the thought of leaving the Taylor Ranch and her family triggered the same intense pain. Amanda felt caught between two equally imposing forces with nowhere to turn.

  “I see. You love me but you won’t consider a life with me unless I stay here, at your family’s ranch, is that right?” Will’s already scratchy voice had turned hard, much like it had been the first few times they’d spoken. Her heart sank. He wouldn’t e
ven consider it.

  “Well, yes, that’s what I’m saying. You haven’t worked your ranch for years. Must you return now? Couldn’t we stay here and let your other brothers take over for you?”

  Will’s face turned to stone. She hadn’t seen him look this hard since the day he’d warned her not to follow him. He’d pushed her away then and he was doing the same now. “No, Amanda, I can’t push my work on them any longer. I have responsibilities, also. They’ve pulled my share of the load for five years. I can’t expect them to do it now that Hawley is dead.”

  So this was the end. There was no future for them.

  “If that’s your answer, then I guess it’s best we head back to the house. Jamie and I have a long ride tomorrow and I want to check on Drew before I bed down.” Will turned, but stopped when he heard Amanda’s voice.

  “Will, I do love you. I wish you could understand that I must stay here, with my family,” Amanda said softly. The misery in her voice did nothing to make Will feel better about the outcome.

  “It’s all right. You have to make choices and so do I. I’d hoped you’d choose me.”

  Their walk to the house seemed to take forever. Amanda didn’t know what else she could say to make him at least consider staying. Why did he insist she was the one who had to make all the changes, leave her family, and give up the life she knew?

  Will grabbed her hand and turned Amanda to him as they approached the house. “If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” He bent down for one last kiss before escorting her into the home she’d chosen.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “I guess we’re ready,” Louis Dunnigan said when Drew was in the elaborate carriage, Patricia settled beside him. The somber mood from the night before had continued into the morning. No one seemed happy about Drew’s return to Denver, but it was his decision to make.

  Amanda and Tess watched as Jamie and Will reined their horses up next to the carriage. They planned to escort Drew and the Dunnigans as far as they could before turning west, then south toward Fire Mountain. They’d all said their goodbyes. There was no more reason to wait.

  “Grant, Eleanor, thanks again for everything,” Drew called from the window.

  “You just take care of yourself, son, and let us know how you’re doing,” Grant replied. Drew nodded his response. Grant turned to Jamie and Will. “And you two better stay in touch also. If you’re ever up this way we expect a visit—no excuses.”

  “Yes, sir,” both answered.

  Dunnigan signaled to his driver to go. Jamie rode out front a few yards followed by Will. But a few minutes later, Will turned Justice around and pulled up in front of Amanda. “You remember what I said, Amanda.” That was all. He left on the journey home.

  ******

  It was a slow trek by wagon to the train station in Great Valley where Will and Jamie would watch Drew board the train for Denver. From there, they’d ride in the other direction, to Arizona and the rest of their family.

  Drew sat in the carriage and thought of a future without ranching. He’d never thought his life would turn out this way, but then he guessed no one ever thought their life would change to such a degree. Death, yes, but this, no. The hardest part was the knowledge that he’d need someone in the house or office who could help him with basic needs, at least until he could overcome the paralysis and walk again.

  He rested his head against the back of the padded seat and closed his eyes. An image of Tess flashed through his mind. She was laughing. It was the day he’d helped her improve her aim. She’d worked for over an hour and had at last begun to hit the target. The pleasure in her eyes made him smile, even now, as he jostled back and forth in the carriage. She’d laughed when her last shot had hit the bucket at just the right spot and it had toppled over, spilling the rocks inside.

  The next image was the shock on her face when Patricia had introduced herself as his fiancée. Tess had recovered well. That’s when it had dawned on him that she might feel more for him than she’d let on, but nothing he could say would change the fact that Tess believed there was another woman in his life. It was for the best, Drew reasoned. Without the use of his legs he had nothing to offer a young ranch-woman who dreamed of breeding horses. No, his future lay in the city.

  The sound of the railroad pulled Drew from his thoughts of Tess. They’d arrived in Great Valley. It was time to move on with his life and leave the old one behind.

  With help from Will and Jamie, Drew boarded the train and settled into one of Dunnigan’s two luxurious private cars. The car had everything they’d need for the trip, plus it offered privacy from the other passengers. He watched his brothers scan the interior. He’d never thought about it, as he’d ridden in the cars numerous times, but it was much more grand than most people realized. The problem was, it wasn’t where he wanted to be, and it wasn’t going home.

