The Seven Steps to Closure

by Donna Joy Usher

  ‘What’s wrong?’ he asked panting.

  ‘I don’t want to come yet,’ I muttered, a little embarrassed.

  ‘We can always do it again,’ he said.

  And we did. Later in the wee hours of the morning, he entered me carefully and we moved slowly, with him deep, deep inside until finally we came together. And then we slept, taking turns to cradle each other.

  In the morning he was gone. A note told me he’d had to catch an early flight and hadn’t wanted to wake me. I felt sadness then of a different kind. Not so much for something I’d lost, but for something I’d never had a chance to have.

  My phone started shortly after I read the note: texts from Nat and Elaine both wanting to know what had happened.

  I texted back. Am alone in a strange hotel.

  Nat : What? Where are you?

  Elaine : Was it good?

  I dragged myself to the window in an attempt to identify my location. I was relieved to realise I was still in Darling Harbour.

  Novotel. Excellent. Meet me in an hour at Mudslide.

  And then I searched the room for any sign of my man. Sadly, I couldn’t even remember his name. Finally I had to admit that if he had wanted to see me again he could have quite easily left his number on the note. All I found was a business card for a journalist who must have been interviewing the team. For a millisecond, I considered ringing him, but luckily I paused to consider how desperate and sad it would sound.

  ‘Oh hi, you don’t know me but I found your business card in the hotel room of the man I just had unforgettable sex with, and I am wondering if you know who he is? About 6 foot with dark blonde hair and an amazing physique. What? No he didn’t leave me a number. He was gone when I woke up.’

  Yep – certifiably, scarily stalkerish. I put the business card in the bin and helped myself to the free toiletries in the bathroom.

  * * *

  An hour, a shower and two Nurofen later, I arrived at Mudslide feeling slutty in my little red dress and high heels.

  ‘Thought you might need these,’ Elaine said, with a grin on her face as she handed me a bag of clothes and my passport. Laughing I tucked my passport into my bag, before heading straight to the ladies where I struggled out of my dress in the small toilet cubicle, and into the slacks and shirt that Elaine had brought me. I felt immediately better.

  They waited for me to sit and order bacon and eggs with a side serve of hash browns, (the hangover made me do it), before they started barraging me with questions.

  ‘Ladies please.’ I held up my hands. ‘One at a time.’

  I pointed at Nat.

  ‘Ahh the pressure, now I don’t know what to ask,’ she said.

  ‘Oh for goodness sake,’ interrupted Elaine, ‘just tell us all the details.’

  ‘You mean the ones I can remember,’ I said laughing.

  ‘Ohhhhh,’ groaned Elaine in sympathy. ‘Was it that bad? I had a horrific one night stand one New Year’s Eve. I stayed the night and kept getting woken up by him wanking, which was a little offensive as I wouldn’t have minded a bit more myself. I’ve never seen anything like it. The man was a high-pressure hose. In the morning I was totally covered in dried up sperm.’

  ‘Can somebody please cancel my egg order,’ I said laughing. ‘Elaine that’s revolting. It was nothing like that. The truth is it was pretty good. Actually better than good, it was bloody marvellous. And the worst part is that now he has gone and I don’t know how to find him.’

  ‘Whoa, steady girl. This was a One Night Stand. Remember?’ Elaine stared at me.

  ‘Yes,’ I muttered in a weak little voice.

  ‘How do you feel about Jake now?’ asked Nat.

  I paused to probe at the open wound that had once been my heart. ‘Still hurts, but it feels a little more distant now.’ I watched in amusement as the girls high fived each other over the table. ‘No more one night stands though,’ I warned them. ‘Especially you missy,’ I said to Elaine. ‘Even though I have to admit it was a wonderful distraction.’ I paused as memories of him sucking my clitoris washed over me. ‘A simply wonderful distraction,’ I repeated.

  ‘God, I hope I get a wonderful distraction tonight,’ said Elaine. She picked up her coffee and took a sip while the waiter delivered our meals. She had opted for muesli yet again.

  ‘Oh that’s right, the big reunion. How are you feeling?’ I asked.

  ‘Nervous, excited, worried, nervous, in that order.’

  ‘You’re going to look gorgeous,’ Nat said, through a mouthful of eggs.