  “You let us know how you’re doing. Don’t make us travel to Denver to find out,” Jamie chided him as he gave him as close of a hug as they could manage. “You know Aunt Alicia’s going to want to come for a visit, so you might as well plan on it now.”

  “Yea, I know. She’s welcome any time. All of you are welcome any time.” Drew’s voice was thick with emotion. Even though he’d planned to return to Denver for a short while, he’d never expected it to be permanent.

  “I’m still not happy with this decision,” Will said as he hugged his twin and stood. “You send a message as soon as you come to your senses and I’ll come get you. You understand?” His eyes narrowed at his brother and the silent message he sent wasn’t lost on Drew.

  “I understand, and I’ll be in touch. But don’t worry about me. I’ll beat this thing and be walking before you know it.” Drew smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  “Train’s ready to leave, gentlemen. I wish we’d met under different circumstances, but be assured, your brother is in good hands.” Louis Dunnigan walked the brothers to the door and watched them step to the platform. “We’ll keep you posted on his progress. He’ll get the best doctors and treatment possible. You’ve got my word on it.”

  “Mr. Dunnigan, we’ll hold you to that,” Will shouted as the train began to pull away.

  The brothers watched in silence as the train moved farther east and out of sight. “Come on, Will. Time to get you home,” Jamie said and the two mounted up for the trip to Fire Mountain.

  ******

  “Did you know he had a fiancée, Amanda?” Tess asked later that day as the two of them set the table for supper. She’d been more quiet than usual, plagued by her constant thoughts of Drew.

  “No, but I’m not sure Drew realized he had a fiancée, either. Something just doesn’t quite fit.”

  “He told me they weren’t engaged but said Patricia had talked about it for months. Perhaps it’s just her way. Guess it doesn’t matter. I’ll never see him again, anyway,” the sad tone got Amanda’s attention.

  “Do you love him, Tess?”

  “No, at least I don’t believe so,” Tess lied. “But I do care about him much more than I realized. If only he could’ve stayed here, on the ranch, maybe…” but she didn’t finish, just shook her head and finished with the table, then looked up at Amanda. “What happened with you and Will?”

  “What happened? I’m not sure I know what you mean.” Amanda wasn’t interested in a discussion about Will, at least not yet. She was still trying to reconcile herself to the fact that he was gone and she’d refused to go with him.

  “I may not have any experience with men, but I’m not blind. You have feelings for him, and it’s obvious he cares for you. What was it Will said to you when he left? Something about ‘remember what I said?’”

  “It doesn’t matter, Tess. Truth is, I don’t want to think about Will, or Drew, or any of the MacLarens. Let’s just be glad they were here to help when we needed it and they’re all alive.” Amanda felt the weight of her decision like a vice around her chest. Had she made a mistake, letting him ride off without her?
Well, it was too late now. He was gone and she’d just have to live with her decision.

  ******

  “Eleanor, you have any idea what’s going on with Amanda?” Grant asked.

  She glanced up at her husband and a slight smile tugged at the corners of her mouth. “You don’t know, dear?” Eleanor tightened her grip on his hand. They’d gotten into the habit of taking a stroll each night while on their trip and realized how much they enjoyed the quiet time outside together.

  “Know what?” Grant’s voice filled with frustration. He’d been watching his oldest daughter sink deeper into a black mood while Eleanor seemed to know what had triggered it.

  “She’s in love, Grant.”

  “Amanda, in love? With who?”

  “Why, I think it’s obvious. Will MacLaren. And from what I could tell, he feels the same for her.” Eleanor enjoyed the confusion on her husband’s face.

  “I’ll be damned,” was all Grant could say as he absorbed the news. “Well then, why didn’t anyone say anything to us? And why is she here and he in Arizona?”

  “Oh, Grant, think about it. Our ranch is here and you’ve always told her how much you count on her to take it over some day. She loves you, would do anything you asked. What do you think she would have told Will?”

  “You mean the boy asked her to marry him?”

  “I don’t know if he asked her or not, but I do know our daughter and her fierce loyalty. She would have turned him down if it meant leaving the ranch.”

  Grant mulled this over for a spell and thought back to when he had asked Eleanor to marry him and leave her life in England for the unknown of Colorado. It had been a hard decision for her. She would be giving up everything to be with him. But she’d done it, and her parents had gone along with her decision. How could he do any less for their daughter?