  ‘Thanks. I just hope I look gorgeous enough.’

  * * *

  I spent the rest of the day with a hangover and a big grin on my face while I did the housework. I had arranged to go to Lil and Martin’s for dinner and arrived at about 6pm, feeling much better after a long, uninterrupted afternoon nap.

  ‘You look different,’ Lil said.

  I sat at the breakfast bar sipping white wine and watching her and Martin toss salad, cut vegies and make garlic bread.

  She stopped chopping and looked at me critically. ‘You look great. What have you done? No don’t tell me. Your hair is the same.’ She stared at me while she tried to work it out. ‘It’s weird you seem different but I can’t put my finger on it. Martin, can you tell what’s different about Tara?’

  ‘She always looks good to me.’ He flashed me a cheeky grin and I blew him a kiss.

  I waited until Lil was sipping her alcohol free wine and then I said, ‘I had sex.’

  She snorted the wine, launching into a coughing attack. Martin patted her on the back and handed her a glass of water. ‘Tara,’ he said accusingly, ‘you did that on purpose.’

  ‘Just aiming for the maximum impact,’ I said with a grin on my face.

  Lily finally recovered enough to start asking questions. ‘Who with? Where? When? Ohhh, tell me everything.’ She left the kitchen and perched awkwardly on the stool next to me.

  ‘I don’t know his name,’ I said.

  Lil gasped. I held up a hand to stall her response and said, ‘Let me clarify that statement. I can’t remember his name. He did tell me but the music was really loud at the club and I was having trouble hearing him – and to be totally honest I was a little bit drunk.’

  ‘Was he yummy?’ she asked.

  ‘Totally yummy.’

  ‘How old?’

  ‘I’m guessing mid-thirties. We didn’t exactly swap life stories.’

  ‘No, just body fluids,’ said Martin laughing.

  ‘Oh Tara, tell me you were safe,’ Lil said in concern.

  ‘Of course I was safe.’

  ‘Was it fantabulous or really, really horrible?’ she asked.

  ‘I wouldn’t be telling you if it was horrible. I’d be at home with my head in the oven.’

  ‘Are you seeing him again?’ she said, her eyes lighting up at the prospect.

  ‘The point of last night was to help me move closer to closure with Jake, not to shift my emotional baggage from one man to another,’ I said, quoting Elaine. I would have been very happy to see him again, but probably would have stuffed the whole thing up by talking too much, so it was probably better left just as it was – a delicious memory.

  And a delicious memory was exactly what it was for me later that night while I drifted closer and closer to sleep.

  * * *

  Elaine was glowing when Nat and I met her for breakfast the morning after the reunion.

  ‘How was it?’ I asked.

  ‘It was fantastic,’ she gushed, ‘awesome, wonderful, amazing.’

  ‘Wow,’ I said. ‘So this Robert is everything you’d hoped?’

  ‘Robert?’ she sounded confused. ‘Oh God, not him.’ She shuddered.

  We paused as the waiter delivered our breakfasts. Elaine immediately handed a strip of bacon down to Benny who was waiting patiently in her handbag.

  ‘Was he there?’ Nat asked.

  ‘Who?’ Elaine asked, patting Benny.

 
; ‘Robert.’

  ‘He was there. Loud, obnoxious, know it all. His first and only words to me were “Hey Elly, your tits look hot in that dress”‘. She shuddered again. ‘I mean of course they looked hot, but the cheek of him to say it. I was mortified.’

  ‘Well if it wasn’t Robert that put that smile on your face who was it?’ I asked confused.

  ‘Alistair Delaine. Dr Alistair Delaine.’ She emphasised the Doctor as she said it. ‘I used to sit next to him in Biology. He was the school nerd.’

  ‘Not a nerd anymore?’ I asked.

  ‘So, not a nerd. Well, he might be a teeny weenie bit of a nerd, but he’s a gorgeous, funny, successful nerd.’

  ‘Did you recognise him?’ asked Nat.

  ‘No. I had decided to leave and was at the exit when a gorgeous man said, “Not leaving already? You only just got here.” I looked him up and down, there was a lot of ground to cover, and said, “Do I know you?” And he said, “Not as much as I’d like you to,” and then he took my hand and kissed it, and said ‘Delaine, Alistair Delaine.’

  ‘Ohhhh,’ Nat giggled. ‘Like Bond, James Bond.’

  Elaine nodded. ‘In final year I organised a school outing to see a James Bond movie, but only the two of us turned up. I wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone but I had a lot of fun. Of course, I never went out with him again. That wouldn’t have been cool. And honestly he was a bit of a skinny pimply dweeb. Not anymore.’ She smiled smugly.

  ‘He’s still single?’

  ‘Got married when he was at Uni, then after six years of Med school and a couple of years of residency he decided to go back and specialise. She decided she wanted a life and left. He was heartbroken and threw himself into his studies. He’s a neurosurgeon now.’

  ‘Wow,’ Nat said, genuinely impressed, ‘I’ve never met a neurosurgeon before.’

  ‘Well if all goes well you’ll be meeting one soon,’ Elaine said as she laughed. ‘I had the most amazing night. He got me champagne and we talked on the balcony for hours. Before we knew it, the reunion was over and we were being kicked out. We went to a bar nearby and continued talking. He is so interesting.’

  I had never heard Elaine praise a man for being interesting before. Rock hard body – yes. Huge penis – yes. A truly talented tongue – sadly, also yes. But never interesting.

  ‘Was he good in bed?’ I asked.

  ‘I wouldn’t know. I’m not that kind of girl,’ she said prudishly, and then burst out laughing. ‘Well not at the moment I’m not. He’s taking me out to dinner next Friday, so maybe I’ll know after that. Maybe not though; I’d like to ride this pony as far as I can. Hey when does Dinah get home?’ she asked, suddenly changing the subject.

  ‘Late Thursday evening. She wants to meet us for breakfast on Saturday. Can you come?’

  ‘Can we make it brunch?’ asked Nat. ‘Ricardo is making me dinner on Friday night. He dropped some candles off at my house yesterday so I may be sleeping in.’ She blushed prettily.

  ‘No worries, I’ll let her know when I pick her up on Thursday. Brunch it is.’

  * * *

  That afternoon I decided to pop up to Mum and Dad’s.

  ‘Want to stay for dinner?’ Mum asked, looking up from the carrots she was picking in the garden.

  ‘Sure, why not.’

  ‘So,’ she said, as I kicked off my shoes and relaxed into a deck chair near her, ‘I hear you’ve had sex.’

  I let out a startled yelp and turned to look at her. She had an amused expression on her face. ‘Bloody Lil,’ I muttered.

  ‘Oh, don’t blame her,’ said Mum, dusting off her hands and coming to join me, ‘I pumped her for the info; she didn’t stand a chance. You know I can be very persuasive when I want to.’

  ‘What did it take?’

  Mum tried to look innocent. She lasted for a few seconds before caving. ‘I offered to babysit all the girls for two weekends.’

  ‘Two whole weekends, I’m impressed the information was worth so much.’

  ‘It was a bet actually, after Jake left you. I bet you’d be back in the saddle within four months. Lil said that it would take you at least a year. I was feeling pretty safe with my bet thinking you’d have a drunken, anger bonk.’

  ‘Mother!’

  ‘What? I read books, I watch telly. I blame it on Twilight personally.’

  ‘Blame what?’

  ‘You hanging on so long – all that unrequited love. Anyway don’t blame Lil, she didn’t so much ring to tell me, as to smugly organise the dates for the babysitting.’

  My anger at Lil subsided just a little. Then I thought about her with her swollen belly and her six children and husband – whom although wonderful was not always there – and my anger vanished. Hell, I was happy I’d managed to win her a couple of weekends alone with Martin.

  ‘So tell me about it.’

  ‘Mum I’m not telling you about it.’

  ‘Why not? I’m sure you told the girls all about it.’

  ‘Not all about it, just that it was good.’

  ‘Just good?’

  ‘Well better than good actually if you really must know.’

  ‘Well that’s all right, as long as it wasn’t terrible.’

  ‘I’ve never had really terrible sex.’

  ‘Me neither,’ she said smugly, opening her mouth to continue.

  I shoved my hands over my ears and started saying, ‘LALALALALALALALALA,’ knowing that Mum’s only sexual encounters were with Dad, and not wanting to know any more than that.

  Mum laughed and held up her hands in defeat.

  ‘All right, all right, I’ll leave the subject alone.’

  Just then, a cute, reddish bunny with enormous ears, hopped into the garden and started nibbling on Dad’s greens.

  ‘Ah Mum, there seems to be a rabbit eating Dad’s vegies.’

  ‘Oh,’ she jumped up, ‘bad bunny.’ She scooped him up and sat back down with him on her lap. He looked at me and twitched his cute little nose.

  ‘Awwwww,’ I said, ‘he’s adorable. What’s he in for?’

  ‘Actually nothing, he was just so cute I brought him home. Unfortunately he’s taken a real liking to your father’s garden.’

  ‘Mum, he’s a rabbit. He eats vegetables.’

  ‘Actually darling he’s a Belgian hare. Although technically a Belgian hare is a rabbit.’

  ‘How can a hare be a rabbit?’

  ‘They’re rabbits that have been bred to look like hares. None of it makes any a difference; I’ll have to take him back.’

  The words hung there like a cloud between us.

  ‘Really?’ I said nonchalantly, resisting the urge to reach out a finger and see if his coat was as silky as it looked.

  ‘Yes, such a shame, he’s toilet trained and everything.’

  ‘How do you toilet train a hare?’

  ‘Same way you do a cat. He uses a kitty litter we leave in the toilet.’

  ‘But you leave the toilet door closed.’

  ‘He thumps on it with his hind leg. He’s freaked your father out a few times.’

  I laughed. Dad liked to disappear into the toilet with a book. It was a survival technique I believe he had developed from being the only male in the house while we were growing up.

  ‘I wonder how long Martin has to stay in the toilet to maintain his sanity?’ I asked.

  ‘I think being away kind of does it for him,’ Mum replied. ‘If he didn’t travel for work he’d probably have to get a toilet put into the library.’

  We both laughed.

  I plucked a piece of grass and held it out to Bad Bunny. He grasped it with his little paws and nibbled it into his mouth. It made me think of a typewriter.

  ‘Mum,’ I said in my best weedly voice.

  ‘Yes dear?’

  ‘Can I have him?’

  ‘Who? Martin? I think you’ll have to take that up with Lil.’

  ‘No silly.’ I nodded my head at the rabbit in her lap. ‘Him.’

&
nbsp; ‘Oh,’ she said innocently, ‘I hadn’t even thought of that.’

  And suddenly I knew he had been mine when he was brought home from the animal shelter.

  ‘Thanks Mum.’ I leaned over and threw my arms around her neck, before picking him up off her lap and placing him on mine.

  ‘Bad Bunny,’ I said, patting him on the head. I leant over and sniffed him. ‘He smells gorgeous.’

  ‘I washed him this morning. It’s his leave in conditioner.’

  ‘He has leave in conditioner?’

  ‘Yes, but best not to wash him too much, it’s not good for his skin. Everything you need is inside. I’ll go through it with you after dinner. He has quite specific dietary requirements and a very high metabolism, so you need to look after him well.’

  Later that night as I drove back to my apartment I looked over at Bad Bunny, who was asleep on his bed, and I smiled as I realised I was content.

  * * *

  I was on my way to the airport to pick up Dinah with Bad Bunny riding shotgun. I had advised him quite firmly that once Dinah got in he would have to retire to his bed in the back. He had sulked about it for a little while, but had eventually agreed. He loved the front seat. I had put the window down and he was standing on his hind legs with his little face stretched towards it, his nose twitching and his long ears blowing crazily in the wind. He looked adorable.

  I had missed Dinah terribly over the last few weeks, and was looking forward to hearing her adventures as well as giving her my good news. Since my one night stand, my reaction to Jake and Tash had changed from a deep ache to an irritated disdain. I would humph in annoyance, at having them suddenly intrude my life, and then change the channel. I wasn’t at all tempted to watch the nightly snippets on A Current Affair so that I could wallow in my misery. It was a huge step in the right direction, and a bit like a snowball rolling down a hill, was gaining momentum. The better I felt, the less I cared. And the less I cared, the better I felt.